Tatyana Bednik: "E noʻonoʻo i nā loli koke i ka ʻano o ke keiki"

Nā manaʻo noʻonoʻo: He ʻoiaʻiʻo hou nā pāʻani kamepiula i hoʻopuka ʻia i loko o ko mākou ola a, ʻoiaʻiʻo, pili pū kekahi i nā keiki. Manaʻo paha ʻoe he pōʻino maoli i nā pāʻani e like me Pokemon Go e lilo i mea makemake nui, a i ʻole mākou e hoʻonui, e like me nā manawa a pau, hiki i nā pōʻino o ka ʻenehana hou a hiki i nā keiki ke alualu palekana iā Pokemon no ka mea hauʻoli lākou?¹

Tatiana Bednik: ʻOiaʻiʻo, he mea hou kēia, ʻae, mea i kā mākou ʻoiaʻiʻo, akā me he mea lā iaʻu ʻaʻole ʻoi aku ka pilikia ma mua o ka hiki ʻana mai o ka Pūnaewele. Penei ka hoohana ana. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ke hana nei mākou me ka pōmaikaʻi hou aʻe, no ka mea, ʻaʻole noho ke keiki i mua o ke kamepiula, ma ka liʻiliʻi e hele i waho e hele wāwae ... A i ka manawa like me ka pōʻino nui, no ka mea he mea weliweli. Hiki i ke keiki, i loko o ka pāʻani, hiki ke pā i ke kaʻa. No laila, loaʻa ka pōmaikaʻi a me ka pōʻino, e like me ka hoʻohana ʻana i nā hāmeʻa.

Ma ka pukana o ʻOkakopa, ua kamaʻilio ʻoe a me au a me nā poʻe akamai ʻē aʻe e pili ana i ka hoʻoholo ʻana i ka manawa e lawe ai i kāu keiki i kahi psychologist. He aha nā hōʻailona o ka pilikia? Pehea e hoʻokaʻawale ai i kahi kūlana e pono ai ke komo ʻana mai nā hōʻike maʻamau e pili ana i nā makahiki o kahi keiki e pono ai ke ʻike ʻia i kekahi ʻano?

T. B.: ʻO ka mea mua, makemake wau e ʻōlelo ʻaʻole i nā manawa a pau kahi psychologist keiki a ʻaʻole wale no ka pilikia, no ka mea, hana mākou no ka hoʻomohala ʻana, a no ka wehe ʻana i ka hiki, a no ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i nā pilina ... general: “A Pono anei au e lawe i ka'u keiki i ke kanaka psychologist? ", Pono au e hele.

A he aha ka ʻōlelo a ka psychologist inā hele mai kahi makuahine a makua kāne paha me kahi keiki iā ia a nīnau: "He aha kāu e ʻōlelo ai no kaʻu keikikāne a i ʻole kaʻu kaikamahine? He aha kā mākou e hana ai no kā mākou keiki?

T. B.: ʻOiaʻiʻo, hiki i kahi psychologist ke hōʻoia i ka ulu ʻana o kahi keiki, e ʻōlelo ma ka liʻiliʻi inā pili ka ulu ʻana i kā mākou mau makahiki conditionally. ʻAe, hiki iā ia ke kamaʻilio me ka makua e pili ana i nā pilikia āna e makemake ai e hoʻololi, hoʻoponopono. Akā inā mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka pilikia, a laila he aha kā mākou e hoʻolohe ai, he aha nā mākua e hoʻolohe ai, me ka ʻole o ka makahiki?

ʻO kēia, ʻo ka mea mua, he hoʻololi koke i ka ʻano o ke keiki, inā ʻeleʻele ke keiki ma mua, ʻoliʻoli, a lilo koke ka noʻonoʻo, kaumaha, kaumaha. A i ʻole, ʻo kahi keiki i noho mālie loa, ʻoluʻolu ke ʻano o ka naʻau, ʻeleʻele, ʻoliʻoli, ʻo ia ke kumu e ʻike ai i ka mea e hana nei.

No laila ʻo ka hoʻololi ponoʻī pono e huki i ka nānā?

