"Mai piss mai iaʻu!": 5 mau ʻanuʻu i kahi kamaʻilio maluhia me kahi keiki

• “Mai walaau aku! Ina e uwa oe, e haalele au ia oe maanei»
• “No ke aha lā ʻoe e kū nei me he naʻaupō lā! Hoʻolohe ʻo ia i ka manu ... ʻOi aku ka wikiwiki, i ʻōlelo ai ʻo ia!
• "Hāmau! Noho malie i ka wa e kamailio ana na kanaka makua»
• "E nānā i kou kaikuahine, maʻamau kona ʻano, ʻaʻole like me ʻoe!"

Lohe pinepine mākou i kēia mau ʻōlelo ma ke alanui, ma kahi hale kūʻai, ma kahi cafe, ʻoiai he nui nā mākua e manaʻo nei he ʻāpana maʻamau o ke kaʻina hoʻonaʻauao. ʻAe, a i kekahi manawa ʻaʻole mākou e kāohi iā mākou iho, e hoʻōho a hōʻino i kā mākou mau keiki. Akā ʻaʻole mākou he hewa! Aloha mākou iā lākou. ʻAʻole anei ʻo ia ka mea nui?

No ke aha mākou e wāwahi nei

Nui nā wehewehe no kēia ʻano:

• ʻO ka hui post-Soviet kekahi hapa o kā mākou hana, kahi i ʻike ʻia e ka huhū i nā keiki "kūpono ʻole". Ke ho'āʻo nei mākou e hoʻololi i ka honua a puni mākou a hoʻokō i kāna mau mea i manaʻo ai, no laila, ke hoʻāʻo nei mākou e nānā pono, hoʻopaʻa mākou i kā mākou keiki. ʻOi aku ka palekana ma mua o ka hana ʻana me ka ʻanakala o haʻi nāna e hoʻohewa mai iā mākou.
• ʻAʻole paha i loaʻa i kekahi o mākou nā mākua maikaʻi loa, a ma ka inertia mākou e hana ai i kā mākou mau keiki e like me kā mākou i mālama ʻia ai. Me he mea lā, ola mākou a ulu aʻe ma ke ʻano he poʻe maʻamau!
• Ma hope o nā ʻōlelo hoʻōho ʻino a me nā ʻōlelo hōʻino, ʻo ka luhi, ke kaumaha a me ka nawaliwali o nā mākua maʻamau e hūnā pinepine ʻia. ʻO wai ka mea i ʻike i ka mea i hana ʻia a ʻehia mau manawa i hoʻohuli mālie ʻia ka ʻuʻuku paʻakikī e hana maikaʻi? Eia nō naʻe, he hoʻāʻo koʻikoʻi ka ikaika o nā ʻakaʻaka a me nā ʻakaʻaka a nā keiki.

Pehea kā mākou hana e pili ai i ke keiki

Manaʻo ka poʻe he nui ʻaʻohe hewa o ka hoʻōho a me nā ʻōlelo ʻino. E noʻonoʻo wale, uē koʻu makuahine i loko o kona puʻuwai - i loko o hoʻokahi hola e hoʻomaloʻo a kūʻai paha ʻo ia i ka ice cream, a pau nā mea a pau. Akā ʻo ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo kā mākou e hana nei he hoʻomāinoino naʻau i ke keiki.

ʻO ka uē ʻana i kahi keiki liʻiliʻi ua lawa ia e hoʻoweliweli iā ia, e ʻōlelo aku ai i ka psychologist ʻo Laura Markham, ka mea kākau o Parenting Without Whining, Punishment and Screaming.

"Ke uē ka makua i kahi pēpē, hoʻouna kā lākou cortex prefrontal underdeveloped i kahi hōʻailona pilikia. Huli ke kino i ka pane hakakā-a-lele. Hiki iā ia ke paʻi iā ʻoe, holo a hoʻokuʻu paha i loko o kahi stupor. Inā hana hou ʻia kēia, hoʻoikaika ʻia ka hana. Aʻo ke keiki he mea hoʻoweliweli ka poʻe pili iā ia, a ma hope ua lilo ia i mea huhū, hilinaʻi ʻole a kōkua ʻole paha.

Makemake ʻoe i kēia? I nā maka o nā keiki, he poʻe mākua ikaika mākou e hāʻawi iā lākou i nā mea a pau e pono ai ke ola: ka meaʻai, ka hale, ka pale, ka nānā, ka mālama. E haʻihaʻi ko lākou manaʻo palekana i ka wā e hoʻomaka ai ka poʻe i hilinaʻi nui ʻia iā lākou me ka uē a i ʻole ka leo hoʻoweliweli. ʻAʻole hoʻi e haʻi i nā flip flops a me nā cuffs…

ʻOiai mākou e hoʻolei huhū i kahi mea e like me "Pehea kou luhi!", Ua hōʻeha nui mākou i ke keiki. ʻOi aku ka ikaika ma mua o ka hiki iā mākou ke noʻonoʻo. No ka mea, ʻokoʻa kona ʻike ʻana i kēia huaʻōlelo: "ʻAʻole pono wau iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole wau aloha iā ʻoe." Akā ʻo kēlā me kēia kanaka, ʻoiai he mea liʻiliʻi loa, pono ke aloha.

