He aha kā mākou ʻaiʻē i nā mākua?

ʻOi aku ka lōʻihi o ko mākou ola ʻana i kēia lā ma mua o hoʻokahi haneli mau makahiki i hala. Mahalo i kēia, noho mau mākou i nā keiki: hiki iā mākou ke manaʻo i ke aloha, hauʻoli i ka mālama, ʻike ʻoe aia kekahi i ʻoi aku ka waiwai o ko mākou ola ma mua o ko lākou. Akā aia kekahi ʻaoʻao.

I ka wā makua, nui ka poʻe o mākou e ʻike iā mākou iho i kahi kūlana e pono ai mākou e mālama i nā keiki a me nā mākua i ka manawa like. Ua kapa ʻia kēia ʻano o ka "hanauna sandwich."

"Hoʻopili ʻia mākou ma waena o nā hanauna pili ʻelua - kā mākou mau keiki (a me nā moʻopuna!) a me nā mākua - a hoʻopili iā lākou e like me ka hoʻopiha ʻana i ka lāʻau sanwiti ʻelua mau ʻāpana berena i hui pū ʻia," wehewehe ʻo Svetlana Komissaruk, Ph.D. "Hoʻohui mākou i nā mea āpau, kuleana mākou no nā mea āpau."

Nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua

Noho nā mākua me mākou a kaʻawale paha, i kekahi manawa e maʻi, maʻalahi a koʻikoʻi paha, mau a manawa pōkole paha, a pono lākou e mālama. A i kekahi manawa, hoʻoluhi wale lākou a makemake mākou e nānā hou aku iā lākou, hoʻonohonoho i nā ʻaina ahiahi ʻohana a i ʻole hele mai e kipa, hoʻomaha hoʻomaha pū, hele hoʻomaha me kahi ʻohana nui. I kekahi manawa makemake mākou iā lākou e mālama i kā mākou mau keiki, e ʻae iā mākou e hāʻawi manawa hou iā mākou iho a me kā mākou ʻoihana.

Me ka wikiwiki a lohi paha, ua ʻelemakule lākou - a makemake lākou i ke kōkua e piʻi i ke alapiʻi, e komo i loko o ke kaʻa a hoʻopaʻa i ko lākou kāʻei noho. A ʻaʻohe o mākou manaʻolana e ulu a kūʻokoʻa. ʻOiai mākou e luhi i kēia haʻahaʻa, ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke manaʻolana e pau kēia i kekahi lā, no ka mea, ʻo ia ka manaʻolana no ko lākou make - ʻaʻole mākou e ʻae iā mākou iho e noʻonoʻo.

"He mea paʻakikī iā mākou ke mālama i nā ʻohana ʻelemakule inā i ka wā kamaliʻi ʻaʻole mākou i ʻike nui iā lākou," wahi a psychodramatherapist Oksana Rybakova.

"ʻAʻole i mahana loa koʻu makuahine," i hoʻomanaʻo ai ʻo Irina, 42. - Ua hana ʻia ma nā ʻano like ʻole, akā i ka hopena ua maʻa mākou i kekahi i kekahi. I kēia manawa mālama wau iā ia a ʻike i nā manaʻo like ʻole, mai ke aloha a i ka huhū. Ke ʻike koke wau i kona nāwaliwali ʻana, ʻike wau i ka ʻoluʻolu a me ke aloha. A ke ʻōlelo mai ʻo ia iaʻu, i kekahi manawa ua ʻoi aku ka ʻoi loa o koʻu pane ʻana, a laila e ʻeha wau i ka hewa. ”

Ma ka ʻike ʻana i ko mākou mau manaʻo, hana mākou i kahi āpau ma waena o ka manaʻo a me ka hana. I kekahi manawa hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohenehene ma mua o ka huhū, a i kekahi manawa pono ʻoe e aʻo i ka ʻae.

"Ua ʻoki au i nā ʻāpana ʻiʻo i loko o kahi pā no koʻu makuakāne a ʻike wau ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu ʻo ia, ʻoiai ʻaʻole ia e noʻonoʻo," wahi a Dmitry, 45 makahiki. E hoʻopiha i nā pepa, e kōkua i ka ʻaʻahu… Akā, e hui pū i kou lauoho, e holoi i kou maka, e palaki i kou mau niho - ʻo ka mālama ʻana i ka maʻemaʻe a me nā kaʻina hana lapaʻau hiki ke hōʻeha i ka poʻe kahiko.

Inā hoʻokō kā mākou mea ʻono i ko lākou mahalo, hiki i kēia mau manawa ke nani a poina. Akā, hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i ka huhū a me ka huhū o nā mākua. "ʻAʻole i kuhikuhi ʻia kekahi o kēia mau manaʻo iā mākou, akā i ke kūlana o ko mākou pono ʻole," wehewehe ʻo Oksana Rybakova.

Ua pono anei ka huli maikai aie i kekahi?

