ʻO ka moʻolelo o ka manaʻo "ʻino" a me ka "maikaʻi".

"Mai hopohopo". Lohe mākou i kēia ʻōlelo mai ka wā kamaliʻi mai nā ʻohana, nā kumu a me nā mea ʻē aʻe i ʻike i ko mākou hopohopo. A loaʻa iā mākou ke aʻo mua e pili ana i ka mālama ʻana i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole. ʻO ia hoʻi, pono lākou e pale aku. Akā, no ke aha?

ʻino maikaʻi ʻōlelo aʻo

ʻO ke ala kūpono i nā manaʻo e hōʻike ana he mea nui lākou a pau no ka lokahi o ka noʻonoʻo. ʻO nā manaʻo nā beacons e hāʻawi i kahi hōʻailona: he pōʻino ma ʻaneʻi, ʻoluʻolu ma laila, hiki iā ʻoe ke hana hoaaloha me kēia kanaka, akā ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka makaʻala. He mea koʻikoʻi ke aʻo ʻana e ʻike iā lākou a he mea ʻē paha ke kumu ʻaʻole i hoʻokumu ke kula i kahi papa e pili ana i ka naʻau heluhelu.

He aha ka ʻōlelo aʻo maikaʻi ʻole - "mai hopohopo"? ʻŌlelo mākou me ka manaʻo maikaʻi. Makemake mākou e kōkua. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ia kōkua ke alakaʻi wale i ke kanaka mai ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana iā ia iho. ʻO ka manaʻoʻiʻo i ka mana kupua o "mai hopohopo" ua hoʻokumu ʻia ma ka manaʻo ʻaʻole i ʻike ʻia kekahi mau manaʻo.

Ua aʻo mai ʻo Psychologist Peter Breggin, i kāna puke Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety, iā mākou e haʻalele i ka mea i kapa ʻia ʻo "nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole." Ma ke ʻano he psychiatrist, ʻike mau ʻo Breggin i ka poʻe e hoʻopiʻi iā lākou iho no nā mea āpau, e ʻeha i ka hilahila a me ka hopohopo mau loa.

ʻOiaʻiʻo makemake ʻo ia e kōkua iā lākou. He makemake kanaka loa keia. Akā, ke hoʻāʻo nei e hoʻopuʻi i ka hopena maikaʻi ʻole, hoʻopuka ʻo Breggin i nā ʻike iā lākou iho.

ʻōpala i loko, ʻōpala i waho

Ke hoʻokaʻawale mākou i nā manaʻo i loko o nā manaʻo maikaʻi loa (a no laila makemake ʻia) a me nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole (makemake ʻole), ʻike mākou iā mākou iho i kahi kūlana i kapa ʻia e nā mea papahana ʻo "Garbage in, Garbage Out" (GIGO no ka pōkole). Inā hoʻokomo ʻoe i ka laina kuhi hewa i loko o kahi papahana, ʻaʻole ia e hana a hoʻolei paha i nā hewa.

Hiki ke kūlana "ʻōpala i loko, ʻōpala i waho" ke hoʻokomo mākou i nā manaʻo kuhihewa e pili ana i nā manaʻo. Inā loaʻa iā ʻoe, hiki paha iā ʻoe ke huikau e pili ana i kou mau manaʻo a nele i ka mākaukau noʻonoʻo.

1. ʻO ka moʻolelo o ka valency o nā manaʻo: ke hōʻike nei mākou i kēlā me kēia manaʻo ma ke ʻano he ʻoluʻolu a ʻoluʻolu ʻole paha, inā he mea makemake ia no mākou a ʻaʻole paha.

2. Ka palena i ka hana ʻana me nā manaʻo: ke manaʻoʻiʻo mākou e hoʻopau ʻia a hōʻike ʻia paha nā manaʻo. ʻAʻole mākou i ʻike pehea e ʻimi ai i ka manaʻo e uhi ana iā mākou, a ke hoʻoikaika nei mākou e hoʻopau iā ia i ka hiki.

3. Ka malama ole i ka nuance: inā ʻaʻole mākou i hoʻomaopopo i kēlā me kēia manaʻo he nui nā gradations o ka ikaika. Inā ʻoluʻolu mākou i kahi hana hou, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo ua hana hewa mākou i ke koho a haʻalele koke mākou.

4.Hoʻolaha: inā ʻaʻole mākou i ʻike e hiki ke ʻike ʻia kekahi mau manaʻo i ka manawa like, hiki ke kūʻē, a ʻaʻole kēia he kumu e kānalua ai i ko mākou olakino noʻonoʻo.

