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ʻOiai nā manaʻo o ka wahine, makaʻu mau ka wahine e noho kaʻawale, ʻaʻohe ʻohana a me ke kanaka aloha. ʻAe, a makaʻu nā kāne i ka mea like, ke kamaʻilio pinepine nei lākou no ia mea, wahi a ka ʻepekema a me ka mea kākau ʻo Deborah Carr. Pehea e hoʻoponopono ai i ka manaʻo hoʻopilikia o ka mehameha a hoʻōki i ka mālama ʻana i ka male ʻana ʻo ia wale nō ke ala e hauʻoli ai?
I ka manawa ma ka mokulele, ua lilo ʻelua mau wahine ʻōpio i koʻu mau hoa huakaʻi, nāna i hoʻolilo iaʻu i mea hilinaʻi ʻole, e kūkākūkā ana i nā kikoʻī o koʻu ola pilikino me ka leo nui a me ka naʻau. Mai kā lāua kamaʻilio ʻana, ua aʻo au e pili ana lāua ʻelua i nā ʻōpio a he manaʻolana koʻu no kēia pilina. I ko lākou kaʻana ʻana i kā lākou mau moʻolelo mai ka wā i hala, ua ʻike ʻia ka nui o ka ʻeha a lākou e hoʻomanawanui ai: "Ua manaʻo wau ua hui pū mākou, he kāne mākou, a laila hoʻouna mai koʻu hoaaloha iaʻu i kāna moʻokāki ma kahi pūnaewele pili, kahi ʻo ia, ma kāna 'Ōlelo pono'ī, "Ke 'imi nei au i ke aloha", "I ko'u 'ike 'ana ua male 'o ia, 'a'ole au i mana'o mua", "'A'ole maopopo ia'u ke kumu o ka pau 'ana o ke kāhea 'ana mai o ia kanaka ia'u ma hope o 'ekolu mau lā kupanaha."
Me he mea lā ʻaʻohe mea hou - ʻo nā hanauna o nā kāne a me nā wahine e ʻeha i ke aloha ʻole, nā manaʻo o ka incomprehensibility a me ka loneliness, mai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ua waiho ʻia lākou ma ke ʻano ʻino loa, me ka hoʻohanohano ʻole ʻana i kahi wehewehe a me nā ʻōlelo aloha. E like me kaʻu i hoʻomaopopo ai, he mau hoaaloha pili ko nā wahine ʻelua, nā ʻohana aloha a me nā ʻoihana kūleʻa. Eia naʻe, ua maopopo - i ko lākou manaʻo, ʻike ʻia ke ola piha maoli me ka pilina aloha a me ka male hou ʻana. ʻAʻole mea hou kēia hanana.
Me ka makahiki, ua mākaukau mākou e nānā pono kekahi i kekahi, ʻoi aku ka hohonu, ʻo ia hoʻi ka piʻi ʻana o ka manawa e hālāwai ai me kā mākou "kanaka".
ʻO ka moʻolelo hoʻomana "Sex and the City" i hōʻike maopopo i ka ʻeha a me ka ʻeha o nā wahine, me he mea lā, loaʻa nā mea āpau ... koe wale no nā pilina kūleʻa. ʻAʻole pili kēia i nā wahine wale nō - ʻo ka makemake e ʻike i ka ʻike, kākoʻo a aloha ʻuhane hoa noho pū kekahi i kahi kūlana alakaʻi i ka papa inoa o nā makemake i loko o ke kāne. ʻAʻole naʻe nā kāne i leo ʻoiaʻiʻo. Ua makemake au e hāʻawi i kahi hōʻoluʻolu i kēia mau wahine ʻōpio nona nā manaʻo o ka hauʻoli a me ka hoʻokō ʻana i pili pono i ka nīnau, "No ke aha ʻo ia ʻaʻole aloha iaʻu?" a "E male au?". Manaʻo wau hiki iaʻu ke paipai i koʻu mau hoa huakaʻi ʻōpio ma ka hāʻawi ʻana iā lākou i kahi ʻano ʻokoʻa iki i ka pilikia e hopohopo nei iā lākou.
He kiʻekiʻe ka manawa e hālāwai ai ʻoe me kāu hoa
Ua hopohopo pinepine mākou i ka nui o nā poʻe hoʻokahi. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole mākou e noʻonoʻo ʻo ka poʻe i mare maʻamau e hāʻule ma lalo o ka helu ʻai. A ʻaʻole pono e alakaʻi hewa kāna kiʻi. No ka laʻana, ua emi ka ratio o ka poʻe i mare ma waena o nā makahiki 25 a me 34, akā ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo e noho kaʻawale nā kānaka. ʻO ka hapa nui wale nō i hoʻopau i kahi hui kūhelu ma hope o 40 a i ʻole 50 mau makahiki, a he nui ka poʻe i ʻae ʻole i ko lākou pilina a manaʻo ʻia nā helu helu iā lākou mehameha, ʻoiai he ʻohana hauʻoli kēia poʻe.