ʻO wai a pehea e hoʻoholo ai i ka mea a mākou e ʻaiʻē ai i nā mākua a me nā mea ʻaʻole mākou e ʻaiʻē? ʻAʻohe pane hoʻokahi. "ʻO ka manaʻo o ke kuleana no ka pae waiwai, i ka pae like a mākou e hālāwai ai i nā nīnau: no ke aha? no ke aha mai? no ke aha? He aha ke kumu? I ka manawa like, ʻo ka manaʻo o ke kuleana he mea kūkulu kaiāulu, a ʻo mākou, e like me ka poʻe e noho ana i loko o ke kaiāulu, makemake mākou e hoʻokō i kekahi degere a i ʻole me nā mea i kuhikuhi ʻia i ʻole e hōʻole ʻia e kēia hui, wahi a Oksana Rybakova. 

- Mai ka manaʻo o ke kānāwai o nā ʻōnaehana generic, i wehewehe ʻia e ka German psychotherapist a me ke akeakamai Bert Hellinger, he kuleana ko nā mākua e pili ana i nā keiki - e hoʻonaʻauao, aloha, pale, aʻo, hoʻolako (a hiki i kahi makahiki. ). ʻAʻole aie nā keiki i nā mākua.

Inā ua hoʻokomo lākou i ka ʻae, ke aloha, ka manaʻoʻiʻo, ka manawa kūpono, mālama, hiki i nā mākua ke manaʻo i ka manaʻo like iā lākou iho ke hiki mai ka manawa.

ʻO ka paʻakikī iā mākou me ko mākou mau mākua e hilinaʻi nui ʻia i ke ʻano o kā mākou nānā ʻana i nā mea e hana nei: inā mākou e manaʻo he hoʻopaʻi, he kaumaha, a he ʻano kūlohelohe paha o ke ola. "Ke hoʻāʻo nei au e mālama i ka mālama ʻana i koʻu mau mākua a me ko lākou makemake ʻana ia mea ma ke ʻano he hopena kūlohelohe i ko lākou ola lōʻihi, olakino a kūleʻa," wahi a Ilona, ​​49 makahiki.

Pono ka unuhi ʻōlelo!

ʻOiai mākou e ulu ana, makemake mākou e hana maikaʻi i ko mākou mau mākua a manaʻo ʻino inā ʻaʻole mākou e kūleʻa. “ʻOku pehē ʻe Māmā: ʻOku ʻikai ke u fie maʻu ha meʻa, pea naʻá ne fehiʻa kapau naʻá ne fakahaaʻi moʻoni ʻa ʻene ngaahi lea,” ko e 43 taʻu ʻa Valentina ʻoku fiefia.

"I loko o ia mau hihia, ʻo ia wale nō ka ʻae ʻana he manipulation kēia, ka makemake e hoʻomalu iā ʻoe ma o ka hewa," wahi a Oksana Rybakova. ʻAʻole mākou telepathic a ʻaʻole hiki ke heluhelu i nā pono o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Inā mākou i nīnau pololei a loaʻa ka pane pololei, ua hana mākou i ka maikaʻi loa.

"ʻAʻole ʻike pinepine nā mākua ʻaʻole ʻo ko lākou manaʻo i nā mea wale nō," wahi a Svetlana Komissaruk. "Ua ulu lākou i kahi honua ʻē aʻe, ua lilo ko lākou wā kamaliʻi i nā pilikia. ʻO ka pilikia pilikino no lākou ma hope, pono lākou e hoʻomanawanui a ʻaʻole i ʻōhumu.

ʻO ka hoʻohewa ka mea hana nui o ka hoʻonaʻauao no nā mea he nui. ʻAʻole i lohe ka hapa nui o lākou i ka ʻike ʻana i ke ʻano pilikino o ke keiki. Ua hānai lākou iā mākou e like me kā lākou hiki, e like me ko lākou ulu ʻana. ʻO ka hopena, manaʻo ka nui o mākou i ke aloha ʻole ʻia. A he paʻakikī no mākou me lākou, no ka mea, pane ka ʻeha o nā keiki i loko.

Akā ʻelemakule nā ​​mākua, pono lākou i ke kōkua. A i kēia manawa he mea maʻalahi ka lawe ʻana i ka hana o kahi mea hoʻopakele hoʻomalu i ʻike maikaʻi loa i ke kōkua. ʻElua mau kumu, e hoʻomau ana ʻo Svetlana Komissaruk: "A i ʻole, ma muli o kou hopohopo nui, ʻaʻole ʻoe e hilinaʻi i kāu mea aloha me kāna mau pilikia ponoʻī a hoʻāʻo e pale i kāna mea hiki ʻole, e like me kou manaʻo, ʻaʻole i pau. A i ʻole ʻoe e ʻike i ke ʻano o ke ola i ke kōkua a me ka mālama, a me ka ʻole o kēia ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i kou ola. Ua pili nā kumu ʻelua iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole loa me ka mea kōkua.

I kēia hihia, pono ʻoe e ʻike i kou mau palena a me nā kumu i ʻole e kau i ka mālama. ʻAʻole mākou e hōʻole ʻia inā mākou e kali a noi ʻia mākou no ke kōkua a inā mākou e mahalo i ke kūʻokoʻa o ke koho ʻana o nā mākua. "Ma ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i kaʻu ʻoihana a ʻaʻole kaʻu ʻoihana, hōʻike mākou i ka mālama maoli," wahi a Svetlana Komissaruk.

