Nīnauele me Boris Cyrulnik: "Pono mākou e kōkua i nā wahine hāpai, e hoʻopuni iā ​​​​lākou, ʻo nā pēpē ka pōmaikaʻi!" “

ʻO Boris Cyrulnik he neuropsychiatrist a he loea i ka hana kanaka. Lunahoomalu o ke komite o ka poe akamai ma ka "mua 1000 lā o ke keiki", ua waiho ia i ka hoike i ka Peresidena o ka Repubalika i ka hoʻomaka o Kepakemapa, i alakaʻi i ka hoʻonui i ka paternity haʻalele i 28 lā. Ke nānā nei ʻo ia me mākou i nā makahiki he kanalima o ke aʻo ʻana i nā loulou makua-keiki.

Nā Mākua: Loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi hoʻomanaʻo o ka makasina Parents?

ʻO Boris Cyrulnik: I loko o nā makahiki he kanalima o ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa, ua heluhelu pinepine au ia e ʻike i nā pilikia a nā mākua a me ka heluhelu ʻana i nā ʻatikala e pili ana i nā holomua olakino a pilikanaka paha a puni ka ʻohana a i ʻole nā ​​pēpē. Ua nīnau ʻia au ma laila ʻelua a ʻekolu mau manawa, i kēlā me kēia manawa i ka wā o ka holomua o ka lāʻau lapaʻau. ʻO ka mea nui i ka makahiki 1983, i ka wā i hōʻike mua ai mākou hiki i ka pēpē ke lohe i nā alapine haʻahaʻa i loko o ka ʻōpū o ka makuahine mai ka pule 27 o ka amenorrhea *. Pono ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i kēlā manawa, he kipi! Ua hoʻopilikia kēia i nā poʻe he nui no lākou a hiki i kāna kamaʻilio ʻana, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻomaopopo i kekahi mea.

Pehea ka nānā ʻana o nā pēpē i ia manawa?

BC : ʻAʻole i ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi ma mua o nā ʻāpana digestive. Pono ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo: i kaʻu aʻo ʻana i ke kulanui, ua aʻo ʻia mākou ʻaʻole hiki i kahi pēpē ke ʻeha no ka mea ʻaʻole i pau kona ulu ʻana (!). A hiki i nā makahiki 80 a me 90, ua hoʻokuʻu ʻia nā pēpē a hana ʻia me ka ʻole o ka anesthesia. I koʻu wā aʻo ʻana a me kaʻu wahine he kauka hoʻi, ua hōʻemi mākou i nā haʻihaʻi, nā humuhumu a i ʻole ka wehe ʻana i nā tonsils i nā pēpē ma lalo o hoʻokahi makahiki me ka ʻole o ka maʻi maʻi. ʻO ka mea pōmaikaʻi, ua ulu nui nā mea: 10 mau makahiki i hala aku nei, i koʻu lawe ʻana i kaʻu moʻopuna e humuhumu ʻia ka ʻāʻī, ua kau ke kahu i kahi ʻūhā ma luna ona ma mua o ka hele ʻana mai o ka mea hana e hana i nā humuhumu. Ua ulu hou ka moʻomeheu lapaʻau: no ka laʻana, ua pāpā ʻia nā mākua e hele mai e ʻike i nā pēpē i ka wā i mālama ʻia ai lākou i ka haukapila, a i kēia manawa ke ʻike nei mākou i nā lumi hou aʻe e hiki ai i nā mākua ke noho me lākou. ʻAʻole ia i ka 100%, pili ia i ka pathology, akā ua hoʻomaopopo mākou ua pono ke keiki hou i ke alo o ke kiʻi hoʻopili, inā ʻo ka makuahine a i ʻole ka makuakāne.

Pehea i ulu ai nā mākua?

BC : He kanalima makahiki i hala aku nei, ua hānau nā wāhine i nā keiki ma mua. ʻAʻole ia he mea maʻamau ka wahine ma mua o 50 a i ʻole 18. A ʻo ka ʻokoʻa me kēia manawa ʻaʻole ʻo ia wale nō. Ua hoʻopuni ʻia ka makuahine ʻōpio ma ke kino a me ka naʻau e kona ʻohana, nāna i kōkua iā ia, ma ke ʻano he relay.

