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Baby-clash: nā kī e pale aku ai
“ʻOliʻoli māua ʻo Mathieu i ka lilo koke ʻana i mau mākua, makemake nui mākou i kēia pēpē a ke kakali nei mākou iā ia. Akā, ua ʻike mākou i ka nui o nā hoaaloha a puni mākou i kaʻawale i kekahi mau mahina ma hope o ka hōʻea ʻana mai o kā lākou Titou e makaʻu nei mākou! E uhaʻi ʻia paha kā kāua kāne? E lilo anei kēia "hanana hauʻoli" i haʻaheo nui ʻia e ka lehulehu āpau i ka hopena? »ʻAʻole ʻo Blandine a me kāna hoa ʻo Mathieu wale nō nā mākua i ka wā e hiki mai ana e makaʻu i ka hakakā pēpē kaulana. He mooolelo paha keia? Wahi a Dr Bernard Geberowicz *, he ʻoiaʻiʻo maoli kēia ʻano: " 20 a 25% o nā kāne e hoʻokaʻawale i nā mahina mua ma hope o ka hānau ʻana o ka pēpē. A ke piʻi mau nei ka nui o nā paio pēpē. “
Pehea e hiki ai i kahi pēpē hānau hou ke hoʻokomo i nā mākua i loko o ia pilikia? Hiki i nā kumu like ʻole ke wehewehe. ʻO ka pilikia mua i ʻike ʻia e nā mākua hou, ʻo ka hele ʻana mai ʻelua a ʻekolu e pono ai ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i kahi wahi no kahi mea komo liʻiliʻi, pono ʻoe e hoʻololi i kou wikiwiki o ke ola, e haʻalele i kāu mau ʻano liʻiliʻi. Hoʻohui ʻia i kēia kaohi ʻana ka makaʻu ʻaʻole e kūleʻa, ʻaʻole hiki i kēia hana hou, no ka hoʻohoka ʻana i kāu hoa. Emotional nawaliwali, kino a me psychological luhi, no ia e like me ia, no hoi kaumaha kaumaha ma ka mare lokahi. ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka ʻae ʻana i kekahi, kona ʻokoʻa a me kāna moʻomeheu ʻohana e ʻike ʻole ʻia ke ʻike ʻia ke keiki! Ua kuhikuhi ʻo Dr Geberowicz e pili pū ana ka piʻi ʻana o nā paʻi pēpē me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka makahiki awelika o ka pēpē mua he 30 mau makahiki ma Farani. Hoʻohui nā mākua, a me nā wāhine, i nā kuleana a me nā hana ʻoihana, pilikino a pilikanaka. Aia ka makuahine i waena o kēia mau mea nui, a ʻoi aku ka nui o nā haʻalulu. ʻO ka mea hope loa, a he mea kaulana hoʻi, i kēia lā, ʻoi aku ka makemake o nā kāne e hoʻokaʻawale ke ʻike koke ʻia kahi pilikia. No laila, hana ka pēpē i mea hoʻoikaika e hōʻike a hoʻonui paha i nā pilikia e kū nei ma mua o kona hōʻea ʻana ma waena o nā mākua ʻelua e hiki mai ana. Hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi mākou i ke kumu he hana maʻalahi ka hoʻomaka ʻana i kahi ʻohana liʻiliʻi e kūkākūkā ai…
E ʻae i nā hoʻololi hiki ʻole
Akā naʻe, ʻaʻole pono mākou e hana keaka! Hiki i nā kāne aloha ke hoʻokele maikaʻi i kēia kūlana pilikia, pale i nā pahele, pale i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻole a pale aku i ka hakakā pēpē. ʻO ka mea mua ma ka hōʻike ʻana i ka lucidity. ʻAʻohe kāne e hele, ʻo ka hōʻea ʻana mai o kahi hānau hou inevitably trigger turbulence. ʻO ka noʻonoʻo ʻana ʻaʻohe mea e hoʻololi wale i ke kūlana. ʻO nā kāne i pakele i ka pēpē-clash ʻo ia ka poʻe i manaʻo mai ka hāpai ʻana e hiki mai nā loli a e hoʻololi ʻia ke koena., ka poe i hoomaopopo a ae i keia evolution, hoomakaukau no ia, a mai manao i ke ola pu me he paradaiso nalowale. ʻO ka pilina i hala aku nei ʻaʻole ia ke kuhikuhi o ka hauʻoli, e ʻike pū mākou i kahi ala hou o ka hauʻoli. He mea paʻakikī ke noʻonoʻo i keʻano o ka uluʻana e lawe mai ka pēpē i kēlā me kēia, he pilikino a pili. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, pono ʻole e hāʻule i loko o ka pahele o ka idealization a me nā stereotypes. ʻO ka pēpē maoli, ka mea uē, nāna i mālama i kona mau mākua mai ka hiamoe, ʻaʻohe mea pili i ke pēpē maikaʻi loa i noʻonoʻo ʻia no ʻeiwa mahina! ʻO ka mea a mākou e manaʻo ai, ʻaʻohe mea pili i ka hiʻohiʻona idyllic i loaʻa iā mākou i ke ʻano o ka makua kāne, ka makuahine, ka ʻohana. ʻAʻole hauʻoli wale ka lilo ʻana i mau mākua, a he mea nui e hoʻomaopopo he like ʻoe me nā mea ʻē aʻe. ʻOi aku ka nui o ko mākou ʻae ʻana i ko mākou mau manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole, ko mākou ambivalence, i kekahi manawa a me ko mākou mihi no ka hoʻomaka ʻana i kēia haunaele, ʻoi aku ka nui o ko mākou neʻe ʻana mai ka pilikia o ka kaʻawale ʻana.
