He manaʻo maikaʻi paha ka huāhuā?

Ke kali nei ʻoe i ka hoʻonui ʻana i kēlā me kēia lā. Ua hana nui ʻoe i mea e hana ai: ma muli o nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a kou haku a me ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i nā mea āpau āu e hiki ai ke hoʻomaikaʻi i kāu hana, noho lohi ma ke keʻena a hele mai e hana i nā hopena pule. A i kēia manawa aia kahi hakahaka no kahi kūlana hoʻokele. Ua maopopo iā ʻoe ʻo ʻoe ka mea e koho ʻia - ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe.

Akā, hoʻolaha koke ka luna ua hoʻoholo ʻo ia e koho iā Mark, kāu hoa ʻōpio, i kēia kūlana. ʻAe, ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua like kēia Mark me he hōkū Hollywood, a ua hoʻokuʻu ʻia kona alelo. ʻO kekahi e like me ia e hoʻohiwahiwa i kekahi. Akā, ua komo ʻo ia i ka hui i kēia manawa a ʻaʻole i hana like me ʻoe. Pono ʻoe e hoʻonui, ʻaʻole ʻo ia.

ʻAʻole wale ʻoe e hoʻonāukiuki ʻia ʻaʻole ʻoe i hoʻonoho ʻia i kahi kūlana alakaʻi, akā ua loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi makemake nui iā Mark, āu i ʻike ʻole ai ma mua. Ua huhū ʻoe i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka mea āu i moeʻuhane ai no ka lōʻihi. A hoʻomaka ʻoe e haʻi i kāu mau hoa hana i nā mea leʻaleʻa e pili ana iā Mark a moeʻuhane ʻoe i ka lā āpau e pili ana i ke kiola ʻana iā ia mai kona paepae ma mua o ka hana.

No hea mai ka lili?

He manaʻo paʻakikī ka paʻakikī. Hoʻomaka ia me ka ʻike ʻana he mea waiwai ʻole kāu. Hoʻopili pū ʻia kēia ʻike me kahi manaʻo ʻeha a maikaʻi ʻole.

Mai kahi manaʻo evolutionary, hāʻawi ia iā mākou i ka ʻike e pili ana i ko mākou kūlana kaiaulu a hoʻoulu iā mākou e hoʻomaikaʻi i kēia kūlana. Hiki i kekahi mau holoholona ke ʻike i ka huāhuā mua o ka poʻe i ʻoi aku ka lanakila.

Akā, he ʻaoʻao ʻeleʻele ko ka lili. Ma kahi o ka nānā ʻana i ka hoʻokō ʻana i ka mea a mākou e makemake ai, e noʻonoʻo mākou i kā mākou hemahema a huhū i ka poʻe i loaʻa. ʻO ka huāhuā he pāpālua ka pōʻino, no ka mea, ʻaʻole wale mākou e manaʻo ʻino iā mākou iho, akā loaʻa pū kekahi mau manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole i ka poʻe i hana hewa ʻole iā mākou.

Huhu ino a pono

ʻO ka mea maʻamau, ua manaʻo ʻia ka huāhuā e nā alakaʻi hoʻomana, nā akeakamai a me nā psychologists ma ke ʻano he ʻino loa e pono ke kaua ʻia a hiki i ka hoʻopakele piha ʻana. Akā i nā makahiki i hala iho nei, ua hoʻomaka nā psychologists e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kona ʻaoʻao mālamalama. He mea hoʻoikaika ikaika ʻo ia i ka hoʻololi pilikino. Hoʻohālikelike kēlā ʻano huāhuā "pono" me ka lili ʻino, kahi e hoʻoikaika ai iā mākou e hōʻeha i kekahi i ʻoi aku ma mua o mākou i kekahi mea.

I ka wā i loaʻa ai iā Mark ka hana āu i moeʻuhane ai, he mea maʻamau ka lili ʻana iā ʻoe i ka wā mua. Akā, hiki iā ʻoe ke hana ʻokoʻa. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hāʻule i ka huāhuā "pōʻino" a noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka hoʻokomo ʻana iā Mark ma kona wahi. A i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohana i ka lili pono a hana iā ʻoe iho. No ka laʻana, e ʻae i nā ʻano a me nā ʻenehana i hoʻokō ai ʻo ia i ka pahuhopu.

Pono paha ʻoe e hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ke koʻikoʻi a aʻo mai kahi hoa hana kūleʻa i kāna ʻano kamaʻilio ʻoluʻolu a aloha. E nānā i kāna hana mua. ʻIke ʻo ia i nā hana hiki ke hoʻopau koke ʻia a pono hoʻi ka hoʻolaʻa piha. ʻO kēia ala e hiki ai iā ia ke hoʻomau i nā mea a pau e pono ai i nā hola hana a noho i kahi ʻano maikaʻi.

