Ma nā pilina lōʻihi, lilo pinepine nā hoa i ka makemakeʻole i kekahi i kekahi, a ma muli o ka hopena, lilo lākou i mea luhi. Hiki i kahi nīnau maʻalahi ke mālama i kāu male? Malia paha! E kōkua ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo o ka cognitive therapist i ka poʻe makemake e launa hou me kahi mea aloha.
malihini malihini
"Mai nā mea kūʻai aku i noho pū me hoʻokahi hoa no ka manawa lōʻihi, lohe pinepine wau ua luhi lākou i ka pilina. Me he mea lā ua ʻike mua lākou i nā mea āpau e pili ana i kā lāua hoa: pehea kona manaʻo, pehea kāna ʻano, kāna makemake. Akā ke ulu mau nei kēlā me kēia kanaka, ʻoi aku ka poʻe e hana pono ana i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana iā lākou iho, "wahi a ka cognitive therapist Niro Feliciano.
I ka wā o ka quantine, miliona mau kāne i paʻa i ka home. Pono lākou e hoʻolimalima hoʻokahi mahina me kekahi. A i nā manawa he nui, ua hoʻonui kēia i ka luhi o nā hoa mai kekahi i kekahi.
Hāʻawi ʻo Feliciano i kahi ʻenehana maʻalahi loa āna i ʻōlelo ai he maikaʻi no ka hoʻopili hou ʻana i ka naʻau: ka pāʻani nīnau.
"Ua hui pū māua me kaʻu kāne ʻo Ed no kahi kokoke i 18 mau makahiki a hoʻomaʻamaʻa pinepine i kēia pāʻani ke hana hewa kekahi o mākou i kekahi. No ka laʻana, hele mākou i ke kūʻai ʻana a ʻōlelo koke ʻo ia: "Ua kūpono kēia lole iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole anei ʻoe?" Pīhoihoi au: "ʻAe, ʻaʻole maikaʻi loa ia i koʻu ʻono, ʻaʻole wau e kau i loko o koʻu ola!" Malia paha ua hana ia iaʻu ma mua. Akā, he mea nui e hoʻomanaʻo e ulu mākou a pau, ulu a hoʻololi, "wahi a Feliciano.
Nā lula pāʻani nīnau
He maʻalahi loa ka pāʻani nīnau. ʻO ʻoe a me kāu hoa pili e nīnau kekahi i kekahi e pili ana i nā mea e hoʻāla ai i ka hoihoi. ʻO ka pahuhopu nui o ka pāʻani ʻo ia ka hoʻopau ʻana i nā hoʻopunipuni a me nā manaʻo kuhihewa e pili ana i kekahi.
Hiki ke hoʻomākaukau ʻia nā nīnau ma mua a i ʻole i haku wale ʻia. He koʻikoʻi paha lākou a ʻaʻole paha, akā he mea nui e mahalo i nā palena o kēlā me kēia. "Malia paha ʻaʻole mākaukau kāu hoa e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kekahi mea. He mea maʻamau paha ke kumuhana iā ia a i ʻole ka pilikia. Inā pili paha nā hoʻomanaʻo ʻeha. Inā ʻike ʻoe he leʻaleʻa ʻo ia, ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e kaomi a ʻimi i kahi pane, "wahi a Niro Feliciano.
E hoʻomaka me nā nīnau maʻalahi. E kōkua lākou iā ʻoe e nānā i ka ʻike maoli ʻana o kāu hoa pili iā ʻoe:
- He aha kaʻu makemake nui e pili ana i ka meaʻai?
- ʻO wai kaʻu mea keaka punahele?
- He aha nā kiʻiʻoniʻoni aʻu e makemake nui ai?
Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaka e like me kēia: "Manaʻo ʻoe ua loli nui wau mai ko kāua hui ʻana? A ma ke aha pono? A laila e pane i ka nīnau like iā ʻoe iho. E kōkua kēia iā ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i ka loli ʻana o kou mau manaʻo e pili ana i kekahi i kekahi a me kāu pilina i ka wā.
ʻO kekahi māhele koʻikoʻi o nā nīnau pili i kāu mau moeʻuhane a me nā hoʻolālā no ka wā e hiki mai ana. Eia kekahi mau laʻana:
- He aha kou manaʻo e makemake wau e hoʻokō i ke ola?
- He aha kāu moeʻuhane nui loa?
- He aha kāu e manaʻo ai mai ka wā e hiki mai ana?
- He aha kou manaʻo noʻu ma hope o ko kāua hui mua ʻana?
- He aha kāu i ʻike ai iaʻu i kēia manawa āu i ʻike ʻole ai i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ko kāua kamaʻāina? Pehea ʻoe i hoʻomaopopo ai i kēia?
ʻAʻole pili wale ka pāʻani o nā nīnau iā ʻoe: hoʻāla ia i kou ʻike a ma laila e kōkua ai i ka hana ʻana o nā "hormones leʻaleʻa" i ke kino. Makemake ʻoe e aʻo hou aʻe e pili ana i kāu hoa. E ʻike koke ʻoe: ʻo ka mea āu i ʻike maikaʻi loa ai hiki ke hāʻawi iā ʻoe i nā mea kupanaha. A he manaʻo ʻoluʻolu loa. ʻO nā pilina i ʻike ʻia he ʻoluʻolu e ʻālohilohi koke me nā kala hou.