Contents
Hoʻopili pinepine nā manaʻo o nā keiki iā mākou, a ʻaʻole maopopo iā mākou pehea e pane pololei ai. Hāʻawi ʻo psychologist Tamara Patterson i ʻekolu hoʻomaʻamaʻa e aʻo ai i kahi keiki e hoʻokele i kā lākou ʻike.
Hōʻike ākea nā keiki i nā manaʻo. Ua ʻakaʻaka lākou a hiki ʻole i ka poʻe a puni lākou ke ʻakaʻaka. Hauʻoli lākou i ka wā akahi nō a lanakila. I ka huhū, hoʻolei lākou i nā mea, hana inā ʻaʻole i loaʻa kā lākou makemake, uē i ka wā e ʻeha ai. ʻAʻole ʻike nā mākua a pau i ka pane ʻana i kēia ʻano o nā manaʻo.
Hoʻomaopopo mākou i ka pōʻino i hana ʻole ʻia e ko mākou mau mākua iā mākou - makemake lākou i ka mea maikaʻi loa no mākou, akā ua haʻalele lākou i ko mākou mau manaʻo no ka mea ʻaʻole lākou i aʻo i ka mālama ʻana i kā lākou iho. A laila lilo mākou i mau mākua a ʻike mākou i kahi hana paʻakikī a mākou e hana ai. Pehea e pane ai i nā manaʻo o nā keiki, iʻole e pōʻino? ʻO nā pilikia a lākou e uē ai he mea hoʻohenehene iā mākou. Ke kaumaha nā keiki, makemake wau e ʻapo iā lākou, ke huhū lākou, makemake wau e ʻuā iā lākou. I kekahi manawa makemake ʻoe i kāu mau keiki e hoʻōki i ka noʻonoʻo. Hana mākou, ʻaʻohe manawa e hōʻoluʻolu iā lākou. ʻAʻole mākou i aʻo e ʻae i ko mākou mau manaʻo, ʻaʻole mākou makemake e ʻike i ke kaumaha, ka huhū a me ka hilahila, a makemake mākou e pale i nā keiki mai lākou.
ʻO ka poʻe me ka naʻau naʻau kiʻekiʻe e ʻike i ka mālama ʻana i nā manaʻo a hoʻopau iā lākou i ka manawa
ʻOi aku ka pololei ʻaʻole e pāpā iā ʻoe iho i nā manaʻo, akā e ʻae iā ʻoe iho i nā manaʻo hohonu, e hoʻolohe i kou mau manaʻo a pane pono iā lākou. ʻO Leslie Greenberg, ke kaukaʻi o ka psychology ma ke Kulanui o Ioka a me ka mea kākau o Emotionally Focused Therapy: Teaching Clients to Deal with Feelings, ʻōlelo ʻo ka naʻau naʻau ka mea huna.
ʻO ka poʻe me ka naʻau naʻau kiʻekiʻe e ʻike i ka mālama ʻana i nā manaʻo a hoʻopau iā lākou i ka manawa. ʻO kēia ka mea e aʻo ai nā mākua. ʻEkolu mau haʻawina e kōkua ai i ka hoʻomohala ʻana i ka naʻauao o nā keiki.
1. E inoa a wehewehe i ka manaʻo
E kōkua i kāu keiki e wehewehe i ke kūlana a me kona manaʻo. Aloha. He mea nui i nā keiki ke ʻike ua hoʻomaopopo ʻia lākou. E wehewehe he mea maʻamau ka loaʻa ʻana o kēia mau manaʻo.
Eia kekahi laʻana, lawe ke keiki hiapo i kahi mea pāʻani mai ka muli loa. He hysterical ka muli. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo, “Ke uē nei ʻoe no ka lawe ʻana aku o kou kaikunāne i kāu kaʻa mai ou aku. Kaumaha ʻoe i kēia. Inā ʻo wau ʻo ʻoe, e huhū pū nō wau.
2. E hoʻomaopopo i kou manaʻo ponoʻī
Pehea ʻoe e pane ai i nā ʻike o kāu keiki? He aha kēia e ʻōlelo ai e pili ana iā ʻoe a me kāu mau manaʻo? ʻAʻole pono kāu pane pilikino i ke kūlana e lilo i pane i nā manaʻo o ke keiki. E ho'āʻo e pale i kēia.
Eia kekahi laʻana, huhū ke keiki. Huhū pū ʻoe a makemake ʻoe e ʻuā iā ia. Akā, mai hāʻawi i ka manaʻo. E kū a noʻonoʻo i ke kumu e hana ai ke keiki pēlā. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo, “Ua huhū ʻoe no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻae kou makuahine iā ʻoe e hoʻopā i kēia. Hana ʻo Māmā i kēia no kona aloha iā ʻoe a ʻaʻole makemake ʻo ia e ʻeha ʻoe."
A laila e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ke kumu o ka huhū o ka wā kamaliʻi i huhū ai ʻoe. Manaʻo paha ʻoe e hōʻole ana kāu keiki iā ʻoe ma ke ʻano he makua? Hoʻopilikia anei ka uē a me ka walaʻau iā ʻoe? Ua hoʻomanaʻo paha ia iā ʻoe i kekahi kūlana ʻē aʻe?
3. E aʻo i kāu keiki e hōʻike pono i nā manaʻo
Inā kaumaha ʻo ia, e ʻae iā ia e uē a hala ke kaumaha. Hiki paha i nā nalu ke ʻano he mau manawa. Inā huhū ke keiki, kōkua e hōʻike i ka huhū me nā huaʻōlelo a i ʻole ka hana kino e like me ka lele ʻana, ka holo ʻana, ka ʻomi ʻana i ka uluna. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo, “Ua maopopo iaʻu ua huhū ʻoe. Maikaʻi kēia. ʻAʻole maikaʻi ke kuʻi i kou kaikunāne. Pehea ʻoe e hōʻike ai i ka huhū ma kahi ʻano ʻē aʻe?"
ʻO ka naʻauao naʻau e pale aku i nā mea hoʻohui i ka wā makua
Ma ke aʻo ʻana i kāu keiki naʻauao naʻau, hoʻomaikaʻi ʻoe i ka maikaʻi o kona ola. E hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ia he mea nui kona mau manaʻo, a ʻo ka hiki ke haʻi iā lākou e kōkua i ke kūkulu ʻana i nā hoaaloha pili, a laila nā pilina aloha, e hui pū me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a nānā i nā hana. Na ka naʻauao naʻau e pale iā ia mai nā mea hoʻohui - nā ala maikaʻi ʻole o ka hoʻokō ʻana - i ka wā makua.
Mai ho'ōki i ka hoʻomohala ʻana i kou naʻau ponoʻī - ʻo ia ka makana maikaʻi loa no kāu keiki. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o kou hoʻomaopopo ʻana a hōʻike i kou mau manaʻo, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ke aʻo ʻana i kāu keiki e hana like. E noʻonoʻo i kāu hana me nā manaʻo ikaika: huhū, hilahila, hewa, makaʻu, kaumaha, a pehea ʻoe e hoʻololi ai i kou ʻano.