Hoʻopaʻapaʻa nui nā psychologists e pili ana i ka lawa o ka māhele ʻana o ka huāhuā i mea ʻino a pono. Ua ʻōlelo ʻo psychologists ʻo Yochi Cohen-Cheresh lāua ʻo Eliot Larson, ʻo ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i ka huāhuā i ʻelua mau ʻano, ʻaʻole ia e wehewehe i kekahi mea, akā huikau nā mea a pau. Manaʻo lākou ʻo kā lākou mau hoa hana e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka lili ʻino a maikaʻi hoʻi e huikau i ka manaʻo me ka ʻano i hoʻoulu ʻia e ka manaʻo.

No ke aha nā manaʻo?

ʻO nā manaʻo nā manaʻo kūikawā, nā manaʻo e kū mai ana ma lalo o kekahi mau kūlana. Loaʻa iā lākou ʻelua mau hana:

Ma ka mua, hāʻawi koke lākou iā mākou i ka ʻike e pili ana i nā kūlana o kēia manawa, e like me ke alo o kahi hoʻoweliweli a i ʻole kahi manawa kūpono. ʻO ka walaʻau ʻē a i ʻole ka neʻe ʻana i manaʻo ʻole ʻia e hōʻailona paha i ka hiki ʻana mai o kahi mea ʻaihue a i ʻole kekahi pilikia ʻē aʻe. Lilo kēia mau hōʻailona i mea hoʻomaka makaʻu. Pēlā nō, ʻike mākou i ka hauʻoli i mua o kahi kanaka uʻi a i ʻole ke kokoke mai ka meaʻai ʻono.

ʻO ka luaKe alakaʻi nei nā manaʻo i kā mākou hana. Ke ʻike mākou i ka makaʻu, hana mākou i kekahi mau hana e pale aku iā mākou iho. Ke hauʻoli mākou, ʻimi mākou i nā manawa hou a hoʻonui i kā mākou pōʻai kaiaulu. Ke kaumaha mākou, pale mākou i ka launa pū ʻana a me ka hūnā iā mākou iho i mea e loaʻa ai ka maluhia o ka naʻau.

Hoʻokahi ka lili - ʻokoʻa nā ʻano hana

Hōʻike nā manaʻo iā mākou i ka mea e hana nei iā mākou i kēia manawa, a haʻi iā mākou pehea e pane ai i kahi kūlana. Akā, he mea nui e hoʻokaʻawale i waena o ka ʻike naʻau a me ke ʻano e alakaʻi ai.

Inā ʻelua mau manaʻo like ʻole ka huāhuā maikaʻi a me ka pōʻino, a laila ʻokoʻa nā hanana i mua o kēia mau manaʻo. ʻO kahi laʻana, ʻo ka huhū a me ka makaʻu ka pane ʻana i ka manaʻo i ka hoʻoweliweli, akā alakaʻi ka makaʻu i ka pale ʻana i ka pōʻino, a alakaʻi ka huhū i ka hoʻouka ʻana. Noho ʻokoʻa ka huhū a me ka makaʻu a alakaʻi i nā ʻano hiʻohiʻona like ʻole.

Akā i ka hihia o ka lili pono a me ka ʻino, ʻokoʻa nā mea a pau. ʻO ka ʻike ʻeha mua e alakaʻi ai i ka lili he like ia, akā ʻokoʻa nā pane ʻano.

Ke ʻōlelo mākou ua hoʻomalu nā manaʻo i kā mākou ʻano, me he mea lā ua nāwaliwali mākou, nā mea kōkua ʻole o ko mākou mau manaʻo. He ʻoiaʻiʻo paha kēia no nā holoholona ʻē aʻe, akā hiki i nā kānaka ke kālailai i ko lākou mau manaʻo a hana ʻokoʻa ma lalo o ko lākou mana. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻolilo i ka makaʻu i mea makaʻu, a i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻololi i ka makaʻu i ka wiwo ʻole a pane pono i nā pilikia o ka hopena.

Hiki ke hoomaluia ka addiction. Hāʻawi kēia manaʻo iā mākou i ka ʻike koʻikoʻi e pili ana i ko mākou kūlana kaiaulu. Na mākou e hoʻoholo i ka mea e hana ai me kēia ʻike. Hiki iā mākou ke ʻae i ka lili e hoʻopau i ko mākou manaʻo ponoʻī a hōʻino i ka maikaʻi o kā mākou pilina pili. Akā hiki iā mākou ke kuhikuhi i ka huāhuā i kahi ala maikaʻi a hoʻokō i nā loli pilikino me kāna kōkua.

E pili ana i ka mea kākau: ʻO David Ludden ke Kumu o ka Psychology ma Gwyneth College ma Georgia a me ka mea kākau o The Psychology of Language: An Integrated Approach.