Hōʻike mākou i ke aloha ma nā ʻano like ʻole: me nā ʻōlelo lokomaikaʻi, nā maka lōʻihi a me nā hoʻopā pōkole, akā me nā makana, nā pua a i ʻole nā pancake wela no ka ʻaina kakahiaka… He aha ke kuleana o nā hōʻailona o ke aloha i ke ola o kahi kāne? A he aha nā pahele e kali nei iā kākou ma ʻaneʻi?
Psychologies: Pumehana, aloha, mālama — nā huaʻōlelo pili i ke ʻano. Akā i ka pili ʻana i ka pilina aloha, he mea nui nā aka o ka manaʻo ...
Svetlana Fedorova: ʻO ka hua'ōlelo "mālama" pili i ka Old Russian "zob",ʻo ia hoʻi "ka meaʻai, ka meaʻai" a me ka "zobatisya" - "eʻai". ʻO ka "Zobota" kekahi manawa i ka makemake e hoʻolako i ka meaʻai, hānai. A i ka wā hoʻopalau, hōʻike mākou i ka hoa e hiki mai ana e hiki iā mākou ke lilo i wahine hale maikaʻi a makua kāne paha o ka ʻohana, hiki iā mākou ke hānai i nā keiki.
ʻO ka hānai ʻana i ke ola a me ke aloha mua i loaʻa iā mākou mai ka makuahine. Inā ʻole kēia mālama, ʻaʻole e ola ka pēpē. ʻIke pū mākou i nā ʻike erotic no ka manawa mua i ka pilina keiki-makuahine. ʻO kēia nā pūliki a me nā hahau i pili ʻole i ka hoʻokō ʻana i nā pono kumu. Ke manaʻo nei i ka hoʻopā ʻana, ʻoluʻolu ka pēpē i ka makuahine, hauʻoli lāua ʻelua i ka launa ʻana, ka maʻi a me ka ʻike.
Pehea e loli ai ko mākou manaʻo i ke aloha me ka makahiki?
SF: I ka wā e noho ana ke keiki i ka hui ʻana me ka makuahine, ʻelua ʻaoʻao o ke kālā like ka mālama a me ke aloha. Akā, wehe ka makua kāne i ka dyad "makuahine-pepe": loaʻa iā ia kona pilina ponoʻī me ka makuahine, nāna e lawe iā ia mai ke pēpē. Huhū ke keiki a hoʻāʻo e noʻonoʻo pehea e leʻaleʻa ai me ka ʻole o ka makuahine.
Ma ka pilina pili, ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke haʻalele i nā manaʻo a me nā pono o kekahi.
Hoʻomaka mālie, hoʻokumu ʻo ia i nā pilina me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, ma ka makahiki o 3-5 ua huli kona manaʻo, ala mai nā manaʻo e pili ana i kahi pilina kūikawā ma waena o kona mau mākua, ʻaʻole like me kona pilina me kona makuahine. ʻO kona hiki ke ʻimi i kona kino a hauʻoli iā ia e unuhi i ka hiki ke noʻonoʻo e pili ana i kahi pilina erotic ma waena o nā poʻe a me ka leʻaleʻa i hiki ke loaʻa i ka pilina me kekahi.
Hoʻokaʻawale ka mālama ʻana mai ka erotica?
SF: Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo pēlā. Hoʻopili ʻia ka mālama me ka mana a me ka hierarchy: ʻo ka mea i mālama ʻia ma kahi kūlana nāwaliwali, ʻoi aku ka nāwaliwali ma mua o ka mea nāna e mālama iā ia. A he kamaʻilio ka pilina pili kino. ʻO ka mālama e pili ana i ka hopohopo a me nā pilikia, a ʻaʻole pili ka eroticism me ka hopohopo, he wahi ia o ka leʻaleʻa like, ʻimi, pāʻani. ʻAʻole pinepine ka mālama ʻana i ka empathy. Hiki iā mākou ke mālama pono i kahi hoa a ʻaʻole naʻe e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaopopo i ka mea e hoʻopilikia maoli iā ia.
