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Nā makuahōnōwai: ke kauoha o ka hoʻonaʻauao i kēlā me kēia lā
ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana. No ke kūkulu hou ʻana i kona ola. I kēia lā, kokoke 1,5 miliona mau keiki e ulu ana i nā ʻohana stepfamily. Ma ka huina, 510 mau keiki e noho ana me ka makua hoopapa. ʻO ka mālama pono ʻana i ka lokahi ma kou home, ʻoiai ma hope o ka hemo ʻana paʻakikī, ʻo ia ka paʻakikī o nā mākua kaʻawale. Pono ka hoa hou e pani i kona wahi a e lawe i ke kuleana o ka makua-papa. He aha ka mea e hoʻololi maoli ai ka hoʻonaʻauao i kēlā me kēia lā no nā step-moms a me step-dads? Pehea e ʻike ai nā keiki i kēia ana hou?
ʻO ke kānāwai ʻohana: ke kauoha o ka hoʻonaʻauao i kēlā me kēia lā ma ka hana
Inā ʻaʻole hāʻawi ke kānāwai FIPA i ke "kūlana kānāwai" i nā makuahōnōwai, hiki iā ia ke hoʻokumu i kahi "mana hoʻonaʻauao i kēlā me kēia lā", me ka ʻaelike o nā mākua ʻelua. ʻO kēia kauoha ka mea e hiki ai i ka makuahōnōwai wahine a i ʻole ka makuahōnōwai kāne e noho paʻa me kekahi o nā mākua, e hana i nā hana maʻamau o ke ola o ke keiki i kēlā me kēia lā i ko lāua ola pū ʻana. ʻO ka mea nui, hiki i ka makua makua ke hoʻopaʻa inoa i kahi puke moʻolelo kula, komo i nā hālāwai me nā kumu, lawe i ke keiki i ke kauka a i kahi hana extracurricular. ʻO kēia palapala, hiki ke huki ʻia ma ka home a i mua paha o kahi notary, e hōʻoia i nā kuleana o kahi ʻaoʻao ʻekolu e mālama i ke keiki i ke ola o kēlā me kēia lā. Hiki ke hoʻopau ʻia kēia kauoha i kēlā me kēia manawa e ka makua a e hoʻopau ʻia ke hoʻopau ʻia ko lāua noho ʻana a i ʻole ka make ʻana o ka makua.
He wahi hou no ka makua?
He hopena maoli anei ka hoʻokumu ʻana o ia ʻano kauoha i ke ola o kēlā me kēia lā o nā ʻohana hui? No Elodie Cingal, psychotherapist a me ke kākā'ōlelo no ka hemo mare, wehewehe "i ka wā e holo maikaʻi ai nā mea a pau i ka ʻohana hui, ʻaʻole pono e koi i kahi kūlana kūikawā". ʻOiaʻiʻo, nui nā keiki, e noho ana i nā ʻohana i hoʻoponopono hou ʻia me nā mākua makua a me nā keiki mai kahi hui mua, e ulu pū me kahi makua-papa, a ʻo ka hope e hele mau me ia i nā hana extracurricular a i ka home. kauka. Wahi a ia, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hāʻawi ʻana i ke kūlana kānāwai i ka "ʻaoʻao ʻekolu" ma mua o ke koho ʻana i kēia kauoha hapa puʻuwai. Hoʻohui ʻo ia i kēlā " inā paʻakikī ka pilina ma waena o ka makuahōnōwai kāne a makuahōnōwai kāne a me kekahi makua, hiki i kēia ke hoʻokūpaʻa i nā paio. Hiki paha i kahi makua-papa i lawe nui i ka manawa e lawe hou aku a koi i kēia kauoha, ma ke ʻano he ʻano mana. "Eia kekahi, ʻo Agnès de Viaris, psychotherapist loea i nā pilikia ʻohana, e kuhikuhi ana" e loaʻa i ke keiki ʻelua mau hiʻohiʻona kāne like ʻole, he mea olakino iā