He mea anei kēia i nalowale i kēia manawa? ʻAʻole anei i nalowale ko mākou "kūlohelohe", ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi e pili kokoke i ka ʻohana nui?

BC : Ae. Ke nānā nei mākou, mahalo nui i ka hana a Claude de Tychey, ʻoi aku ka nui o ke kaumaha "pre-maternal", ʻoi aku ma mua o ka hānau ʻana. No ke aha mai ? ʻO kekahi o nā kuhiakau, ʻo ka makuahine e hānau pēpē ana i kēia manawa he 30 mau makahiki, noho mamao ʻo ia mai kona ʻohana a ʻike iā ia iho i kahi kaʻawale. I ka hānau ʻana o kāna pēpē, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻike i ke ʻano o ka hānai ʻana - ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻike pinepine i kahi pēpē ma ka umauma ma mua o kāna pēpē mua - ʻaʻole ke kupuna wahine ma laila no ka mea e noho mamao ana ʻo ia a aia kāna mau hana ponoʻī, a haʻalele ka makuakāne. ʻo ia wale nō e hoʻi i ka hana. He hana ʻino loa ia no ka makuahine ʻōpio. ʻO kā mākou hui, ʻoiai ua hoʻonohonoho ʻia, ʻaʻole ia he mea pale no ka makuahine ʻōpio… a no laila no ka pēpē. ʻOi aku ka pilikia o ka makuahine mai ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ka hāpai ʻana. Ke ʻike nei mākou i nā hopena ma ʻAmelika Hui Pū ʻIa a me Iapana kahi o nā pēpē he 40% e koʻikoʻi. No laila ka pono, e like me ka hana a ka 1000 Days Commission, e haʻalele i ka hiki i ka makuakāne ke noho kokoke i ka makuahine. (Editor note: ʻO kēia ka mea i hoʻoholo ʻia e ka Pelekikena Macron ma ka hoʻonui ʻana i ka haʻalele makua kāne i 28 mau lā, ʻoiai inā ʻōlelo ke komisina 1000 lā i 9 mau pule.

Pehea e kōkua ai i nā mākua?

BC : Ua hoʻomaka mākou i ke kōmike 1000 lā e hālāwai me nā mākua makua e hiki mai ana. No mākou, ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hoihoi i nā mākua ke hele mua ka hāpai ʻana no ka mea ʻaneʻane lohi. Pono mākou e mālama i nā mākua o ka wā e hiki mai ana, e hoʻopuni iā ​​​​lākou a hāʻawi i ke kōkua ma mua o ka hoʻolālā pēpē. ʻAʻole hauʻoli ka makuahine i noho kaʻawale. ʻAʻole ʻo ia e leʻaleʻa me kāna pēpē. E ulu aʻe ʻo ia i kahi niche sensory ilihune. ʻO kēia ka mea e alakaʻi ai i kahi pilina paʻa ʻole e hoʻopilikia nui i ke keiki ma hope, ke komo ʻo ia i ke kula hānai a i ʻole ke kula. No laila, ʻo ka wikiwiki e kōkua i nā wahine hāpai, e hoʻopuni iā ​​​​lākou, no ka mea, ʻo nā pēpē ka pōmaikaʻi mai ia mea. Ma ke komisina, makemake mākou i nā makua kāne e noho hou i loko o nā ʻohana, i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka māhele ʻana i nā kuleana makua. ʻAʻole kēia e pani i ka ʻohana lōʻihi, akā e lawe mai i ka makuahine mai kona noho kaʻawale. ʻO ka huhū nui loa ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana o nā makuahine.

Ke koi nei ʻoe ʻaʻole e nānā nā keiki i nā pale a hiki i ka makahiki 3, akā pehea nā mākua? Pono anei lākou e haʻalele?

