'O ke 'ano o ka lohe 'ia, 'o ia ka 'ike 'ana i ke 'ano o ke kanaka, ka 'oia'i'o o kona ola 'ana. ʻO kēia paha ka makemake maʻamau i kēia mau lā - akā i ka manawa like ka mea pilikia loa. Pehea e hōʻoia ai e lohe ʻia mākou i ka walaʻau a puni? Pehea e kamaʻilio "no ka mea maoli"?
ʻAʻole mākou i kamaʻilio, ʻōlelo, kākau nui. ʻO ka hui pū ʻana, e hoʻopaʻapaʻa a manaʻo paha, hoʻohewa a hoʻohui paha, a e hōʻike i ko lākou ʻano, pono a me nā makemake. Akā, aia kekahi manaʻo ke lohe ʻia nei mākou? ʻAʻole mau.
Aia ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o kā mākou manaʻo e ʻōlelo nei a me kā mākou ʻōlelo maoli; ma waena o nā mea a kekahi e lohe ai a me nā mea a mākou e manaʻo ai he lohe ʻo ia. Eia kekahi, i ka moʻomeheu hou, kahi o ka hōʻike pilikino kekahi o nā hana koʻikoʻi, a ʻo ka wikiwiki ke ʻano hou o ka pilina, ʻaʻole i manaʻo mau ʻia ka ʻōlelo e kūkulu i nā alahaka ma waena o nā kānaka.
I kēia lā, mahalo mākou i ka pilikino a ʻoi aku ka hoihoi iā mākou iho, nānā mākou i loko o mākou iho. "ʻO kekahi o nā hopena o ia manaʻo, ʻo kahi hapa nui o ke kaiāulu e kau mua i ka pono e hōʻike iā ia iho i ka pōʻino o ka hiki ke ʻike," wahi a Gestalt therapist Mikhail Kryakhtunov.
Hiki ke kapa ʻia he ʻahahui o nā mea haʻiʻōlelo i hoʻolohe ʻole kekahi.
Nā memo i kahi ʻole
Hoʻopuka nā ʻenehana hou i kā mākou "I" i mua. Hōʻike nā pūnaewele kaiaulu i nā mea a pau i ko mākou nohoʻana, nā mea a mākou e noʻonoʻo ai, i hea mākou a me nā mea a mākou eʻai ai. "Akā, he mau ʻōlelo kēia ma ke ʻano monologue, he ʻōlelo i ʻōlelo ʻole ʻia i kekahi," wahi a Inna Khamitova, kahi psychotherapist ʻohana systemic. "Malia paha he puka kēia no nā poʻe hilahila e makaʻu nui nei i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole i ka honua maoli."
Loaʻa iā lākou ka manawa e hōʻike ai i ko lākou mau manaʻo a hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā lākou iho, akā i ka manawa like ke pilikia lākou i ka mālama ʻana i ko lākou mau makaʻu a hoʻopaʻa ʻia i ka lewa virtual.
Ma nā hale hōʻikeʻike a me ke ʻano o nā hiʻohiʻona, lawe nā mea a pau iā ia iho - me he mea lā ʻaʻohe mea e nānā ana kekahi i kekahi, a i ʻole i kēlā mau mea hana nui a lākou i noho ai ma kēia wahi. ʻOi aku ka nui o nā memo-kiʻi ma mua o ka helu o ka poʻe hiki ke ʻike iā lākou.
"Ma kahi o nā pilina, nui ka nui o nā mea i hoʻopukapuka ʻia, ʻokoʻa i ka mea i lawe ʻia," wahi a Mikhail Kryakhtunov. "Ke hoʻāʻo nei kēlā me kēia o mākou e hōʻike iā mākou iho, akā i ka hopena e alakaʻi i ka mehameha."
Ke hele wikiwiki nei kā mākou mau pilina a, ma muli o kēia wale nō, emi ka hohonu.
Ke hoʻolaha nei i kekahi mea e pili ana iā mākou iho, ʻaʻole mākou ʻike inā aia kekahi ma kēlā ʻaoʻao o ka uea. ʻAʻole mākou e hālāwai me kahi pane a lilo i ʻike ʻole ʻia i mua o nā mea a pau. Akā, he hewa ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana i ke ʻano o ke kamaʻilio ʻana no nā mea āpau. "Inā ʻaʻole pono mākou iā lākou, ʻaʻole lākou i ʻike ʻia," wahi a Mikhail Kryakhtunov. Mahalo iā lākou, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻololi i nā memo i kēlā me kēia manawa. Akā ʻoi aku ka wikiwiki o kā mākou mau pilina a, ma muli o kēia wale nō, ʻaʻole hohonu. A pili kēia ʻaʻole wale i nā kūkākūkā ʻoihana, kahi e hele mua ai ka pololei, ʻaʻole pili i ka manaʻo.