A ʻo ka pili ʻana i ka moekolohe he hoʻololi naʻau, kahi ʻano hoʻoponopono i nā makemake a me nā pono o kekahi. ʻO ka mālama ʻana i kekahi i kekahi, komo mākou i loko o kahi kamaʻilio, flirt: ke ʻae nei ʻoe iaʻu? Inā hana hewa kekahi, e neʻe aku ka hoa a i ʻole e hoʻomaopopo ʻo ia ʻaʻole makemake ia. A me ka hope. Ma ka pilina pili, ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke haʻalele i nā manaʻo a me nā pono o kekahi. ʻAʻole hiki ke piha a hilinaʻi nā pilina inā ʻaʻole mālama nā hoa pili i kekahi i kekahi.
He mea ʻokoʻa ka mālama ʻana i kahi hoa mai ka mālama ʻana i ka makua e pili ana i ke keiki?
SF: ʻOiaʻiʻo. Ua luhi kēlā me kēia o mākou i kekahi manawa, ʻike i ke koʻikoʻi koʻikoʻi, manaʻo i ka maʻi a me ke kōkua ʻole, a pono mākou e hoʻomaopopo aia kekahi mea e hilinaʻi ai i kēlā manawa.
ʻO ka hoa, ka mea i hoʻopuni ʻia i ka mehana a me ka mālama ʻana e like me ka ʻupena, hāʻule i kahi kūlana kamaliʻi
Akā i kekahi manawa, lawe kekahi o nā hoa i kahi kūlana kamaliʻi, a ʻo ka mea ʻē aʻe, he makua. Eia kekahi laʻana,ʻo kahi kaikamahine, ua hāʻule i ke aloha, hoʻomakaʻo ia e mālama i ke kanaka'ōpio me ka pauʻole: kuke, hoʻomaʻemaʻe, mālama. A i ʻole ke kāne mālama hale no nā makahiki, a moe ka wahine ma kahi moe me ka migraine a mālama iā ia iho. Ke kū nei ia mau pilina.
No ke aha i ka hopena make, he aha ka mea e pale ai i ka hoʻomohala ʻana?
SF: Ke manaʻo nei kekahi e loaʻa ke aloha o kekahi me kona nānā ʻana, ua like kēlā mau pilina me ke kālā waiwai, ʻaʻole lākou e hāʻawi i kahi manawa e ulu ai. A ʻo ka hoa, ka mea i hoʻopuni ʻia i ka mehana a me ka mālama ʻana e like me ka pūnāwai, hāʻule i kahi kūlana kamaliʻi. ʻOiai e hana ana i kahi ʻoihana, loaʻa kālā, ʻike ʻia ʻo ia e noho ma ka umauma o kona makuahine. ʻAʻole oʻo maoli.
No hea mai ia mau palapala?
SF: Hoʻopili pinepine ʻia ka overprotectiveness me nā ʻike kamaliʻi kahi āu i hana ikaika ai e loaʻa ke aloha o kahi makua. Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Māmā: e hoʻomaʻemaʻe i ke keʻena, e kiʻi i ʻelima, a hāʻawi wau iā ʻoe ..., kūʻai ... a honi. ʻO kēia ke ʻano e maʻa ai mākou i ka loaʻa ʻana o ke aloha, a ʻo kēia hiʻohiʻona ka mea i hilinaʻi nui ʻia.
Makaʻu mākou e hoʻāʻo i kahi mea ʻē aʻe, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka hoʻololi ʻana i nā pono o kahi hoa. ʻO ka mea pōʻino, lilo kēlā ʻano kiaʻi i ka inaina - ke ʻike koke ke kahu ʻaʻole loaʻa iā ia ka hoʻi. No ka mea, ʻaʻole hiki ke loaʻa ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo no ka mālama ʻana. ʻO ke ala wale nō i ke aloha, ʻo ia ka ʻae ʻana i ka ʻokoʻa o kekahi a me ka ʻike ʻana i kona kaʻawale.
Makemake mākou e mālama ʻia, akā mahalo ʻia no ke kūʻokoʻa. Pehea e mālama ai i kahi kaulike?
