ʻO ke aloha palena ʻole he ala ia e aloha ai i ka mea ʻē aʻe āpau, ke ʻae ʻana iā ia e like me ia, me ka ʻole o ka mālama ʻole a me kāna mau hewa a me kāna mau ʻano. Kuhi pinepine ʻia kēia aloha e like me ka mea i mālama ʻia no nā keiki a kekahi, no laila he mea laha ʻole ke mālama ʻana e hāʻawi i ke aloha i kekahi kanaka, ma waena o ʻelua. He aha ke aloha palena ʻole? He pōmaikaʻi anei? He aha nā pilikia o ke kaulike ʻole?

ʻO ka mea mua, aia kekahi mau ʻano o nā pilina i hiki ai ke hōʻike ʻia ke aloha:

• nā pilina makua-keiki;
• nā hoahānau kaikuaʻana;
• paʻa paʻa.

I loko o kēia mau paʻa āpau, hiki i ʻelua mau ʻano aloha ke ala aʻe: aloha kuʻuna a me ke aloha palena ʻole.

I ke aloha kuʻina, hāʻawi ʻoe i kou aloha i ka "pānaʻi" no kekahi mea, me ka noʻonoʻo a ʻike ʻole paha. Hiki iā ia ke lilo i kūlana maikaʻi i ʻike ʻia i kekahi, a i ʻole kahi ʻoluʻolu mea, a i ʻole ke aloha, ka nānā, ka manawa i hoʻolilo ʻia. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o kēia aloha ma mua o ke aloha palena ʻole, mai aneʻi, "kūʻai ʻia" ke aloha, ʻoiai e haʻi ʻole ʻia. Lilo mākou i ka nani o ke aloha, ka mea manuahi me ka manaʻo ʻole o ka hoʻi.

I ke aloha palena ʻole, hāʻawi mākou i kā mākou aloha me ka ʻole o ka palena a i ʻole ke kali o ka hoʻi. ʻOi aku ka paʻakikī o ka noi ʻana, akā ʻoi aku ka waiwai e ola a hoʻokō. He nīnau ia ma aneʻi o ka ʻae ʻana i ka mea ʻē aʻe holoʻokoʻa, me kāna mau hewa a me kāna mau ʻano, me ka ʻimi ʻole e makemake e hoʻololi iā ia. Hiki iā mākou ke aloha i kekahi i kāna ʻike, i kona ʻoluʻolu, i kona lokomaikaʻi ... Akā i ke aloha ʻana i kēia kanaka me ke aloha ʻole e hiki ai iā ia ke aloha i kāna momona nui ʻole, kāna mea i noho ai e waiho i loko o ka sofa, a i ʻole kāna mau mea nānā i kēlā me kēia lā. Ke aloha aku ʻoe i kekahi me ka ʻole o ke kala, kala aku ʻoe i nā mea hou aku, a ʻoiai e pili ana i nā pilikia nui aʻe, e like me ka pili pono ʻole, a i ʻole nā ​​hewa ʻē aʻe.

ʻO ia e pili ana i ke aloha a mākou e pili nei i kā mākou keiki, i loko o ko mākou ola, akā hiki ke noho ma waena o ke kāne a me ka wahine i ka wahine ʻelua.

He aloha ia e ola nei i ke kūpaʻa piha, ke aloha, ke aloha nui a hiki ʻole ke haki. He aloha aloha. ʻAʻohe mea i manaʻo ʻia e hoʻi, a ʻo kēia kahi e waiho ai ka nani a me ka maʻemaʻe o kēia aloha. Eia nō naʻe, hiki i ka ʻeha ke loaʻa i loko o kēia palena ʻole, keu hoʻi inā hōʻino ka mea aloha i kēia aloha aloha ʻole.

Pehea e hiki ai iā mākou ke aloha aloha ʻole me ka ʻole o ka ʻeha.

ʻO nā kauka, psychiatrists a me psychologists me he mea lā ke koi nei i ke aloha palena ʻole no kekahi mea ʻaʻole kā lākou keiki ke unuhi i ka nele o ke aloha a me ka hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ke kala nei i nā mea āpau me ka palena ʻole i ke kanaka a makemake e hoʻokō i kāna mau pono āpau me ka noi ʻole ʻana i kekahi mea i ka hoʻihoʻi e hōʻailona i ka mahalo ʻole iā ia iho.

