“He hoa aloha kou. ʻO ʻoe nō ia »

Psychologies: Ua aʻo ʻia ka hapa nui o mākou e like me nā kamaliʻi e hoʻohewa iā mākou iho. A i kēia manawa ua nui ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka ʻae ʻana, pono ʻoe e ʻoluʻolu iā ʻoe iho. ʻO ke ʻano anei kēia e pono ai mākou e ʻoluʻolu i ko mākou mau hemahema a me nā hewa?

ʻO Svetlana Krivtsova, ka mea hoʻonaʻauao: ʻAʻole like ka ʻae ʻana me ka condescension a i ʻole ka ʻae ʻana. "Eʻae i kekahi mea"ʻo ia hoʻi keʻae nei au i kēia mea e hana i kahi i loko o koʻu ola, hāʻawi wau i ke kuleana. 'Ōlelo wau me ka mālie: "ʻAe,ʻo ia,ʻo ia."

He mea maʻalahi kekahi mau mea: he papaʻaina kēia, noho mākou a kamaʻilio. ʻAʻohe mea hoʻoweliweli iaʻu ma ʻaneʻi. He paʻakikī ke ʻae i kaʻu mea i ʻike ai he mea hoʻoweliweli. No ka laʻana, ʻike wau e wāwahi ʻia koʻu hale.

Hiki paha ke noho mālie ke wawahi ʻia ko mākou hale?

No ka hana ʻana i kēia, pono ʻoe e hana i kekahi hana i loko. ʻO ka mea mua, e hoʻoikaika iā ʻoe iho e hoʻōki i ka wā e makemake ai ʻoe e holo a i ʻole e pane i ka hoʻoweliweli me ka huhū.

ʻO ka hohonu a mākou e aʻo ai i kekahi nīnau, ʻoi aku ka wikiwiki o ka maopopo ʻana: he aha kaʻu e ʻike maoli ai? A laila hiki iā mākou ke ʻae i ka mea a mākou e ʻike ai. I kekahi manawa - me ke kaumaha, akā me ka inaina ʻole a me ka makaʻu.

A, inā mākou e hoʻoholo e hakakā no ko mākou home, e hana mākou me ke kūpono a me ka mālie. A laila lawa ko mākou ikaika a maopopo ke poʻo. A laila, pane mākou ʻaʻole me ka hopena e like me ka hopena o ka lele a i ʻole ka huhū i nā holoholona, ​​akā me ka hana kanaka. Hiki iaʻu ke kuleana no kaʻu mau hana. ʻO kēia keʻano o ke kaulike o loko, ma muli o ka hoʻomaopopo, a me ka mālie i ke alo o ka mea iʻikeʻia: "Ua hiki iaʻu ke kokoke i kēia,ʻaʻole ia e luku iaʻu."

He aha kaʻu e hana ai inā ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke ʻae i kekahi mea?

A laila, holo au mai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻO kekahi o nā koho no ka lele ʻana ʻo ka distortion o ka ʻike ke kāhea mākou i ka ʻeleʻele keʻokeʻo a i ʻole ʻike ʻole ʻia kekahi mau mea. ʻO kēia ka hoʻopaʻi ʻike ʻole a Freud i ʻōlelo ai. ʻO nā mea a mākou i hoʻopaʻa ai e lilo i mau lua ʻeleʻele ikaika i ko mākou ʻoiaʻiʻo, a ʻo ko lākou ikaika e mālama mau iā mākou i ko mākou manamana wāwae.

ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hele i laila a ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokuʻu iā ia i waho. Hoʻohana ʻia nā ikaika a pau i ka nānā ʻole ʻana i loko o kēia lua, ke kāʻalo ʻana. ʻO ia ke ʻano o ko mākou mau makaʻu a me nā hopohopo.

A no ka ʻae ʻana iā ʻoe iho, pono ʻoe e nānā i kēia lua ʻeleʻele?

Ae. Ma kahi o ka pani ʻana i ko mākou mau maka, ma ka hoʻoikaika ʻana e huli mākou iā mākou iho i ka mea a mākou e makemake ʻole ai, he aha ka paʻakikī e ʻae, a nānā: pehea ka hana? He aha kā mākou e makaʻu ai? ʻAʻole paha he mea weliweli? Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻo ka mea weliweli loa, ʻo ia ka mea ʻike ʻole ʻia, lepo, pohihihi, kahi mea paʻakikī ke ʻike. ʻO nā mea a pau a mākou i ʻōlelo ai e pili ana i ka honua o waho e pili pū ana i ko mākou pilina me mākou iho.

