He aha nā hoaaloha i ʻike ʻia a me 4 mau moʻolelo moʻolelo e pili ana i ka pilina

Kūkulu ʻia kēia mau pilina ma luna o ke aloha like ʻole, ma luna o nā makemake like a me nā ʻono, ma kahi maʻamau lōʻihi. Akā ʻaʻole ma kahi ʻaelike: ʻaneʻane ʻaʻole mākou e kamaʻilio me nā hoaaloha ʻo wai mākou i kekahi i kekahi a me nā mea a mākou e manaʻo ai i kā mākou ʻōlelo. A ʻaʻole paha e hoʻolālā mākou i ka wā e hiki mai ana ma mua o ka huakaʻi aʻe i ka hale keaka.

ʻAʻohe a mākou code o ka hoaaloha ʻē aʻe ma mua o ka naʻauao o ka poʻe, nāna i hoʻohui i nā manaʻo i ʻae ʻia e pili ana i ke ʻano o nā hoaaloha, i kekahi manawa ma ke ʻano hoʻohenehene ("ʻo ka hoaaloha ka hoaaloha, akā kaʻawale ka paka»), i kekahi manawa ma ke ʻano aloha («ʻaʻole loaʻa. hoʻokahi haneli rubles, akā hoʻokahi haneli mau hoaaloha.

Akā pehea ʻoe e hilinaʻi ai iā ia? Kōkua ʻo Gestalt therapist Andrey Yudin iā mākou e hōʻoia i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o nā moʻolelo ʻelima maʻamau. Ma ke ʻano laulā, manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo ia he ʻoiaʻiʻo kekahi ʻōlelo i loko o ka pōʻaiapili i ʻike ʻia ai, akā hoʻololi wale i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo inā haʻalele ka mea haʻiʻōlelo mai ke ʻano kumu. A i kēia manawa hou aku…

ʻO kahi hoa aloha i loko o ka nele he hoa aloha nō ia

ʻOiaʻiʻo hapa

"ʻOiaʻiʻo, hiki iā mākou ke ʻae i ka wā e komo ai mākou i nā kūlana paʻakikī, koʻikoʻi a me nā kūlana koʻikoʻi me nā hoaaloha, ma ke ʻano he kānāwai, ʻike mākou i kahi mea hou i nā poʻe a mākou i ʻike ʻole ai e pili ana iā lākou i kēlā me kēia lā.

Akā i kekahi manawa pili ka "pilikia" me nā hoa like a pili paha i kā lākou makemake a no laila e hoʻowalewale iā lākou i nā hana ʻoluʻolu ʻole iā mākou. No ka laʻana, mai ka manaʻo o ka mea inu ʻona, ʻo nā hoaaloha e hōʻole ʻole e hāʻawi kālā iā ia i ka wā o ka binge e like me nā ʻenemi e haʻalele iā ia i kahi manawa paʻakikī, akā ʻo kā lākou hōʻole loa a me ka hoʻopau manawa pōkole o ke kamaʻilio ʻana he hana aloha. a mālama.

A ʻo kekahi hiʻohiʻona ʻaʻole e hana kēia ʻōlelo: i kekahi manawa, e komo ana i kahi pōʻino maʻamau, hana nā kānaka i nā mea naʻaupō a i ʻole kumakaia, a lākou e mihi ai ma hope. No laila, ma waho aʻe o kēia ʻōlelo, he mea nui e hoʻomanaʻo i kekahi: "He nāwaliwali ke kanaka." A na mākou e hoʻoholo inā e kala aku i kahi hoaaloha no kona nāwaliwali.

ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o kahi hoaaloha kahiko ma mua o ʻelua mau hoa hou

ʻOiaʻiʻo hapa

"Ua haʻi mai ka noʻonoʻo maʻamau inā hoʻomanawanui kekahi hoaaloha i ko mākou noho ʻana no nā makahiki he nui a haʻalele ʻole iā mākou, a laila ʻoi aku ka waiwai a hilinaʻi hoʻi ʻo ia ma mua o kahi hoa huakaʻi hele ʻole me kahi ʻano moʻomeheu e kūlike me kā mākou. Eia nō naʻe, ma ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa, hana maikaʻi kēia ʻoiaʻiʻo no ka poʻe i paʻa paʻa i kā lākou ulu ʻana.

ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, inā paʻa mākou i ka ʻike pilikino, a laila e hoʻopaʻi pinepine ʻia mākou e hoʻololi piha a kokoke paha e hoʻololi i kā mākou pōʻai o nā hoaaloha i kēlā me kēia makahiki. Ua lilo ia i mea hoihoi ole me na hoa kahiko, no ka mea, ma hope o kekahi mau makahiki, mana'o ka po'e he mea lohi loa ia no lakou e a'o i ka mea hou, e makaikai i ka honua, ua ike mua lakou i na mea a pau.

