"ʻO kēia ke aloha?" Nui ka poʻe o mākou i nīnau i kēia nīnau ma nā wahi like ʻole o ko mākou ola a ʻaʻole i loaʻa mau ka pane. Eia naʻe, pono e waiho ʻia ka nīnau ma kahi ʻokoʻa. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻaʻole nui nā mea a mākou i manaʻoʻiʻo ai: ʻaʻole aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole ʻoiaʻiʻo maoli, ʻaʻole hoʻi nā manaʻo kūlohelohe. He aha ke koe?
Ua hana pū ʻo Vyacheslav Moskvichev, ʻo ka ʻohana a me ka narrative psychologist me nā kāne ma mua o 15 mau makahiki. Ma waena o kāna mau mea kūʻai aku he poʻe o nā makahiki āpau, me nā keiki ʻole a me nā keiki ʻole, ka poʻe i hoʻomaka i kahi ola pū, a me ka poʻe i loaʻa ka manawa e kānalua ai inā pono e hoʻomau ...
No laila, ua huli mākou iā ia ma ke ʻano he loea i nā pilikia aloha me kahi noi e hōʻike i kona manaʻo no kēia kumuhana. ʻAʻole i manaʻo ʻia ka manaʻo.
Nā manaʻo noʻonoʻo:E hoʻomaka kākou me ka mea nui: hiki anei ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo?
ʻO Vyacheslav Moskvichev: ʻIke loa, ʻo ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo ka mea e kū nei ma waena o nā kāne maoli a me nā wahine. Akā ʻo kēia mau mea ʻelua, ʻaʻole ia he ʻoiaʻiʻo, akā i kūkulu ʻia i hana ʻia e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i nā kānaka a me kā lākou pilina. Noʻu, ʻo ka manaʻo e hiki i kekahi ke loaʻa i ka honua, kūʻokoʻa moʻomeheu, ʻoiaʻiʻo āpau e pili ana i ke ʻano o ke kāne, wahine, aloha, ʻohana, he manaʻo hoʻowalewale, akā he mea weliweli.
He aha kona pilikia?
ʻO kēia manaʻo ke manaʻo nei nā kāne a me nā wahine maoli ʻaʻole lawa, haʻahaʻa no ka mea ʻaʻole kūpono lākou i ka poni. Ke ʻae nei au ua kōkua maoli kēia mau hana i kekahi e hoʻohala iā lākou iho. Akā, aia nā kū'ē kū'ē i loko, a hiki ʻole ke hahai iā lākou. ʻO kahi laʻana, he kanaka ikaika a koʻikoʻi ke kāne maoli, akā i ka manawa like me ke akahai a me ka mālama ʻana, a ʻo ka wahine maoli e lilo i wahine hoʻokipa a hoʻohālike.
ʻO ke aloha ka piʻi ʻana o nā hormones, ka hoʻohiwahiwa ʻana i ka wahine, a i ʻole, he mea akua, he hālāwai hoʻopono.
Ua make mākou e hāʻule i waho o lākou. A ke ʻōlelo mākou iā mākou iho "ʻAʻole wau he kāne maoli", a "ʻAʻole wau he wahine maoli", a i ʻole "ʻAʻole kēia he aloha maoli", ʻike mākou i ko mākou haʻahaʻa a me ka ʻeha.
A ʻo wai ka mea i ʻeha nui, nā kāne a me nā wahine?
Ma lalo o ke koʻikoʻi o nā stereotypes i ʻae ʻia i loko o ke kaiāulu, hāʻule mau nā lālā liʻiliʻi o ka pono. Noho mākou i kahi hui kāne, a ʻo nā manaʻo e pili ana i ka mea e pono ai mākou e hoʻohālikelike ʻia e nā kāne. No laila, ʻoi aku ka pilikia o nā wahine. ʻAʻole naʻe kēia manaʻo ua kaʻawale nā kāne mai ke kaomi.
ʻO ka like ʻole me nā mamana i hoʻopaʻa ʻia i ka manaʻo o ka lehulehu ke kumu i ka manaʻo o ka hāʻule. Nui nā kāne i hele mai i oʻu nei ma mua o ka hemo ʻana. A pinepine lākou i lawe ʻia i loko o kēia mokuʻāina e ko lākou manaʻo ponoʻī e pili ana i ke aloha maoli, ka ʻohana, nā manaʻolana mai kahi hoa ʻaʻole ia e hālāwai.