I ka wā e uē ai ka hoʻoholo pololei?

ʻOiai ʻaʻole ʻae ʻia ka hoʻokiʻekiʻe ʻana i kou leo, i kekahi manawa pono ia. No ka laʻana, inā paʻi nā keiki i kekahi i kekahi a i ʻole pilikia maoli lākou. Na ka uwa e hoʻopūʻiwa iā lākou, akā e hoʻihoʻi mai iā lākou i ko lākou noʻonoʻo. ʻO ka mea nui e hoʻololi koke i ka leo. E walaau e ao, e olelo e wehewehe.

Pehea e hānai ai i nā keiki i ke kaiapuni

ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻoiai pehea mākou e hānai ai i kā mākou mau keiki, e loaʻa mau iā lākou kahi mea e haʻi aku ai i ka psychologist. Akā hiki iā mākou ke hōʻoia i ka ʻike ʻana o nā keiki pehea e "mālama i nā palena", mahalo iā lākou iho a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe - inā mākou e mālama iā lākou me ka mahalo.

No ka hana ʻana i kēia, e hoʻāʻo e hahai i kekahi mau ʻanuʻu maʻalahi:

1. E hoʻomaha

Inā manaʻo ʻoe e nalowale ana ka mana a kokoke e paʻi, kāpae. E neʻe i kahi mau kapuaʻi mai ke keiki aku a hanu hohonu. E kōkua kēia iā ʻoe e hoʻomaha a hōʻike i kāu keiki pehea e hana ai me nā manaʻo ikaika.

2. E kamaʻilio e pili ana i kou mau manaʻo

ʻO ka huhū ka manaʻo kūlohelohe like me ka hauʻoli, kahaha, ke kaumaha, ka huhū, ka huhū. Ma ka hoʻomaopopo a me ka ʻae ʻana i ko mākou mau manaʻo, aʻo mākou i nā keiki e hoʻomaopopo a ʻae iā lākou iho. E kamaʻilio e pili ana i kou manaʻo a paipai i kāu keiki e hana like. E kōkua kēia iā ia e hana i kahi ʻano mahalo iā ia iho a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, a ma ke ʻano he mea pono ia i ke ola.

3. E hooki i ka hana ino me ka malie aka me ka paa

ʻAe, hoʻopailua nā keiki i kekahi manawa. He ʻāpana kēia o ka ulu ʻana. E kamaʻilio ikaika me lākou i maopopo iā lākou he mea hiki ʻole ke hana i kēia, akā mai hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ko lākou hanohano. Ke kūlou i lalo, kūlou i lalo, nānā i nā maka - ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kēia mau mea ma mua o ka ʻōlelo ʻana mai ke kiʻekiʻe o kou kiʻekiʻe.

4. E hoohuli, mai hooweliweli

E like me kā Barbara Coloroso i kākau ai i ka Children Deserve It!, hoʻoweliweli nā hoʻoweliweli a me nā hoʻopaʻi i ka huhū, ka huhū a me ka hakakā, a hoʻonele i nā keiki i ka hilinaʻi. Akā inā ʻike lākou i ka hopena o kekahi ʻano ma hope o ka ʻōlelo aʻo pololei, aʻo lākou e hana i nā koho maikaʻi aʻe. No ka laʻana, inā wehewehe mua ʻoe e pāʻani ana lākou me nā kaʻa, ʻaʻole hakakā, a laila wale nō ʻoe e lawe i ka pāʻani.

5. E hoʻohana i ka ʻakaʻaka

ʻO ka mea kupanaha, ʻo ka ʻakaʻaka ka mea ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi a me ka maʻalahi o ka hoʻōho a me ka hoʻoweliweli. "I ka hana ʻana o nā mākua me ka ʻakaʻaka, ʻaʻole lākou e nalowale i ko lākou mana, akā naʻe, e hoʻoikaika i ka hilinaʻi o ke keiki," wahi a Laura Markham. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻoi aku ka leʻaleʻa o ka ʻakaʻaka ma mua o ka haʻalulu me ka makaʻu.

ʻAʻohe pono e hoʻoluhi i nā keiki a koi aku i ka hoʻolohe ʻole mai iā lākou. I ka hopena, he kanaka kākou. Akā he poʻe mākua mākou, ʻo ia hoʻi ke kuleana o ke ʻano o ka wā e hiki mai ana.