Ke pupule ka pilina makuahine a me ke kaikamahine

pilina pili

Manaʻo kekahi i kona makuahine, a ʻae kekahi ua inaina ʻo ia iā ia a ʻaʻole hiki ke loaʻa i kahi ʻōlelo maʻamau me ia. No ke aha kēia pili kūikawā, no ke aha lākou e hōʻeha nui ai iā mākou a hana i nā ʻano like ʻole?

ʻAʻole he mea koʻikoʻi wale ka makuahine i ke ola o ke keiki. Wahi a psychoanalysis, kokoke i ka psyche kanaka holoʻokoʻa i hoʻokumu ʻia i ka pilina mua me ka makuahine. ʻAʻole like lākou me nā mea ʻē aʻe.

ʻO ka makuahine no ke keiki, e like me ka psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, ʻo ia ke kaiapuni i hoʻokumu ʻia ai. A i ka wā e ulu ʻole ai ka pilina ma ke ʻano e pono ai kēia keiki, ua ʻino kona ulu ʻana.

Ma ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa, ʻo ka pilina me ka makuahine e hoʻoholo i nā mea āpau i ke ola o ke kanaka. He kuleana nui kēia ma luna o ka wahine, no ka mea, ʻaʻole lilo ka makuahine i kanaka no kāna keiki makua e hiki ai iā ia ke kūkulu i nā pilina hilinaʻi like. Noho mau ka makuahine i mea like ʻole i kona ola me ka mea ʻole a ʻaʻohe mea.

He aha ke ʻano o ka pilina makuahine a me ke kaikamahine?

He mau pilina kēia e hiki ai i nā wāhine makua ke kamaʻilio a me ke kūkākūkā ʻana me kekahi, e ola i kahi ola kaʻawale - ʻo kēlā me kēia. Hiki iā lākou ke huhū kekahi i kekahi a ʻae ʻole i kekahi mea, ʻoluʻolu ʻole, akā i ka manawa like, ʻaʻole hoʻopau ka huhū i ke aloha a me ka mahalo, ʻaʻohe mea e lawe i kā lākou mau keiki a me nā moʻopuna mai kekahi.

Akā, ʻo ka pilina makuahine a me ke kaikamahine ka mea paʻakikī loa o nā hui like ʻehā (makuakane-keiki, makuakāne-kaikamahine, makuahine-keiki, a makuahine-kaikamahine). ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo,ʻo ka makuahine no ke kaikamahine ka mea nui o ke aloha. Akā, i ka makahiki 3-5, pono ʻo ia e hoʻololi i kona mau manaʻo libidinal i kona makuakāne, a hoʻomaka ʻo ia e noʻonoʻo: "Ke ulu au, e mare wau i koʻu makuakāne."

ʻO kēia ka ʻOedipus paʻakikī i ʻike ʻia e Freud, a he mea kupanaha ʻaʻohe mea ma mua ona i hana i kēia, no ka mea, ʻike ʻia ka hoihoi o ke keiki i ka makua o ke kāne i nā manawa a pau.

A he mea paʻakikī loa i ke kaikamahine ke hele i kēia pae koi o ka hoʻomohala ʻana. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ke hoʻomaka ʻoe e aloha i ka makuakāne, lilo ʻo mama i mea hoʻokūkū, a pono ʻolua ʻelua e kaʻana like i ke aloha o ka makuakāne. He mea paʻakikī loa i ke kaikamahine ke hoʻokūkū me kona makuahine, ka mea i aloha ʻia a koʻikoʻi iā ia. A ʻo ka makuahine hoʻi, lili pinepine i kāna kāne no kāna kaikamahine.

Akā hoʻokahi wale nō laina kēia. Aia kekahi lua. No ke kaikamahine liʻiliʻi, he mea aloha kona makuahine, akā pono ʻo ia e ʻike me kona makuahine i mea e ulu ai a lilo i wahine.

Aia kekahi kū'ē'ē maʻaneʻi: pono i ke kaikamahine ke aloha i kona makuahine i ka manawa like, e hakakā me ia no ka nānāʻana o kona makuakāne, a eʻike pū me ia. A eia ka pilikia hou. ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ua like loa ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine, a he mea maʻalahi loa iā lāua ke hoʻomaopopo kekahi i kekahi. He mea maʻalahi i ke kaikamahine ke hui pū i kāna iho a me kona makuahine, a he mea maʻalahi i ka makuahine ke ʻike i kona hoʻomau ʻana i kāna kaikamahine.