ʻO wai inā ʻaʻole mākou?

Hiki paha iā mākou ke loaʻa ʻole ka manawa e mālama ai i ko mākou mau kūpuna? “Ua hāʻawi ʻia kaʻu kāne i kahi hana ma kahi ʻāina ʻē, a ua hoʻoholo mākou ʻaʻole e hoʻokaʻawale ka ʻohana,” wahi a Marina, he 32 makahiki, he makuahine o kāna mau keiki ʻelua, “akā, aia i kā mākou mālama ʻana i ke kupuna wahine moe moe o kaʻu kāne, ʻo ia. 92 makahiki. ʻAʻole hiki iā mākou ke lawe iā ia, a ʻaʻole makemake ʻo ia. Ua loaʻa iā mākou kahi hale hoʻokipa maikaʻi, akā hoʻohewa nā hoa a pau iā mākou.

ʻO 7% wale nō e ʻae i ka hiki ke hoʻokomo ʻia i loko o ia mau keʻena¹. ʻAʻole wale ke kumu o ka noho ʻana o ka poʻe mahiʻai i ke kaiāulu, kahi ʻohana nui, i paʻi ʻia i loko o ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana i nā kūpuna, akā ʻo ia hoʻi "ua makemake mau ka mokuʻāina i ka hoʻolilo ʻana i nā keiki i kuleana i ko lākou mau mākua. "wahi a Oksana Rybakova, "no ka mea, i loko o kēia hihia, ua hoʻokuʻu ʻia ʻo ia i ka pono e mālama i ka poʻe hiki ʻole ke hana hou a pono e mālama mau. A ʻaʻole nui nā wahi e hiki ai iā lākou ke hāʻawi i ka mālama maikaʻi.

Hiki paha iā mākou ke hopohopo e pili ana i ke ʻano o ka hoʻohālike a mākou i hana ai no kā mākou mau keiki a me ka hopena e kali nei iā mākou i ka wā ʻelemakule. "Inā hāʻawiʻia kahi makuaʻelemakule i ka nānā pono, mālama kino, mālama a me ke kākoʻo, inā mālamaʻia ke kamaʻilioʻana, hiki i kēia ke hōʻike i nā moʻopuna i ka mālamaʻana i ka mahana a me ke aloha," ua manaʻoʻo Oksana Rybakova. A pehea e hoʻonohonoho ai i ka ʻenehana, hoʻoholo kēlā me kēia kanaka nona iho, e noʻonoʻo ana i kona kūlana.

E ola mau

Inā he kanaka makua ʻole ka ʻohana i ka hana, ma ke olakino maikaʻi, hiki iā ia ke hāʻawi i ka mālama olakino maʻamau, a laila ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka ʻelemakule e noho ma ka home, nā kūlana maʻamau, i loko o kahi keʻena me nā mea hoʻomanaʻo he nui. pili.

Eia nō naʻe, ʻike pū kekahi ʻelemakule i kēlā me kēia lā i ka mālama ʻana o nā ʻohana iā ia, me ka hoʻoikaika ʻana i kona ikaika. A laila, ʻoiai ka mālama ʻana i kahi manaʻo koʻikoʻi i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki ke paʻakikī kēia nānā ʻana, a me ka ʻike ʻana i ka hemahema o ke kanaka a me ke kaumaha i hana ʻia no nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. A pinepine e lilo i mea maʻalahi no nā mea āpau inā hiki ke hāʻawi ʻia kekahi o nā hopohopo i nā poʻe loea.

“Hoʻomaʻemaʻe au i ka pahu litter, hoʻomaʻemaʻe a hana i ke kī i ke ahiahi, akā i ke koena o ka manawa, mālama ke kahu hānai i koʻu makuahine, kōkua ʻo ia iā ia i ka lua a me ka lāʻau lapaʻau. ʻAʻole au i lawa no kēia mau mea a pau!” — wahi a Dina, he 38 makahiki, he makuahine hana o kahi keiki 5 makahiki.

“He mau manaʻo ko ka lāhui e mālama ke kaikamahine i kona mau mākua ma mua o ke keiki kāne; he hūnōna wahine a he moʻopuna paha,” wahi a Oksana Rybakova, “akā naʻu nō ka mea e hiki mai ana i kāu hihia.”

ʻO ka mea mālama i ka ʻohana, ʻaʻole e pau ke ola no ka lōʻihi o kēia hana a ʻaʻole pau ʻole ia. Inā hiki iā mākou ke hoʻokokoke iā mākou iho a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe ʻaʻole e like me ka mea pono e hoʻolohe i nā lula a hoʻokō i nā hana, akā ma ke ʻano he kanaka ola versatile, a laila ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ke kūkulu ʻana i kekahi pilina.

1. Izvestia e pili ana i ka noiʻi o ka NAFI Analytical Center, iz.ru 8.01.21.