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ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka noho hauʻoli me ka hoa hoʻokahi. Pono mākou e pili kokoke i kahi kanaka ʻike, manaʻo a hana ʻokoʻa. Aia mākou ma lalo o ke kaiapuni, ka ʻike o nā mākua a me ka pāpā. He ʻāina ʻelua ka pilina, hiki iā ʻoe ke uhaki i nā kapu a me nā maʻamau inā makemake ʻoe ʻelua. Mai ka wā kamaliʻi mai, ua aʻo ʻia mākou he mea ʻino ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā mea, pono nā kāne e hana i nā mea āpau a kōkua kekahi i kekahi. ʻO ka manawa kēia e uhaʻi i nā manaʻo stereotypes.
ʻO nā kāne i noho lōʻihi no ka manawa lōʻihi, ʻaʻole pono e hoʻomanawanui i nā manaʻo like ʻole a me nā ʻano maʻamau o kekahi, akā hoʻololi pū i nā ʻano maʻamau. Manaʻo ke kumu ʻo Katerina Kostoula ʻaʻole pono e hahai makapō i nā lula.
1. He maikai ka hakaka
ʻAʻole ikaika a ʻoiaʻiʻo nā pilina i loaʻa ʻole kahi wahi no nā hakakā. Inā mālama ʻoe i kou mau manaʻo iā ʻoe iho, ʻaʻohe ou manawa e hoʻololi i kekahi mea. He hopena lapaʻau ka hakakā: kōkua ia iā ʻoe e hoʻopuka i kou huhū a kamaʻilio e pili ana i kāu mea makemake ʻole. Ma ke kaʻina o ka hakakā, aʻo ʻoe e pili ana i nā wahi ʻeha o kēlā me kēia, kōkua kēia iā ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi i kāu hoa, a ma ka hopena e maʻalahi ia no nā mea a pau. Ma ke kāohi ʻana i ka huhū, kūkulu ʻoe i pā ma waena o ʻoe a me kāu hoa a hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kāu ʻōnaehana pale.
Pono ʻoe e hakakā, akā e hoʻāʻo e hana ma ke ʻano civili. ʻO nā kūkākūkā wela e alakaʻi i nā ʻaelike maikaʻi he mea pono, ʻaʻole pono e hōʻeha kekahi i kekahi.
2. I kekahi manawa pono ʻoe e hana i kāu makemake wale nō.
Makemake ʻoe e hoʻomau i ka hana leʻaleʻa ʻaʻole hoihoi i kāu hoa? Makemake ʻoe e hoʻolimalima manawa me nā hoaaloha, e like me ka noho kaʻawale no ʻelua mau hola? Maikaʻi kēia. ʻO ke aloha iā ʻoe iho e kōkua iā ʻoe e aloha nui aku i kāu hoa.
ʻO kou mau pono pilikino, kūʻokoʻa a me ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana mai kekahi i kekahi no kekahi manawa e kōkua i ka mālama ʻana i ka lapalapa aloha. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ka pilina mau e hoʻopau i ka makemake. Pili wale lākou i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ka pilina.
ʻO ka mālama ʻana i ka mamao e kōkua i ka uʻi no ka mea makemake nā kānaka i ka mea ʻaʻole i loaʻa iā lākou.
Ua nīnau ʻo Psychotherapist ʻo Esther Perel, kekahi o nā loea pili kaulana loa, i ka poʻe i ka wā e ʻike ai lākou i ka nani o kā lākou hoa. ʻO ka pinepine, loaʻa iā ia nā pane penei: inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia, ma kahi pāʻina, ke hana ʻo ia i ka ʻoihana.
Hoʻokomo ka mālama ʻana i kou mamao i ka hoihoi no ka mea makemake nā kānaka i ka mea ʻaʻole i loaʻa iā lākou i kēia manawa. Pono mākou e pale i ko mākou kuleana i ka pilikino inā makemake mākou e noho nani i kahi hoa, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole makemake ʻo ia e hoʻokuʻu iā ʻoe.
Aia kekahi kumu ʻē aʻe e pono ai ʻoe e hoʻomau i ka hana ʻana i kāu hana: ʻo ka mōhai ʻana iā ʻoe iho, hōʻiliʻili ʻoe i ka ʻoluʻolu a me ka huhū a me ke kaumaha.
3. ʻAʻole pono e kōkua mau kekahi i kekahi
Hoʻi mai kahi hoa hana mai ka hana a hoʻopiʻi i kahi lā paʻakikī. Makemake ʻoe e kōkua, hāʻawi i ka ʻōlelo aʻo, e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaikaʻi i ke kūlana. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻāʻo e hoʻolohe, hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaopopo, nīnau i nā nīnau. ʻO ka hoa pili paha he kanaka akamai, hiki iā ia ke hoʻoponopono i kāna mau pilikia. ʻO kāna mea e pono ai ʻo kou hiki ke hoʻolohe a hoʻomaopopo.
Inā makemake ʻoe e kūkulu i kahi pilina like, e hōʻalo i ke kuleana o ke kōkua, ʻoi aku hoʻi i ka wā e pili ana i nā hana ʻoihana a kāu hoa. Pono ʻoe e kōkua i kāu hoa pili i kāna mau hana ke nīnau ʻo ia iā ʻoe.
I kekahi mau wahi, koi mau kāu kōkua a pono: nā hana hale a me ka hānai ʻana i nā keiki. Holoi i nā kīʻaha, hele wāwae i ka ʻīlio a hana i nā haʻawina home me kāu keiki i nā manawa hiki.