He aha ke ʻano o nā manaʻo e hiki ai ke lawe i nā kāne i ka palena o ka hemo?
Eia kekahi laʻana: aia ke aloha, i kēia manawa ua hala. Ke hala, ʻaʻohe mea hiki ke hana, pono mākou e kaʻawale. A i ʻole, ua kuhi au i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe no ke aloha. A ʻaʻole kēia he aloha, he aha kāu e hana ai, ua kuhihewa lākou.
ʻAʻole anei?
ʻAʻole! ʻO ia ʻano hōʻike e hoʻohuli iā mākou i nā "ʻike" passive o kahi manaʻo hiki ʻole ke hoʻohuli ʻia ma kekahi ʻano. Ua wehewehe mākou iā mākou iho i ke ʻano o ke aloha ma nā ʻano like ʻole. He mea hoihoi ia i waena o kēia mau wehewehe ʻana he mau mea kū'ē: no ka laʻana, ʻo ke aloha he mea olaola, ka piʻi ʻana o nā hormones, ka hoihoi ʻana i ka wahine, a i ʻole, he akua kekahi mea, he hālāwai fateful. Akā ʻo ia mau wehewehe ʻana e uhi mamao loa mai ke kiko holoʻokoʻa o kā mākou pilina.
Inā ʻaʻole makemake mākou i kekahi mea i kā mākou hoa pili, i kāna mau hana, i kā mākou launa pū ʻana, a laila pono e hoʻoponopono i kēia mau pilikia kikoʻī. A ke hoʻomaka nei mākou e hopohopo: ua hana hewa paha mākou. ʻO kēia ke ala e ala mai ai ka "aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo".
He aha ka manaʻo - ka pahele o ka "aloha oiaio"?
He manaʻo ia inā he aloha ke aloha, pono ʻoe e hoʻomanawanui - a hoʻomanawanui ʻoe. Ua kauoha ʻia nā wahine e hoʻomanawanui i kekahi mea, nā kāne i kekahi mea. No nā wahine, no ka laʻana, ka hana ʻino o nā kāne, ka hakihaki ʻana, ka inu ʻana i ka waiʻona, kāna ʻakaʻaka me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole i hana i nā hana kāne i kuhikuhi ʻia e ka moʻomeheu, e like me ka hoʻolako ʻana i ka ʻohana a me kona palekana.
ʻAʻole kūlohelohe nā pilina kanaka iā lākou iho. He ʻāpana lākou o ka moʻomeheu, ʻaʻole ke ʻano
He aha ka mea e hoʻomanawanui ai ke kanaka?
ʻO ka pilikia o ka naʻau o ka wahine, ka waimaka, ka makemake, ka like ʻole me nā manaʻo o ka nani, ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ua hoʻomaka ka wahine e mālama pono iā ia iho a i ʻole ke kāne. Akā ʻo ia, e like me ka moʻomeheu, ʻaʻole pono ia e ʻae i ka flirting. A inā ʻike ʻia ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke kūpaʻa hou, a laila hoʻokahi wale nō koho i koe - e ʻike i kēia male he hewa ("ʻeha, akā ʻaʻohe mea e hana ʻia"), e noʻonoʻo i kēia aloha hoʻopunipuni a komo i loko. huli i ka mea hou. Manaʻo ʻia ʻaʻohe kumu o ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i ka pilina, ka ʻimi, hoʻokolohua, a me ke kūkākūkā ʻana.
A pehea e hiki ai i kahi psychologist ke kōkua maanei?
Paipai au i nā kāne e hoʻāʻo i nā ʻano hana like ʻole. Hiki iaʻu ke kono i kekahi o nā hoa e haʻi e pili ana i kona manaʻo i ke kūlana, e pili ana i nā mea e hopohopo nei iā ia i ka pilina, pehea e pili ai i ka ola ʻohana, nā mea e nalowale ai a me kāna makemake e hoʻopakele a hoʻihoʻi. A i kekahi i kēia manawa ke manaʻo nei au e lilo i mea hoʻolohe a, inā hiki, he mea hoʻolohe lokomaikaʻi hiki iā ia ke kākau i ka mea i hoihoi iā ia ma nā ʻōlelo a ka hoa. A laila hoʻololi lākou i nā kuleana.
