Pehea e hiki ai iā mākou ke kōkua i nā keiki e lanakila i ko lākou hopohopo?

ʻO nā ʻano e lawe ai i mua o ka weliweli o nā keiki liʻiliʻi.

“ʻO kā mākou Marion he kaikamahine ʻoliʻoli, akamai, olaola, manaʻo maikaʻi 3 makahiki. Mālama nui māua me kona makuakāne iā ia, hoʻolohe mākou iā ia, paipai iā ia, hoʻomaʻamaʻa iā ia, a ʻaʻole maopopo mākou i ke kumu o kona makaʻu nui ʻana i ka pōʻeleʻele a me nā ʻaihue weliweli e hele mai a ʻaihue iā ia i waenakonu. ke kulanakauhale. pō ! Akā ma hea ʻo ia e hele ai e ʻimi i kēlā mau manaʻo? E like me Marion, makemake nā mākua he nui i ke ola o kā lākou pēpē e hoʻopiha i ka ʻono a me ka makaʻu ʻole. Kāna ʻO nā keiki a pau o ka honua ke loaʻa i ka makaʻu i nā manawa like ʻole o ko lākou ola, ma nā ʻano like ʻole a e like me ko lākou ʻano. ʻOiai ʻaʻohe paʻi maikaʻi me nā mākua, ʻo ka makaʻu ka manaʻo āpau - e like me ka hauʻoli, ke kaumaha, ka huhū - pono no ke kūkulu ʻana i ke keiki. Hoʻomaopopo ʻo ia iā ia i nā pōʻino, hiki iā ia ke ʻike pono e kiaʻi ʻo ia i ka pono o kona kino. E like me kā Béatrice Copper-Royer, ka mea kālaiʻike noʻonoʻo, i kuhikuhi ai: “ʻO ke keiki ʻaʻole makaʻu, ʻaʻole hopohopo e hāʻule inā piʻi ʻo ia i kahi kiʻekiʻe a i ʻole hele wale i waho i ka pōʻeleʻele, no ka laʻana, ʻaʻole ia he hōʻailona maikaʻi, he mea hopohopo. ʻO ia hoʻi, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻike pehea e pale aku ai iā ia iho, ʻaʻole ʻo ia e loiloi maikaʻi iā ia iho, aia ʻo ia i loko o ka mana a me nā pilikia e hoʻokau iā ia iho i ka pōʻino. "ʻO nā hōʻailona ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka hoʻomohala ʻana, ulu a loli ka makaʻu i ka wā e ulu ai ke keiki, e like me ka manawa kūpono.

Makaʻu i ka make, pōʻeleʻele, pō, aka… He aha ka phobia i ka makahiki hea?

Ma kahi o 8-10 mahina, hoʻomaka koke ke keiki i hele maʻalahi mai ka lima a i ka lima e uē ke haʻalele ʻo ia i kona makuahine e hāpai ʻia e kahi malihini. ʻO kēia makaʻu mua e hōʻike ana ua ʻike ʻo ia iā ia iho "ʻokoʻa", ua ʻike ʻo ia i nā helehelena kamaʻāina o ka poʻe e hoʻopuni ana iā ia a me nā maka ʻike ʻole i kahi mamao loa mai ka pōʻai i loko. He holomua nui ia ma kona naʻauao. A laila pono ʻo ia e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻia e nā ʻōlelo hōʻoluʻolu a kona ʻohana e ʻae i ka launa pū ʻana me kēia haole. Ma kahi o hoʻokahi makahiki, hoʻomaka nā leo o ka mea hoʻomaʻemaʻe hoʻomaʻemaʻe, ke kelepona, nā robots hale e hopohopo iā ia. Mai ka 18-24 mahina e ʻike ʻia ka makaʻu i ka pō a me ka pō. ʻO ke keiki liʻiliʻi, i hele i kahi moe me ka pilikia ʻole, hōʻole ʻo ia e hiamoe hoʻokahi. Hoʻomaopopoʻo ia i ka kaʻawaleʻana, moe nā hoa me ka manawa mehameha. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku ka manaʻo o ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana mai kona mau mākua i mea e uē ai ʻo ia ma mua o ka makaʻu i ka pōʻeleʻele.