ʻO ke aloha me ka palena ʻole ka mea luku loa, no ka mea ʻaʻohe mea keakea hou e hōʻoia i ka mahalo i ka mahalo iā ia iho, no ke kanaka. Ke ʻae mākou i ka mea ʻē aʻe e hana i nā kuhi hewa a i ʻole e hana maikaʻi ʻole iā mākou, me ka neʻe ʻole mai iā ia, hōʻike mākou iā ia i kiʻi hoʻohaʻahaʻa iā mākou iho. Ma ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana i nā kumu ākea no ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i nā hihia maʻamau, hoʻouna mākou me ka makaʻu ʻole i kēia leka i nā mea ʻē aʻe: "e hana iaʻu i nā mea ʻino āu e makemake ai, e noho mau wau me ʻoe. ʻAʻole maikaʻi loa kēia ʻano pilina, a huli pinepine i ka pilina paʻa, ma waena o ka mea hoʻomaʻau a me ka poʻe i hoʻomaʻau ʻia.

Me ka ʻole o ke komo ʻana i kahi pilina kekeʻe, loaʻa mau ke kaulike ʻole i ka pilina ke aloha ʻole kekahi o nā mea ʻelua me ka makemake ʻole o kekahi.

ʻO kēia asymmetry e alakaʻi i ka ʻeha ma nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua: ʻo ka poʻe e aloha nui nei e ʻeha ka aloha ʻole ʻia ma ka pae like; ʻo ka mea loaʻa ke aloha palena ʻole e ʻeha ia i ka "stifled" e ke aloha o ka mea ʻē aʻe, mai ke kumu hoʻokahi o ka ʻoluʻolu.

Aia ka laila ka hilinaʻi, a me ka hoʻomaka o ka luku ʻia o ka pilina, ke hiki ʻole i ka ipo aloha ʻole ke ulu a loaʻa nā hana ʻē aʻe ma waho o ka pilina.

E noho kaulike, pono e aloha i kekahi i kekahi a mahalo i ke kūʻokoʻa o kekahi.

I ka mua, ua hoʻolālā ʻia ko mākou lolo e aloha aloha ʻole. A ʻo ia ka mea e hana ai i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o kahi pilina aloha: he kuko, aia mākou i ka paʻa loa, ka maʻemaʻe o ka hoʻopaʻa, "lawe" maoli mākou i nā mea ʻē aʻe āpau, a me kāna mau hemahema liʻiliʻi hoʻi. A laila, i kekahi mau mahina a i ʻole kekahi mau makahiki ma hope mai, e lawe ana ko mākou lolo "noʻonoʻo", a inā mākou e hāpai liʻiliʻi no ke kīnā o ko mākou hoa i kēia manawa, ʻo ia ka haki.

Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, ʻo nā aloha e hōʻike hope iā mākou, ʻoiai me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i nā hewa o kekahi, ʻoluʻolu mākou iā lākou, a i kekahi manawa ke aloha iā lākou. Eia nō naʻe, akāka nā palena: mālama ko mākou lolo i ka wā e nānā ʻole ana kekahi i ka laina. ʻOi aku ka hewa nui a ʻo ia ka haki.

No laila ke aloha palena ʻole e lilo i ʻanuʻu e ʻike a lawe ʻia i kahi kāne ʻelua, kahi hunaahi e ʻae ai i nā hoʻomaka nani o kahi aloha. Akā no ke ola olakino a me ke kaulike aloha, pono e ulu kēia aloha, mahalo i ke kamaʻilio, ke aloha a me ka mahalo.

ʻO ka poʻe i koe i ka mokuʻāina o nā ipo unconditional noho i kahi kūlana pēpē loa: hōʻole lākou i ka ulu ʻana, a ulu i ko lākou ala aloha. ʻOiai, ke hilinaʻi nei i ka mea ʻē aʻe ma ka hāʻawi ʻana iā ia i kāna mea hoʻolaʻa āpau a me ke aloha transfixed, like me ka hoʻolaʻa a kahi keiki liʻiliʻi no kona mau mākua, me ka ʻole o ia, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hoʻokele.

Pono ka ipo aloha ʻole e hana i kahi hana iā ia iho, malia paha i ka therapy, i mea e luʻu ai i ka nānā ʻana i ka pae o kona wā kamaliʻi, a i ʻole e wehewehe hou i kāna mau pono a nele i ke aloha. A laila aʻo mākou, e puka mai ana mai ke aloha palena ʻole, e loaʻa i nā kūkākūkā mākua me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e kamaʻilio, a me ke aloha me ka ʻole o ke komo hewa ʻana a hoʻopū ʻole paha i kekahi i ke aloha me ke kūʻokoʻa ʻole a i ʻole ka hoʻokō piha.