E pili ana i nā pono o ke aloha "unrequited".

pehea a no ke aha i ʻike ʻia ai ke aloha «unrequited»?

Hoʻokomo wau i kēia huaʻōlelo i nā kaha puʻupuʻu, no ka mea, i koʻu manaʻo, ʻaʻohe aloha i hoʻopaʻa ʻole ʻia: aia kahi kahe o ka ikehu ma waena o nā kānaka, aia nā polarities - hoʻohui a hoʻemi. Ke aloha kekahi, ʻo ka mea ʻē aʻe me ke kānalua ʻole i kēia aloha, hoʻāla ʻo ia, hoʻolaha i ka pono o kēia aloha, ʻoiai pinepine ʻole i ka waha, kikoʻī i kēia kanaka: me kona mau maka, nā hiʻohiʻona, nā ʻano.

He mea wale no ka mea i aloha i ka naau hamama, oiai ka mea «aole aloha», hoole i ke aloha, he mau pale ma ke ano o ka makau a introjected, irrational manaoio. ʻAʻoleʻo ia i manaʻo i kona aloha a me kona pono no ka pilina, akā i ka manawa like, hāʻawiʻo ia i nā hōʻailona pālua: lures, hoʻonani, hoʻopunipuni.

ʻO ke kino o kāu mea i aloha ai, kona nānā, leo, nā lima, nā neʻe, nā ʻala e haʻi iā ʻoe: "ʻae", "makemake wau iā ʻoe", "makemake wau iā ʻoe", "ʻoluʻolu wau me ʻoe", "hauʻoli wau". Hāʻawi kēia mau mea iā ʻoe i ka hilinaʻi piha ʻo ia ʻo "kou" kanaka. Akā me ka leo nui, ʻōlelo ʻo ia, "ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole wau aloha iā ʻoe."

No hea mai kēia ʻano maikaʻi ʻole, i koʻu manaʻo, he ʻano o ka psyche ʻaʻole: hoʻohaʻahaʻa a hōʻole i ka poʻe aloha iā mākou, a aloha i ka poʻe e hōʻole aku iā mākou?

E hoʻomanaʻo kākou i ka wā kamaliʻi. Ua aloha nā kaikamahine a pau i ke keikikāne hoʻokahi, ke alakaʻi "ʻoluʻolu", a ua aloha nā keikikāne a pau i ke kaikamahine maikaʻi loa a hiki ʻole ke hoʻopau ʻia. Akā inā ua aloha kēia alakaʻi i kekahi kaikamahine, ua hoʻopau koke ʻo ia i ka hoihoi iā ia: "ʻAe, ʻo ia ... Lawe i kaʻu ʻeke, hele ma koʻu kuʻekuʻe wāwae, hoʻolohe iaʻu i nā mea āpau. Nawaliwali.» A inā i pānaʻi ke kaikamahine maikaʻi loa a hiki ʻole ke hoʻololi i kekahi keikikāne, ʻo ia hoʻi, ua ulu pinepine ʻo ia i ke anu: "He aha ka hewa iā ia? ʻAʻole ʻo ia he mōʻī wahine, he kaikamahine maʻamau wale nō. Paʻa wau - ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu pehea e hoʻopau ai.

No hea mai? Mai ka wā kamaliʻi ka ʻike traumatic o ka hōʻole. ʻO ka mea pōʻino, ua hōʻole ka nui o mākou i nā mākua. Ua kanuʻiaʻo Makua i loko o ka TV: i mea e huki ai i kona manaʻo, pono e lilo i meaʻoi aku ka hoihoi ma mua o ka "pahu", e hana lima a hele wāwae paha me ka huila. He makuahine luhi mau loa a hopohopo, nona ka minoʻaka a me ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana ma muli o ka puke moʻolelo me nā ʻelima wale nō. ʻO nā mea maikaʻi loa wale nō ke kūpono i ke aloha: akamai, nani, olakino, haʻuki, kūʻokoʻa, mākaukau, nā haumāna maikaʻi loa.

Ma hope aku, i ka wā makua, ua hoʻohui ʻia ka mea waiwai, kūlana, hanohano, mahalo, kaulana, kaulana i ka papa inoa o ka poʻe kūpono i ke aloha.

Ua ulu mākou, akā ʻaʻole mākou e ʻimi i nā ala maʻalahi ma nā ala o ke aloha. Pono e hōʻike i nā hana mana o ka heroism, lanakila i nā pilikia nui, lilo i mea maikaʻi loa, hoʻokō i nā mea āpau, mālama, lanakila, i mea e ʻike ai i ka hauʻoli o ke aloha like. ʻAʻole paʻa ko mākou manaʻo ponoʻī, pono mākou e "hānai" iā ia me nā hoʻokō i mea e ʻae ai iā mākou iho.

