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Manaʻo mākou i nā keiki he kumu o ka pilikia a me ke kaumaha hou, ʻaʻole he mau kōkua maoli. Me he mea lā iā mākou ʻo ka hoʻolauna ʻana iā lākou i nā hana o ka hale e pono ai ka hoʻoikaika nui a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ʻaʻole. ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ma muli o ko mākou mālama pono ʻana, ke nalowale nei mākou i nā hoa maikaʻi loa i loko o lākou. Ua wehewehe ʻo Peter Gray i ke kauka noʻonoʻo pehea e hoʻoponopono ai.
Manaʻo mākou ʻo ke ala wale nō e loaʻa ai nā keiki e kōkua iā mākou ma ka ikaika. I mea e hoʻomaʻemaʻe ai ke keiki i ka lumi, holoi i nā kīʻaha a kau paha i nā lole pulu e maloʻo, pono ʻo ia e koi ʻia, e hoʻololi i waena o ke kīpē a me ka hoʻoweliweli, ʻaʻole mākou makemake. No hea mai ʻoe i kēia mau manaʻo? ʻIke loa, mai ko lākou mau manaʻo ponoʻī e pili ana i ka hana ma ke ʻano he mea āu e makemake ʻole ai e hana. Hāʻawi mākou i kēia manaʻo i kā mākou mau keiki, a ʻo lākou i kā lākou poʻe keiki.
Akā, hōʻike ka noiʻi e makemake maoli nā keiki ʻōpio e kōkua. A inā ʻae ʻia lākou, e hoʻomau lākou i ka hana maikaʻi a hiki i ka wā makua. Eia kekahi mau hōʻike.
ʻO ka manaʻo e kōkua
Ma kahi haʻawina maʻamau i hana ʻia ma mua o 35 mau makahiki i hala, ua ʻike ʻo Harriet Reingold psychologist i ke ʻano o ka launa ʻana o nā keiki he 18, 24, a me 30 mahina me ko lākou mau mākua i ka wā e hana ai lākou i nā hana maʻamau o ka hale: pelu ʻana i ka lole, holoi lepo, kahili i ka papahele, holoi i nā kīʻaha mai ka papaʻaina. , a i ʻole nā mea i lūlū ʻia ma ka papahele.
Ma lalo o ke kūlana o ka hoʻokolohua, hana mālie nā mākua a hāʻawi i ke keiki e kōkua inā makemakeʻo ia, akāʻaʻole i noi; ʻaʻole i aʻo ʻia, ʻaʻole i aʻo ʻia i ka mea e hana ai. ʻO ka hopena, ua kōkua ʻoluʻolu nā keiki āpau - 80 poʻe - i ko lākou mau mākua. Eia kekahi, ua hoʻomaka kekahi i kēia a i kēlā hana ma mua o ka poʻe mākua ponoʻī. Wahi a Reingold, ua hana nā kamaliʻi "me ka ikaika, ka hoihoi, nā hiʻohiʻona helehelena a hauʻoli lākou i ka pau ʻana o nā hana."
Nui nā haʻawina ʻē aʻe i hōʻoia i kēia makemake like ʻole no nā kamaliʻi e kōkua. Ma kahi kokoke i kēlā me kēia hihia, hele mai ke keiki e kōkua i kahi kanaka makua iā ia iho, ma kāna hana ponoʻī, me ke kali ʻole i kahi noi. ʻO nā mea a pau a ka makua e hana ai, ʻo ka huki wale ʻana i ka manaʻo o ke keiki i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e hoʻāʻo nei ʻo ia e hana i kekahi mea. Ma ke ala, hōʻike nā keiki iā lākou iho he altruists maoli - ʻaʻole lākou e hana no kekahi ʻano uku.
ʻO nā keiki i kūʻokoʻa e koho i kā lākou mau hana e hāʻawi nui i ka pono ʻohana
Ua ʻike nā mea noiʻi ʻo Felix Warnecken lāua ʻo Michael Tomasello (2008) ʻo nā uku (e like me ka hiki ke pāʻani me kahi mea pāʻani hoihoi) e hōʻemi i ka mālama hahai. ʻO 53% wale nō o nā keiki i uku ʻia no kā lākou komo ʻana i kōkua i nā pākeke ma hope, hoʻohālikelike ʻia me 89% o nā keiki i hoʻoikaika ʻole ʻia. Hōʻike kēia mau hualoaʻa i nā keiki i loko o ko lākou mau manaʻo e kōkua—ʻo ia hoʻi, kōkua lākou no ka mea makemake lākou e kōkua, ʻaʻole no ka mea e manaʻo lākou e loaʻa kekahi mea.
Ua hōʻoia ka nui o nā hoʻokolohua ʻē aʻe e hoʻohaʻahaʻa ka uku i ka hoʻoikaika intrinsic. ʻIke ʻia, hoʻololi ia i ko mākou ʻano i kahi hana i hāʻawi mua iā mākou i ka leʻaleʻa iā ia iho, akā i kēia manawa ke hana nei mākou i ka mua i mea e loaʻa ai ka uku. Hiki kēia i nā mākua a me nā keiki.
He aha ka mea e pale ai iā mākou mai ka hoʻokomo ʻana i nā keiki i nā hana hale e like me ia? Hoʻomaopopo nā mākua a pau i ke kumu o ia hana hewa. ʻO ka mea mua, hōʻole mākou i nā keiki makemake e kōkua me ka wikiwiki. Ke wikiwiki mau nei mākou i kahi a manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo ke komo ʻana o ke keiki e hoʻolohi i ke kaʻina holoʻokoʻa a i ʻole e hana hewa ʻo ia, ʻaʻole maikaʻi a pono mākou e hana hou i nā mea āpau. ʻO ka lua, inā pono mākou e huki iā ia, hāʻawi mākou i kekahi ʻano hana, he uku no kēia.
