Mai ka wā kamaliʻi, ua aʻo ʻia nā kāne e hiki mai ana e hilahila i nā manaʻo "ʻoluʻolu". ʻO ka hopena, ua pilikia nā wahine a me nā kāne i kēia - ʻoi aku paha. Pehea e wāwahi ai i kēia pōʻai ʻino?
ʻOi aku ka manaʻo o nā wahine ma mua o nā kāne a ua maʻa lākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ko lākou mau manaʻo. I ka huli ʻana, hoʻouna nā kāne i ka pono o ke aloha, ka pilina, ka mālama a me ka hōʻoluʻolu ma o ka makemake moe. ʻO ka moʻomeheu patriarchal a mākou e noho nei i nā kāne e hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ko lākou mau manaʻo "ʻoluʻolu" a "noi" i loko o ka pilina kino.
No ka laʻana, makemake ʻo Ivan i ka moekolohe no ka mea ua kaumaha ʻo ia a hauʻoli i ka ʻoluʻolu āna i manaʻo ai ma kahi moe me kahi wahine. A moeʻuhane ʻo Mark e pili ana i ka moekolohe ke manaʻo ʻo ia mehameha. Manaʻo ʻo ia e hōʻike ʻo ia i ka nāwaliwali inā haʻi ʻo ia i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe he mehameha ʻo ia a makemake ʻo ia i kahi kokoke.
Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo ia he mea maʻamau loa ka ʻimi ʻana i ka pili kino e hoʻomāʻona i kona pono no ka pili pili pili.
Akā he aha nā manaʻo ma hope o ka makemake i ka wahine? ʻO ka manawa hea ka hoʻoulu wahine wale nō, a i ka manawa hea e pono ai ke aloha a me ke kamaʻilio?
Mai manaʻo ʻoe no ka poʻe nāwaliwali nā manaʻo "akamai". ʻO lākou ka mea e hana ai kākou i ke kanaka.
Ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei ka hapa nui o nā kāne ua "ʻae ʻia" lākou e hōʻike manuahi i ʻelua mau manaʻo kumu wale nō - ka hoʻonāukiuki a me ka huhū. More «tender» manaʻo — makau, kaumaha, aloha — ua strictly mana.
ʻAʻole ia he mea kupanaha e pili ana nā manaʻo "ʻoluʻolu" i loaʻa ʻole kahi puka puka i ka tugboat o ka moekolohe. I ka wā moe, pūliki nā kāne, honi, honi a me ke aloha ma lalo o ke ʻano ʻae ʻia o kahi hana kāne kāne - he hana ma ke alo o ka moekolohe.
I loko o ka moʻolelo The Mask You Live In (2015), haʻi ka luna ʻo Jennifer Siebel i ka moʻolelo o ke ʻano o ka hakakā ʻana o nā keikikāne a me nā ʻōpio e mālama iā lākou iho ʻoiai nā palena liʻiliʻi o ka manaʻo ʻAmelika no ke kāne.
Inā aʻo nā kāne a me nā keikikāne e hoʻokele i ko lākou mau manaʻo holoʻokoʻa, ʻaʻole wale ka huhū a me ka makemake moe kolohe, e ʻike mākou i ka emi nui o ka hopohopo a me ke kaumaha ma waena o ka lehulehu.
Ke hoʻopaʻa mākou i nā manaʻo kumu (kaumaha, makaʻu, huhū) a me ka pono o ka pilina (aloha, hoaaloha, makemake i ke kamaʻilio), lilo mākou i ke kaumaha. Akā, hele aku ke kaumaha a me ka hopohopo i ka wā e hui hou ai mākou i nā manaʻo kumu.
ʻO ka hana mua i ka noho maikaʻi ʻana ʻo ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana ua makemake mākou a pau i ka pilina, ma ka moekolohe a me ka naʻau. A ʻo ka pono o ke aloha e like me ka "koa" e like me ka make wai i ka mana a me ka ʻike ponoʻī. Mai manaʻo ʻoe no ka poʻe nāwaliwali nā manaʻo "akamai". ʻO lākou ka mea e hana ai kākou i ke kanaka.
5 mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo e kōkua i ke kāne e wehe
1. E haʻi aku iā ia e ʻike nā kānaka a pau, me ka nānā ʻole i ke kāne, i nā manaʻo like - ke kaumaha, ka makaʻu, ka huhū, ka hoʻopailua, ka hauʻoli a me ka hoʻoulu wahine (ʻae, nā wahine pū kekahi).
2. E ʻike i ke kanaka koʻikoʻi iā ʻoe ʻo ka pono o ka pilina pili ʻana a me ka makemake e kaʻana like i nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo ʻaʻole ia he malihini iā mākou pākahi.
3. E kono iā ia e haʻi aku i kona mau manaʻo iā ʻoe a e hoʻoikaika ʻoe ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻokolokolo i kona mau manaʻo a ʻike paha iā lākou he nāwaliwali.
4. Mai poina he paʻakikī loa nā kānaka. Loaʻa iā mākou nā ikaika a me nā nāwaliwali, a he mea nui e noʻonoʻo iā lākou.
5. Manaʻo iā ia e nānā i ke kiʻiʻoniʻoni The Mask You Live In.
Mea kākau: Hilary Jacobs Hendel he psychotherapist, New York Times columnist, a me ke kūkākūkā ma Mad Men (2007-2015).