He nui nā kāne i ʻōlelo he kōkua ia iā lākou. No ka mea, pane pinepine ka hoa i nā huaʻōlelo mua i haʻi ʻia i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a i kā lākou wehewehe ponoʻī: "inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i kuke i ka ʻaina ahiahi, a laila hāʻule ʻoe i ke aloha." Akā inā e hoʻolohe ʻoe i ka hopena, e hāʻawi i kekahi i ka manawa e ʻōlelo piha ai, hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo i kahi mea i manaʻo ʻole ʻia a koʻikoʻi e pili ana iā ia. No nā mea he nui, he mea kupanaha kēia e wehe ana i nā manawa hou no lākou e noho pū ai. A laila ʻōlelo wau: inā makemake ʻoe i kēia ʻike, hiki paha iā ʻoe ke hoʻāʻo e hoʻohana iā ia i nā manawa ʻē aʻe o kou ola?
A huli mai?
ʻAʻole hiki koke mai ka loli. ʻO ka manawa pinepine ua hoʻomohala nā kāne i nā ala maʻamau o ka launa pū ʻana, a ʻo nā mea hou i ʻike ʻia ma kahi hālāwai me kahi psychologist e ʻike ʻia he "kūpono ʻole". He mea maʻamau no mākou e hoʻopau i kekahi i kekahi, e hoʻohiki, e hōʻike i nā manaʻo i ka wā e ala mai ai.
Akā ʻaʻole kūlohelohe nā pilina kanaka iā lākou iho. He ʻāpana lākou o ka moʻomeheu, ʻaʻole ke ʻano. Inā maoli mākou, e lilo mākou i pūʻulu o nā primates. He kūlohelohe nā Primates, akā ʻaʻole kēia ke ʻano o ka pilina i kapa ʻia e nā kānaka he aloha aloha.
ʻAʻole mākou koi i ka wahine e loaʻa nā wāwae huluhulu, ʻoiai inā ulu maoli ka lauoho ma luna o lākou e like me ke ʻano. ʻO kā mākou mea maikaʻi o ka "kūlohelohe" ʻo ia ka huahana o ka moʻomeheu. E nānā i ke ʻano - e nānā i ka «kūlohelohe», pono ʻoe e hele i nā mea he nui.
Maikaʻi ka ʻike ʻana i kēia! Inā ʻaʻole i nīnau ʻia ka manaʻo o ka naturalness, naturalness, naturalness, he liʻiliʻi loa ko mākou manawa e hoʻokaʻawale me ka ʻeha a hoʻomaka e nānā a hoʻāʻo, ʻimi a kūkulu i kēlā mau pilina e kūpono i kēlā me kēia o mākou, e noʻonoʻo ana i ka pōʻaiapili moʻomeheu.
Pili ke aloha i ka pōʻaiapili moʻomeheu?
Oia. ʻO ke ao holoʻokoʻa o ke aloha he moʻolelo like me kona ʻano kūlohelohe. Ma muli o kēia, nui nā kuhi hewa e ala mai, a i kekahi manawa pilikia.
No ka laʻana, ua mare kekahi wahine mai Moscow i kahi kanaka ʻAigupita i hānai ʻia i kahi moʻomeheu kuʻuna. ʻO ka manawa pinepine nā kāne Arab e hana i ka wā hoʻokipa, hōʻike lākou i ko lākou makemake e mālama i ka wahine, e kuleana iā ia, a he nui nā wahine e like me kēia.
ʻO ka poʻe i hele i loko o kaʻike o nā pilina lōʻihi eʻike i ka hikiʻole ke mālama i ka wela mau.
Akā i ka wā e pili ana i ka male ʻana, ʻike ʻia ka manaʻo o ka wahine e pono e noʻonoʻo ʻia kona manaʻo, pono e helu ʻia ʻo ia, a ma kahi moʻomeheu kuʻuna i nīnau ʻia.
Aia kekahi moʻolelo i loko o kā mākou moʻomeheu ʻo ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo e puhi i ka hale, ʻo ia ka ikaika loa o ka naʻau. A inā hiki iā mākou ke noʻonoʻo pono, ʻaʻohe aloha. Akā,ʻo ka poʻe i hele i loko o kaʻike o nā pilina lōʻihi,ʻike lākou i ka mālamaʻana i ka wela mauʻaʻole hikiʻole wale, akā,ʻaʻole maikaʻi. No laila ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noho i ke ola maʻamau, no ka mea pehea e noho ai me nā hoaaloha, me ka hana?
No laila he aha ke aloha, inā ʻaʻole he kūlana kūlohelohe a ʻaʻole ka ikaika o nā kuko?
