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ʻO ka hopohopo, ka huhū, ka moeʻuhane, nā pilikia ma ke kula a i ʻole me nā hoa… ʻO nā keiki āpau, e like me ko lākou mau mākua, hele i nā pae paʻakikī o ka ulu ʻana. Pehea ʻoe e haʻi ai i nā pilikia liʻiliʻi mai nā pilikia maoli? I ka manawa hea e hoʻomanawanui ai, a i hea e hopohopo a noi i ke kōkua?
"Ke hopohopo mau nei au no kaʻu kaikamahine ʻekolu makahiki," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Lev 38 makahiki. — I kekahi manawa ua nahu ʻo ia i ka hale kula kindergarten, a makaʻu wau he kūʻē ʻo ia. Ke kuha ʻo ia i ka broccoli, ʻike mua wau i kona anorexic. Hoʻomaha mau kaʻu wahine a me kā mākou pediatrician iaʻu. Akā i kekahi manawa manaʻo wau he mea pono ke hele pū me ia i kahi psychologist. ”
ʻO Kristina, he 35 makahiki, he hopohopo no kāna keiki kāne ʻelima makahiki: “Ke ʻike nei au ua hopohopo kā mākou keiki. Hōʻike kēia iā ia iho i ka psychosomatics, i kēia manawa, no ka laʻana, e ʻili ana kona mau lima a me nā wāwae. 'Ōlelo wau iaʻu iho e hala kēia, ʻaʻole naʻu e hoʻololi. Akā, ʻeha wau i ka manaʻo e ʻeha ʻo ia.
He aha ka mea e kāohi iā ia mai ka ʻike ʻana i kahi psychologist? “Makaʻu wau i ka lohe ʻana noʻu ka hewa. Pehea inā e wehe au i ka pahu Pandora a ʻoi aʻe ka ʻino… Ua nalowale koʻu mau haʻalulu a ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu ka mea e hana ai.
He mea maʻamau kēia huikau no nā mākua he nui. He aha ka mea e hilinaʻi ai, pehea e hoʻokaʻawale ai i waena o nā mea e pili ana i nā pae o ka hoʻomohala ʻana (e like me nā pilikia o ka kaʻawale ʻana mai nā mākua), he aha ka mea e hōʻike ai i nā pilikia liʻiliʻi (moe moeʻuhane), a he aha ka mea e pono ai ke komo ʻana o kahi psychologist?
I ka wā i nalowale ai ka ʻike maopopo o ke kūlana
Hiki i ke keiki ke hōʻike i nā hōʻailona o ka pilikia a i ʻole ka hoʻopilikia ʻana i ka poʻe i aloha ʻia, akā ʻaʻole ia i manaʻo mau i ka pilikia i loko ona. ʻAʻole ia he mea maʻamau i ke keiki ke "hana ma ke ʻano he hōʻailona" - ʻo ia ke ʻano o ka ʻohana psychotherapist e koho ai i ka lālā o ka ʻohana e lawe i ka hana o ka hōʻailona pilikia ʻohana.
"Hiki iā ia ke hōʻike iā ia iho ma nā ʻano ʻano like ʻole," wahi a Galiya Nigmetzhanova keiki psychologist. Eia kekahi laʻana, nahu ke keiki i kona mau kui. A i ʻole he pilikia somatic hiki ʻole ke hoʻomaopopo ʻia: he kuni liʻiliʻi i ke kakahiaka, ʻaʻa. A i ʻole kāna hana hewa: hakakā, lawe i nā mea pāʻani.
Ma kekahi ala a 'ē aʻe, e pili ana i kona mau makahiki, temperament a me nā 'ano like 'ole, ho'āʻo 'o ia - unconsciously, 'oiaʻiʻo - e «glue» i ka pilina o kona mau makua, no ka mea, pono ia ia laua. ʻO ka hopohopo e pili ana i kahi keiki hiki ke hui pū iā lākou. E hakaka laua i hookahi hora nona, he oi aku ko laua pono nona i keia hora.
I kēia hihia, hoʻomau ke keiki i nā pilikia iā ia iho, akā ʻike pū ʻo ia i nā ala e hoʻoponopono ai.
