ʻO ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi mamao kūpono i ka pilina he hana paʻakikī no ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine. I ka manawa e hoʻoikaika ai i ka hui ʻana a paʻakikī ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi ʻike, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī.
I nā moʻolelo moʻolelo, nā kaikamahine, ʻo Snow White a ʻo Cinderella paha, i kēia manawa a laila e hālāwai me ka ʻaoʻao ʻeleʻele o ko lākou makuahine, i hoʻokomo ʻia i ke kiʻi o kahi makuahine hānai ʻino a i ʻole ke aliʻi wahine ʻino.
ʻO ka mea pōmaikaʻi, ʻaʻole weliweli loa ka ʻoiaʻiʻo: ma ka laulā, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka pilina ma waena o ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine ma mua o ka wā ma mua - kokoke a mahana. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻia kēia e ka moʻomeheu hou, e holoi ana i ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā hanauna.
"He poʻe scammers mākou a pau i kēia lā," wahi a Anna Varga, he mea lapaʻau ʻohana, "a pane ka ʻano maʻalahi i kēia ma ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā mea āpau i nā T-shirt a me nā sneakers."
Hoʻolaha hoʻolaha capitalizes ma luna o keia ulu like, hai aku, no ka laʻana, "Mother a me ke kaikamahine i ka nui like,» a me ka portraying ia lakou e like me ka aneane māhoe. Akā ʻo ka launa pū ʻana ʻaʻole wale ka hauʻoli.
Ke alakaʻi nei kēia i kahi hui e hoʻololi i ka ʻike o nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua.
ʻIkeʻo Psychoanalyst Maria Timofeeva i kāna hana i nā pilikia e ulu mai ana ma muli o ka nui o nāʻohana me ka makua hoʻokahi, ua emi ke kuleana o ka makua kāne, a ua noho aliʻi ka moʻomeheu o ka'ōpio i ka hui. Ke alakaʻi nei kēia i kahi hui e hoʻololi i ka ʻike o nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua.
"ʻO ka hoʻohālikelike," i hoʻopau ai ka psychoanalyst, "hoʻoikaika i nā wahine e kau i ʻelua mau nīnau koʻikoʻi. No ka makuahine: pehea e mālama ai i ka pilina me ka noho ʻana ma kou wahi makua? No ke kaikamahine: pehea e hoʻokaʻawale ai i ʻike iā ʻoe iho?
Hoʻohui pōʻino
ʻO ka pilina me ka makuahine ke kumu o ko mākou ola noʻonoʻo. ʻAʻole hoʻololi wale ka makuahine i ke keiki, ʻo ia ke kaiapuni nona, a ʻo ka pilina me ia ka pilina me ka honua.
"ʻO ka hana ʻana o nā ʻano noʻonoʻo o ke keiki e pili ana i kēia mau pilina," hoʻomau ʻo Maria Timofeeva. He ʻoiaʻiʻo kēia no nā keiki o nā kāne ʻelua. Akā ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o ke kaikamahine e hoʻokaʻawale iā ia iho mai kona makuahine.
A no ka mea, he mau "kaikamahine elua" laua, a no ka ike pinepine ana o ka makuahine ia ia i kona hoomau ana, he mea paakiki iaia ke ike i ke kaikamahine he kanaka kaawale.
Akā inā ʻaʻole kokoke loa ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine mai ka hoʻomaka ʻana, a laila ʻaʻohe pilikia? ʻO ka mea kū'ē. "ʻO ka nele o ka pilina me ka makuahine i ka wā kamaliʻi e alakaʻi pinepine i nā hoʻāʻo e uku i ka wā e hiki mai ana," wehewehe ʻo Maria Timofeeva, "i ka wā e hoʻāʻo ai kahi kaikamahine e ulu ana e ʻoluʻolu i kona makuahine, e pili kokoke iā ia. Me he mea lā e hiki ke lawe ʻia i nā mea i hala a hoʻololi ʻia. "
ʻAʻole kēia neʻe i ke aloha, akā ʻo ka makemake e loaʻa mai ka makuahine
Akā, ma hope o ka makemake o ka makuahine e hoʻokokoke i kāna kaikamahine, e hui pū me ia i nā ʻono a me nā manaʻo, i kekahi manawa ʻaʻole wale ke aloha.