Aia ke ala i ka ʻae ʻana iā ia iho ma o ka ʻike o nā ʻaoʻao pohihihi o ke ʻano o ke kanaka. Inā ua wehewehe au i kekahi mea, ho'ōki au i ka makaʻu. Maopopo iaʻu pehea e hana ʻia ai kēia. ʻO ka ʻae ʻana iā ia iho, ʻo ia hoʻi ka hoihoi hou ʻana iā ia iho me ka makaʻu ʻole.

Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Søren Kierkegaard, ʻo Søren Kierkegaard, ʻo ke kenekulia XNUMX: "ʻAʻohe kaua e koi i ka wiwo ʻole, e koi ʻia ma ka nānā ʻana iā ʻoe iho." ʻO ka hopena o ka hoʻoikaika ʻana he kiʻi ʻoi aʻe a liʻiliʻi paha o ʻoe iho.

Akā aia kekahi poʻe e manaʻo maikaʻi iā lākou iho me ka ʻole o ka hoʻoikaika ʻana. He aha kā lākou i loaʻa ʻole i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe?

Laki loa kēlā mau kānaka: i ka wā kamaliʻi, ʻo ka poʻe mākua i ʻae iā lākou, ʻaʻole ma nā "ʻāpana", akā i ko lākou holoʻokoʻa, huli lākou ma hope o lākou. E noʻonoʻo, ʻaʻole wau e ʻōlelo - aloha ʻole ʻia a mahalo nui ʻia. He mea weliweli ka hope. ʻAʻole. ʻAʻole naʻe i hana ka poʻe mākua me ka makaʻu a me ka inaina i nā waiwai o ko lākou ʻano a i ʻole ko lākou ʻano, ua hoʻāʻo lākou e hoʻomaopopo i ke ʻano o ke keiki.

I mea e aʻo ai ke keiki e ʻae iā ia iho, pono ʻo ia i kahi makua mālie ma kahi kokoke. ʻO wai ka mea i aʻo e pili ana i ka hakakā, ʻaʻole wikiwiki ʻo ia e ʻāhewa a hilahila, akā ʻōlelo ʻo ia: "ʻAe, ʻae, ʻaʻole ʻo Petya i hāʻawi iā ʻoe i kahi holoi. A ʻo ʻoe? Ua nīnau ʻoe iā Pete i ke ala pololei. ʻAe. Pehea ʻo Petya? Holo aku? Ua uē ʻo ia? No laila pehea kou manaʻo no kēia kūlana? ʻAe, he aha kāu e hana ai?"

Pono mākou i kahi kanaka makua ʻae e hoʻolohe mālie, nīnau i nā nīnau wehewehe i mea e maopopo ai ke kiʻi, hoihoi i nā manaʻo o ke keiki: "Pehea ʻoe? A pehea kou manaʻo, e ʻoiaʻiʻo? Ua hana maikaʻi ʻole ʻoe?

A inā i kēia lā ʻaʻole wau makemake e ʻae i kekahi mau nāwaliwali i loko oʻu iho, aia paha ua lawe au i ka makaʻu iā lākou mai koʻu mau mākua mai: ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi o mākou ke kū i ka hoʻohewa ʻana no ka makaʻu o ko mākou mau mākua ʻaʻole hiki iā lākou ke haʻaheo i kā lākou. keiki.

Inā hoʻoholo mākou e nānā iā mākou iho. A ʻaʻole mākou makemake i ka mea a mākou i ʻike ai. Pehea e hana ai me ia?

No ka hana ʻana i kēia, pono mākou i ka wiwo ʻole a ... kahi pilina maikaʻi me mākou iho. E noʻonoʻo: loaʻa i kēlā me kēia o mākou i hoʻokahi hoaaloha ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻO nā ʻohana a me nā hoaaloha - hiki i kekahi mea ke hiki i ke ola - e haʻalele iaʻu. E haʻalele kekahi i kahi honua ʻē, e lawe ʻia kekahi e nā keiki a me nā moʻopuna. Hiki iā lākou ke kumakaia iaʻu, hiki iā lākou ke hemo iaʻu. ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke hoʻomalu i nā mea ʻē aʻe. Akā aia kekahi e haʻalele ʻole iaʻu. A ʻo wau kēia.