I ka hihia mua, haʻi mākou iā ia ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke kōkua, a ma ka lua, hoʻolaha mākou i kahi manaʻo ʻino: ʻo ke kōkua ka mea e hana ai ke kanaka inā loaʻa iā ia kahi mea i hoʻihoʻi ʻia.
ʻO nā mea kōkua liʻiliʻi e ulu i nā altruists nui
Ma ke aʻo ʻana i nā kaiāulu ʻōiwi, ua ʻike nā mea noiʻi ua pane maikaʻi nā mākua o kēia mau kaiāulu i ka makemake o kā lākou mau keiki e kōkua a me ka ʻae ʻana iā lākou e hana pēlā, ʻoiai ke hoʻolohi nei ka "kōkua" i ko lākou ola. Akā i ka manawa o nā keiki he 5-6 mau makahiki, lilo lākou i mea kōkua pono a me ka manawaleʻa. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ka huaʻōlelo "hoa" ma ʻaneʻi, no ka mea, ke hana nei nā keiki me he mea lā ke kuleana o ka ʻohana e like me ko lākou mau mākua.
No ka hōʻike ʻana, eia nā manaʻo mai nā makuahine o nā keiki ʻōiwi 6-8 makahiki ma Guadalajara, Mekiko, e wehewehe ana i nā hana a kā lākou mau keiki: "He mau lā ke hoʻi mai ʻo ia i ka home a ʻōlelo mai, 'Mama, e kōkua wau iā ʻoe e hana i nā mea āpau. .' A hoʻomaʻemaʻe manawaleʻa i ka hale holoʻokoʻa. A i ʻole penei: “Mama, ua hoʻi mai ʻoe i ka home luhi loa, e hoʻomaʻemaʻe pū kāua. Huli ʻo ia i ka lekiō a ʻōlelo: "E hana ʻoe i hoʻokahi mea, a naʻu e hana i kekahi." Holoi au i ka lumi kuke a hoʻomaʻemaʻe ʻo ia i ka lumi."
"Ma ka home, ʻike nā mea a pau i ka mea e pono ai lākou e hana, a me ke kali ʻole i kaʻu mau hoʻomanaʻo, haʻi mai ke kaikamahine iaʻu: "Mama, ua hoʻi mai au mai ke kula, makemake wau e hele e kipa i koʻu kupuna wahine, akā ma mua o koʻu haʻalele ʻana, e hoʻopau wau. kaʻu hana". Hoʻopau ʻo ia a haʻalele." Ma keʻano laulā, ua wehewehe nā makuahine o nā kaiāulu ʻōiwi i kā lākou mau keiki he mau hoa mākaukau, kūʻokoʻa, a me ka ʻoihana. ʻO kā lākou mau keiki, ʻo ka hapa nui, ua hoʻolālā lākou i ko lākou lā ponoʻī, e hoʻoholo ana i ka wā e hana ai lākou, pāʻani, hana i nā haʻawina home, kipa i nā ʻohana a me nā hoaaloha.
Hōʻike kēia mau haʻawina i nā keiki i kūʻokoʻa e koho i nā hana a ʻaʻole i "hoʻomalu ʻia" e ko lākou mau mākua e hāʻawi nui i ka pono ʻohana.
Nā mea kōkua no nā mākua
Makemake ʻoe e lilo kāu keiki i lālā o ka ʻohana kuleana e like me ʻoe? A laila pono ʻoe e hana i kēia:
- E ʻae ʻaʻole ʻo kāu kuleana wale nō nā hana ʻohana i kēlā me kēia lā a ʻaʻole ʻoe wale nō ke kuleana no ka hana ʻana. A ʻo ia hoʻi, pono ʻoe e haʻalele i ka mana o ka mea a pehea e hana ʻia ai ma ka home. Inā makemake ʻoe i nā mea āpau e like me kou makemake, pono ʻoe e hana iā ʻoe iho a hoʻolimalima paha i kekahi.
- E noʻonoʻo ʻoe he ʻoiaʻiʻo nā hana a kāu keiki e kōkua ai, a inā e lawe ʻoe i ka manawa e hoʻoikaika iā ia, e loaʻa i kāu keiki kāne a kaikamahine paha ka ʻike.
- Mai koi i ke kōkua, mai kūʻai aku, mai hoʻoulu i nā makana, mai hoʻomalu, no ka mea, e hoʻohaʻahaʻa ana kēia i ka manaʻo o ke keiki e kōkua. ʻO kāu ʻakaʻaka ʻoluʻolu a mahalo a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo "mahalo" ʻo ia wale nō ka mea e pono ai. ʻO kēia ka mea e makemake ai ke keiki, e like me kou makemake iā ia. Ma kekahi ʻano, ʻo ia kāna e hoʻoikaika ai i kāna pilina me ʻoe.
- E hoʻomaopopo he ala maikaʻi loa kēia o ka hoʻomohala ʻana. Ma ke kōkua ʻana iā ʻoe, loaʻa i ke keiki nā mākau waiwai a me ka manaʻo o ka mahalo iā ia iho i ka wā e hoʻonui ai kona mana, a me ka manaʻo pili i kona ʻohana, nona ka pono e hiki ai iā ia ke hāʻawi. Ma ka ʻae ʻana iā ia e kōkua iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole ʻoe e kāohi i kāna altruism innate, akā hānai iā ia.