ʻO ka makaʻu i ka ʻīlio hae, i ka haʻalele… I ka makahiki hea?

ʻO ke kumu ʻē aʻe e makaʻu ai ʻo ia i ka pōʻeleʻele, ʻo ia ka ʻimi piha ʻana i ke kaʻa kaʻa a nalo ʻo ia i ka pō. ʻO ka makaʻu o ka haʻalele hiki ke hōʻike iā ia iho i kēia mau makahiki inā ʻaʻole i loaʻa i ke keiki ka palekana kūloko kūpono i nā mahina mua o kona ola. Latent i loko o kēlā me kēia kanaka, hiki ke hoʻāla hou ʻia kēia hopohopo o ka haʻalele mua i ke ola a pau ma muli o nā kūlana (kaawale, hemo, beeavement, etc.). Ma kahi o 30-36 mau mahina, komo ke keiki i kahi manawa i mana ka manaʻo, mahalo ʻo ia i nā moʻolelo weliweli a makaʻu i ka ʻīlio hae, nā holoholona ʻino me nā niho nui. I ke aumoe o ka po, e kuhi hewa wale ʻo ia i ka pale neʻe, nā ʻano ʻeleʻele, ke aka o ke kukui pō no nā monsters. Ma waena o nā makahiki 3 a me 5, ʻo nā mea weliweli i kēia manawa he ʻaihue, ʻaihue, malihini, tramps, ogres a me nā kupua. ʻO kēia mau makaʻu e pili ana i ka wā Oedipal he hōʻike ia o ka hoʻokūkū a ke keiki i ʻike ai i ka makua o ka wahine like me ia. Ke kū'ē nei me kona nele i ke oʻo, kona liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi i hoʻohālikelike ʻia me kona hoʻokūkū, hopohopo ʻo ia a hoʻopuka i kāna mau hopohopo ma o nā mea noʻonoʻo, nā moʻolelo o nā kupua, nā ʻuhane, nā monsters. I kēia mau makahiki, ʻo ia hoʻi ka manawa e ala ai ka makaʻu phobic i nā holoholona (spiders, dogs, pigeons, horses, etc.) o nā haumāna ʻē aʻe ma ke kula kindergarten…

ʻO ka makaʻu i nā pēpē a me nā keiki: pono e hoʻolohe a hōʻoluʻolu

ʻO ka leʻaleʻa liʻiliʻi, ka ʻeke nui, ka phobia maoli, pono e noʻonoʻo ʻia a hui pū ʻia kēlā me kēia o kēia mau manaʻo. No ka mea, inā ʻike ka makaʻu i nā pae o ka ulu ʻana, hiki iā lākou ke pale aku i nā keiki mai ka neʻe ʻana i mua inā ʻaʻole hiki iā lākou ke hoʻoluhi iā lākou e lanakila ai. A ma laila ʻoe e komo ai ma ke kōkua ʻana i kāu pokii makaʻuʻu e lanakila ma luna o lākou. ʻO ka mea mua, e hoʻokipa i kona manaʻo me ka lokomaikaʻi, he mea nui e manaʻo kāu keiki i ke kuleana e makaʻu. E hoʻolohe iā ia, e paipai iā ia e hōʻike i nā mea a pau āna i manaʻo ai, me ka hoʻāʻo ʻole e hōʻoluʻolu iā ia i nā koina a pau, e ʻike a inoa i kona kūlana manaʻo. E kōkua iā ia e hoʻokomo i nā huaʻōlelo i kāna mea e ʻike nei i loko ("Ke ʻike nei au ua makaʻu ʻoe, he aha ka mea e hana nei?"), ʻO ia ka mea i kapa ʻia e ka psychoanalyst kaulana ʻo Françoise Dolto "hoʻokomo i kāna mau inoa i ke keiki".