He nui nā wāhine i hewa i ka hoʻokaʻawaleʻana iā lākou iho mai kā lākou mau kaikamāhine. Ua like ia me ka psychosis. Inā ʻoe e nīnau pololei iā lākou, e kūʻē lākou a ʻōlelo mai ua hoʻokaʻawale maikaʻi lākou i nā mea āpau a hana i nā mea āpau no ka pono o kā lākou mau kaikamahine. Akā, ma kekahi pae hohonu, pōwehiwehi kēia palena.

Ua like anei ka malama ana i kau kaikamahine me ka malama ana ia oe iho?

Ma o kāna kaikamahine, makemake ka makuahine e ʻike i ka mea āna i ʻike ʻole ai i ke ola. A i ʻole kekahi mea āna i aloha nui ai. Manaʻo maoli ʻo ia e aloha kāna kaikamahine i kāna mea aloha, makemake ʻo ia e hana i kāna hana ponoʻī. Eia kekahi, ʻaʻole ʻokoʻa ka makuahine ma waena o kāna ponoʻī a me kāna mau pono, makemake, manaʻo.

Maopopo anei iā ʻoe nā ʻakaʻaka e like me «kau papale, anu au»? Manaʻo maoli ʻo ia i kāna kaikamahine. Ke hoʻomanaʻo nei au i kahi hālāwai ninaninau me Yuri Kuklachev, ka mea i nīnau ʻia: "Pehea ʻoe i hānai ai i kāu mau keiki?" 'Ōleloʻo ia: "A ua like kēia me nā pōpoki.

ʻAʻole hiki ke aʻo ʻia ka pōpoki i nā hana hoʻopunipuni. Hiki iaʻu ke ʻike i kāna mea e makemake ai, i kāna makemake. E lele ana kekahi, e paani ana kekahi me ka poepoe. A hoʻomohala wau i kēia ʻano. Pela no na keiki. Ua nānā wale au i ke ʻano o ia mau mea, he aha lākou i puka mai ai. A laila hoʻomohala wau iā lākou i kēia ala.

ʻO kēia ke ala kūpono ke nānā ʻia ke keiki ma ke ʻano he mea kaʻawale me kona mau ʻano pilikino ponoʻī.

A pehea ka nui o nā makuahine a mākou i ʻike i ka mea nāna e mālama: lawe lākou i kā lākou mau keiki i nā pōʻai, nā hōʻikeʻike, nā ʻaha mele mele kahiko, no ka mea, e like me ko lākou manaʻo hohonu, ʻo ia ka mea e pono ai ke keiki. A laila hoʻopiʻi lākou iā lākou me nā huaʻōlelo e like me: "Ke kau nei au i koʻu ola holoʻokoʻa iā ʻoe," e hoʻoulu ai i ka manaʻo hewa nui i nā keiki makua. Eia hou, ua like kēia me ka psychosis.

ʻO ke kumu, ʻo ka psychosis ka ʻike ʻole ma waena o nā mea e hana nei i loko a me waho. Aia ka makuahine ma waho o ke kaikamahine. A aia ke kaikamahine ma waho ona. Akā inā manaʻo ka makuahine ua makemake kāna kaikamahine i kāna mea makemake, hoʻomaka ʻo ia e nalowale i kēia palena ma waena o ka honua o loko a me waho. A pela no ka'u kaikamahine.

He kāne like lāua, ua like loa lāua. ʻO kēia kahi e komo ai ke kumumanaʻo o ka puʻuwai puʻuwai, kahi ʻano psychosis e pili wale ana i ko lākou pilina. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e nānā pū iā lākou, ʻaʻole paha ʻoe e ʻike i kekahi hewa. He mea maʻamau ka launa pū ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻOiai hiki i kekahi mau distortions. No ka laʻana, aia kēia kaikamahine me nā wahine o ke ʻano makuahine - me nā haku, nā kumu wahine.

He aha ke kumu o ia psychosis?

Maanei pono e hoomanao i ke kii o ka makuakane. ʻO kekahi o kāna mau hana ma ka ʻohana, ʻo ia ke kū ma waena o ka makuahine a me ke kaikamahine i kekahi manawa. Penei ke ano o ke ano o ka huinakolu, aia ka pilina ma waena o ke kaikamahine a me ka makuahine, a me ke kaikamahine me ka makuakane, a me ka makuahine me ka makuakane.

Akā pinepine ka makuahine e ho'āʻo e hoʻonohonoho i ke kamaʻilio ʻana o ke kaikamahine me ka makua kāne. Hiolo ka huinakolu.

