E haʻalele me ka hanohano: no ke aha e paʻakikī ai nā kāne?

"I kekahi ahiahi, ma hope o ka hoʻi ʻana mai ka hana, ua loaʻa iaʻu kahi lele no kahi mokulele kaulana, e waiho ana ma ka papa ʻaina i loko o ka lumi hoʻokipa, ma kahi i ʻike ʻia. Aia i loko he tiketi no Nu Ioka. Ua koi au i ka wehewehe ʻana mai kaʻu kāne. Ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia ua hālāwai ʻo ia me kekahi wahine ʻē aʻe a e neʻe ana me ia. ʻO kēia ke ʻano o ke kāne a Margarita 12 makahiki i hoʻolaha ai i ka pau ʻana o kahi male 44 makahiki.

A penei ka ʻōlelo a ke keikikāne o 38 makahiki ʻo Lydia ma hope o hoʻokahi makahiki o ka noho ʻana: "Ua loaʻa iaʻu kahi leka uila mai iā ia i ʻōlelo ai ua hauʻoli ʻo ia me aʻu, akā ua aloha ʻo ia me kekahi. Ua pau ka leka me ka makemake o ka laki!

A ʻo ka mea hope loa, ʻo ka pilina hope loa o Natalia 36 makahiki me kāna hoa ma hope o ʻelua mau makahiki o ka pilina me kēia: "Ua pani ʻo ia iā ia iho a noho mālie no nā pule. Ua hoʻāʻo makehewa wau e uhaʻi i kahi puka o kēia pā hakahaka. Ua haʻalele ʻo ia, e ʻōlelo ana e neʻe ana ʻo ia i nā hoaaloha e noʻonoʻo i nā mea āpau a hoʻoponopono iā ia iho. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hoʻi mai, a ʻaʻole i loaʻa iaʻu nā wehewehe hou aku.

"ʻO kēia mau moʻolelo a pau he mea hōʻoia hou ia he mea paʻakikī loa i nā kāne ke ʻike a hōʻike i ko lākou mau manaʻo," wahi a ka psychotherapist a me ka sexologist ʻo Gianna Schelotto. - Ua ālai ʻia lākou e ka makaʻu i ko lākou mau manaʻo ponoʻī, no laila e hōʻole nā ​​kānaka iā lākou, me ka manaʻo e pale aku lākou i ka ʻeha. He ala ia e ʻae ʻole ai iā ʻoe iho he pilikia. "

I ka nohona hou, ua maʻa nā kāne i ka hana a hoʻokō i nā hopena paʻa. ʻO ka haʻihaʻi ʻana i kahi pilina e hoʻohaumia iā lākou, no ka mea, ua like ia me ka nalowale a me ka palekana. A laila - hopohopo, makaʻu a pēlā aku.

Ma muli o kēia ʻaʻole hiki i nā mea he nui ke hoʻokaʻawale mālie me ka wahine a wikiwiki pinepine i kahi puke hou, ʻaʻole hoʻopau i ka mea ma mua, a i kekahi manawa ʻaʻole hoʻopau. I nā hihia ʻelua, ʻo ia ka hoʻāʻo e pale i kahi mea hoʻoweliweli i loko.

ʻAʻole hiki ke kaʻawale mai ka makuahine

"ʻO nā kāne, ma ke ʻano, "nā manaʻo kīnā ʻole" i ka wā e hiki mai ana i ka haʻihaʻi ʻana," wahi a Gianna Skelotto, "ʻaʻole lākou i mākaukau no ka kaʻawale."

I ka wā kamaliʻi, ʻo ka makuahine wale nō ka mea makemake, ʻike maopopo ke keiki he mea like ia. ʻO ka mea maʻamau, ʻike ke keikikāne ua hewa ʻo ia i ka wā e komo ai ka makua kāne - ʻike ke keiki e pono e hāʻawi i ke aloha o kona makuahine iā ia. He mea hoʻoweliweli a hōʻoluʻolu kēia ʻike i ka manawa like.

A ʻaʻohe makua kāne a ʻaʻole ʻo ia i komo nui i ka hānai ʻana i ke keiki? A i ʻole he mana nui paha ka makuahine? ʻAʻohe ʻike koʻikoʻi. Ua hoʻomau ke keiki i ka maopopo ʻo ia nā mea āpau no ka makuahine, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke ola me ka ʻole a waiho i kāna waiwai e pepehi ai.

