ʻO ka hoʻolohe ʻana i nā ʻōlelo a ke kāne i aloha ʻia he mea leʻaleʻa loa. ʻOi loa i ka wā e pili ana i kahi kīʻaha kofe hala ʻole i ka hui o kahi hoaaloha kahiko. No ke aha i makemake ʻole ai nā kāne i kēia mau hui wahine? He aha kā lākou makaʻu? Ua wehewehe ʻo Galina Turetskaya psychologist.
ʻOiai e inu maluhia ana i ko mākou kakahiaka ʻAmelika ma ka pā kahakai, ua hoʻomaka wau me koʻu hoaaloha e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ko mākou hoʻomaha ʻana me ke kāne ʻole, he akua. A ʻaʻole mākou makemake e noho i kahi kūlana kahi e koho ai ma waena o ka maluhia i loko o ka ʻohana a me ka hauʻoli maʻalahi o ke kamaʻilio ʻana me nā hoaaloha. No ke aha ʻaʻole hiki i kā mākou mau kāne a me nā hoaaloha, e like me East a me West, ke hui pū. Ua lilo kēia kamaʻilio ʻana i mea hoihoi.
Ua ʻike paha ʻoe i ka hapa nui o nā kāne, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, e ʻae i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e pono ka wahine i kahi hoaaloha a, i ka haʻi ʻana i nā hoaaloha, uwē ʻo ia e like me ke ʻano o ka ʻīlio i hele i ke aʻo ʻana, akā ʻaʻole makemake ʻo ia. kaʻana iwi? A ma hope aʻe, hoʻōki mākou i ka hōʻike ʻana i kēia ʻāpana koʻikoʻi o ko mākou ola wahine iā ia, a laila, ʻeleʻele kēia ola a emi iho me ka ʻili shagreen, a i ʻole e lilo i lepo momona e hoʻohua ai i nā hua momona mai nā ʻanoʻano o kona kānalua. Akā, ua hoʻomaka me ka hala ʻole!
Ke ʻimi nei mākou i kā mākou ʻike pilikino, e hoʻomanaʻo ana i nā hoaaloha a me nā hoaaloha, ko lākou mau ʻohana, nā hoa hana a me nā hoalauna, ua hele mākou i nā helu helu i manaʻo ʻia he mea hoʻopaʻapaʻa, akā ʻaʻole i emi iki ke koʻikoʻi: 80% o nā kāne i loko o kahi kūlana overt a hūnā. sabotage e pili ana i ke kamaʻilio ʻana o nā wahine me kā lākou mau hoaaloha, ʻoi aku ka male ʻole a me ka kūleʻa.
Ma ka pololei, pono e ʻōlelo ʻia i kekahi manawa ua pololei ke kāne i kāna hoʻoholo ʻana e pili ana i kā mākou mau hoaaloha, akā ʻaʻole ia e hoʻōki iā mākou mai ke aloha iā lākou, a i ke aloha ʻana, ʻaʻole lākou e hoʻokolokolo hou. Akā i ka hapanui o nā hihia, ʻaʻole i noʻonoʻo ka makemake a me ka makaʻala o ke kāne i kāna mau hoaaloha. ʻIke ʻo ia i loko o lākou he hoʻoweliweli i kāna kūʻokoʻa a me ke kūpaʻa o ka ʻōnaehana honua.
Inā ʻike hou ke ola iaʻu me ka "aloha i ka hewa", a laila ʻike wau ʻo koʻu mau hoa hakakā ka mea e kōkua iaʻu e ala aʻe mai ka nānā ʻana.
ʻO nā hoaaloha he mea hoʻopilikia mau loa, censors a me nā mea nānā. Manaʻo ke kāne ua lawe ʻia ke kāne no ka nānā ʻana e kāna mau hoaaloha, e like me ka ʻaha kūkā. I kekahi manawa me ka ʻakaʻaka, i kekahi manawa me ke aloha ʻole, wehe mākou, nānā i ke ola pilikino o kēlā me kēia, a he mea koʻikoʻi ke koho ʻana me nā pōpō ʻeleʻele a keʻokeʻo paha no kekahi. ʻO kēia wale nō ke hele ʻole ka moho a hoʻonele ʻia ka manawa e pale aku ai iā ia iho.
No laila, ʻaʻole huhū ka poʻe naʻauao i kā mākou mau hoaaloha, a i kekahi manawa hoʻokani lākou i ka paipu no lākou e like me ke ʻano o ka fakir i loko o kahi pāpale Hindu a me nā kāmaʻa me nā manamana wāwae curved. A ʻo nā kāne ʻike ʻole e hoʻonoho iā mākou ma mua o kahi koho. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo maʻalahi "E haʻi mai iaʻu ʻo wai kou hoaaloha a e haʻi aku wau iā ʻoe ʻo wai ʻoe" ua hoʻomaopopo ʻokoʻa ʻia e nā kāne a me nā wahine.
ʻO ka wahine, aloha i ke kāne a ʻae i kona ola a me kona kaiapuni, ʻike i kāna mau hoaaloha i nā ʻano maikaʻi o kāna mea aloha. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, hoʻomaopopo mākou he pono mākou e kaʻana like me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, no laila e lilo lākou i poʻe kūpono. Hoʻoponopono ke kāne i ka wahine e kona mau hoaaloha. Ke kuhikuhi ʻia kona manamana lima o ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana iā ia, e ʻike ʻoe i nā ʻano pono i loaʻa iā ia, e hoʻoili ʻo ia iā ʻoe.
No laila ka excessive pickiness kahi, e like me ia, he aha kāna mālama. ʻO ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana o nā kāne i ʻōlelo i kā mākou mau hoaaloha: ka hoʻomākeʻaka, ka ʻaihue, ka naʻauao haʻahaʻa…. hiki ke hoʻomau i ka papa inoa, a, ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka moekolohe ke lei aliʻi. E hooki i kou makemake e holo wikiwiki i ka pale o kou hoa. Akā, e nānā pono i kāu mea aloha: e like me kou ʻike, ʻike lākou i loko o nā mea ʻē aʻe i ka mea a lākou i ʻike ʻole ai iā lākou iho.
I koʻu wā ʻōpiopio, ua nalowale au i kahi hoaaloha, e hāʻule ana i ka ʻike ʻole, akā mau manaʻo mau o ka mea momona, aloha, aloha, ʻo ia wale nō. Maikaʻi, kūleʻa a me ke kālā, manuahi, me he mea lā ʻo ia kāna moeʻuhane - akā pehea inā ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka ʻono o kona ola ʻē aʻe iaʻu ma mua o ka honua i hoʻonohonoho ʻia o kā mākou Khrushchev? A ua lili loa ia ia'u no ko maua noho pu ana me ia, aohe ona, aka, he ma'i lepera o ka wa opiopio.
I koʻu hoʻi ʻana i ka home ma hope o ka ʻākoakoa ʻana o nā kaikamahine, ʻike wau i ka nūhou e haʻi aku ai i kaʻu kāne a me ka mea e haʻi ʻole ai, a ʻaʻole i aloha iaʻu iho no kēia hoʻokamani. Ke mālama nei i koʻu mau aʻalolo, i ka wā mua ua hoʻōki au i ka kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i koʻu hoaaloha ma ka laulā, a laila ua hoʻōki au i ka launa pū ʻana.
ʻO ka mea pōmaikaʻi, ua hoʻoponopono ʻia kēia kuhi hewa: ua lawe aku kahi hoaaloha iaʻu i loko o kona mau lima, a haʻi aku wau i ke kanaka ma oʻu iho, a ʻaʻohe mea pili i ka ʻono o ke ola ʻē aʻe. I hoʻokahi lā wale nō, ʻo kāna kānalua ponoʻī a me kāna hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻana i ke ʻano "a ʻōmaʻomaʻo nā hua waina ..." ua lilo koke i insipid a hiki i ka hiki ʻole o ka noho pū ʻana.
E haʻi mai ʻo wai kāu kāne a e haʻi aku wau iā ʻoe ʻo wai ʻoe. A inā e ʻike hou ke ola iaʻu me ka "aloha i ka hewa", a laila ʻike wau ʻo nā hoaaloha hakakā e kōkua mai iaʻu e ala aʻe mai ka nānā ʻana. Hoʻonohonoho ʻia mākou e hoʻāʻo e wehe i ka puka i ko mākou honua i loko no kahi mea aloha, a noho nui kā mākou mau hoaaloha i kahi wahi nui ma laila. I kekahi manawa, weliweli wau i ke kiʻekiʻe o ka pilina a mākou e mākaukau e hele i ke kūkākūkā ʻana i ko mākou ola wahine a me nā kāne. He aha nā manaʻo, a laila, e hoʻāla kēia i nā meʻe o kā mākou moʻolelo?
Malia paha, ua kaupalena ʻia nā mika square o ka ʻuhane, a me nā mika square o ke keʻena, a ʻo ke kanaka, ma waho aʻe o kona wahi, noho pū kekahi i kahi kokoke.
Akā, hele mākou i mua - hoʻokomo mākou i nā kāne i kēia hakakā pili, kaʻana like i ke ola pilikino o kā mākou mau hoaaloha me lākou, e hoʻāʻo e alakaʻi i kahi kūkākūkā me lākou e like me nā lula like, a i ʻole me ka ʻole o nā lula, a ke huhū nei mākou i ko lākou kuhihewa ʻana. ʻO kēia paha ke kumu o ka pilikia "kāne a / a i ʻole ka hoaaloha"? Pehea e hoʻoponopono ai? ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole i loaʻa iā mākou kahi meaʻai no ka lua a ʻekolu paha kīʻaha kofe. Akā inā e ola ana, a laila e komo pū ana ka mahalo i kekahi.
ʻAʻole wau makemake e ʻōlelo: aloha iaʻu, aloha pū kekahi i koʻu hoaaloha. He koho kēia, a he ʻano kānalua. Akā, no ka mahalo i ko mākou pilina, ko mākou mau waiwai a me nā makemake, ʻaʻole ʻoe e koi wale ʻia, akā pāpālua ʻia. Ua like kēia me nā koi koi no ka moho i ke noi ʻana i kahi ʻoihana: ʻaʻole ʻoihana ke kanaka maikaʻi inā makemake ʻoe i kahi ʻoihana loea me ka hoʻonaʻauao kūikawā a me ka ʻike o ka ʻōlelo Pelekania. A ke manaʻo nei au e mālama i ka mana o nā mokuʻāina e pili ana - ka pilina me kaʻu kāne a me kaʻu mau hoaaloha.
Manaʻo wau hiki i ke kāne ke hoʻomaopopo i kā mākou pono e kamaʻilio me nā hoaaloha inā wehewehe maikaʻi ʻo ia iā ia i ke ʻano o ke ʻano. ʻOkoʻa loa mākou, a hoʻonāukiuki ke ʻano iā ia.
ʻO kēia mau hola he nui o ke kamaʻilio ʻana, ke kūʻai aku ʻana, ka hamo ʻole ʻana i nā waimaka a me ka snot, ʻaʻole ia e pau i kekahi mea maikaʻi, akā ma hope o ka lilo ʻana o ke ola i ka manawa mua, a laila kupanaha, he mau hoʻomaha hoʻomaha kēia, i ka wā ma hope o hoʻokahi pule. ʻO nā kamaʻilio hauʻoli e hoʻomaka ana e ʻike ʻia i loko o lākou, a no ka mea, ʻo ka noho mālie pū kekahi he hopena therapeutic ... ʻAʻole maopopo ʻo ia, akā e hoʻāʻo ʻo ia.
E ʻōlelo kekahi o nā kāne: "He ʻino nā hoaaloha." ʻO kekahi, ua hoʻouna aku i kāna wahine i ka kofe me nā hoaaloha, ʻoliʻoli ʻo ia i kona mau lima i ka kali ʻana i kahi pāʻina bachelor pia. ʻAʻole mālama kekahi i ka mea a me nā hana a kāna wahine e hoʻolimalima ai i ka manawa, hilinaʻi ʻo ia iā ia iho, a ʻo ka hilinaʻi a me ka hilinaʻi he mau huaʻōlelo o ke kumu hoʻokahi. ʻAʻole paha e noʻonoʻo kēlā kanaka i ka hoʻomaha hoʻomaha me kahi hoaaloha ma ke kai, no ka mea, ʻo kāna hui mua ʻo ia ke kai, ka lā a me ke kamaʻilio wahine i ka wā o ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa spa, ʻaʻole hoʻi e ʻimi i nā mea nani i nā thongs.
Akā, e hōʻole wau i kēlā ʻano hoʻāʻo o ka hilinaʻi, i hiki ʻole i kekahi lā ke waiho iaʻu ma mua o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o kahi huakaʻi kūʻokoʻa i ka hōkele. ʻIke ʻia ʻo kahi hoʻomaha hoʻomaha me kahi hoaaloha e pono e mōhai ʻia. ʻAʻole wau makemake i ka manaʻo o ka mōhai ʻana i kekahi mea - ʻaʻole no ke kāne, ʻaʻole hoʻi ma ke kumu. I nā manawa i noho paʻa ai nā kāne i koʻu ola, ua hōʻemi maoli ʻia ka kamaʻilio ʻana me nā hoaaloha a me nā hoaaloha, a ʻaʻole wau e hoʻomanaʻo ua pilikia wau i kēia.
Malia paha, ua kaupalena ʻia nā mika square o ka ʻuhane, a me nā mika square o ke keʻena, a ʻo ke kanaka, ma waho aʻe o kona wahi, noho pū kekahi i nā mea kokoke. ʻO ia wale nō kahi o kahi hoaaloha maoli i kou makemake e haʻalele - ʻo ia kahi ʻāpana o ka mea pohihihi e lilo ai mākou i wahine. Aia ka hoʻowalewale e hoʻopau me ka ʻōlelo: hele mai nā kāne a hele, akā mau nā hoaaloha. ʻAʻole naʻe. Ke ola nei mākou, a ke loli nei mākou, a i kekahi manawa mākou e hoʻokaʻawale me nā hoaaloha, e like me nā kāne.
ʻO ka pilina kahi manaʻo ma mua o nā ʻokoʻa kāne, a aia ia i kahi pōʻai haiki o nā waiwai uXNUMXbuXNUMXbʻo ia kaʻu e pale aku ai a hiki i ka hanu hope, no ka mea, ʻo ke ola me ka ʻole o lākou he mea ʻole. E pale au i ka pilina me kahi hoaaloha a me ka pilina me ke kāne, ʻoiai inā pono wau e pale iā lākou mai kekahi i kekahi. A e ho'āʻo ka hopena o ke kāne i kāna mau hoaaloha i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana no ka mahalo a me ka ʻae ʻana i nā pono o kekahi, a no laila, no ka ikaika o ka pilina.