Paʻi mākou i ke pihi "wave" me ka ʻike ʻole i ka mea a mākou e nalu nei a ʻo wai hoʻi e hoʻi hope. Hāʻawi nā hale waihona puke Emoji i nā kiʻi no nā manawa āpau. Smiley — leʻaleʻa, kekahi minoʻaka ʻē aʻe — ke kaumaha, peʻi lima: "Ke pule nei au iā ʻoe." Aia kekahi mau ʻōlelo i mākaukau no nā pane maʻamau. "E kākau i "Aloha au iā ʻoe", pono ʻoe e kaomi i ke pihi i hoʻokahi manawa, ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e paʻi i ka leka ma ka leka, hoʻomau ka Gestalt therapist. "Akā ʻo nā huaʻōlelo i koi ʻole i ka noʻonoʻo a i ʻole ka hoʻoikaika ʻana e hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka manaʻo pilikino." ʻAʻole anei ʻo ia ke kumu e hoʻāʻo ai mākou e hoʻoikaika iā lākou, e hoʻohui iā lākou "ʻoi loa", "ʻoiaʻiʻo", "ʻoiaʻiʻo" a me nā mea like? Kuhi lākou i ko mākou makemake nui e kamaʻilio i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā manaʻo i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe - akā ʻo ka maopopo ʻole e kūleʻa kēia.
wahi ʻoki ʻia
ʻO nā leka, nā leka uila, nā leka uila, nā tweets e mālama iā mākou mai kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe a me ko lākou kino, ko lākou mau manaʻo a me ko mākou mau manaʻo.
"Ma muli o ka hana ʻana o ke kamaʻilio ʻana ma o nā mea hana e hoʻokani nei i ke ʻano o ke ʻano o ka mea waena ma waena o mākou a me kekahi, ʻaʻole pili hou ko mākou kino i loko," wahi a Inna Khamitova, "akā, ʻo ka hui pū ʻana ʻo ia ka hoʻolohe ʻana i ka leo o kekahi, honi. iā ia, e ʻike ana i nā manaʻo i ʻōlelo ʻole ʻia a i loko o ka pōʻaiapili like.
ʻAʻole mākou e noʻonoʻo i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo i ka wā e noho ai mākou ma kahi ākea, ʻike mākou a ʻike i kahi ʻano maʻamau, kōkua kēia iā mākou e hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi kekahi i kekahi.
Inā mākou e kamaʻilio pololei ʻole, a laila "ua ʻoki ʻia kā mākou wahi maʻamau," wahi a Mikhail Kryakhtunov, "ʻAʻole wau ʻike i ka interlocutor a i ʻole, inā ʻo Skype, no ka laʻana, ʻike wau i ka maka a me kahi hapa o ka lumi, akā ʻaʻole wau ' ʻAʻole ʻike i ka mea ma hope o ka puka, pehea ka hoʻohuli ʻana i kekahi, pehea ke kūlana, pono ʻo ia e hoʻomau i ke kamaʻilio ʻana a i ʻole e hoʻopau wikiwiki.
Lawe au i ka mea pili ole ia'u. Akā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e manaʻo iaʻu.
ʻO kā mākou ʻike maʻamau i kēia manawa he liʻiliʻi - liʻiliʻi kā mākou pilina, liʻiliʻi ka wahi o ka pili ʻana i ka naʻau. Inā mākou e kamaʻilio maʻamau e like me 100%, a laila ke kamaʻilio mākou me ka hoʻohana ʻana i nā hāmeʻa, 70-80% nalowale. ʻAʻole pilikia kēia inā ʻaʻole lilo ia kamaʻilio i mea maʻamau maikaʻi ʻole, a mākou e lawe ai i ke kamaʻilio maʻamau i kēlā me kēia lā.
ʻOi aku ka paʻakikī iā mākou e hoʻomau i ka pilina.
ʻO ka piha piha o kahi kokoke e hiki ke hoʻololi ʻia e nā ʻano loea
ʻOiaʻiʻo, nui ka poʻe i ʻike i kēia kiʻi ma kahi o ka cafe: ʻelua poʻe e noho ana ma ka papaʻaina hoʻokahi, e nānā ana kēlā me kēia i kā lākou hāmeʻa, a i ʻole paha lākou i loko o ia kūlana. "ʻO kēia ke kumu o ka entropy: ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o nā ʻōnaehana maʻalahi, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻana ma mua o ka hoʻomohala ʻana," e noʻonoʻo ana ka Gestalt therapist. — No ka lohe ʻana i kekahi, pono ʻoe e haʻalele iā ʻoe iho, a pono kēia i ka hoʻoikaika ʻana, a laila hoʻouna wau i kahi minoʻaka. Akā ʻaʻole hoʻonā ka emoticon i ka pilikia o ke komo ʻana, he manaʻo ʻē ka mea ʻōlelo: me he mea lā ua pane lākou iā ia, akā ʻaʻole i hoʻopiha ʻia i kekahi mea. ʻO ka piha piha o kahi ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe e hiki ke hoʻololi ʻia e nā ʻano loea.
