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Pehea e lilo ai i makuahōnōwai wahine ma mua o ka lilo ʻana i makuahine?
I ka manawa e moe ai me kāna ipo, pono ʻo Jessica e ala e hoʻomākaukau i ka ʻaina kakahiaka no kāna mau keiki aloha. E like me ia, nui nā wahine ʻōpio i ka pilina me ke kāne i makua kāne. Hāʻawi pinepine lākou i ka ʻoluʻolu o ka noho ʻana ma ke ʻano he kāne "keiki ʻole" ʻoiai ʻaʻole lākou i ʻike i ka makuahine iā lākou iho. Ma ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa, noho lākou i loko o kahi ʻohana hui ʻia a pono e ʻae ʻia e nā keiki. ʻAʻole maʻalahi mau.
He hoa hou a he makuahine hoʻi i ka manawa like
“ʻO wau ka 'makuahine', e like me kā lākou e ʻōlelo nei, o kahi keikikāne ʻelua a me ka hapa makahiki. Hele maikaʻi koʻu pilina me ia, nani ʻo ia. Ua loaʻa koke iaʻu koʻu wahi ma ka mālama ʻana i kahi hana leʻaleʻa: haʻi wau iā ia i nā moʻolelo, kuke pū mākou. ʻO ka mea paʻakikī ke noho pū me ka ʻike ʻana, ʻoiai inā makemake ʻo ia iaʻu, ke kaumaha ʻo ia, hōʻole ʻo ia iaʻu a kāhea aku i kona makuakāne, "hōʻike ʻo Emilie, 2 mau makahiki. No ka mea loea ʻo Catherine Audibert, ʻo nā mea āpau he nīnau o ka hoʻomanawanui. ʻO ka trio i hoʻokumu ʻia e ka hoa hou, ke keiki a me ka makua kāne, pono e ʻimi i kona wikiwiki holo kaʻa e lilo i ʻohana hui ʻia i kona pono ponoʻī. ʻAʻole maʻalahi e like me ka mea i manaʻo ʻia. "ʻO ka hoʻonohonoho hou ʻana i kahi ʻohana e hoʻopuka pinepine i nā pilikia i loko o ka male a ma waena o ka makua-papa a me ke keiki. ʻOiai inā e hana ka hoa hou i nā mea āpau e hiki ai ke holo maikaʻi, ke kū nei ʻo ia i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o ka ʻole, ʻokoʻa loa mai kāna i noʻonoʻo ai. E hilinaʻi nā mea a pau i kāna mea i ʻike ai i kona wā kamaliʻi, me kona mau mākua. Inā ʻeha ʻo ia mai kahi makua kāne authoritarian a i ʻole ka male male ʻana, e hoʻōla hou ʻia nā ʻeha o ka wā i hala e ka hoʻonohonoho ʻohana hou, ʻoi aku hoʻi me nā keiki a kāna hoa, "e hōʻike ana ka psychotherapist.
Ke ʻimi nei i kou wahi i loko o ka ʻohana hui
Hoʻokahi nīnau e hōʻeha nui nei i kēia mau wahine: he aha kā lākou kuleana me ke keiki a kā lākou hoa? “Ma luna o nā mea a pau, pono ʻoe e hoʻomanawanui e hoʻokumu i kahi pilina paʻa me ke keiki a kekahi. ʻAʻole pono mākou e hoʻokau i ke ʻano o ka hoʻonaʻauao ʻana, ʻaʻole hoʻi i ka hakakā mau. He ʻōlelo aʻo: Pono nā kānaka a pau e lawe i ko lākou manawa e hoʻomaʻamaʻa. ʻAʻole pono mākou e poina ua ola nā keiki, ua loaʻa iā lākou kahi hoʻonaʻauao mai ko lākou makuahine a me ko lākou makuakāne ma mua o ka kaʻawale ʻana. Pono ka makuahōnōwai wahine hou e hoʻoponopono i kēia ʻoiaʻiʻo a me nā maʻamau i hoʻokumu ʻia. ʻO kekahi mea koʻikoʻi: e hilinaʻi nā mea a pau i ka mea a kēia wahine e hōʻike ai i ka noʻonoʻo o ke keiki. ʻAʻole pono mākou e poina he wahi hou ia i loko o ka puʻuwai o ko lākou makuakāne. Pehea ka hele ʻana o ka hemo ʻana, ʻo ia ke "kuleana" no ia? ʻO ke kaulike ʻohana a ka makuahōnōwai wahine e ʻimi nei e hoʻokumu e hilinaʻi ʻia i kāna kuleana, ʻaʻole paha, i ka kaʻawale ʻana o nā mākua o ke keiki, "wahi a ka loea. ʻO ka hoʻololi ʻana i ka hale, ka puʻupuʻu, ka moe ... pilikia ke keiki i kekahi manawa ma mua o ka hemo ʻana. ʻO ka ʻae ʻana e hele mai i ka hale o kona makuakāne, ʻaʻole maʻalahi ka ʻike ʻana he "aloha" hou kāna. He lōʻihi paha ka manawa. I kekahi manawa, hele hewa paha nā mea, no ka laʻana, ke noi ka makuahōnōwai wahine i ke keiki e hana i kekahi mea, hiki i ke keiki ke pane pōkole "ʻaʻole ʻo ia kona makuahine". Pono nā kāne e lokahi a kūpaʻa i ko lākou kūlana i kēia manawa. "ʻO kahi pane kūpono e wehewehe i nā keiki ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole ʻo ko lākou makuahine, akā he kanaka makua kuhikuhi e noho pū me ko lākou makuakāne a nāna i hoʻokumu i kahi kāne hou. Pono ka makua kāne a me kāna hoa hou e pane me ka leo like i nā keiki. He mea nui ia no ka wā e hiki mai ana, inā loaʻa iā lāua kahi keiki. Pono nā keiki a pau i ka hoʻonaʻauao like, nā keiki mai ka hui mua, a me ka poʻe mai ka hui hou, "e nānā ka loea.