No laila nā pilikia i ka pilina me ke kāne makua: e hui pū me ka wahine a i ʻole, e haʻalele. ʻO ka oscillating mau ma waena o ka makemake e haʻalele a me ka manaʻo hewa, ʻaʻohe hana o ke kāne a hiki i ka wahine ke hoʻoholo ponoʻī.

Hoʻoili kuleana

ʻO ka hoa i mākaukau ʻole e hoʻomaka i ka haʻihaʻi hiki ke hoʻonāukiuki iā ia ma ke kau ʻana i ka wahine i ka hopena e pono ai.

“ʻOku ou fie maʻu ke liʻaki ʻi heʻeku tuku ʻa au,” ko e lau ia ʻa Nikolai taʻu 30. "No laila, ʻaʻole wau e lilo i palaka." Ua lawa ka hana like ʻole me ka hiki ʻole. ʻO ia ke alakaʻi, ʻaʻole naʻu.

ʻO kekahi ʻokoʻa ʻē aʻe ma waena o ke kāne a me ka wahine i ʻōlelo ʻia e 32 makahiki ʻo Igor, male no 10 mau makahiki, ka makuakāne o kahi keiki liʻiliʻi: "Makemake wau e haʻalele i nā mea āpau a hele i kahi mamao loa. Loaʻa iaʻu nā manaʻo like 10 manawa i ka lā, akā ʻaʻole au e hahai i kā lākou alakaʻi. Akā, ua ola ka wahine i ka pilikia ʻelua wale nō, akā ua haʻalele ʻo ia i nā manawa ʻelua e noʻonoʻo.

ʻAʻole kēia asymmetry i nā ʻano hana i kāhāhā loa iā Skelotto: “Ua mākaukau nā wahine no ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana. Ua "hanaʻia" lākou e hoʻohua i nā keiki,ʻo ia hoʻi, e lanakila i keʻano o kaʻokiʻana i kekahi hapa o ko lākou kino. ʻO ia ke kumu i ʻike ai lākou i ka hoʻolālā ʻana i kahi hoʻomaha.

ʻO nā hoʻololi i ke kūlana kaiapili o nā wahine i nā makahiki he 30-40 i hala iho nei e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kēia, hoʻohui ʻo Donata Francescato, he loea i ka Italian Psychologies: "E hoʻomaka ana mai nā makahiki 70, mahalo i ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana a me nā neʻe wahine, ua lilo nā wahine i mea koi. Makemake lākou e hoʻomāʻona i kā lākou moe kolohe, aloha a me ka noʻonoʻo pono. Inā ʻaʻole ʻike ʻia kēia hui ʻana o nā makemake i loko o kahi pilina, makemake lākou e haʻihaʻi me kahi hoa. Eia kekahi, ʻaʻole like me nā kāne, ʻike nā wahine i kahi pono nui e hauʻoli a aloha ʻia. Inā hoʻomaka lākou e manaʻo i ka mālama ʻole ʻia, ke ahi nei lākou i nā alahaka.

ʻO nā kāne, ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, paʻa mau, ma ke ʻano, i hoʻopaʻa ʻia i ka manaʻo o ka male ʻana o ke kenekulia XNUMX: i ka wā i pau ai ka māhele o ka hoʻowalewale iā ia iho, ʻaʻohe mea e hana hou ai, ʻaʻohe mea e kūkulu ai.

"ʻAʻole like ke kāne ma ke ʻano like me ka wahine, pono ʻo ia e hōʻemi i ka hōʻoia o nā manaʻo. He mea nui iā ia ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi lua a me ka manawa kūpono e pāʻani ai i ke ʻano o kahi meaʻai, nāna e hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā ia i ka ʻai, a me kahi koa e hiki ke pale i kona ʻohana, hoʻomau ʻo Francescato. "Ma muli o kēia pragmatism, ʻike nā kāne i ka nalo ʻana o ka pilina ma hope loa, i kekahi manawa ʻoi aku ka nui."

Eia naʻe, ʻōlelo ka psychologist e hoʻomaka mālie ana ke kūlana: "ʻO ke ʻano o ka poʻe ʻōpio e like me ke ʻano wahine, aia ka makemake e hoʻowalewale a aloha ʻia. ʻO ka mea nui ka pilina "paʻa" me ka wahine e lilo i mea aloha a wahine.