E hoʻonui i kou mau pilikia

ʻO ka mea nui ʻelua, e haʻi iā ia aia ʻoe e pale iā ia. ʻO nā mea a pau e hiki mai ana, ʻo ia ka ʻōlelo koʻikoʻi a koʻikoʻi e hoʻolohe ai ke keiki liʻiliʻi e hōʻoluʻolu ʻia i ka wā e hōʻike ai lākou i kahi hopohopo. Inā hopohopo nui ʻo ia i ka wā e hiamoe ai, hoʻonohonoho i nā kuʻuna, nā ʻano moe liʻiliʻi, kahi kukui pō, kahi puka puka (i hiki iā ia ke lohe i ke kani o ka hale ma hope), mālamalama i ke alaloa, kahi moʻolelo, kona ʻaʻahu. (ʻo nā mea a pau e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ana a e hōʻike ana i ka makuahine i hele ʻole), ʻo ka pūliki, ka honi a me ka "E hiamoe maikaʻi, e ʻike iā ʻoe i ke kakahiaka ʻapōpō no kahi lā nani hou", ma mua o ka haʻalele ʻana i kona lumi. No ke kōkua iā ia e hoʻopau i kona hopohopo, hiki iā ʻoe ke hāʻawi iā ia e huki. ʻO ka hōʻike ʻana iā ia me nā penikala kala ma nā ʻāpana pepa, a i ʻole me ka plasticine, e ʻae iā ia e haʻalele iā ia a ʻoi aku ka palekana.

ʻO kekahi ʻenehana i hōʻoia ʻia: e hoʻihoʻi i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, i ka noʻonoʻo. He oiaio kona makau, he maikai kona manao, he oiaio, aole ia he manao wale, nolaila, e hooiaio ia, aka, me ka komo ole i kona manao: "Ke lohe nei au ua makau oe no ka mea he aihue e hele mai ana i kou rumi i ka po. akā ʻike wau ʻaʻole e loaʻa. ʻAʻole hiki ʻole! ʻO Ditto no nā kilokilo a me nā ʻuhane, ʻaʻole ia! Ma luna o nā mea a pau, mai nānā i lalo o ka moena a ma hope o ka pale, mai kau i kahi lāʻau ma lalo o ka uluna "e hakakā i nā monsters i kou hiamoe". Ma ka hāʻawi ʻana i kahi ʻano ʻoiaʻiʻo i kona makaʻu, ma ka hoʻokomo ʻana i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hōʻoia ʻoe iā ia i ka manaʻo e ola ana nā monsters weliweli ʻoiai ke ʻimi nei ʻoe iā lākou no ka mea maoli!

ʻAʻohe mea i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā moʻolelo weliweli kahiko

No ke kōkua ʻana i nā kamaliʻi e hoʻokō, ʻaʻohe mea i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā moʻolelo kahiko kahiko e like me ka Bluebeard, Little Thumb, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, The Cat boot… Ke hele pū ʻia me ke kanaka makua e haʻi ana iā lākou, ʻae kēia mau moʻolelo i nā keiki e ʻike i ka makaʻu a me kāna mau ʻano. ʻO ka lohe ʻana i kā lākou mau hiʻohiʻona punahele e hoʻokau iā lākou i ka mana o ke kūlana ʻehaʻeha ma o ka ʻike ʻana me ke koa liʻiliʻi, lanakila ma luna o nā kupua weliweli a me nā ogres, e like me ka mea e pono ai. ʻAʻole ia he lawelawe no ka makemake e mālama iā lākou mai ka ʻehaʻeha a pau, ʻaʻole e haʻi iā lākou i kēlā me kēia moʻolelo, ʻaʻole e ʻae iā lākou e nānā i kēlā a me kēia kiʻi kiʻi no ka mea weliweli kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona. ʻO ka mea ʻē aʻe, kōkua nā moʻolelo makaʻu i ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻana i nā manaʻo, hoʻokomo iā lākou i loko o nā huaʻōlelo, decode a makemake lākou. Inā nīnau kāu keiki iā ʻoe i ʻekolu haneli manawa iā Bluebeard, ʻo ia nō ke kākoʻo ʻana o kēia moʻolelo i "kahi mea weliweli", ua like ia me ke kano. Pēlā nō, makemake nā kamaliʻi i ka pāʻani ʻīlio hae, peʻe a ʻimi, hoʻoweliweli kekahi i kekahi no ka mea he ala ia e hoʻomaʻamaʻa iā lākou iho a pale aku i nā mea e hopohopo ai lākou. ʻO nā moʻolelo o nā monsters aloha a i ʻole nā ​​ʻīlio meaʻai meaʻai he mau hoaaloha o nā Puʻa Liʻiliʻi he mea hoihoi wale i nā mākua.