ʻO ka'ōpiopio a me ka wahine o ke kaikamahine hiki ke hoʻoulu i ka lili me kaʻikeʻole i ka makuahine. He ʻeha kēia manaʻo, a ʻo ka makuahine hoʻi me ka ʻike ʻole e hoʻāʻo e hoʻopau iā ia, e ʻike ana iā ia iho me kāna kaikamahine: "ʻO wau kaʻu kaikamahine, nani kaʻu kaikamahine - a no laila ʻo wau."
Hoʻopilikia pū ka mana o ke kaiāulu i ka manaʻo paʻakikī o ka ʻohana. "I ko mākou kaiaulu, ua haki pinepine ʻia ka hierarchy o nā hanauna a ʻaʻole i kūkulu ʻia," wahi a Anna Varga. "ʻO ke kumu ka hopohopo e kū mai i ka wā e pau ai ka ulu ʻana o kahi kaiāulu.
ʻOi aku ka hopohopo o kēlā me kēia o mākou ma mua o kahi lālā o kahi hui waiwai. ʻO ka hopohopo e pale iāʻoe mai ka hanaʻana i kahi koho (me he mea lā he mea nui nā mea a pau i kahi kanaka hopohopo) a me ke kūkuluʻana i nā palena: ma waena o nā hanauna, ma waena o nā kānaka.
ʻO ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine "hoʻohui", i kekahi manawa e loaʻa i kēia pilina kahi puʻuhonua e kōkua ai e pale i nā hoʻoweliweli o ka honua i waho. He ikaika loa kēia ʻano i nā kāne ma waena o nā hanauna, kahi ʻaʻohe kolu - kāne a me ka makuakāne. Akā, ʻoiai ʻo ia ke ʻano, no ke aha e hauʻoli ʻole ai ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine i ko lāua pili ʻana?
Ka mana a me ka hoʻokūkū
"ʻO nā pilina ma keʻano o"ʻelua mau hoaaloha" he hoʻopunipuni pono'ī," ua manaʻoʻo Maria Timofeeva. "He hōʻole kēia i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo aia ka ʻokoʻa o ka makahiki a me ka ikaika o ka hoʻohuli ʻana ma waena o nā wahine ʻelua. Ke alakaʻi nei kēia ala i ka hui pahū a me ka mana.
Makemake kēlā me kēia o mākou e hoʻomalu iā mākou iho. A inā "ʻo wau kaʻu kaikamahine," a laila pono ʻo ia e manaʻo like me aʻu a makemake i ka mea like me kaʻu e hana nei. "ʻO ka makuahine, e hoʻoikaika nei i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, manaʻo ʻo ia e makemake kāna kaikamahine i ka mea like," wehewehe ʻo Anna Varga. "ʻO kahi hōʻailona o ka hui ʻana ʻo ia ka pili ʻana o ka manaʻo o ka makuahine me ka manaʻo o ke kaikamahine."
Hoʻonui ka makemake e hoʻomalu i ke kaikamahine i ka wā e ʻike ai ka makuahine i ka hiki ke kaʻawale ʻana he mea hoʻoweliweli iā ia iho.
Piʻi ka hakakā: ʻoi aku ka ikaika o ke kaikamahine e haʻalele, ʻoi aku ka paʻa ʻana o ka makuahine iā ia: ma ka ikaika a me nā kauoha, nāwaliwali a me nā hōʻino. Inā he manaʻo hewa ke kaikamahine a nele i nā kumuwaiwai kūloko, haʻalele ʻo ia a hāʻawi.
Akā, paʻakikī i ka wahine i kaʻawale ʻole mai kona makuahine e kūkulu i kona ola ponoʻī. ʻOiai inā male ʻo ia, ʻo ka pinepine pinepine ʻo ia e hemo koke e hoʻi i kona makuahine, i kekahi manawa me kāna keiki.