Pilikia ma ka Hoikeana

Pehea e pili ana i ka hemo alo a me ke alo? Wahi a Gianna Skelotto, e hana nui nā kāne i ka wā e aʻo ai lākou e hoʻokaʻawale mālie, a ʻaʻole hoʻi e uhaki i ka pilina me ke koʻikoʻi. I kēia manawa, i ka hoʻoholo ʻana e haʻihaʻi, hana ʻino nā kāne a aneane ʻaʻole hōʻike i nā kumu.

"ʻO ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā wehewehe ʻo ia ka ʻike ʻana i ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana ma ke ʻano he ʻoiaʻiʻo pono e pono e nānā ʻia. ʻO ka nalowale ʻana me ka ʻōlelo ʻole he ala ia e hōʻole ai i ka hanana traumatic a hoʻohālike ʻaʻohe mea i hana ʻia, "wahi a Skelotto. Eia kekahi, ʻo ka "haʻalele ʻana i ka ʻōlelo Pelekania" he mea ia e hoʻonele ai i kahi hoa o ka manawa e pale ai iā ia iho.

“Ua haʻalele ʻo ia i hoʻokahi sekona ma hope o nā makahiki ʻekolu,” i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Christina, 38 makahiki, “a ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke noho me aʻu. ʻO kaʻu i hoʻokau aku ai iā ia. ʻEwalu mahina i hala, a ke nīnau nei au iaʻu iho i kāna makemake e ʻōlelo ai ua hewa wau. A no laila ke ola nei au - me ka makaʻu e hana hou i nā hewa kahiko me ke kanaka e hiki mai ana.

ʻO nā mea a pau i ʻōlelo ʻole ʻia e pepehi. Hoʻopuka ʻo Silence i nā hopohopo āpau, kānalua iā ia iho, no laila ʻaʻole hiki i ka wahine haʻalele ke hoʻōla maʻalahi - no ka mea i kēia manawa ua nīnau ʻo ia i nā mea āpau.

Ke hoʻohiwahiwa nei nā kāne?

Wahi a ka poʻe Sociologists he 68% o ka haʻihaʻi ʻana ma ka hoʻomaka ʻana o nā wahine, 56% o ka hemo ʻana - ma ke kumu o nā kāne. ʻO ke kumu o kēia ka māhele mōʻaukala o nā kuleana: ʻo ke kāne ka mea ʻai, ʻo ka wahine ka mea mālama i ke ahi. Akā, pēlā nō? Ua kamaʻilio mākou e pili ana i kēia me Giampaolo Fabris, ke kaukaʻi o ka sociology consumer ma ka Iulm Institute ma Milan.

"ʻOiaʻiʻo, ke ulu nei nā kiʻi o ka makuahine makuahine a me ka mea mālama i ka puʻu ahi a me ke kāne hahai holoholona e pale ana i ka ʻohana. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻohe palena ʻokoʻa, polū nā contours. Inā he ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole hilinaʻi nā wahine i kahi hoa pili a maʻalahi hoʻi e hoʻokaʻawale, a laila he ʻoiaʻiʻo nō hoʻi ua pilikia ka nui o lākou i ke komo ʻana a i ʻole ka hoʻi ʻana i ka mākeke hana.

ʻO nā kāne, ʻoiaʻiʻo, "feminized" lākou i ke ʻano o ka mālama ʻana iā lākou iho a me ke ʻano hou. Eia naʻe, he mau hoʻololi waho wale nō kēia. He nui nā kāne e ʻōlelo ʻaʻole lākou e noʻonoʻo i ka māhele kūpono o nā hana o ka hale, akā he kakaikahi o lākou e hāʻawi i ko lākou manawa i ka hoʻomaʻemaʻe, ka hao a i ʻole ka holoi lole. Hele ka hapa nui i ka hale kūʻai a kuke. Pela no me na keiki: hele pu lakou me lakou, aka, aole hiki i na mea he nui ke hana i kekahi hana hui.

ʻO ke ʻano holoʻokoʻa, ʻaʻole like ia me ke kanaka o kēia wā i hoʻololi maoli ʻia. Ke hoʻomau neiʻo ia i ke kuleana o ka wahine ma ka pae waiwai, akā e hilinaʻi iā ia ma ke kiʻekiʻe o nā manaʻo.