T. B.: ʻAe, ʻae, he hoʻololi ʻoi i ka ʻano o ke keiki. Eia kekahi, me ka nānā ʻole i ka makahiki, he aha ke kumu? Inā hiki ʻole i ke keiki ke komo i loko o ka hui o nā keiki, inā he kindergarten, he kula: he kumu mau kēia e noʻonoʻo ai i ka hewa, ke kumu o kēia. ʻO nā hōʻike o ka hopohopo, ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki iā lākou ke hōʻike iā lākou iho i nā ʻano like ʻole i loko o kahi preschooler, i kahi ʻōpio, akā hoʻomaopopo mākou ua hopohopo ke keiki i kekahi mea, hopohopo loa. Ka makaʻu ikaika, aggressiveness — keia mau manawa, o ka mea, mau, i loko o kekahi makahiki, ke kumu o ka launa pū ana i ka psychologist.

Ke hele maikaʻi ʻole ka pilina, ke paʻakikī i ka makua ke hoʻomaopopo i kāna keiki, ʻaʻohe hoʻomaopopo like ma waena o lākou, ʻo ia ke kumu. Inā mākou e kamaʻilio kikoʻī e pili ana i nā mea e pili ana i ka makahiki, a laila he aha ka mea e pili ai i nā mākua o nā keiki liʻiliʻi? ʻAʻole pāʻani ke keiki. A i ʻole e ulu ʻo ia, piʻi kona mau makahiki, akā ʻaʻole ulu ka pāʻani, e mau ana ka primitive e like me ka wā ma mua. No nā keiki kula, ʻoiaʻiʻo, he mau pilikia ke aʻo ʻana.

ʻO ka hihia maʻamau.

T. B.: 'Ōlelo pinepine nā mākua, "Eia ke akamai, akā moloā." ʻO mākou, ma ke ʻano he psychologists, manaʻoʻiʻo ʻaʻohe mea e like me ka palaualelo, aia mau ke kumu ... No kekahi kumu, hōʻole ke keiki a ʻaʻole hiki ke aʻo. No ka ʻōpio, ʻo kahi hōʻailona hoʻopilikia ka nele o ke kamaʻilio ʻana me nā hoa, ʻoiaʻiʻo, he kumu hoʻi kēia e hoʻāʻo ai e hoʻomaopopo - he aha ka mea e hana nei, he aha ka hewa o kaʻu keiki?

Akā, aia kekahi mau kūlana i ʻike ʻia mai ka ʻaoʻao e hiki mai ana kekahi mea i ke keiki ʻaʻole i laila ma mua, he mea weliweli, hopohopo, a i ʻole ʻoe e ʻike mau nā mākua i ke keiki a ʻoi aku ka hiki ke hoʻomaopopo i ka nā hōʻailona a i ʻole kekahi mau mea hou?

T. B.: ʻAʻole, akā naʻe, ʻaʻole hiki i nā mākua ke nānā pono i ka ʻano a me ke kūlana o kā lākou keiki. ʻO ia hoʻi ka mea i ʻike ʻia mai ka ʻaoʻao. He mea paʻakikī loa i nā mākua ke ʻae a hoʻomaopopo i kekahi mea i hewa. ʻO ka mua kēia. ʻO ka lua, hiki iā lākou ke hoʻokō me ke keiki ma ka home, ʻoi aku hoʻi i kahi keiki liʻiliʻi. ʻO ia hoʻi, maʻa lākou iā ia, ʻaʻole i manaʻo ʻia he mea maʻamau ʻole kona kaʻawale a me ka noho kaʻawale ʻana ...

A ʻike ʻia ma ka ʻaoʻao.

T. B.: Hiki ke ʻike ʻia kēia ma waho, ʻoiai inā pili mākou i nā kumu aʻo, nā kumu me ka ʻike nui. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ua manaʻo lākou i nā keiki he nui, maopopo, a hiki ke haʻi i ko lākou mau mākua. I koʻu manaʻo, pono e ʻae ʻia nā ʻōlelo a nā kumu aʻo. Inā he loea mana kēia, hiki i nā mākua ke nīnau i ka hewa, he aha ka mea e hopohopo nei, no ke aha i manaʻo ai kēia a i kēlā loea. Inā maopopo ka makua ʻaʻole ʻae ʻia kāna keiki me kāna mau ʻano, a laila hiki iā mākou ke hoʻoholo i ka mea a mākou e hāʻawi ai a hilinaʻi i kā mākou keiki.