Ke nalowale nei ke akamai o ke kamaʻilio hohonu, a pono e hoʻihoʻi ʻia. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaka ma ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hiki ke lohe, ʻoiai ʻaʻole maʻalahi kēia.
Noho mākou ma ke kikowaena o nā mana a me nā hoʻopiʻi he nui: hana i kāu ʻaoʻao, kau i kahi like, kau inoa i kahi hoʻopiʻi, komo, hele…
Ke ʻimi nei i ke kaulike
"Ua aʻo mākou e pani i ko mākou wahi i loko, akā pono e hiki ke wehe pū kekahi," wahi a Inna Khamitova. “A i ʻole, ʻaʻole e loaʻa iā mākou nā manaʻo. A ʻo mākou, no ka laʻana, hoʻomau i ka ʻōlelo, ʻaʻole heluhelu i nā hōʻailona ʻaʻole mākaukau kekahi e hoʻolohe iā mākou i kēia manawa. A ua pilikia mākou iā mākou iho i ka nānā ʻole. "
ʻO ka mea nāna i hoʻomohala i ke kumumanaʻo o ke kamaʻilio, ʻo Martin Buber, i manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo ka mea nui i ke kamaʻilio ʻana ʻo ia ka hiki ke lohe, ʻaʻole ka ʻōlelo. "Pono mākou e hāʻawi i kahi ʻē aʻe i kahi e kamaʻilio ai," wahi a Mikhail Kryakhtunov. I mea e lohe ʻia ai, pono e lilo ka mea i lohe mua. ʻOiai i loko o ka psychotherapy, hiki mai ka manawa e ʻōlelo ai ka mea kūʻai aku, makemake ʻo ia e ʻike i ka mea e hana nei me ke kauka: "Pehea ʻoe?" He mea like: inā ʻaʻole wau e hoʻolohe iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻolohe mai iaʻu. A pela no hoi».
ʻAʻole ia e pili ana i ke kamaʻilio ʻana, akā no ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i ke kūlana a me ke koena o nā pono. "ʻAʻole kūpono ke hana e like me ke ʻano hoʻohālike: Ua hālāwai au, pono wau e kaʻana like i kekahi mea," i wehewehe ʻo Gestalt therapist. "Akā hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i ke ʻano o kā mākou hālāwai, pehea ka ulu ʻana o ka pilina. A e hana e like me kou makemake wale nō, akā, i nā kūlana a me ke kaʻina hana. "
He mea maʻamau ka makemake e ʻike i ke olakino, kūpono, waiwai, a pili i ka honua.
ʻO ka pilina ma waena oʻu a me kekahi e pili ana i kahi aʻu e hāʻawi ai iā ia, pehea ʻo ia e hoʻololi ai i koʻu mau manaʻo a me koʻu ʻike. Akā i ka manawa like, ʻaʻole maopopo mākou i ka mea a kekahi e noʻonoʻo ai e hoʻohana ana i kā mākou mau ʻōlelo i kumu no ka hana o kāna noʻonoʻo. "ʻO ka nui o ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana iā mākou e pili ana i nā mea he nui: i ko mākou hiki ke hoʻonohonoho pololei i ka ʻōlelo, i ka nānā ʻana o kekahi, a me ke ʻano o kā mākou wehewehe ʻana i nā hōʻailona e puka mai ana mai ona," wahi a Inna Khamitova.
I kekahi, i mea e ʻike ai e hoʻolohe ʻia ana ʻo ia, pono e ʻike i ka nānā ʻana iā ia. He mea hilahila ka nānā ʻana i kekahi - akā kōkua ia ke kunou a nīnau paha i nā nīnau wehewehe. "Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaka e hōʻike i kahi manaʻo ʻaʻole i hoʻokumu ʻia," i manaʻo ʻia ʻo Mikhail Kryakhtunov, "a inā makemake ka interlocutor iā mākou, e kōkua ʻo ia e hoʻomohala a hoʻomaʻamaʻa."
Akā, pehea inā he narcissism wale nō ka makemake e lohe ʻia? "E hoʻokaʻawale kāua ma waena o ka narcissism a me ke aloha pilikino," wahi a Mikhail Kryakhtunov. "He mea maʻamau ka makemake e noʻonoʻo i ke olakino, kūpono, waiwai, a pili i ka honua." I mea e hōʻike ai ke aloha pilikino, i loko o ka narcissism, e hōʻike iā ia iho a e hoʻohua, pono e hōʻoia ʻia mai waho e nā poʻe ʻē aʻe: i mea hoihoi mākou iā ia. A ʻo ia hoʻi, he mea hoihoi iā mākou. ʻAʻole hiki i nā manawa a pau a ʻaʻole hiki i kēlā me kēia kanaka. Akā inā loaʻa kahi ʻano like ʻole ma waena o mākou, ʻike ʻia kahi manaʻo pili: hiki iā mākou ke hoʻokuke iā mākou iho, e ʻae i kekahi e ʻōlelo. A i ʻole e nīnau iā ia: hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻolohe?