He paʻakikī ke manaʻoʻiʻo, akā hauʻoli ka poʻe ʻelemakule. ʻO Victor Kagan, he psychotherapist, kauka o ka ʻepekema lapaʻau, e hana nui ana me ka poʻe ʻelemakule a me nā ʻelemakule loa, i haʻi mai i kona manaʻo me mākou no kēia mea.
"I koʻu wā ʻelemakule e like me ʻoe, ʻaʻole au e nele i kekahi mea," i ʻōlelo mai ai kaʻu keiki iaʻu i kona wā he 15 a ʻo wau ʻo 35. Hiki ke ʻōlelo ʻia ka huaʻōlelo like e kahi keiki 70 makahiki i kahi 95- makua makahiki makahiki. Eia nō naʻe, ma 95 a ma 75, pono nā kānaka i ka mea like me 35. I kekahi manawa, ʻōlelo ka mea maʻi 96-makahiki, ʻānai iki: "Ua ʻike ʻoe, e ke kauka, ʻaʻole i ʻelemakule ka ʻuhane."
ʻO ka nīnau nui, ʻoiaʻiʻo, pehea mākou e ʻike ai i ka poʻe ʻelemakule. 30-40 mau makahiki aku nei, i ka wā i hoʻomaha ai ke kanaka, ua holoi ʻia ʻo ia mai ke ola. Ua lilo ʻo ia i mea kaumaha i ʻike ʻole i ka mea e hana ai, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻike i kāna mea e hana ai iā ia iho. A me he mea lā ʻaʻohe mea e pono ai i kēlā makahiki. Akā ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, he manawa hoihoi loa ka ʻelemakule. Hauʻoli. Nui nā haʻawina e hōʻoia ana i ka hauʻoli o ka poʻe i ko lākou mau makahiki 60 a me 90 ma mua o ka poʻe ʻōpio. Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Psychotherapist Carl Whitaker, i kāna mau makahiki he 70: "He marathon paʻakikī ka makahiki waena, ʻo ka ʻelemakule ka leʻaleʻa o ka hula maikaʻi: ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā kuli, akā ʻo ka wikiwiki a me ka nani he kūlohelohe a ʻaʻole ikaika." ʻIke ʻia ka emi ʻana o nā manaʻolana o ka poʻe ʻelemakule, a aia pū kekahi manaʻo o ke kūʻokoʻa: ʻaʻole mākou ʻaiʻē i kekahi a ʻaʻole hopohopo i kekahi mea. Ua mahalo au ia'u iho. Ua hoʻomaha au (a ke hoʻomau nei au i ka hana, e like me kaʻu hana - he nui), akā loaʻa iaʻu kahi makana hōʻoluʻolu no koʻu mau makahiki. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke ola i kēia kālā, hiki iā ʻoe ke ola ma luna o ia kālā, akā i ka manawa aʻu i loaʻa ai no ka manawa mua, ua loaʻa iaʻu i kahi manaʻo kupaianaha - i kēia manawa hiki iaʻu ke helu i nā mea āpau. Ua ʻokoʻa ke ola - ʻoi aku ka manuahi, maʻalahi. ʻO ka wā kahiko e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke nānā nui iā ʻoe iho, e hana i kāu mea e makemake ai a me nā mea a kou mau lima i hiki ʻole ai ma mua, a e mahalo i kēlā me kēia minuke - ʻaʻole nui ka manawa i koe.
E heluhelu hou:
- "ʻO ka ʻelemakule ka manawa hauʻoli loa o ko mākou ola"
Pitfalls
ʻO kekahi mea ʻē aʻe he pilikia ponoʻī ka ʻelemakule. Hoʻomanaʻo wau i koʻu wā liʻiliʻi - ʻo ia ka manawa o ka lā hānau, a ke ola nei au i ka manawa o ka hoʻolewa - poho, poho, poho. He paʻakikī loa me kaʻu palekana ʻoihana. I ka wā ʻelemakule, ʻo ka pilikia o ka mehameha, makemake ʻia iā ia iho e like me ka wā ma mua ... ʻAʻole pili i ke aloha o nā mākua a me nā keiki kekahi i kekahi, aia nā nīnau ponoʻī o ka poʻe kahiko: pehea e kūʻai ai i kahi i loko o ka hale kupapaʻu, pehea e hoʻonohonoho ai i kahi hoʻolewa, pehea e make ai ... He mea ʻeha nā keiki ke hoʻolohe i kēia, pale lākou iā lākou iho: "E hāʻawi iā Māmā, e ola ʻoe i hoʻokahi haneli mau makahiki!" ʻAʻohe mea makemake e lohe e pili ana i ka make. Lohe pinepine au mai nā maʻi: "Me ʻoe wale nō wau e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kēia, ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe." Kūkākūkā mālie mākou i ka make, hoʻohenehene, hoʻomākaukau no ia.