Pehea e hiki ai i kekahi ke ʻae a aloha iā mākou inā ʻaʻole mākou aloha a ʻae iā mākou iho? Inā aloha wale ʻia mākou no ko mākou ʻano, ʻaʻole maopopo iā mākou: “ʻAʻole wau i hana i kekahi mea. He waiwai ʻole au, pono ʻole, hūpō, ʻino. ʻAʻole i kūpono i kekahi mea. No ke aha ke aloha iaʻu? Malia paha, ʻaʻole ʻo ia iho (ʻo ia iho) kahi mea.

"Ma muli o kona ʻae ʻana e moe i ka lā mua, moe paha ʻo ia me nā mea a pau," i hoʻopiʻi ai kekahi o koʻu mau hoaaloha. “Ua ʻae koke ʻo ia e hoʻopalau iā ʻoe, no nā kāne a pau āna i koho ai iā ʻoe. He haʻahaʻa loa ʻoe i kou manaʻo ʻaʻole hiki i ka wahine ke aloha iā ʻoe i ka ʻike mua ʻana a moe pū me ʻoe?

Akaka ke kumu, akā ʻaʻole kēia e hoʻololi i kekahi mea: ʻoiai ʻo ke kanaka ʻoi loa ka psychologically, e hoʻomau ʻo ia e hana hou. He aha ka mea e hana ai no ka poʻe i hāʻule i loko o ka pahele o ke aloha "unrequited"? Mai kaumaha. He mea paʻakikī kēia, akā pono loa no ka ulu ʻana o ka ʻuhane. No laila he aha ke aʻo ʻana o ia aloha?

He aha ka mea e aʻo ai ke aloha "Unrequited"?

• kākoʻo iā ʻoe iho a me kou manaʻo ponoʻī, aloha iā ʻoe iho i nā kūlana paʻakikī o ka hōʻole ʻana, me ke kākoʻo ʻole o waho;
• e hoʻopaʻa ʻia, e ʻike maoli ʻia, ʻaʻole wale i ka ʻeleʻele a me ke keʻokeʻo, akā he nui nā aka o nā kala ʻē aʻe;
• e noho ma ʻaneʻi a i kēia manawa;
• mahalo i ka mea maikaʻi i ka pilina, kekahi mea liʻiliʻi;
• He mea maikaʻi ke ʻike a lohe i kahi mea aloha, he kanaka maoli, ʻaʻole kou noʻonoʻo;
• eʻae i ka mea aloha me nā hemahema a me nā nāwaliwali;
• aloha, aloha, aloha, aloha;
• hoʻomaopopo i ko lākou mau pono maoli a me nā manaʻo;
• e hoʻomaka, e hana i nā hana mua;
• e hoʻonui i ka palette o nā manaʻo: ʻoiai inā he mau manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole kēia, hoʻonui lākou i ka ʻuhane;
• ola a pale i ka ikaika o nā manaʻo;
• hōʻike i nā manaʻo ma o nā hana a me nā ʻōlelo i mea e lohe ʻia ai;
• mahalo i ka manaʻo o kekahi;
• mahalo i nā palena, manaʻo a me ke kūʻokoʻa o ke koho ʻana o kahi mea aloha;
• hoʻomohala i nā mākau hoʻokele waiwai, hana, ʻohana;
• hāʻawi, hāʻawi, hāʻawi manawaleʻa;
• he nani, ʻaleʻaleʻa, kūpono, kāhiko maikaʻi ʻia.

Ma keʻano laulā, ke aloha ikaika, e ola ana i nā kūlana koʻikoʻi o ka non-reciprocity, e hoʻoikaika iāʻoe e lanakila i nā palena a me nā makaʻu, e aʻo iāʻoe e hana no kāu mea aloha i ka mea āu i hanaʻole ai ma mua, e hoʻonui i kou palette o nā manaʻo a me nā mākau pili.

Akā, pehea inā ʻaʻole kōkua kēia mau mea a pau? Inā he mea kūpono ʻoe iā ʻoe iho, akā e paʻa mau ka puʻuwai o kāu mea aloha iā ʻoe?

E like me kā Frederick Perls, ka mea nāna i hoʻokumu i ka Gestalt therapy, i ʻōlelo ai: "Inā ʻaʻole hiki ka hālāwai, ʻaʻohe mea e hiki ke hana ʻia." ʻO kēlā me kēia hihia, ʻo nā mākau pilina a me ka laulā o nā manaʻo āu i aʻo ai i ka ʻike o ia aloha, ʻo ia kāu hoʻopukapuka iā ʻoe iho no ke ola. E noho pū lākou me ʻoe a ʻoiaʻiʻo e kōkua iā ʻoe i kahi pilina hou me kahi kanaka hiki ke hoʻokō i kāu aloha - me ka puʻuwai, ke kino, ka noʻonoʻo, a me nā huaʻōlelo: "Aloha wau iā ʻoe."