ʻO wau kēlā hoa, ke kamaʻilio i loko e ʻōlelo: "E hoʻopau i kāu hana, ke hoʻomaka nei kou poʻo e ʻeha." ʻO wau ka mea mau iaʻu, ka mea e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaopopo. ʻO wai ka mea i hoʻopau ʻole i hoʻokahi minuke o ka hāʻule ʻole, akā ʻōlelo ʻo ia: "ʻAe, ua wili ʻoe, e kuʻu hoaaloha. Pono wau e hoʻoponopono, inā ʻaʻole ʻo wai wau? ʻAʻole kēia he hoʻohewa, he kākoʻo kēia no ka mea makemake iaʻu e maikaʻi i ka hopena. A laila ʻike wau i ka mehana i loko: i loko o koʻu umauma, i koʻu ʻōpū ...

ʻO ia hoʻi, hiki iā mākou ke manaʻo i ka ʻae ʻana iā mākou iho ma ke kino?

ʻOiaʻiʻo. Ke hoʻokokoke au i kahi mea waiwai noʻu iho me ka puʻuwai hāmama, "mahana" koʻu puʻuwai a ʻike wau i ke kahe o ke ola. I loko o ka psychoanalysis ua kapa ʻia ʻo ia he libido - ka ikaika o ke ola, a ma ka loiloi existential - ola.

ʻO ke koko a me ka lymph kona hōʻailona. Holo wikiwiki lākou i koʻu wā ʻōpiopio a hauʻoli a kaumaha paha, a ʻoi aku ka lohi i koʻu wā ʻaʻole manaʻo ʻole a "hauʻoli". No laila, ke makemake ke kanaka i kekahi mea, ʻulaʻula kona mau papalina, ʻālohilohi kona mau maka, wikiwiki nā kaʻina metabolic. He pilina maikaʻi kona me ke ola a me kona iho.

He aha ka mea hiki ke hooki iā ʻoe mai ka ʻae ʻana iā ʻoe iho? ʻO ka mea mua i hiki mai i ka noʻonoʻo ʻo ka hoʻohālikelike pau ʻole me ka nani, akamai, kūleʻa ...

ʻAʻole pōʻino loa ka hoʻohālikelike inā ʻike mākou i nā mea ʻē aʻe me he aniani lā. Ma ke ʻano o kā mākou hana ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, hiki iā mākou ke aʻo nui e pili ana iā mākou iho.

A eia hou, hiki i nā hoʻomanaʻo ke komo. Me he mea lā e kani ana nā kumuhana o ka like ʻole i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i loko o mākou i ke mele. No kekahi poʻe, pilikia a ʻawaʻawa ka mele, no kekahi poʻe he nani a me ka lokahi.

Hāʻawi ʻia nā mele e nā mākua. I kekahi manawa, ua ho'āʻo ke kanaka e "hoʻololi i ka moʻolelo" no nā makahiki he nui. Hōʻike maopopo ʻia kēia kumuhana i ka pane ʻana i ka hoʻohewa. Makemake nui kekahi e ʻae i kona hewa, me ka loaʻa ʻole o ka manawa e noʻonoʻo ai inā loaʻa iā ia kahi manawa e hana maikaʻi ai. ʻAʻole hiki i kekahi ke kū i ka hoʻohewa ʻana, hoʻomaka e inaina i ka poʻe e hoʻopiʻi i kāna impeccability.

He kumuhana eha keia. A e mau loa ia, akā hiki iā mākou ke maʻa i ke ʻano o ia ʻano. A i ʻole i ka hopena e hele mākou i kahi ʻano hilinaʻi i ka poʻe hoʻohewa: "Auwe, nani kona ʻike iaʻu. E noʻonoʻo pono wau, mahalo no kou nānā ʻana.

ʻO ka manaʻo mahalo i ka poʻe hoʻohewa ka hōʻailona koʻikoʻi o ka ʻae ʻana iā ia iho. ʻAʻole kēia manaʻo ua ʻae wau i kā lākou loiloi, ʻoiaʻiʻo.

Akā, i kekahi manawa, hana maoli mākou i nā mea ʻino, a ʻeha ko mākou lunamanaʻo iā mākou.

