7 mau hōʻailona ʻaʻole ʻoe mākaukau e hoaaloha me kahi ex

"Inā hiki iā ʻoe ke lilo i mau hoaaloha ma hope o ka haʻihaʻi ʻana (ʻaʻole no kēlā me kēia kanaka), ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka ʻole e wikiwiki i loko," wahi a Susan J. Elliot, ka mea kākau o How to Get Over a Breakup. Manaʻo ʻo ia ma hope o ka pau ʻana o ka pilina e hoʻomaha ma kahi o ʻeono mahina ma mua o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i ka pilina. ʻO ka lōʻihi o kēia hoʻomaha ma muli o ke kāne ponoʻī, ke koʻikoʻi o ka pilina a me nā kūlana o ka haʻihaʻi.

"Pono ʻoe e hoʻomaha mai kekahi i kekahi a komo i ka hana hou o kahi kanaka manuahi. Pono ʻoe i ka manawa a me ka mamao e hoʻopau i ke kaumaha o ka haʻihaʻi. ʻOiai inā ua haʻihaʻi ʻoe, pono nā mea a pau i ka manawa e hoʻoponopono ai i ko lākou mau manaʻo, "wahi a Elliot.

Nui kekahi poʻe i ka launa pū ʻana me ka ex. Akā inā ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu kēlā manaʻo iā ʻoe, maikaʻi nō. Inā hana maikaʻi ʻole ka hoa pili iā ʻoe a i ʻole ka pilina, a laila ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻāʻo ʻole e noho mau hoaaloha, ʻaʻole ia e pau i kekahi mea maikaʻi.

Inā hoʻoholo ʻoe e hoʻomau i ke kamaʻilio ʻana, pehea ʻoe e ʻike ai ua mākaukau ʻoe no kēia? Eia nā hōʻailona 7 e hōʻike ana he hikiwawe loa ke noʻonoʻo e pili ana.

1. Loaʻa iā ʻoe ka inaina a i ʻole nā ​​ʻeha noʻonoʻo i hoʻōla ʻole ʻia.

ʻAʻole hiki ke lanakila i ka hopena o ka haʻihaʻi ʻana i hoʻokahi lā. He manawa e hoopau ai i keia kaumaha. He mea nuiʻaʻole e kāohi i nā manaʻo, akā eʻae iāʻoe iho eʻike i nā mea a pau: ke kaumaha, ka hauʻoli, ka hōʻole, ka huhū. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i hoʻomaopopo piha i kou mau manaʻo, a laila ʻaʻole paha ʻoe i mākaukau e hoaaloha me kahi hoa mua.

“Ma hope o ka haʻalele ʻana, he mea maʻamau ke ʻike i ka ʻeha, ka huhū, a me nā manaʻo paʻakikī ʻē aʻe. Akā ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke kūkākūkā hou me ia, no ka mea, ʻaʻohe pilina ma mua a ʻaʻole loa, "wahi a San Francisco psychotherapist Kathleen Dahlen de Vos.

E ho'āʻo e wehe mua i kou mau manaʻo. "Inā makemake ʻoe i ke kākoʻo, hiki i kahi mea lapaʻau a i ʻole kahi hoaaloha kūpaʻa ʻole ke kōkua. A i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe, no ka laʻana, e hoʻāʻo i ka puke pai e wehewehe a hōʻike i nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo, "ʻōlelo ʻo ia.

2. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i kāu ex.

Inā i kēlā me kēia manawa āu e kamaʻilio ai e pili ana i kāu ex, hoʻomaka ʻoe e monologue a hoʻomaka ʻoe e uē, he hōʻailona kēia ʻaʻole ʻoe mākaukau e lilo i mau hoaaloha.

"Malia paha ke pale nei ʻoe i nā manaʻo a me kou kaumaha, a i ʻole ʻoe e noʻonoʻo nei iā ia i nā manawa āpau. Ke ʻike piha ʻia nā manaʻo ʻawaʻawa, hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka pilina ma ke ʻano mālie loa. Ma mua o kou lilo ʻana i mau hoaaloha, pono e hoʻomaopopo i nā haʻawina āu i aʻo ai a me nā hewa āu i hana ai, "wahi a Tina Tessina psychotherapist Kaleponi.

3. ʻO ka noʻonoʻo wale ʻana e pili ana ʻo ia i kekahi kanaka e hōʻoluʻolu ʻole iā ʻoe.

Ma waena o nā hoaaloha, he mea maʻamau ke kūkākūkā i nā mea e hana nei i ke ola o kēlā me kēia kanaka, me ko lākou ola pilikino. Inā maʻi ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo ʻoe i kou ex a ex paha me kekahi, hiki ke hoʻopilikia i ke ala o kahi hoaaloha maoli. "Haʻi nā hoaaloha i ka mea a lākou e hālāwai ai. Inā ʻeha ʻoe i ka lohe ʻana iā ia, maopopo ʻaʻole ʻoe mākaukau no kēia, "wahi a Tina Tessina.

Hāʻawi ʻo De Vos e hoʻāʻo iki. E noʻonoʻo ʻoe e noho ana ʻoe a me kāu ex i loko o kahi cafe a ʻike i kahi leka hoʻomaopopo ma kā lākou kelepona ua loaʻa kahi pāʻani i loko o kahi app dating. He aha kāu e manaʻo ai? ʻAʻohe mea? ʻO ka huhū? kaumaha?

