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Ma mua o ka manaʻo hauʻoli a aloha ʻia, nui nā wahine i ʻike i ke kaumaha, ka hopohopo, a me ka hewa ma hope o ka hānau ʻana. "Pehea inā he hewa wau?" hopohopo lākou. No hea mai ka makaʻu i ka makuahine ʻino? Pehea e pale aku ai i kēia kūlana?
He makuahine maikaʻi wau? Nīnau kēlā me kēia wahine iā ia iho i kēia nīnau i kekahi manawa i ka makahiki mua ma hope o ka hānau ʻana o kahi pēpē. Ke hoʻokau nei ka lāhui o kēia manawa i ke kiʻi o kahi makuahine maikaʻi, e kūleʻa maʻalahi i nā mea āpau: hāʻawi ʻo ia iā ia iho i ka pēpē, ʻaʻole pau kona huhū, ʻaʻole luhi a huhū ʻole i nā mea liʻiliʻi.
ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, nui nā wahine i ʻike i ka noho kaʻawale ʻana, ke kaumaha postpartum, a me ka hiamoe hiamoe mau. ʻO kēia mau mea a pau e hoʻonele i ke kino, ka mea i loaʻa ʻole ka manawa e ola hou ai ma hope o ka hānau ʻana, i kona ikaika hope. Manaʻo nā makuahine ʻōpio i ka luhi, hopohopo, pono ʻole.
A laila kū mai nā kānalua: "E hiki anei iaʻu ke lilo i makuahine maikaʻi? Pehea wau e hānai ai i kahi keiki inā ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke mālama iaʻu iho? ʻAʻohe oʻu manawa no kekahi mea!» He kūpono ka puka ʻana o ia mau manaʻo. Akā, i mea e hoʻokuke aku ai i nā kānalua, e nānā kākou i nā kumu o ko lākou helehelena.
ʻO ke kaomi ʻana o ka hui
Sociologist Gerard Neirand, co-kakau o ka Makuakane, Mother a me Indefinite Functions, ike i ke kumu o ka hopohopo o ka opiopio makuahine i ka mea i keia la i ka upbringing o ke keiki ua loa «psychologized». Ua haʻi ʻia mai iā mākou ʻo nā hewa i ka hānai ʻana a i ʻole ke aloha ʻole i ka wā kamaliʻi hiki ke hōʻino nui i ke ola o ke keiki. ʻO nā hemahema a pau o ke ola makua e pili pinepine ʻia i nā pilikia kamaliʻi a me nā hewa o nā mākua.
ʻO ka hopena, manaʻo nā makuahine ʻōpio i ke kuleana nui no ka wā e hiki mai ana o ka pēpē a makaʻu lākou e hana i kahi kuhi hewa. Ma muli o ia, e lilo ke keiki i mea egoist, he lawehala, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻomaka i kahi ʻohana a hoʻokō iā ia iho? Hāʻawi kēia mau mea i ka hopohopo a hoʻonui i nā koi iā ʻoe iho.
manaʻo lōʻihi loa
Ua ʻike ʻo Marion Conyard, he kanaka kālaiʻike loea i ka hana makua, ʻo ke kumu e hopohopo ai ka nui o nā wahine ʻo ia ka makemake e hiki i ka manawa a me ka mana.
Makemake lākou e hoʻohui i ka makuahine, ka ʻoihana, ke ola pilikino a me nā leʻaleʻa. A i ka manawa like ke hoʻāʻo nei lākou e hāʻawi i nā mea maikaʻi loa ma nā ʻaoʻao āpau, e lilo i mau manaʻo e hahai ai. "He nui ko lākou makemake a i kekahi manawa kū'ē, kahi e hoʻoulu ai i ka hakakā noʻonoʻo," wahi a Marion Conyard.