ʻO ka moʻolelo o ka valency o nā manaʻo

ʻO nā manaʻo ka pane o ka psyche i nā mea hoʻoulu waho a me loko. I loko o lākou iho, ʻaʻole maikaʻi a maikaʻi ʻole. Hana wale lākou i kahi hana pono e ola ai. I kēia ao hou, ʻaʻole pono mākou e hakakā no ke ola ma ke ʻano maoli, a ke hoʻāʻo nei mākou e lawe i nā manaʻo kūpono ʻole. Akā ʻoi aku ka hele ʻana o kekahi, e hoʻāʻo e hoʻokaʻawale loa mai ke ola i ka mea e lawe mai ai i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole.

Ma ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i nā manaʻo i loko o ka maikaʻi ʻole a me ka maikaʻi, hoʻokaʻawale mākou i kā mākou mau ʻano mai ka pōʻaiapili i ʻike ʻia ai. ʻAʻole pili ke kumu e huhū ai mākou, ʻo ka mea nui, ʻo ia ke ʻano ʻawaʻawa ke nānā aku i ka ʻaina ahiahi.

I ka ʻoihana ʻoihana, ʻike nui ʻia nā hōʻike o nā manaʻo e pili ana i ka kūleʻa: ka hoʻoulu ʻana, ka hilinaʻi, ka mālie. Akā, ʻo ke kaumaha, ka hopohopo a me ka makaʻu i manaʻo ʻia he hōʻailona o ka nalo.

ʻO kaʻeleʻele a me ke keʻokeʻo e pili ana i nā manaʻo e hōʻike ana e pono ke kauaʻia nā "negative" (ma ke kāohiʻana iā lākou a iʻole, e hoʻokuʻu iā lākou e ninini i waho), aʻo nā mea "maikaʻi" pono e hoʻouluʻia i loko o ia iho a iʻole, ma kaʻino, hōʻike ʻia. Akā ʻo ka hopena, ʻo ia ka mea e alakaʻi ai i ke keʻena o kahi psychotherapist: ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke pale i ke kaumaha o nā ʻike i hoʻopaʻa ʻia a ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻike i ko mākou manaʻo maoli.

ʻO ka Empathic Approach

ʻO ka manaʻoʻiʻo i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole a paʻakikī ke ʻike i ko lākou waiwai. No ka laʻana, mālama ka makaʻu olakino iā mākou mai ka lawe ʻana i nā pilikia pono ʻole. Hiki i ka hopohopo e pili ana i ke olakino ke hoʻoikaika iā ʻoe e haʻalele i ka meaʻai ʻōpala a pāʻani i nā haʻuki. E kōkua ka huhū iā ʻoe e kū i kāu mau pono, a ʻo ka hilahila ke kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻokele i kāu ʻano a hoʻopili i kou mau makemake me nā makemake o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.

Ke ho'āʻo nei e hoʻoulu i nā manaʻo i loko o mākou iho no ke kumu ʻole, ke hōʻole nei mākou i kā lākou hoʻoponopono kūlohelohe. Eia kekahi laʻana, e mare ana kahi kaikamahine, akā kānaluaʻo ia e aloha anaʻo ia i kāna mea i koho ai a aloha iā ia i ka wā e hiki mai ana. Akā naʻe, hoʻohuli ʻo ia iā ia iho: “Hili ʻo ia iaʻu i kona mau lima. Pono wau e hauʻoli. He lapuwale kēia mau mea a pau. Ke ho'āʻo nei e hoʻopau i nā manaʻo, ʻaʻole mākou e kāpae iā lākou. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa mākou iā mākou iho ʻaʻole e hoʻolohe i ka intuition a ʻaʻole e hoʻāʻo e hana e like me ia.

ʻO ke ʻano empathic, ʻo ia ka mea e ʻae mākou i kahi manaʻo a hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaopopo i ka pōʻaiapili i kū mai ai. Pili paha ia i kou kūlana i kēia manawa? Ua hoʻopilikia paha kekahi mea iā ʻoe, hoʻonāukiuki paha iā ʻoe? No ke aha la kou manao? Ua like paha ia me kahi mea āu i ʻike mua ai? Ma ka nīnau ʻana iā mākou iho i nā nīnau, hiki iā mākou ke loaʻa ka ʻike hohonu i ke ʻano o nā ʻike a hana iā lākou e hana no mākou.

E pili ana i ka loea: He kanaka noiʻi ʻo Carla McLaren, ka mea nāna i hana i ke kumumanaʻo o Dynamic Emotional Integration, a me ka mea kākau o The Art of Empathy: Pehea e hoʻohana ai i kāu ʻike ola ola.