Ke loli nei ko mākou mau manaʻolana a maikaʻi kēlā.
ʻO kā mākou mau manaʻolana no kahi mea aloha a ke hoʻololi nei ke ʻano o kāna koho. ʻO kekahi o koʻu mau hoa huakaʻi ʻōpio i kamaʻilio me ka hoihoi e pili ana i kekahi o kāna mau mea mahalo. Mai ke ʻano o kāna wehewehe ʻana iā ia, ʻike ʻia kāna mau pono nui - ka hana haʻuki a me nā maka uliuli. ʻAʻohe mea kānalua i ka poʻe kaʻa kane ʻōpio, inā e kamaʻilio lākou ma ke kumuhana like, e ʻike pū lākou, ʻo ka mea mua, nā pono o waho o nā hoa pili. ʻO kēia kekahi ma muli o nā kūlana i kau ʻia ma luna o mākou, e pili ana i ka helehelena. Me ka makahiki, lilo mākou i mea kūʻokoʻa a mākaukau e nānā pono kekahi i kekahi, hohonu. A laila, mae ka helehelena o ka hoa i ke kua. ʻO ka manaʻo hoʻohaʻahaʻa, ka lokomaikaʻi, a me ka hiki ke aloha ke hele mua. No laila, hoʻonui ka manawa e hālāwai ai me kahi kanaka "ponoʻī".
ʻO ka hapa nui o ka poʻe i male e ʻae inā pono lākou e koho i kēia manawa, ʻaʻole lākou e koho i kahi hoa.
ʻAʻole hoʻokūkū ke aloha i nā mea maikaʻi loa
I kekahi manawa, ma muli o ka manaʻo maikaʻi loa, ʻōlelo ko mākou mau hoaaloha: "Pehea ʻoe, he kaikamahine nani a akamai, ʻo ʻoe wale nō." A hoʻomaka ka manaʻo e loaʻa iā mākou kekahi mau ʻano kūikawā i mea e huki ai i ke aloha. A ʻoiai ʻo mākou wale nō, ʻo ia hoʻi, hana mākou i kekahi mea a i ʻole ke nānā hewa. ʻAʻole pili ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi hoa pili i ke koho ʻana i kahi kaʻa a i ʻole kahi hana, ʻoiai ʻo nā pūnaewele pili e hōʻike i kēia mau hui. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ke ʻimi nei mākou i kahi kanaka, ʻaʻole kahi hoʻonohonoho o nā ʻano. E nīnau i nā kāne i noho pū i ka manawa lōʻihi i ka mea i aloha nui ʻia iā lākou i kahi hoa, a ʻaʻole lākou e haʻi iā ʻoe e pili ana i kahi uku kiʻekiʻe a i ʻole kahi kiʻi maikaʻi loa, akā e hoʻomanaʻo lākou i nā makemake maʻamau, ʻike a kaʻana like i nā hauʻoli a me nā kaumaha, a manao hilinai. A ʻaʻole nui ka poʻe e hoʻopā i nā ʻano kikoʻī a e ʻōlelo: "ʻO koʻu kanaka wale nō kēia."
ʻAʻole ʻo ka male ka lāʻau no nā pilikia
Hiki i ka male ke hāʻawi iā mākou i nā pono noʻonoʻo, noʻonoʻo, a me ka pilikanaka. Eia nō naʻe, hiki wale nō kēia, a ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo e hauʻoli mākou i kēia mau mea maikaʻi. ʻO nā pilina pili maoli, hohonu a hilinaʻi wale nō mākou e ʻike ai i kahi kanaka kūʻokoʻa i loko o kahi hoa e hauʻoli ai mākou. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ka olakino a ola lōʻihi ka poʻe i loko o ia mau uniona. Akā inā ʻaʻole ia e hoʻohui, ʻokoʻa nā mea a pau. Hōʻike nā haʻawina he hapa nui o ka poʻe i male i ʻoi aku ma mua o ʻumi makahiki e ʻae inā pono lākou e koho i kēia manawa, ʻaʻole lākou e koho i kahi hoa a ʻaʻole e hoʻomaka i kahi ʻohana me ia. No ka mea, ʻaʻole lākou manaʻo i kahi pilina pili. I ka manawa like, hiki i kahi hoaaloha a pili paha iā ʻoe ke kaʻana like i nā ʻike pili pili e lilo i mea pili loa ma mua o kahi hoa.