Ma ka pilina maikaʻi me mākou iho, ʻo ka lunamanaʻo ko mākou kōkua a he hoaaloha. He makaʻala kū hoʻokahi kāna, akā ʻaʻohe ona makemake ponoʻī. Hōʻike ia i ka mea e hana ai e lilo iā mākou iho, ʻo ka mea maikaʻi loa a mākou e makemake ai e ʻike iā mākou iho. A ke hana hewa mākou, ʻeha a hoʻomāinoino iā mākou, akā ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe ...

Hiki ke pale aku i kēia ʻeha. ʻO ka lunamanaʻo, ma ke kumu, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻoikaika i kahi mea e hana ʻia, ʻo ia wale nō ka manaʻo. He aha ka pono? E lilo hou iā ʻoe iho. Pono kākou e mahalo iā ia no ia mea.

Inā ʻike wau iaʻu iho a hilinaʻi i kēia ʻike, ʻaʻole au e luuluu iaʻu iho, a hoʻolohe wau i koʻu lunamanaʻo - ʻae ʻoiaʻiʻo wau iaʻu iho?

No ka ʻae ʻana iā ʻoe iho, he mea nui e hoʻomaopopo i koʻu wahi i kēia manawa, i kahi o koʻu ola. Ma ke kuhikuhi o ke aha kaʻu e kūkulu nei? Pono mākou e ʻike i ka holoʻokoʻa, ʻano "hoʻolei" mākou i ka holoʻokoʻa no kēia lā, a laila lilo ia i mea nui.

I kēia manawa ua hele mai nā mea kūʻai aku i nā psychotherapists me kēia noi: "Ua kūleʻa wau, hiki iaʻu ke ʻimi hou i kahi ʻoihana, akā ʻaʻole wau ʻike i ke kumu." A i ʻole: “Ua maikaʻi nā mea a pau i ka ʻohana, akā…”

No laila pono ʻoe i kahi pahuhopu honua?

ʻAʻole pono ka honua. ʻO kēlā me kēia pahuhopu e kūlike me kā mākou mau waiwai. A hiki i nā mea a pau ke waiwai: nā pilina, nā keiki, nā moʻopuna. Makemake kekahi e kākau i puke, makemake kekahi e ulu i ka māla.

ʻAʻole pili ka manaʻo i ka mea a mākou e hana ai, akā i ke ʻano o kā mākou hana ʻana. Ke loaʻa iā mākou nā mea a mākou e makemake ai a me nā mea a mākou e ʻae ai i loko, ua mālie mākou, māʻona, a ua mālie a māʻona nā mea a pau a puni mākou.

ʻAʻole hiki ke ʻae iā ʻoe iho i hoʻokahi manawa. E hāʻule mau ana paha mākou mai kēia mokuʻāina i kekahi manawa?

A laila pono ʻoe e hoʻi iā ʻoe iho. I loko o kēlā me kēia o mākou, ma hope o ke ʻano a me ke ʻano o kēlā me kēia lā - ke ʻano, ke ʻano, nā maʻamau, ke ʻano - aia kekahi mea kupanaha: ʻo ka ʻokoʻa o koʻu noho ʻana ma kēia honua, koʻu ʻano pilikino like ʻole. A ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻohe kanaka e like me aʻu a ʻaʻole loa e loaʻa hou.

Inā mākou e nānā iā mākou iho ma kēia ʻano, pehea ko mākou manaʻo? Kahaha, ua like ia me ka hana mana. A ʻo ke kuleana - no ka mea he nui ka maikaʻi i loko oʻu, hiki anei iā ia ke hōʻike iā ia iho i ke ola kanaka hoʻokahi? Ke hana nei au i nā mea a pau no kēia? A me ka hoihoi, no ka mea, ʻaʻole paʻa kēia ʻāpana oʻu, hoʻololi ia, i kēlā me kēia lā e kāhāhā iaʻu i kekahi mea.

Inā wau e nānā iaʻu iho ma kēia ʻano a hana wau iaʻu iho i kēia ʻano, ʻaʻole wau e noho kaʻawale. A puni ka poʻe i mālama maikaʻi iā lākou iho, aia nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. No ka mea, ʻike ʻia ke ʻano o kā mākou hana ʻana iā mākou iho. A makemake lākou e noho pū me mākou.