ʻO ke aloha ka mua a me ka mea nui he kūlana pilikino kūikawā. ʻAʻole i loko o ko mākou manaʻo wale nō, akā i ko mākou ʻano noʻonoʻo. Inā ʻaʻole i hoʻokumu ʻia ke aloha e kahi manaʻo, kahi noʻonoʻo e pili ana i kekahi, manaʻolana, manaʻolana, a laila ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu loa ke kūlana physiological i waiho ʻia mai ia mea.
Malia paha, i loko o ke ola, ʻaʻole wale ka hoʻololi ʻana o ka manaʻo, akā i kēia ʻano o ka ʻike?
Hoʻololi maoli! Hoʻokomo nā hoa i nā pilina ma muli o kekahi mau makemake, a laila pani ʻia e nā mea ʻē aʻe. Ke loli nei ka poʻe i komo i ka pilina - ko lākou kūlana kino, ko lākou kūlana, nā manaʻo e pili ana iā lākou iho, e pili ana i ke ola, e pili ana i nā mea āpau. A inā ua hoʻoholo kekahi i ka manaʻo paʻa o kekahi, a ua pau kēia i ke komo ʻana i loko, a laila pilikia ka pilina. ʻO ka paʻakiki o nā manaʻo he mea pōʻino iā ia iho.
He aha ka mea e paʻa ai ka pilina?
Mākaukau no ka ʻokoʻa. ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana he ʻokoʻa mākou. Inā loaʻa iā mākou nā manaʻo like ʻole, ʻaʻole ia he mea make no ka pilina, akā, hiki ke lilo i kumu hou no ka kamaʻilio hoihoi, no ka ʻike ʻana i kekahi i kekahi. He kōkua nō hoʻi i ka makemake e kūkākūkā. ʻAʻole nā mea i manaʻo ʻia e ʻimi i hoʻokahi ʻoiaʻiʻo maʻamau no nā mea āpau, akā ʻo nā mea e kōkua i ka ʻimi ʻana i nā ala e ola pū ai lāua me kekahi.
Me he mea lā ua kūʻē ʻoe i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. He ʻoiaʻiʻo kēia?
Me he mea lā aia ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ma mua o ko mākou hoʻomaka ʻana e kamaʻilio. A ke ʻike nei au i ka manawa pinepine o nā kāne e komo ai i loko o nā kūkākūkā, me ka manaʻoʻiʻo he ʻoiaʻiʻo e pili ana i ka pilina, e pili ana i kēlā me kēia o lākou, ʻo ia wale nō ke ʻike ʻia, a manaʻo kēlā me kēia ua loaʻa iā ia, a ua hewa kekahi.
ʻO ka manawa pinepine, hele mai nā mea kūʻai aku i koʻu keʻena me ka manaʻo o ka "ʻike iā ʻoe maoli" - me he mea lā ʻaʻole lākou maoli i kēia manawa! A i ka wā e hele mai ai kahi kāne, makemake lākou e ʻimi i kahi pilina maoli. Manaʻo lākou he pane ka ʻoihana i aʻo ʻia no ka manawa lōʻihi a ʻike i nā kāne like ʻole no ke ʻano o kēia pilina, a ʻo kā lākou hana wale nō ke ʻike i kēia pane pololei.
Akā ke kono nei au iā ʻoe e ʻimi pū i ke ala: ʻAʻole wau e hōʻike i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, akā kōkua wau e hana i kahi huahana kūʻokoʻa, kā lākou papahana hui, no kēia kāne wale nō. A laila makemake wau e hāʻawi aku i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e ʻōlelo: "E ʻike i ka maikaʻi o kā mākou hana ʻana, e hana like kāua!". Akā ʻaʻole kūpono kēia papahana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, no ka mea, aia kēlā me kēia kāne i kā lākou aloha ponoʻī.
ʻIke ʻia e pono ʻoe e nīnau iā ʻoe iho ʻaʻole "ʻo kēia ke aloha?", Akā he mea ʻē aʻe ...
He mea kōkua iaʻu ke nīnau i nā nīnau e like me: He maikaʻi anei au me kaʻu hoa? Pehea ʻo ia me aʻu? He aha kā mākou e hana ai e hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi ai kekahi i kekahi, i hiki ai iā mākou ke noho pū me ka hoihoi? A laila hiki i ka pilina ke puka i waho o ke ʻano o nā stereotypes a me nā kuhikuhi, a lilo ke ola pū i kahi huakaʻi hoihoi piha i nā ʻike.