ia. ” Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, i ka hihia kahi i hāʻawi ʻia ai ka mālama nui i ka makuahine, a kahi e ʻike ai ka makua kāne ola i kāna mau keiki hoʻokahi wale nō hopena pule i loko o ʻelua, a no laila, ʻo ka de facto, ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka manawa me kāna mau keiki ma mua o ka makua kāne.. "ʻO kēia kauoha hou e hoʻokūpaʻa i kēia like ʻole ma waena o ka makua kāne a me ka makuakāne" e like me ka psychotherapist Elodie Cingal. Ua wehewehe ʻo Céline, he makuahine male male e noho ana i loko o kahi ʻohana hui ʻia, "no kaʻu kāne ex-kāne, e paʻakikī loa ia, ua pilikia ʻo ia i ka pilina paʻa me kāna mau keiki". Ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei kēia makuahine ʻaʻole pono mākou e hāʻawi i kahi manawa hou aku i ka makua hoʻokele. “A hiki i na halawai kula, ke kauka, aole o'u makemake na ka makuahonowai e malama. He makuahine a makua kāne kaʻu mau keiki a na mākou ke kuleana no kēia mau mea "koʻikoʻi" i ko lākou ola i kēlā me kēia lā. ʻAʻole pono e hoʻopili i kekahi kanaka i kēia. Pēlā nō, ʻaʻole au makemake e launa pū me nā keiki a kaʻu hoa hou ma mua o kēlā, makemake au e hoʻolako iā lākou i ka hōʻoluʻolu, mālama, akā pili wale nā pilikia olakino a / a kula paha i nā mākua ola. ”
Eia nō naʻe, ʻo kēia kuleana hou i hāʻawi ʻia, kahi ʻano hoʻoheheʻe ʻia o ka mea i hiki ke lilo i ke kūlana "ʻekolu ʻaoʻao" ʻoiaʻiʻo, hāʻawi i ke kuleana liʻiliʻi, makemake ʻia a koi ʻia, ma nā hūnōna. ʻO kēia ka manaʻo o Agnès de Viaris nāna i wehewehe "he mea maikaʻi kēia holomua i hiki i ka makua hoʻokele ke loaʻa i kona wahi a ʻaʻole manaʻo e poina i ka ʻohana hui. "He makuahine mai ka Infobebes.com forum, e noho ana i loko o kahi ʻohana i kūkulu hou ʻia, kaʻana like i kēia manaʻo a hauʻoli ʻo ia i kēia kauoha hou:" he nui nā hana a nā hūnōna kāne a ʻaʻohe kuleana, he mea hoʻohaʻahaʻa wale ia no lākou. ʻAʻole hiki, inā no nā mea liʻiliʻi i hana mua ʻia e nā makuahōnōwai, hiki iā lākou ke ʻike ʻia ".
A no ke keiki, he aha ka mea e hoʻololi ai?
No wai ka mea ʻokoʻa? ʻO ke keiki? Ua wehewehe ʻo Elodie Cingal: inā he hoʻokūkū a paio paha ma waena o nā mākua, nā mākua mua a me ka makua hānai, e hoʻoikaika kēia iā lākou a e pilikia hou ke keiki i ke kūlana. E haehae ʻia ʻo ia ma waena o lāua. Ua hoʻokaʻawale ʻia ke keiki mai ka hoʻomaka ʻana. No ka psychotherapist, ʻo ke keiki ka mea e hāpai i ka kūleʻa o ka ʻohana hui. ʻO ia ka loulou ma waena o nā ʻohana ʻelua. No ia, he mea nui ia ʻo ka makua hoʻokamakama e noho "he mea aloha" i ka makahiki mua. ʻAʻole pono ʻo ia e hoʻokau koke iā ia iho, waiho pū kekahi i kahi e noho ai kekahi makua. A laila, ma hope o ka manawa, aia iā ia ke hānai ʻia e ke keiki. Eia kekahi, ʻo ia ka mea nāna i koho i ka "step-parent" a ma kēia manawa e lilo ai ke kolu i "step-parent".