No ka wahine ʻaʻole makuahine, he aha ka mea e hoʻololi ai?
ʻO nā wahine ʻōpio e koho i kahi ola ʻohana i ka wā ʻaʻole lākou i hānau keiki, e ola lākou i kahi ʻano manaʻo ʻokoʻa loa mai kā lākou mau hoaaloha i loko o kahi kāne keiki ʻole. "ʻO ka wahine i hele mai i loko o ke ola o kahi kāne ʻelemakule i hānau mua i nā keiki i haʻalele mua i ka wahine mua e hānau iā ia. ʻAʻole ʻo ia e ola i ka "honeymoon" o nā kāne hou i hana ʻia, e noʻonoʻo wale ana iā lākou. ʻO ke kāne, i kēia manawa, ua kaʻawale wale a noʻonoʻo i nā mea āpau e pili ana i nā keiki kokoke a mamao. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i kahi pilina aloha 100%, "wahi a Catherine Audibert. Manaʻo paha kekahi mau wahine i ka haʻalele ʻana i nā manaʻo nui o kā lākou hoa. "I ka wa i koho ai keia mau wahine, ka poe i ike ole i ka noho makuahine, i ke kane i makua makua, na ka makua kane e hoowalewale ia lakou. ʻO ka manawa pinepine, i koʻu ʻike ma ke ʻano he psychoanalyst, ʻike wau he "ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi" o kēia mau hoa makua kāne ma mua o ko lākou makuakāne i ko lākou wā kamaliʻi. ʻIke lākou iā ia i nā ʻano makua kāne a lākou e mahalo ai, ʻimi lākou no lākou iho. ʻO ia ke kanaka "kūpono" ma ke ʻano, e like me ke kāne "kūpono" makua kāne no nā keiki e hiki mai ana e hui pū ai lākou ", e hōʻike ana i ka emi ʻana. Manaʻo ka nui o kēia mau wahine i ka lā e makemake ai lākou e hānau keiki me kā lākou hoa. 'Ōlelo kekahi makuahine no kēia manaʻo paʻakikī: "ʻO ka mālama ʻana i kāna mau keiki e hoʻomake iaʻu e loaʻa kaʻu mau pēpē ponoʻī, koe wale nō ʻaʻole i mākaukau koʻu hoa e hoʻomaka hou. Ke nīnau nei au iaʻu iho i nā nīnau he nui e pili ana i ka ʻae ʻana o kāna mau keiki iā ia i ko lākou wā nui. Ma keʻano maʻamau, manaʻo wau e pili ana nā keiki, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ke kaikunāne i hui pū ʻia. Makaʻu wau ʻaʻole e ʻae ʻia kēia pēpē hou e kona mau kaikuaʻana, no ka mea, loaʻa iā lākou kahi hakahaka nui. ʻAʻole ia no ka lā ʻapōpō, akā ke ʻae nei au ua hoʻopilikia ia iaʻu ”, hōʻike ʻo Aurélie, wahine ʻōpio o 27 mau makahiki, i hui pū ʻia me kahi kāne a me ka makuakāne o nā keiki ʻelua.
E ʻae he ʻohana kona hoa
No nā wahine ʻē aʻe, ʻo ia ke ola ʻohana i kēia manawa e hopohopo nei no ka papahana o ka wā e hiki mai ana. "ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka mea e hoʻopilikia nui iaʻu ʻo kaʻu kāne, i ka hopena, e loaʻa i ʻelua ʻohana. I kona male ʻana, ua ʻike mua ʻo ia i ka hāpai ʻana o kekahi wahine ʻē aʻe, ʻike pono ʻo ia i ka mālama ʻana i kahi keiki. Me he mea lā, mehameha wau ke makemake mākou e hānau keiki. Makaʻu wau i ka hoʻohālikelike ʻia, no ka hana ʻoi aku ka hewa ma mua o kāna wahine a i ʻole kāna wahine mua. A ma luna o nā mea a pau, me ka manaʻo ponoʻī, makemake wau e kūkulu i kā mākou ʻohana o 3. I kekahi manawa, manaʻo wau ua like kāna keiki me ka mea hoʻopili ma waena o mākou. Aia nā pilikia e pili ana i ka mālama, alimony, ʻaʻole wau i manaʻo e hele ana wau i kēlā mau mea āpau ! », Hōʻikeʻo Stéphanie, 31, i ka pilina me kahi kāne, makua kāne o kahi keikikāne. Aia kekahi mau pono, akā naʻe, e like me ka psychotherapist. Ke lilo ka makuahōnōwai wahine i makuahine i kona manawa, e hoʻokipa ʻo ia i kāna mau keiki me ka mālie, i loko o kahi ʻohana i hoʻokumu ʻia. Ua noho ʻo ia me nā keiki liʻiliʻi a loaʻa iā ia ka ʻike makuahine. ʻO ka makaʻu wale nō o kēia mau wahine ʻaʻole lākou i hiki i ka hana. E like me ka poʻe i lilo i makuahine no ka manawa mua.