I kēia hihia, ua pau ka kamaʻilio ʻana me lākou i ka hoʻopiha ʻana iā mākou i ka ʻuhane a me ka naʻauao a lilo i ʻano kuʻuna - e like me ka manaʻo e like me ka luhi.

E haʻi mai iaʻu ʻo wai kou hoaaloha a e haʻi aku wau iā ʻoe ʻo wai ʻoe

hewa

"Ua like kēia ʻōlelo iaʻu i ka apotheosis o ka snobbery a me ka consumerism i nā kānaka.

I koʻu lohe ʻana, hoʻomanaʻo wau i kahi palapala moʻolelo e pili ana i kahi haku mele Kanada (This Beggar's Description), ka mea i loaʻa i ka schizophrenia paranoid koʻikoʻi, noho ma ke alanui, komo i kēlā me kēia manawa i nā mākaʻi a me nā hale hoʻomaha a hoʻokau i ka ʻeha nui i kona ʻohana - a ma ia mea. He hoaaloha ʻo Time no ka mea mele a me ka haku mele ʻo Leonard Cohen, nāna i kōkua i kēlā me kēia manawa iā ia e haʻalele i kēia mau kūlana.

He aha nā hopena e hiki iā mākou ke huki e pili ana iā Leonard Cohen mai kēia pilina? Koe wale nō ʻo ia he kanaka hohonu loa, ʻaʻole makaʻala i kona kiʻi hōkū. He mau hoaaloha mākou ʻaʻole wale no ka mea like mākou. I kekahi manawa, ʻoi aku ka pilina o ke kanaka ma mua o nā palena a pau o ka ʻike a kū aʻe i nā pae i ʻole ka mana o ka manaʻo maʻamau.

ʻO nā hoaaloha o kā mākou mau hoaaloha ko mākou mau hoaaloha

hewa

"Ua kōkua kēia ʻōlelo ʻōlelo iaʻu e hoʻomanaʻo i ke kānāwai no ka hoʻoholo ʻana i ka hōʻailona o ka huahana o nā helu maikaʻi a maikaʻi ʻole i ka papa ʻekolu, akā ua kaupalena ʻia ka manaʻo maʻamau i loko o ia mea. Hoʻokumuʻia ia ma ka makemake mau loa e hoʻokaʻawale i ka honua i keʻokeʻo a me kaʻeleʻele, i nāʻenemi a me nā hoaaloha, a ma muli o nā pae hoʻohālike maʻalahi. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole i hoʻokō ʻia kēia makemake.

Hoʻokumu ka pilina aloha ma muli o ke ʻano like o ka poʻe, akā ma ke ʻano, ma muli o ka ʻike ola maʻamau. A inā, no ka laʻana, ʻelua mau kānaka i koʻu ola, me kēlā me kēia aʻu i ʻai ai i kahi pood o ka paʻakai i nā manawa like ʻole, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo, i ka hui ʻana i ka hui like, ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike i ka huhū hohonu loa no kēlā me kēia. ʻē aʻe. Ma muli paha o nā kumu aʻu i ʻike ʻole ai ma mua.

ʻAʻohe hoaaloha wahine

hewa

"I ka makahiki 2020, hilahila ka hana ʻana i nā ʻōlelo hoʻohālike sexist. Me ka lanakila like, hiki i kekahi ke ʻōlelo ʻaʻole he pilina kāne kāne, a me ka pilina ma waena o nā kāne a me nā wahine, ʻaʻole e haʻi i ke kāne kāne ʻole i ka poʻe binary.

ʻOiaʻiʻo, he moʻolelo kēia. Manaʻo wau he ʻoi aku ka nui a me ka paʻakikī o kēlā me kēia ma mua o kā mākou kāne. No laila, ʻo ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻana i nā hiʻohiʻona pilikanaka i nā kuleana kāne ʻo ia ka ʻike ʻole ʻana i ka nahele no nā kumulāʻau. Ua ʻike au i nā hihia he nui o ka pilina wahine ikaika no ka wā lōʻihi, me ka hoʻolaʻa like ʻana, ka hoʻolaʻa a me ka launa pū ʻana.

Me he mea lā ua hoʻokumu ʻia kēia manaʻo i kahi stereotype ʻē aʻe, ʻo nā hoaaloha o nā wahine e hoʻopaʻa mau ʻia e uhaʻi i ka hoʻokūkū, ʻo ia hoʻi, no nā kāne. A ʻo kēia moʻolelo hohonu, me he mea lā iaʻu, he hōʻike ia o ka ʻike honua haiki loa a me ka hiki ʻole ke ʻike i loko o ka wahine i kahi kanaka i ʻoi aku ka laulā o ke ʻano o ke ola ma mua o ka makemake e lilo i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o kāna mau hoaaloha a hahau i kā lākou keikikāne.

A, ʻoiaʻiʻo, pili pinepine ka hohonu a me ka paʻa o nā hoaaloha kāne. Ua nui nā kumakaia i loko o koʻu ola e nā hoaaloha kāne ma mua o nā hoaaloha wahine.