E kala aku nā hoa iā lākou i nā hana ʻino loa. Aia mau nā mana ma ko lākou ʻaoʻao. ʻO ka poʻe a lākou i kumakaia ai, ua mākaukau lākou e kū no lākou me kahi mauna. He aha ka mea huna o nā «ʻaʻai maikaʻi loa»?
I kēia mau lā, ke hoʻonui nei mākou i ka heluhelu ʻana i nā moʻolelo o kā mākou mau hōkū e pili ana i nā kāne kahiko i hoʻohenehene iā lākou, hoʻohaʻahaʻa a hahau iā lākou. Ke nīnau nei kēia i ka nīnau: pehea e hiki ai i kahi wahine kūleʻa a maikaʻi ke koho i kēlā kanaka i hoa? No ke aha i ʻike ʻole ai i kāna mau makemake?
Malia paha, loaʻa i nā ex-kāne nā ʻano e pili ana nā psychologists i ka "triad pouli" - narcissism, Machiavellianism (ka manaʻo e hoʻopunipuni i nā mea ʻē aʻe) a me ka psychopathy. Hōʻike ka noiʻi hou i ke kumu o kēia mau ʻano maikaʻi, ʻoiai ko lākou ʻano hoʻopōʻino, ka mea e hoʻonani ai i kā lākou mea nona.
ʻO Nicholas Holtzman lāua ʻo Michael Strube mai ke Kulanui o Wakinekona (USA)1 Ua ʻimi ʻo ia i kahi loulou ma waena o ka nani kino a me ka makemake no ka narcissism, psychopathy, a me Machiavellianism. Ua kono lākou i nā haumāna 111 i ka hale hana. ʻO ka mea mua, ua paʻiʻia lākou, a laila ua noiʻia lākou e hoʻololi i ko lākou mau lole i nā mea i hoʻomākaukau muaʻia - e like me ka maʻalahi a me ke kūʻole.
Ua noi ʻia nā wahine e holoi i nā mea make-up, nā mea nani, a mālama i ko lākou lauoho i kahi huelo. A laila kiʻi hou ʻia lākou i kahi kiʻi hou. Ua hōʻike ʻo Holtzman lāua ʻo Strube i nā kiʻi i hopu ʻia i kahi hui o nā malihini, e noi ana iā lākou e helu iā lākou ma ke ʻano o ka nani kino. Makemake lākou e hoʻomaopopo i ka mea o nā haumāna i hoʻokō iā lākou iho me ke kōkua o nā lole, nā mea hoʻonaninani a me nā mea komo.
ʻAʻole ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā narcissists a me nā manipulators ma mua o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, akā ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hōʻike ʻana iā lākou iho.
A laila hana nā mea noiʻi i kahi kiʻi noʻonoʻo o ka poʻe i komo, a nīnauele pū i kā lākou mau hoaaloha a me nā hoaaloha ma ke kelepona a me ka leka uila. Ma ka hoʻohui pū ʻana i kā lākou papa ponoʻī a me nā māka ʻē aʻe, ua loaʻa iā lākou kahi moʻolelo o kēlā me kēia haumāna.
ʻO kekahi o lākou i hōʻike i nā hiʻohiʻona maʻamau o ka "triad ʻeleʻele": haʻahaʻa empathy, kahi ʻano e uhaki i nā palena a hoʻohana i nā mea ʻē aʻe e hoʻokō i kā lākou pahuhopu, ka makemake no ke kūlana a me ka hanohano. Ua ʻike ʻia ua manaʻo ʻia kēia poʻe ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi e nā malihini.
He mea kupanaha ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā helu o kā lākou mau kiʻi ma mua a ma hope o ka nui. ʻO ia hoʻi, ʻaʻole i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā narcissists huna a me nā manipulators i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i ka nani i ko lākou ʻaʻahu ʻana i nā T-shirt maʻemaʻe a me nā pālule. No laila, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hōʻike ʻana iā lākou iho. Kūlike kēia ʻikepili me nā hopena o nā haʻawina mua: ʻoi aku ka nani o nā narcissists ma mua o nā mea ʻē aʻe i ka nānā mua ʻana - ʻoiaʻiʻo.
Manaʻo nā kānaka ʻepekema ʻelua mau hiʻohiʻona i hui ʻia ma ʻaneʻi: ʻo ka "naʻauao" i hoʻomohala ʻia o nā manipulators a me kā mākou mau hewa ʻike ponoʻī. ʻO ka poʻe Narcissists he mea nani iā mākou ma muli o ko lākou hiki ke hoʻohiwahiwa: nānā lākou i nā mea kupanaha, ʻakaʻaka nui, hoʻohana akamai i ka ʻōlelo kino. Hiki iā mākou ke ʻōlelo he haku lākou no ka hōʻike ʻana iā lākou iho. ʻIke maikaʻi lākou i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka manaʻo a hoʻāla i ka hoihoi iā lākou iho.
Ke ʻike ʻia ka nani a me ka nani o kekahi iā mākou, manaʻo mākou he lokomaikaʻi, akamai a hilinaʻi.
Hoʻopili pinepine ʻia ka nani kino o ke kanaka me nā ʻano ʻano maikaʻi ʻē aʻe, kahi mea i ʻike ʻia ʻo ka "hopena halo." Ke ʻike ʻia ka nani a me ka nani o kekahi iā mākou, manaʻo mākou he lokomaikaʻi, akamai, a hilinaʻi hoʻi. ʻO kēia, ʻo ia hoʻi, kōkua i nā manipulators e hoʻokaʻawale iā lākou iho me kā lākou mau mea i hōʻeha ʻia, noho i nā kūlana alakaʻi a loaʻa i nā kākoʻo kūpaʻa.
ʻAʻole maopopo nā Narcissists a me nā sociopaths i ke ʻano o ka pilina, no laila ua hoʻoikaika nui lākou i ka hana ʻana i kahi kiʻi kupaianaha. A he mea hōʻoluʻolu kēia: ʻaʻole mau ka hopena o ka manaʻo mua. ʻO ka lepo a lākou e hoʻolei i ko lākou mau maka e emi koke a ma hope paha. E haʻihaʻi ka kilo. ʻO ka mea pōʻino, pili pinepine nā hoa a me nā hoaaloha iā lākou i loaʻa ʻole iā lākou ka ikaika e hoʻopau i nā pilina.
Akā pinepine, hopu ʻia ka intuition i kahi mea ʻole me ke kiʻi kūpono i loko o ko mākou poʻo: kahi nānā anuanu, hoʻololi wikiwiki i ka leo, hoʻomāliʻi ʻole ...
1 Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2013, vol. 4, № 4.