E hakakā pū me kou hopohopo

Inā ʻaʻole makaʻu kāu keiki liʻiliʻi i nā mea noʻonoʻo akā i nā holoholona liʻiliʻi, a laila e pāʻani i ke kāleka maoli. E wehewehe ʻaʻole maikaʻi ʻole nā ​​iniseti, hiki i ka nalo ke nahu wale inā manaʻo ʻo ia i ka pōʻino, hiki ke pale ʻia nā makika ma ka pale ʻana iā ʻoe iho me ka ʻaila, ʻo nā ʻanuʻu, nā ʻuhe honua, nā nalo, nā lede, nā ʻūhini a me nā pepeke a me nā mea ʻē aʻe he nui ʻole. Inā makaʻu ʻo ia i ka wai, hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻi iā ia ua makaʻu pū ʻoe i ka wai, ua pilikia ʻoe i ke aʻo ʻana i ka ʻauʻau, akā ua lanakila ʻoe. ʻO ka haʻi ʻana i kāu mau ʻike ponoʻī hiki ke kōkua i kāu keiki liʻiliʻi e ʻike a manaʻoʻiʻo i kona hiki.

E hoʻolauleʻa i kona lanakila

Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomanaʻo iā ia i ke ʻano o kona lanakila ʻana i kahi kūlana i makaʻu iā ia. ʻO ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana i kona wiwo ʻole i hala e hoʻoikaika i kona manaʻo e kū i ka hoʻouka kaua hou. E hoʻonoho i kumu hoʻohālike iā ʻoe iho ma ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i kāu mau pilikia pilikino. ʻO kahi keiki makaʻu pinepine i nā mākua hopohopo nui, ʻo ka makuahine i loaʻa i ka phobia o nā ʻīlio e hāʻawi pinepine i kāna mau keiki. Pehea ʻoe e hōʻoluʻolu ai inā ʻike ʻo ia iā ia e lele ana no ka mea e piʻi mai ana kahi Labrador e ʻōlelo aloha a uwē paha no ka piʻi ʻana o kahi spider nui i ka pā? Hele ka makaʻu ma nā ʻōlelo, akā ma nā ʻano, nā hiʻohiʻona o ka helehelena, nā maka, nā neʻe o ka hoʻi hope. Hoʻopaʻa nā keiki i nā mea a pau, he mau ʻōhuʻu manaʻo lākou. No laila, ʻo ka hopohopo kaʻawale e ʻike pinepine ʻia e kahi keiki liʻiliʻi mai ka pilikia o kona makuahine i ka ʻae ʻana iā ia e haʻalele iā ia. ʻIke ʻo ia i ka ʻehaʻeha o kona makuahine a pane ʻo ia i kona makemake hohonu ma ka hoʻopili ʻana iā ia, me ka uē ʻana i kona wā e hele ai. Pela no hoi kekahi makua e hoouna ana i na memo hooweliweli i na manawa he nui i ka la: “E akahele, e haule oe a eha oe ia oe iho! E loaʻa i kahi keiki makaʻu. ʻO ka makuahine e hopohopo nui nei i ka maʻemaʻe a me nā germs e loaʻa nā keiki e hopohopo nei i ka lepo a i ʻole nā ​​​​lima lepo.

Noho zen

ʻO kou mau hopohopo e hoʻohauʻoli nui i kāu mau keiki, e aʻo e ʻike iā lākou, e hakakā iā lākou, e hoʻomalu iā lākou a noho zen i nā manawa a pau.

