I kekahi mau wahine, ikaika loa ka manaʻo makuahine a hoʻomaka e laha a hiki i ke kāne. ʻOiaʻiʻo, he mea maʻalahi i kekahi manawa ke huikau i ka mālama ʻana i kahi mea aloha me ka mālama ʻana i kahi keiki kōkua ʻole. No ke aha kēia e hana nei a me ka mea e piha ai, wahi a psychologist Tanya Mezhelaitis.
“E kau i kahi kāwele ma kou mau kuli… E kali, mai ʻai, ua wela… E lawe i kēia ʻāpana iʻa…” Nahea ka mālama ʻana i ke keiki! Akā, ma ka papaʻaina o ka hale ʻaina ma koʻu ʻākau, ʻaʻole koʻu makuahine a me koʻu keikikāne e ʻai ana i ka ʻaina ahiahi, akā he wahine a me ke kāne ma kahi o 35 mau makahiki. Nau mālie ʻo ia me ka nānā luhi, hoʻoikaika ʻo ia.
Ua ʻike paha ʻoe ʻaʻole i maʻamau nā pilina like ʻole? No kekahi mau kāne, he mea hauʻoli wale nō ia mālama ʻana. ʻAʻole pono e hoʻoholo i kekahi mea, ʻaʻole pono e lawe i ke kuleana no kou ola ponoʻī. Akā, loaʻa i nā mea a pau ke ʻano.
Mālama ʻo Mommy, hōʻoluʻolu ʻo mama, hānai ʻo mama. ʻAʻole hiki ke ola pili wale kēlā me ka makuahine. A ma hope a haʻalele lākou iā mama ... ʻaʻole haʻalele, akā ʻaʻole hiki ke kapa ʻia kēlā pilina he pilina like ma waena o ʻelua mau mākua.
Ua ʻae pū kekahi poʻe e pāʻani i ia mau leʻaleʻa, a ke lawe nei lākou i kā lākou kuleana no nā mea e hana nei. Akā ʻaʻole pono lākou e "hoʻopaʻa ʻia"! Akā inā hana ka wahine i nā pilina me nā ʻelele o ka wahine ʻē i kēia ala, pono ʻo ia e hoʻolohe i kāna ʻano ponoʻī. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, hiki iā ia ke hoʻoponopono iā ia iho, akā ʻaʻole kekahi.
He aha e hana?
I mea e ho'ōki ai i ka lilo ʻana i makuahine i kāu kāne ponoʻī, pono ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i ka ʻokoʻa o nā hana o ka makuahine a me ka wahine.
I ka hoʻomaka ʻana, ʻekolu mau hiʻohiʻona o ka wahine: Māmā, Wahine (he mea aloha ʻo ia) a me ke kaikamahine. Ke loaʻa iā ia kahi keikikāne, he wahine, ma muli o kona ʻike, kamaʻilio me kahi kāne liʻiliʻi ma muli o ke kūlana kiʻekiʻe. ʻO kāna hana nui ka hoʻoholo ʻana i nā kūlana e ʻoluʻolu ai ke keiki e like me ka hiki.
A hiki i ka lima o ka lā hānau o ke keiki kāne, waiho ka makuahine i loko ona i kekahi kumu hoʻohālike e alakaʻi ai i ke ola. I loko o kēia wā, ʻo kāna hana nui ka mana: ʻai a ʻaʻole ʻai, hele i ka lua a ʻaʻole paha. Pono kēia e ola ke keiki.
I ka manawa like, kamaʻilio ka wahine-wahine me kāna kāne ma kahi pae ʻokoʻa loa. Ua ʻae ʻo ia iā ia no kona ʻano, no ka mea e pili ana ʻo ia me kahi kāne makua. Me ka mea i ʻike i kāna makemake, hiki iā ia ke hoʻoholo kūʻokoʻa inā he mahana a anuanu paha. Hoʻolālā ʻo ia i kona lā ponoʻī, hiki iā ia ke hōʻoluʻolu iā ia iho i kona wā e kaumaha ai, a lawe i kona manawa i kona luhi.
Hoʻomaopopo kēlā me kēia kanaka olakino i kāna mau pono kumu a hiki iā ia ke hoʻokō iā ia iho. No laila, manaʻo mālie ka wahine iā ia iho ma ke ʻano he hoa like, wahine, a hilinaʻi i kāna hoa. Inā ʻaʻole hiki kēia, a laila ma kahi o ka hilinaʻi pono e hoʻomalu iā ia. A ʻo ka mana e pili ana i ka makaʻu.
Inā hoʻokele ka wahine i ke kāne i kāu kāne, pono ʻoe e nīnau iā ʻoe iho: he aha kaʻu e makaʻu ai? Nalo kāu kāne? A i ʻole e nalowale ka mana o kāu kālā? Loaʻa iā mākou kekahi pōmaikaʻi mai kēia mana. E noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka pōmaikaʻi o kēia kūlana iā ʻoe iho?
ʻO ka makuahine, ʻaʻole like me ka wahine, hiki iā ia ke hoʻokō i nā nāwaliwali o kāna keiki liʻiliʻi. A hoʻopili pinepine nā wahine i ka ʻae ʻana me ia indulgence, ʻoiai ʻaʻole mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kahi pēpē hiki ʻole ke ola me ka ʻole o ka makuahine. Me ka ʻike ʻole, ʻōlelo lākou: “He mea inu ʻawaʻawa kaʻu kāne, akā ʻae wau iā ia e like me kona ʻano. Pono kākou e ʻae i ke kanaka e like me ia! a i ʻole "He mea pāʻani kaʻu kāne, akā ʻae wau iā ia ... ʻAe, eia ʻo ia."
Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole e luku wale kēia ʻano iā ia iho, akā i ka pilina pū kekahi.
Minamina paha ka makuahine i kāna keiki - a he kūlohelohe kēia. ʻO ka mea maʻamau, he mea maʻamau i ka wahine makua ke minamina i kāna kāne ke hāʻule ʻo ia i ka maʻi a i kahi kūlana palupalu.
I ka wā maʻi, lilo mākou a pau i mau keiki: aloha, ʻae, aloha he mea nui iā mākou. Akā, i ka manawa e ola ai ke kanaka, pono ke ho'opau 'ia ke aloha nui.
Ma ke kamaʻilio ʻana me ke kāne makua, pono e maʻalahi ka wahine e like me ia. Ke hoʻomaka mākou e paʻa loa: "ʻAʻole, e like me kaʻu i ʻōlelo ai" a i ʻole "E hoʻoholo wau i nā mea āpau iaʻu iho," hōʻole mākou i kā mākou hoa pili i ka hiki ke kōkua iā mākou. A he mea hoʻomanaʻo loa kēia ... ʻōlelo pinepine ʻo Mommy i kāna keiki mai ke kūlana "ʻO wau iho", no ka mea ma kēia mau ʻano ʻo ia ke kanaka makua. ʻAe, hiki iā ia ke kuke i ka borscht a holoi paha i ka puka makani iā ia iho, no ka mea, ʻaʻole e hana kahi keiki ʻelima makahiki i kēia.
Ke ʻōlelo mau ka wahine male "ʻO wau iho," hōʻike ʻo ia i ka hilinaʻi ʻole i kāna kāne. Me he mea lā e hoʻouna ana ʻo ia i kahi hōʻailona: "He ʻuʻuku ʻoe, nāwaliwali, ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻokō, e hana maikaʻi wau."
No ke aha pēlā? E loaʻa i kēlā me kēia kanaka kā lākou pane ponoʻī. No ka mea, ʻo ia ke ʻano o ka ʻohana o kona mau mākua. ʻOiaʻiʻo, i ka wā kamaliʻi, aʻo maʻalahi mākou i nā hiʻohiʻona o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole paha i loaʻa iā mākou kahi kumu hoʻohālike kūpono i loko o ko mākou ʻohana: no ka laʻana, ua maʻi koʻikoʻi ka makuakāne, pono ʻo ia e mālama, a ʻo ka makuahine ke hana pinepine i nā hoʻoholo koʻikoʻi.
I mea e kūkulu ai i kahi pilina kūpono, pono ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo pono i kāu mau kuleana. ʻO wai ʻoe i loko o kou ʻohana hiʻohiʻona: makuahine a wahine paha? ʻO wai kāu makemake e ʻike ma hope: he kāne-keiki a he kāne-kāne paha, he hoa like?
He mea nui e hoʻomanaʻo: ke hilinaʻi ʻoe i kahi hoa, loaʻa iā ia ka ikaika e hoʻokō i nā hana.
I kekahi manawa he mea paʻakikī ke "hoʻohuli i ka makuahine" ke loaʻa nā keiki kāne maoli i ka ʻohana. Paʻa ka wahine i ka hana makuahine, "hoʻokomo" i nā mea āpau a puni iā ia - kāna kāne, kona kaikunāne, a me kona makuakāne. ʻOiaʻiʻo, loaʻa i ka mea hope ke koho inā e hahai i kēia ʻano hoʻohālike a i ʻole. Eia nō naʻe, ʻo ka pilina kahi hula i hana ʻia e ʻelua, a hoʻoponopono nā hoa i kekahi i kekahi inā ʻaʻole lākou makemake e nalowale i kahi mea a lākou i aloha maoli ai.
I ka male ʻana, pono e hoʻoili i ka manaʻoʻiʻo i kahi hoa. ʻOiai inā pilikia ʻo ia i ka hana a hele mai ʻo ia e hoʻopiʻi iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e wikiwiki e hoʻoponopono i kāna mau pilikia. Hiki i kēia makuahine ke wehewehe iā ia pehea e hoʻoponopono ai i kahi pilikia makemakika a i ʻole e hui pū i kahi mea hana. ʻAʻole pono ke kanaka makua i kāu kōkua. A inā makemake ʻoe, hiki iā ia ke hoʻopuka. Eia ke kākoʻo no nā mea a pau!
He mea nui e hoʻomanaʻo i ka wā e hilinaʻi ai ʻoe i kāu kāne, loaʻa iā ia ka ikaika e pale aku i nā pilikia. E waiho i ka lumi o ke kāne no nā hoʻoholo kūʻokoʻa. A i ʻole, ʻaʻole ʻo ia e aʻo e mālama i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.
Mai kānalua ʻoe no ka mālama ʻole ʻana o ka wahine iā ʻoe - ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻaʻole makemake wale ʻo ia, akā ʻaʻole ʻike pehea e hana ai. A i ʻole ʻaʻole paha lākou i hāʻawi iā ia i manawa e aʻo ai ... Inā makemake ʻoe e hoʻomaikaʻi i ke kūlana, i ka manawa aʻe e nakinaki ai ʻoe i kahi scarf no kāu kāne ma mua o ka hele ʻana i waho, e noʻonoʻo pono: he aha kāu hana i kēia manawa?