ʻO ia hoʻi ka manawa e pili ai i ka conjugal solidarity. ʻO ka luhi i pili i ka hānau ʻana, i ka hope o ka hānau ʻana, i nā pō choppy, i ka hui hou ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻomaopopo ʻia, ma ka home e like me ka mea ʻē aʻe, no ka mea e hoʻemi ana i nā paepae o ka hoʻomanawanui a me ka huhū. . ʻAʻole mākou e ʻoluʻolu e kali i ko mākou hoa hele mai e hoʻopakele, ʻaʻole mākou e kānalua i ke noi ʻana i kāna kōkua, ʻaʻole ʻo ia e ʻike iā ia iho ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke lawe hou aku, ʻaʻole ʻo ia he kilokilo. He manawa maikaʻi ia e hoʻoikaika ai i ka lōkahi i loko o nā kāne. Ma waho aʻe o ka luhi kino, pono e ʻike i kou nāwaliwali o ka naʻau, e makaʻala ʻaʻole e hoʻokomo i ke kaumaha. No laila, hoʻolohe mākou i kekahi i kekahi, ke ʻōlelo nei mākou i kā mākou blues, ko mākou naʻau, ko mākou kānalua, ko mākou nīnau, ko mākou hoʻohaʻahaʻa.
ʻOi aku ma mua o nā manawa ʻē aʻe, pono ke kamaʻilio e mālama i ka paʻa a me ka pilina o nā kāne. He mea nui ka ʻike pehea e hoʻolohe ai iā ʻoe iho, ʻo ka ʻike i ka ʻae ʻana i kekahi e like me kona ʻano a ʻaʻole e like me kā mākou makemake iā ia e like me ka mea nui. ʻAʻole i kākau ʻia nā kuleana o "makua maikaʻi" a me "makuahine maikaʻi".. Pono nā kānaka a pau e hōʻike i ko lākou makemake a hana e like me ko lākou akamai. ʻO ka ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o nā manaʻolana, ʻoi aku ka nui o kā mākou manaʻo ʻaʻole i lawe pololei ka mea ʻē aʻe i kāna kuleana, a ʻoi aku ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka hopena o ke alanui, me kāna huakaʻi hoʻomāinoino. Hoʻokomo mālie ʻia ka makua, lilo i makuahine, lilo ka makua kāne i ka manawa, ʻaʻole koke ia, pono ʻoe e maʻalahi a waiwai i kāu hoa e kōkua iā ia e manaʻo hou a ʻoi aku ka pono.
E ʻike hou i ke ala o ka pilina
Hiki i kekahi pilikia ke ala mai ma kahi ala i ʻike ʻole ʻia a pōʻino: ʻo ka lili o ka wahine i ka mea hou.. E like me kā Dr Geberowicz i hōʻike ai, "E ulu mai nā pilikia ke manaʻo kekahi e mālama nui ana kekahi i ka pēpē ma mua o ia a manaʻo ua haʻalele ʻia, haʻalele ʻia. Mai ka hānau ʻana, he mea maʻamau ka lilo ʻana o kahi pēpē i ke kikowaena o ka honua. He mea pono e hoʻomaopopo nā mākua ʻelua he mea pono ka hoʻohui ʻana o ka makuahine me kāna keiki i nā mahina mua ʻekolu a ʻehā paha, nona e like me ia. Pono lāua e ʻae i ka noho hope ʻana o ka kāne no kekahi manawa. ʻAʻole hiki ke hele i kahi hopena pule aloha wale nō, he mea hōʻino ia i ke koena o ke keiki hānau hou, akā ʻaʻole hiki i ka mum / baby clinch i kahi 24 mau hola i ka lā. ʻAʻohe mea e pale i nā mākua. e kaʻana like i nā manawa liʻiliʻi o ka pilina no ʻelua, ke hiamoe ka pēpē. ʻOki mākou i nā pale a lawe mākou i ka manawa e hui ai, e kamaʻilio ai, e hoʻomaha ai, e ʻoluʻolu, i manaʻo ʻole ka makua kāne. A ʻo wai ka mea e ʻōlelo nei ʻaʻole pili ka pilina.ʻO ka hoʻomaka hou ʻana o ka moekolohe ke kumu o ka nui o ka hakakā. ʻO ka wahine i hānau ʻia ʻaʻole ia i ka pae kiʻekiʻe o ka libido, ʻaʻole ma ke kino a me ka noʻonoʻo.
Ma ka ʻaoʻao hormonal kekahi. A ʻaʻole hiki i nā hoa manaʻo maikaʻi ke kuhikuhi i ka pepehi ʻana o kahi pēpē i ka kāne, ʻo ke kāne maʻamau e hoʻowalewale ʻia e ʻimi i kahi ʻē inā ʻaʻole hoʻomaka kāna wahine e hana aloha! Inā hoʻoikaika kekahi o lākou i kekahi a koi aku e hoʻomaka koke i ka moekolohe, pilikia ka kāne. ʻOi aku ka minamina i ka hiki ke loaʻa kahi pili kino, ʻoiai ke kino, me ka ʻole o ka nīnau no ka moekolohe. ʻAʻohe manawa i hoʻonohonoho mua ʻia, ʻaʻole pono ka moe kolohe he pilikia, ʻaʻole koi, ʻaʻole hoʻi he koi. Ua lawa ka hoihoi hou i ka makemake, ʻaʻole e neʻe aku i ka leʻaleʻa, e hoʻopā iā ʻoe iho, e hoʻoikaika i ka ʻoluʻolu i kekahi, e hōʻike iā ia e ʻoluʻolu iā mākou, e mālama mākou iā ia ma ke ʻano he hoa pili, a inā mākou e hana. 'A'ole makemake e moe i kēia manawa, makemake mākou e ho'i mai. ʻO kēia ka nānā ʻana i ka hoʻi hou ʻana o ka makemake kino e hōʻoiaʻiʻo a pale aku i ke komo ʻana i loko o ka pōʻai ʻino kahi e kali ai kēlā me kēia i kekahi e hana i ka hana mua: "Ua ʻike wau ʻaʻole makemake hou ʻo ia iaʻu, ʻo ia hoʻi. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole wau makemake hou iā ia, ʻo ia ka mea maʻamau ”. Ke hele hou nā mea aloha, ʻo ka hiki ʻana mai o ka pēpē e hoʻohuli i nā loli i ka moekolohe o ka kāne. Pono e noʻonoʻo ʻia kēia ʻike hou, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻopaʻa ʻia ka moe kolohe a pono mākou e hoʻoponopono i ka makaʻu o lohe ka pēpē a ala. Akā, e hōʻoluʻolu kākou, inā nalo ka male ʻana o ka wahine conjugal, loaʻa ka ikaika a me ka hohonu.
Ka wehe ʻana i kahi kaʻawale a ʻike i ka hoʻopuni ʻana iā ʻoe iho
E hoʻonui ʻia ka hopena o nā pilikia a ke kāne e hele nei inā noho nā mākua hou i kahi kaapuni paʻa, no ka mea, ʻo ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana e hoʻoikaika i ko lākou manaʻo ʻaʻole mākaukau. I nā hanauna i hala, ua hoʻopuni ʻia nā wahine ʻōpio i hānau ʻia e ko lākou makuahine ponoʻī a me nā wahine ʻē aʻe o ka ʻohana, ua pōmaikaʻi lākou mai ka lawe ʻana i ka ʻike, ka ʻōlelo aʻo a me ke kākoʻo. I kēia mau lā, manaʻo ka poʻe kāne ʻōpio me ka hoʻokahi, nele, a ʻaʻole lākou e ʻaʻa e hoʻopiʻi. Ke hiki mai kahi pēpē a ʻike ʻole ʻoe, he kūpono ke nīnau i nā nīnau i nā hoaaloha i hānau mua i ka pēpē, no ka ʻohana. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hele i nā ʻoihana pūnaewele a me nā ʻaha kūkā e ʻimi ai i ka hōʻoluʻolu. ʻAʻohe o mākou manaʻo mehameha ke kamaʻilio mākou me nā mākua ʻē aʻe e hele ana i nā pilikia like. E akahele, ʻo ka loaʻa ʻana o nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo kūʻē i hiki ke lilo i mea hopohopo, pono ʻoe e makaʻala a hilinaʻi i kou noʻonoʻo maʻamau. A inā pilikia maoli ʻoe, mai hoʻokaʻulua e ʻimi i ka ʻōlelo aʻo mai nā loea akamai. No ka ʻohana, eia hou, pono ʻoe e ʻimi i ka mamao kūpono. No laila, lawe mākou i nā loina a me nā kuʻuna ʻohana a mākou e ʻike ai iā mākou iho, hahai mākou i ka ʻōlelo aʻo a mākou i manaʻo ai he kūpono, a waiho mākou me ka hewa ʻole i nā mea i kū ʻole i ka makua kāne a mākou e kūkulu nei.
* Ka mea kākau o "ʻO nā kāne e kū nei i ka hiki ʻana mai o ke keiki. E lanakila i ka pēpē-clash ”, ed. Albin Michel