ʻO kekahi pilikia o ka ʻelemakule ka hana, kamaʻilio. Ua hana nui au ma kahi kikowaena lā no ka poʻe ʻelemakule (ma USA. – Ka leka a ka Lunahooponopono) a ʻike au i nā poʻe ma laila aʻu i hālāwai mua ai. A laila, ʻaʻohe o lākou wahi e hoʻonoho ai iā lākou iho, a noho lākou ma ka home i ka lā a pau, maʻi, pau ka hapalua, me kahi pūʻulu o nā hōʻailona ... Ua ʻike ʻia kahi kikowaena lā, a lilo lākou i ʻokoʻa loa: huki ʻia lākou i laila, hiki iā lākou ke hana i kahi mea ma laila. , makemake kekahi iā lākou ma laila, hiki ke kamaʻilio a paio kekahi i kekahi - a ʻo ke ola kēia! Ua manaʻo lākou he pono lākou iā lākou iho, kekahi i kekahi, loaʻa iā lākou nā hoʻolālā a me nā hopohopo no ka lā ʻapōpō, a maʻalahi - pono ʻoe e ʻaʻahu, ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e hele i kahi ʻaʻahu… mea nui. He aha ke ʻano o ka ʻelemakule - kōkua ʻole a ʻeleu paha? Hoʻomanaʻo wau i koʻu mau manaʻo ikaika loa mai ka hele ʻana i waho, ma Hungary i 1988 - nā keiki a me nā poʻe ʻelemakule. ʻO nā keiki i kauo lima ʻole ʻia e kekahi a ʻaʻole hoʻoweliweli e hāʻawi i kahi makai. A ʻo ka poʻe kahiko – kāhiko maikaʻi ʻia, maʻemaʻe, noho i loko o ka cafe… He ʻokoʻa loa kēia kiʻi mai ka mea aʻu i ʻike ai ma Rusia…
ʻO ka makahiki a me ka psychotherapy
Hiki i kahi psychotherapist ke lilo i ala no ke ola ikaika no kahi ʻelemakule. Hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā mea āpau me ia, ʻo ia hoʻi, kōkua pū ʻo ia. ʻO kekahi o kaʻu mau maʻi he 86 makahiki a ua pilikia ka hele wāwae. No ke kōkua ʻana iā ia i koʻu keʻena, kāhea wau iā ia, ma ke ala e kamaʻilio ai mākou no kekahi mea, a laila hana, a hoʻokele wau iā ia i ka home. A he hanana holoʻokoʻa ia i kona ola. Hoʻomanaʻo wau i kekahi maʻi oʻu, me ka maʻi Parkinson. Me he mea lā, he aha ka pili o ka psychotherapy me ia? I ko mākou hui ʻana me ia, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke ala aʻe mai luna o ka noho, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke ʻaʻahu i ka ʻaʻahu, me ke kākoʻo ʻana o kāna kāne, ua hele ʻo ia ma luna o kahi noho. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hele ma nā wahi ʻē aʻe, i kekahi manawa hāpai nā keiki iā ia i ko lākou mau lima i ke kaʻa a lawe aku iā ia ... Ua hoʻomaka mākou e hana pū me ia a ʻeono mahina ma hope mai e hele wāwae ana mākou a puni ka hale nui ma ka lima: i ka wā i hele ai mākou i ka pōʻai piha no ka manawa mua. , he lanakila. Ua hele mākou i 2-3 mau laps a hana i ka therapy ma ke ala. A laila hele ʻo lāua me kāna kāne i ko lākou ʻāina hānau, i Odessa, a hoʻi mai, ʻōlelo ʻo ia no ka manawa mua o kona ola ua hoʻāʻo ʻo ia ... vodka ma laila. Ua anu au, makemake au e pumehana: "ʻAʻole au i manaʻo he maikaʻi loa ia."
ʻO ka poʻe maʻi koʻikoʻi ka mana nui, hiki i ka ʻuhane ke hana nui. ʻO ka psychotherapy i kēlā me kēia makahiki ke kōkua i ke kanaka e hoʻokō i ke ola. Mai lanakila, mai hoʻololi, akā e hoʻokō i ka mea. A aia nā mea a pau i loko - ʻāʻī, lepo, ʻeha, nā mea nani ... Hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i loko o mākou iho i ka hiki ʻole ke nānā i kēia mau mea mai ka ʻaoʻao hoʻokahi. ʻAʻole kēia "he hale, he hale, kū i hope i ka nahele, akā iaʻu i mua." I loko o ka psychotherapy, koho ke kanaka a loaʻa ka wiwo ʻole e ʻike iā ia mai nā kihi like ʻole. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke inu hou i ke ola, e like me kou wā ʻōpio, me nā aniani - ʻaʻole ia e huki. E inu mālie, e ʻono i ka ʻono o kēlā me kēia sip.