Ma waho aʻe o kou kaohi ponoʻī, hiki iā ʻoe ke kōkua i kāu keiki liʻiliʻi e lanakila i kona mau makaʻu ma o ka desensitization. ʻO ka pilikia me ka phobia ʻo ka nui o kou holo ʻana mai ka mea āu e makaʻu ai, ʻoi aku ka ulu ʻana. No laila pono ʻoe e kōkua i kāu keiki e kū i kona makaʻu, ʻaʻole e hoʻokaʻawale iā ia iho, a pale i nā kūlana hoʻonāukiuki. Inā ʻaʻole makemake ʻo ia e hele i nā pāʻina lā hānau, e hoʻomau i nā pae. ʻO ka mua, e noho liʻiliʻi me ia, e nānā iā ia, a laila e kūkākūkā ʻo ia e noho hoʻokahi me kona mau hoaaloha ma ka hoʻohiki ʻana iā ia e hele mai e ʻimi iā ia ma ke kelepona iki, ma ke kelepona iki. Ma ka huinahalike, hoʻolauna iā ia i nā keiki ʻē aʻe a hoʻomaka i nā pāʻani hui iā ʻoe iho, e kōkua iā ia e hana i nā pilina. “Makemake kaʻu keiki kāne / kaikamahine e pāʻani i ke one a i ʻole ke kinipōpō me ʻoe, ʻae ʻoe? A laila hele ʻoe a hoʻokuʻu iā ia e pāʻani, me ka nānā ʻana mai kahi mamao i kāna hana ʻana, ʻaʻole naʻe e komo, no ka mea, aia iā ia ke aʻo e hana i kona wahi ke hoʻomaka ʻoe i ka hālāwai.

Ka wā e hopohopo ai

ʻO ka ikaika a me ka lōʻihi ka mea e hoʻokaʻawale ai i waena o ka makaʻu pōkole e ulu ai ʻoe i ka wā i lanakila ai ʻoe a me ka hopohopo maoli. ʻAʻole like ia i ka wā e uē ai kahi keiki 3 makahiki a kāhea aku i kona makuahine i nā lā mua o ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ka makahiki kula a ke hoʻomau nei ʻo ia i ke koʻikoʻi ma Ianuali! Ma hope o 3 mau makahiki, ke hoʻomau ka makaʻu i ka wā e hiamoe ai, hiki iā mākou ke noʻonoʻo i kahi ʻano o ka hopohopo. Ke hoʻokomo lākou a hala ʻoi aku ma mua o ʻeono mahina, pono mākou e ʻimi i kahi mea o ke koʻikoʻi i ke ola o ke keiki e hōʻoia i kēia ikaika. ʻAʻole ʻoe e huhū nui iā ʻoe iho, a hopohopo paha? Ua ʻike ʻo ia i ka neʻe ʻana a i ʻole ka hoʻololi ʻana o ka nanny? Ua pilikia paha ʻo ia i ka hānau ʻana o ke kaikaina a i ʻole ke kaikuahine? He pilikia ma ke kula? He paʻakikī paha ka pōʻaiapili ʻohana - ka nele i ka hana, kaʻawale, ke kanikau? ʻO kahi moeʻuhane weliweli, a i ʻole nā ​​mea weliweli i ka pō, e hōʻike ana ʻaʻole i lohe ʻia ka makaʻu. ʻO ka pinepine, hōʻike kēia mau makaʻu i kahi kūlana o ka naʻau ʻole. Inā ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻoponopono i ka hopohopo, inā ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokō i ka hopohopo, inā lilo ka makaʻu i ʻoʻopa a pale i kāu keiki mai ka manaʻo maikaʻi iā ia iho a me ka launa ʻana, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ʻoe e nīnau a noi i ke kōkua mai kahi psychotherapist.

* ʻO ka mea kākau o "Fear of the Wolf, Fear of Everything. Makaʻu, hopohopo, phobias i nā keiki a me nā ʻōpio ”, ed. ʻO ka puke ʻeke.