Ua ʻike au i nā ʻohana kahi i hana hou ʻia ai kēia ʻano hoʻohālike no kekahi mau hanauna: aia wale nō nā makuahine a me nā kaikamahine, a ua hoʻoneʻe ʻia nā makua kāne, a i ʻole ua hemo, a i ʻole lākou i ola ʻole, a i ʻole nā ​​​​mea inu ʻona a ʻaʻohe kaumaha o ka ʻohana. ʻO wai ma kēia hihia e hoʻopau i ko lākou pili a hoʻohui? ʻO wai ka mea e kōkua iā lākou e hoʻokaʻawale a e nānā i kahi ʻē aʻe akā i kekahi i kekahi a "hoʻaniani" i ko lākou hehena?

Ma ke ala, ua ʻike anei ʻoe i nā hihia āpau o Alzheimer a i ʻole kekahi mau ʻano dementia senile, kāhea nā makuahine i kā lākou mau kaikamahine "moms"? ʻOiaʻiʻo, i loko o ia pilina symbiotic, ʻaʻohe ʻokoʻa ma waena o ka mea pili iā wai. Hoʻohui nā mea a pau.

He kaikamahine paha he "papa"?

ʻIke ʻoe i ka ʻōlelo a ka poʻe? I mea e hauʻoli ai ke keiki, pono ke kaikamahine e like me kona makuakāne, a ʻo ke keikikāne e like me kona makuahine. A aia kekahi ʻōlelo e makemake mau nā makua kāne i nā keikikāne, akā ʻoi aku ke aloha ma mua o nā kaikamahine. Ua pili pono kēia naʻauao kanaka me nā pilina pilikua i hoʻomākaukau ʻia e ke ʻano. Manaʻo wau he mea paʻakikī loa i kahi kaikamahine i ulu aʻe ma ke ʻano he "kaikamahine a ka makuahine" ke kaʻawale mai kona makuahine.

Ke ulu nei ke kaikamahine, komo i ka makahiki hānau keiki a loaʻa iā ia iho, me he mea lā, i ke kula o nā wahine makua, a laila e hoʻokuke ana i kona makuahine i ke kula o nā luahine. ʻAʻole pono kēia i kēia manawa, akā ʻo ke ʻano o ka hoʻololi ʻo ia. A nui nā makuahine, me ka ʻike ʻole, ua ʻeha loa lākou. Ma ke ala, ua ʻike ʻia i nā moʻolelo kuʻuna e pili ana i kahi makuahine hānai ʻino a me kahi kaikamahine ʻōpio.

ʻOiaʻiʻo, paʻakikī ke hoʻomanawanui i ka pua ʻana o kahi kaikamahine, kahi kaikamahine, a ke ʻelemakule nei ʻoe. Loaʻa i kahi kaikamahine ʻōpio kāna mau hana ponoʻī: pono ʻo ia e kaʻawale mai kona mau mākua. Ma ke kumumanaʻo, ʻo ka libido e ala ana iā ia ma hope o kahi manawa huna o 12-13 mau makahiki pono e hoʻohuli ʻia mai ka ʻohana i waho, i kāna mau hoa. A ʻo ke keiki i kēia wā pono e haʻalele i ka ʻohana.

Inā pili loa ka pilina o ke kaikamahine me kona makuahine, he mea paʻakikī iā ia ke hemo. A noho ʻo ia he "kaikamahine home", i ʻike ʻia he hōʻailona maikaʻi: ua ulu aʻe kahi keiki mālie a hoʻolohe. I mea e hoʻokaʻawale ai, e lanakila ai i ka attraction i loko o ia ʻano o ka hui ʻana, pono e loaʻa i ke kaikamahine ka nui o ke kūʻē a me ka huhū, i manaʻo ʻia he kipi a me ka depravity.

ʻAʻole hiki ke hoʻomaopopo i nā mea a pau, akā inā maopopo ka makuahine i kēia mau hiʻohiʻona a me nā nuances o ka pilina, e maʻalahi ia no lākou. Ua nīnau ʻia iaʻu i kekahi nīnau koʻikoʻi: "He kuleana anei ke kaikamahine e aloha i kona makuahine?" ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, hikiʻole i ke kaikamahine ke aloha i kona makuahine. Akā, i loko o ka pilina pili mau ke aloha a me ka huhū, a ma ka pilina makuahine a me ke kaikamahine o kēia aloha he kai a me ke kai o ka huhū. ʻO ka nīnau wale nō ka mea e lanakila ai - aloha a inaina paha?

Makemake mau e manaʻoʻiʻo i kēlā aloha. ʻIke mākou a pau i kēlā mau ʻohana kahi e mālama ai nā mea a pau i kekahi i kekahi me ka mahalo, ʻike nā mea a pau i ke kanaka, i ke kanaka, a i ka manawa like ke manaʻo nei i kona aloha a kokoke.