Makaʻu nā mākua e lawe i kā lākou keiki i kahi psychologist, me he mea lā he ʻike kēia i ko lākou nāwaliwali a i ʻole ka lawa ʻole o ka hoʻonaʻauao. Akā ʻo mākou, no ka lohe nui ʻana i ia mau moʻolelo, ʻike mākou he mau pōmaikaʻi ia, hiki ke hoʻoponopono ʻia nā mea he nui. Hāʻawi pinepine kēia hana i ka hōʻoluʻolu i nā mea a pau, ʻo ke keiki, a me ka ʻohana, a me nā mākua, a ʻaʻohe kumu e makaʻu ai iā ia ... No ka mea he moʻolelo kaumaha kā mākou e pili ana i kekahi o nā kula ʻo Moscow i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o Kepakemapa, makemake wau e nīnau. pili i na palena o ke kino. Hiki iā mākou ke hoʻonaʻauao i kēia mau palena kino i nā keiki, e wehewehe iā lākou i nā mea hiki ke hoʻopā aku i nā pākeke a pehea ka pololei, ʻo wai ka mea hiki ke paʻi i ko lākou poʻo, ʻo wai ka lima, pehea ka ʻokoʻa o nā pilina kino?

T. B.: ʻOiaʻiʻo, pono e hānai ʻia kēia i nā keiki mai ka wā kamaliʻi. ʻO nā palena o ke kino he hihia kūikawā o nā palena pilikino ma keʻano laulā, a pono mākou e aʻo i kahi keiki mai ka wā kamaliʻi,ʻo ia, he kuleana kona e'ōlelo "ʻaʻole",ʻaʻole e hana i ka meaʻoluʻolu iā ia.

ʻO nā kumu aʻo a i ʻole nā ​​kumu he poʻe mana me ka mana, no laila, i kekahi manawa me he mea lā ua ʻoi aku ka mana o lākou ma mua o ko lākou maoli.

T. B.: Ma ka hōʻike ʻana i ka mahalo i kēia mau palena, me ke kino, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻokomo i loko o ke keiki i kahi mamao mai kekahi kanaka makua. ʻOiaʻiʻo, pono i ke keiki ke ʻike i ka inoa o kāna kino wahine, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ke kāhea ʻana iā lākou i kā lākou ʻōlelo ponoʻī mai ka wā kamaliʻi, e wehewehe he wahi pili kēia, ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke hoʻopā me ka ʻole o ka ʻae ʻia, he kauka wale nō ka makuahine a me hilinai ka makua a lawe mai i ke keiki. Pono ke keiki e ʻike! A pono ʻo ia e ʻōlelo maopopo "ʻaʻole" inā e haʻi koke kekahi i ka makemake e hoʻopā iā ia ma laila. Pono e hānai ʻia kēia mau mea i ke keiki.

ʻEhia mau hana i loko o ka ʻohana? Hele mai ke kupunawahine, he keiki liʻiliʻi, ʻae, ʻaʻole makemake ʻo ia e pūliki ʻia, honi, kaomi ʻia iā ia i kēia manawa. Ua huhū ʻo Tūtū: “No laila ua hele mai nei au e kipa, a ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻowahāwahā iaʻu pēlā." ʻOiaʻiʻo, hewa kēia, pono ʻoe e mahalo i ka manaʻo o ke keiki, i kāna mau makemake. A, ʻoiaʻiʻo, pono ʻoe e wehewehe i ke keiki aia nā poʻe kokoke e hiki ke ʻapo iā ia, inā makemake ʻo ia e pūliki i kāna hoaaloha i loko o ka pahu one, a laila "e nīnau kāua" ...

Hiki iā ʻoe ke apo iā ia i kēia manawa?

T. B.: Ae! Ae! ʻO ka mea like, i ka wā e ulu ai ke keiki, pono nā mākua e hōʻike i ka mahalo i kona mau palena kino: mai komo i ka ʻauʻau i ka wā e holoi ai ke keiki, i ka wā e hoʻololi ai ke keiki i nā lole, e kīkēkē i ka puka o kona lumi. ʻOiaʻiʻo, he mea nui kēia. Pono e hānai ʻia kēia mau mea a pau mai ka wā kamaliʻi.

¹ Ua hoʻopaʻa ʻia ka nīnauele e ka luna hoʻoponopono o ka puke Psychologies Ksenia Kiseleva no ka papahana "Status: i kahi pilina", radio "Culture", ʻOkakopa 2016.