BC : ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻike maopopo mākou i kēia manawa he lohi ka ʻōlelo o ka pēpē i hōʻike ʻia i ka nui o nā pale, akā no ka mea pinepine, ʻaʻole i nānā ʻia kēia pēpē iā ia iho. . Ua hōʻoia mākou, i ka makahiki 80, ua ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hānai ʻana i kahi pēpē i nānā ʻia e kona makuakāne a makuahine paha i ka wā e hānai ʻia ana. ʻO ka mea a mākou e ʻike ai inā hoʻohana ka makua kāne a makuahine paha i kona manawa e nānā i kāna kelepona paʻa ma mua o ka nānā ʻana i ke keiki, ʻaʻole lawa ka hoʻoulu ʻia ʻana o ke keiki. E hoʻopilikia kēia i ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe: i ka wā e ʻōlelo ai, ma ke kani hea. He hopena kēia i kona ola e hiki mai ana, ma ke kula, me nā mea ʻē aʻe.

E pili ana i ka hana hoʻonaʻauao maʻamau, ua hoʻoholo ʻia ke kānāwai no ka hahau ʻana - me ka paʻakikī - i ka makahiki i hala, akā lawa anei?

BC : ʻAʻole, ʻo ka hōʻike ʻoi loa ka ʻoi aku ka lōʻihi o ke kānāwai e pili ana i ka hana ʻino i loko o ka home, a aia nō ka hana ʻino i nā kāne, ke piʻi nei ia e like me ka piʻi ʻana o ka sexism. Eia naʻe, ua hōʻike ʻia nā haʻawina e ʻike ana ke keiki e nānā ana i ka hana ʻino ma waena o kona mau mākua. Ua like ia me ka hana ʻino i hana ʻia ma luna o ke keiki, inā ʻo ke kino a i ʻole ka waha (hoʻohaʻahaʻa, etc.). Ua ʻike mākou i kēia manawa he hopena kēia mau ʻano ma ka lolo. ʻOiaʻiʻo, pono e pāpā i kēia mau hana, akā i kēia manawa, pono mākou e hoʻopuni i nā mākua a hoʻonaʻauao iā lākou e kōkua iā lākou e hana ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole maʻalahi ke hānai ʻia ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i loko o ka hana ʻino, akā ʻo ka nūhou maikaʻi ke hoʻopau ʻoe i ka hana ʻino, a hoʻokumu hou i kahi pilina paʻa me kāu keiki. , ʻO kona lolo - ka mea e hoʻopuka ai i nā synapses hou he nui i kēlā me kēia kekona - hiki ke hoʻoponopono hou, i loko o 24 a 48 mau hola. He mea hōʻoluʻolu loa ia, no ka mea hiki ke hoʻihoʻi ʻia nā mea āpau. No ka maʻalahi, maʻalahi nā keiki e ʻeha, akā maʻalahi hoʻi e hoʻoponopono.

Inā mākou e nānā i nā makahiki he kanalima mai kēia manawa aku, hiki iā mākou ke noʻonoʻo i ke ʻano o nā mākua?

BC : I nā makahiki he kanalima, hiki i kekahi ke noʻonoʻo e hoʻonohonoho like nā mākua iā lākou iho. Pono e hoʻihoʻi ʻia ke kōkua like ʻana i loko o kā mākou hui. No kēia, pono mākou e lawe i kahi laʻana mai nā ʻāina ʻākau, e like me Finland kahi e hoʻonohonoho ai nā mākua iā lākou iho. Hoʻokumu lākou i nā hui aloha o nā wahine hāpai a me nā pēpē a kōkua kekahi i kekahi. Hiki iā mākou ke noʻonoʻo ma Farani, e pani kēia mau hui i ka ʻohana ākea. Hiki i nā makuahine ke lawe mai i nā pediatricians, midwife, psychologists i kā lākou hui e aʻo i nā mea. Akā ma luna o nā mea a pau, ʻoi aku ka hoʻoulu ʻia o nā pēpē a ʻoi aku ka manaʻo o nā mākua i ke kākoʻo ʻia a kākoʻo ʻia e kahi kaiāulu manaʻo a puni lākou. ʻO ia kaʻu makemake!

* Hana ʻia e Marie-Claire Busnel, mea noiʻi a loea i ke ola intrauterine, ma CNRS.