A pinepine ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine e hoʻomaka e hoʻokūkū no ka mea o lākou e lilo i "makuahine maikaʻi" no ke keiki - ke kaikamahine i lilo i makuahine, a i ʻole ke kupuna wahine i makemake e hoʻi i ka wahi makuahine "pono". Inā lanakila ke kupuna wahine, a laila, loaʻa i ke kaikamahine ke kuleana o ka ʻohana a i ʻole ke kaikuaʻana o kāna keiki ponoʻī, a i kekahi manawa ʻaʻohe ona wahi i loko o kēia ʻohana.
ʻO ka hoʻāʻo e hala
ʻO ka mea pōmaikaʻi, ʻaʻole paʻakikī loa ka pilina. ʻO ka noho ʻana o kahi makua kāne a i ʻole kekahi kanaka e kokoke ana e hōʻemi i ka pilikia o ka hui ʻana. ʻOiai ka hakakā ʻole a me nā manawa o ka pilina nui a liʻiliʻi paha, nui nā mākuahine-kaikamahine e hoʻomau i ka pilina kahi e lanakila ai ka ʻoluʻolu a me ka manaʻo maikaʻi ma mua o ka huhū.
Akā,ʻo ka mea aloha loa e hele i ka kaʻawale, e hoʻokaʻawale i kekahi i kekahi. He mea ʻeha paha ke kaʻina hana, akā ʻo ia wale nō ka mea e ʻae i nā mea a pau e ola i ko lākou ola. Inā he mau kaikamahine i loko o ka ʻohana, ʻae pinepine kekahi o lākou i ka makuahine e "hoʻokauwā" hou iā ia.
Manaʻo paha nā kaikuahine ʻo kēia kahi o kā lākou kaikamahine aloha, akā ua hoʻokaʻawale kēia kaikamahine iā ia iho a pale iā ia mai ka hoʻokō ʻana iā ia iho. ʻO ka nīnau pehea e loaʻa ai ka mamao kūpono.
"I mea e pani ai i kona wahi i ke ola, pono i ka wahine ʻōpio ke hoʻoponopono i ʻelua mau hana i ka manawa like: e ʻike me kona makuahine ma ke ʻano o kāna kuleana, a ma ka manawa like ʻole "disidentify" me ia ma ke ʻano o kona ʻano. ” wahi a Maria Timofeev.
He paʻakikī loa ka hoʻoponopono ʻana iā lākou inā kūʻē ka makuahine
“I kekahi manawa, ʻimi ke kaikamahine i nā hakakā me kona makuahine,” wahi a Anna Varga, “no ka hoʻopau ʻana i ka nānā nui ʻana i kona ola." I kekahi manawa ʻo ka hoʻonā ʻana he kaʻawale kino, neʻe i kahi hale ʻē aʻe, kūlanakauhale a ʻāina paha.
ʻO kēlā me kēia hihia, inā hui a kaʻawale paha, pono lākou e kūkulu hou i nā palena. "Hoʻomaka ia me ka mahalo i ka waiwai," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Anna Varga. — Loaʻa i kēlā me kēia kanaka kāna mau mea ponoʻī, ʻaʻohe mea e lawe i ka haʻi me ka noi ʻole. Ua ʻike ʻia kahi nona ka ʻāina, a ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hele i laila me ke kono ʻole, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hoʻokumu ʻana i kāu mau lula ma laila.
ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole maʻalahi i ka makuahine ke hoʻokuʻu i kahi ʻāpana o kāna iho - kāna kaikamahine. No laila, pono ka wahine kahiko iā ia iho, kūʻokoʻa i ke aloha o kāna kaikamahine, nā kumuwaiwai o loko a me waho e hiki ai iā ia ke ola i ke kaumaha o ka haʻalele ʻana, e hoʻohuli iā ia i ke kaumaha ʻulaʻula.
"ʻO ka hāʻawi ʻana i kāu mea me kekahi a hāʻawi iā ia i ke kūʻokoʻa ʻo ia ke ʻano o ke aloha, me ke aloha makuahine," wahi a Maria Timofeeva. Akā, ʻo ko mākou ʻano kanaka ka mahalo.
ʻO ke kūlohelohe, ʻaʻole i koi ʻia, akā hiki i ka mahalo manuahi ke lilo i kumu no ka hoʻololi ʻana o ka naʻau hou, ʻoi aku ka makua a me ka wehe ʻana ma waena o ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine. A no ka pilina hou me nā palena i kūkulu maikaʻi ʻia.