SF: E kamaʻilio kūpono e pili ana i kāu mau makemake, me nā mea pili i ka moekolohe. ʻO ka mea hāʻawi nui, hoʻomaka a ma hope paha e kali i kahi mea i hoʻihoʻi. ʻO ka wahine i hao wale i nā pālule o kāna kāne i kēlā me kēia lā, hoʻopau ʻo ia i hoʻokahi lā, ala ʻo ia a manaʻolana no ka mālama pānaʻi, akā lohe ʻo ia i nā ʻōlelo hōʻino. He inaina kona. Akā ʻo ke kumu, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i haʻalulu i kāna mau makemake.
ʻO ka mea i manaʻo nui a lohe ʻole ʻia, ʻaʻole i ʻae ʻia, e nīnau iā ia iho: i ka manawa hea wau i hehi ai i kaʻu mau makemake? Pehea e hoʻoponopono ʻia ai ke kūlana? ʻOi aku ka maʻalahi o ka hoʻolohe ʻana iā mākou iho inā pili mākou i kā mākou "makemake" a "hiki iaʻu" - me kā mākou keiki i loko, makua, makua.
ʻO ke kōkua maoli ʻaʻole ia i ka hana ʻana i nā mea āpau no kekahi, akā no ka mahalo i kāna mau kumuwaiwai, ikaika i loko
Pono e mākaukau ka hoa e lawe i nā kūlana like ʻole. No laila ʻaʻole kani kāu noi e "lawe i kou mau lima": "He aha kēia? Makemake au! E mālama iā ʻoe iho. Inā ʻaʻole manaʻo kekahi i kāna keiki i loko, a laila ʻaʻole ia e lohe i ka makemake o kekahi.
He mea maikaʻi ke pale aku i ka pōʻino o ke kaupaona ʻana i ka mea kaupaona nāna i mālama iā wai a pehea ka nui!
SF: ʻAe, a no laila he mea maikaʻi loa ke hana pū i kekahi mea: kuke i ka meaʻai, pāʻani haʻuki, ski, hānai keiki, huakaʻi. Ma nā papahana hui, hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo e pili ana iā ʻoe iho a me kekahi mea ʻē aʻe, kūkākūkā, hoʻopaʻapaʻa, ʻimi i kahi kuʻikahi.
ʻO ka ʻelemakule, ka maʻi o kekahi o nā hoa e hoʻokomo pinepine i ka pilina i loko o ke ʻano mālama mālama ...
SF: ʻO ka maopopo ʻole e pili ana i ka nani o kou kino ʻelemakule ke keʻakeʻa nei i nā pilina pili. Akā, pono ke aloha: kōkua ia i ka mālama ʻana i ka ikehu o ke ola i kekahi i kekahi. ʻAʻole nalo ka leʻaleʻa o ka pilina me ka makahiki. ʻAe, ʻo ka manaʻo hopohopo i kekahi ke kumu o ka manaʻo e mālama, ʻaʻole i ka hana ʻana.
Akā ʻo ke kōkua maoli ʻaʻole ia e pili ana i ka hana ʻana i nā mea āpau no kekahi. A ma ka mahalo i kona mau waiwai, ka ikaika o loko. I ka hiki ke ʻike ʻaʻole wale i kāna mau mea e pono ai, akā, ʻo kona hiki nō hoʻi, nā manaʻo o kahi kūlana kiʻekiʻe. ʻO ka mea maikaʻi loa i hiki i kahi mea aloha ke hāʻawi aku i ka hoa e hoʻokō i ka hana maʻamau a hiki i ka nui a ola i kona ola iā ia iho. ʻO ia mālama maikaʻi.
He aha ka mea e heluhelu ai no ia mea?
ʻO nā ʻōlelo aloha ʻelima Gary Chapman
Ua ʻike kekahi kākāʻōlelo ʻohana a he kahunapule he ʻelima mau ala nui e hōʻike ai i ke aloha. I kekahi manawa ʻaʻole like lākou me nā hoa. A laila ʻaʻole maopopo kekahi i nā hōʻailona o kekahi. Akā hiki ke hoʻihoʻi ʻia ka ʻike like ʻana.
(Bible for All, 2021)
1 2014 VTsIOM noiʻi i loko o ka puke «ʻelua i loko o ka Society: An Intimate Couple in the Modern World» (VTsIOM, 2020).