“Kākoʻo nā hoaaloha i nā pilikia a me nā hoʻāʻo o ke ola. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe mākaukau no ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e kamaʻilio ka mea mua (mua) e pili ana i nā hoa hou, a laila ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻopanee ʻana i nā huakaʻi hui i ka cafe, "wahi a Kathleen Dalen de Vos.

4. Manaʻo ʻoe ua hui hou ʻoe.

E nīnau iā ʻoe iho no ke aha ʻoe e makemake ai e hoaaloha me kāu ex. Malia paha i loko o kou manaʻo e hoʻi hou i kahi pilina? Inā ʻo ia ka hihia, mai hoʻāʻo e lilo i hoaaloha i kēia manawa. Hiki i kēia ke paʻakikī ke haʻalele i ka wā i hala a neʻe aku.

"Aneane hiki ʻole ke hoʻomohala i nā hoaaloha olakino inā loaʻa iā ʻoe nā manaʻo huna. Hoʻopilikia wale ʻoe iā ʻoe iho. E noʻonoʻo maikaʻi i ka mea āu e nele ai, he aha nā pilina aloha i hāʻawi ai, ma mua o ka hiki ke hoʻololi iā ia, "wahi a Chicago psychotherapist Anna Poss.

ʻO Kathleen Dahlen de Vos hoʻi, ʻo ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e lilo i mau hoaaloha i loko o ka manaʻolana huna o ka lilo hou ʻana i mau mea aloha he manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole. Manaʻo ʻoe: "Inā hoʻomaka mākou e kamaʻilio hou a hele pū i kahi, e mihi ʻo ia i ka haʻihaʻi ʻana" a i ʻole "hiki iā mākou ke hoʻāla hou i ke aloha mae." ʻO ka mea pōʻino, ʻo ia mau manaʻolana e lawe wale mai i ka ʻeha, ka hōʻeha a me ka huhū.

5. Mehameha ʻoe

Inā hōʻeha ka loneli iā ʻoe ma hope o ka haʻihaʻi ʻana, makemake paha ʻoe e hoʻomau i ka liʻiliʻi o kahi pilina - ʻoiai inā he hoaaloha wale nō.

ʻO ka manawa pinepine, ma hope o ka haʻihaʻi ʻana, nui ka manawa kūʻokoʻa, ʻoiai inā ʻoe e noho pū ana a ʻo kāu pōʻai kaiapuni ka nui o nā hoaaloha a me nā ʻohana o kāu hoa. I kēia manawa ua mehameha ʻoe, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻowalewale e launa hou me ia ma lalo o ke ʻano o ka hoaloha.

"ʻO ka manawa kūpono e hoʻi ai i ke ʻano kahiko a kamaʻāina o ke ola, ʻoiai e hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā ʻoe iho he" hoaaloha wale nō ʻoe. He hōʻoluʻolu pōkole kēia, akā hiki ke alakaʻi i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e hoʻomaka hou kahi pilina aloha. Hoʻopiha ʻia kēia me ka hoʻomaopopo like ʻole, ka maopopo ʻole, a me ka hauʻoli nui loa, "wahi a Zainab Delavalla, he kauka psychologist mai Atlanta.

Aia kekahi mau ala ʻē aʻe e hoʻoponopono ai i ka mehameha. E nānā hou i nā leʻaleʻa kahiko, e hele i waho me ka ʻohana, a i ʻole e hana manawaleʻa me ke aloha.

6. Ke ʻimi mau nei ʻoe i ka ʻike e pili ana i ka mea mua / mua

Inā loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi pono e nānā mau i ka Instagram o kāu hoa ex-partner (papa ʻia ma Rūsia) no nā mea hou e pili ana i kona wahi a me wai, ʻaʻole ʻoe mākaukau e lilo i mau hoaaloha i kēia manawa.

"Inā makemake ʻoe e ʻike i nā kikoʻī o ke ola o ka ex / ex, akā ʻaʻole mākaukau e nīnau pololei, aia paha ʻoe i kahi hakakā kūloko a ʻaʻole mākaukau paha ʻoe e ʻae i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ke ola nei ʻo ia i kona ola ponoʻī. ” wahi a Kathleen Dalen de Vos.

7. Manaʻo ʻoe ʻo kāu ex ke ʻano āu i makemake mau ai iā lākou.

ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hoaaloha me kāu ex no ka nānā ʻana i nā mea e hana nei i loko o kona ola, me ka manaʻolana malū e hoʻololi ʻo ia. He hana maikaʻi ʻole kēia a he hoʻopau manawa.

"Inā ua haʻihaʻi ʻoe ma muli o ka like ʻole o nā huaʻōlelo a i ʻole nā ​​​​pilikia koʻikoʻi (ka waiʻona, kumakaia, piliwaiwai), hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke manaʻolana i nā loli nui. Eia kekahi, ma ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e hoʻihoʻi i kāu hoa pili i hala, ua nele ʻoe i ka hālāwai ʻana me kekahi, "wahi a Delavalla.

Puna: Huffington Post