Eia kekahi, nui ka poʻe i pio i nā stereotypes. ʻO kahi laʻana, ʻo ka hoʻolilo ʻana iā ʻoe iho i ka wā e loaʻa ai kahi keiki liʻiliʻi he mea paʻakikī, a i ʻole hiki i ka makuahine o nā keiki he nui ke paʻa i kahi kūlana alakaʻi koʻikoʻi. ʻO ka makemake e hakakā i kēlā mau stereotypes e hoʻoulu ai i nā pilikia.
neurosis makuahine
“He mea puiwa nui ka lilo ʻana i makuahine. Hoʻololi nā mea a pau: ka nohona, ke kūlana, nā kuleana, nā makemake, nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻoʻiʻo, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe.
ʻO ka psyche o ka wahine ma hope o ka hānau ʻana o kahi keiki e nalowale nā mea kākoʻo āpau. ʻO ka mea maʻamau, aia nā kānalua a me nā hopohopo. He palupalu a palupalu nā makuahine ʻōpio.
"Ke nīnau ka wahine iā ia iho a i kāna mau mea aloha inā manaʻo lākou he makuahine maikaʻi ʻole, ʻimi ʻo ia i ka hōʻoluʻolu a me ke kākoʻo. Pono ʻo ia, e like me ke keiki, e hoʻomaikaʻi iā ia, e hōʻole i kona mau makaʻu a kōkua iā ia e loaʻa ka hilinaʻi iā ia iho, "wahi a ka loea.
He aha e hana?
Inā pilikia ʻoe i kēlā mau hopohopo a me nā kānalua, mai mālama iā ʻoe iho. ʻOi aku ka nui o kou makani iā ʻoe iho, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o ka hoʻokō ʻana i kāu mau kuleana.
1. E manaʻoʻiʻo ʻaʻole weliweli nā mea a pau
ʻO ke ʻano o ia mau makaʻu iā ia iho e hōʻike ana he makuahine kuleana ʻoe. ʻO ia hoʻi ke hana maikaʻi nei ʻoe. E hoʻomanaʻo, hiki i kou makuahine ke hāʻawi i ka manawa liʻiliʻi iā ʻoe, ua liʻiliʻi kāna ʻike e pili ana i ka hānai ʻana i nā keiki, akā ua ulu ʻoe a hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻonohonoho i kou ola.
"ʻO ka mea mua, pono ʻoe e manaʻoʻiʻo iā ʻoe iho, kou ikaika, hilinaʻi i kou intuition. Mai kau i nā "puke akamai" ma ke poʻo o nā mea a pau. E hānai i ke keiki e like me kou hiki, manaʻo a me kou mau manaʻo e pili ana i ka maikaʻi a me ka hewa," wahi a Gerard Neirand, ʻo ka ʻepekema kanaka. Hiki ke hoʻoponopono i nā hewa i ka hoʻonaʻauao. E pōmaikaʻi nō ke keiki mai ia mea.
2. E noi i ke kōkua
ʻAʻohe hewa i ka huli ʻana i ke kōkua o kahi kahu hānai, ʻohana, kāne, waiho i kahi keiki me lākou a hāʻawi manawa iā ʻoe iho. ʻAe kēia iā ʻoe e hoʻololi a laila ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻokō ʻana i kāu mau hana. Mai ho'āʻo e hana i nā mea a pau iā ʻoe iho. Moe, hele i kahi salon nani, kamaʻilio me kahi hoaaloha, hele i ka hale keaka - ʻo kēia mau leʻaleʻa liʻiliʻi a pau i kēlā me kēia lā o ka makuahine i ʻoi aku ka mālie a me ka lokahi.
3. Poina i ka hewa
"ʻAʻole pono ke keiki i kahi makuahine maikaʻi loa," wahi a Marion Conyard, kanaka kālaiʻike. "ʻO ka mea nui loa ʻo ia kona palekana, hiki ke hāʻawi ʻia e kahi makua hilinaʻi, mālie a hilinaʻi." No laila, ʻaʻohe pono e hoʻoulu i ka manaʻo hewa. Akā, e hoʻomaikaʻi iā ʻoe iho no ka maikaʻi o kāu hana. ʻOi aku ka nui o kou hoʻāʻo ʻana e pāpā iā ʻoe iho e "ʻino", ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o ka mālama ʻana i kou mau manaʻo ponoʻī.