ʻO ka huli ʻana i kahi psychologist hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi i ke kūlana a, inā pono, e hoʻomaka i ka ʻohana, ka male, ke kanaka a i ʻole ke keiki.
"ʻO ka hana pū me hoʻokahi kanaka makua hiki ke hāʻawi i nā hopena maikaʻi loa," wahi a Galiya Nigmetzhanova. - A i ka wā e hoʻomaka ai nā hoʻololi maikaʻi, hele mai ka lua o ka makua i ka hoʻokipa, ka mea ma mua "ʻaʻohe manawa." Ma hope o kekahi manawa, nīnau ʻoe: pehea ke keiki, nahu ʻo ia i kona mau kui? "ʻAʻole, maikaʻi nā mea a pau."
Akā, pono mākou e hoʻomanaʻo e hiki ke hūnā ʻia nā pilikia like ʻole ma hope o ka hōʻailona like. E lawe kākou i kekahi laʻana: hana hewa ke keiki ʻelima makahiki i kēlā me kēia pō ma mua o ka moe ʻana. Hōʻike paha kēia i kāna mau pilikia pilikino: makaʻu i ka pōʻeleʻele, pilikia i ka kindergarten.
Malia paha nele ka nānā ʻana o ke keiki, a i ʻole, makemake ʻo ia e pale i ko lākou noho mehameha, pēlā e pane ai i ko lākou makemake.
A i ʻole ma muli paha o nā ʻano kūʻēʻē: koi ʻo ka makuahine e hele koke ʻo ia e hiamoe, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻohe manawa e ʻauʻau ai, a koi ka makua kāne iā ia e hana i kekahi hana ma mua o ka moe ʻana, a ʻo ka hopena, ke ahiahi. lilo i mea pahū. He mea paʻakikī i nā mākua ke hoʻomaopopo i ke kumu.
“ʻAʻole au i manaʻo he mea paʻakikī ke lilo i makuahine,” i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Polina, 30 makahiki. "Makemake au e noho mālie a akahai, akā hiki iaʻu ke kau i nā palena. E noho pū me kāu keiki, ʻaʻole naʻe e kāohi iā ia… Heluhelu nui au e pili ana i ka makua, hele i nā haʻiʻōlelo, akā ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke ʻike ma waho o koʻu ihu.
ʻAʻole ia he mea maʻamau ka manaʻo o nā mākua i ka nalowale i ke kai o nā ʻōlelo aʻo paio. "ʻO ka ʻike nui, akā ʻike ʻole hoʻi," e like me Patrick Delaroche, kahi psychoanalyst a me ke keiki psychiatrist, ke ʻano o lākou.
He aha kā mākou e hana ai me ko mākou hopohopo no kā mākou mau keiki? E hele i kahi kūkākūkā me kahi psychologist, wahi a Galiya Nigmetzhanova a wehewehe i ke kumu: "Inā kani ka hopohopo i loko o ka ʻuhane o kahi makua, e hoʻopilikia maoli ia i kona pilina me ke keiki, a me kāna hoa pū kekahi. Pono kākou e ʻike i ke kumu o ia mea. ʻAʻole pono ʻo ia ka pēpē, ʻo kona hauʻoli paha i kāna male ʻana a i ʻole kona ʻeha ʻōpio.
Ke pau ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kā mākou keiki
"Ua hele kaʻu keiki i kahi psychotherapist mai 11 a 13 makahiki," wahi a Svetlana, 40 makahiki. — I ka mua, ua hewa au: pehea la au e uku ai i ka malihini no ka malama ana i ka'u keiki ?! Aia kekahi manaʻo e hoʻomaha wau iaʻu iho i ke kuleana, he makuahine pono ʻole wau.
Akā, he aha ka mea e hana ʻia inā pau wau i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kaʻu keiki ponoʻī? I ka wā lōʻihi, ua hiki iaʻu ke haʻalele i nā koi i ka mana loa. Haʻaheo nō hoʻi au ua hiki iaʻu ke hāʻawi i ka mana. "
ʻO ka hapa nui o mākou i hoʻopaʻa ʻia e nā kānalua: e noi ana i ke kōkua, me he mea lā iā mākou, ʻo ia ka hōʻailona ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hoʻokō i ke kuleana o kahi makua. "E noʻonoʻo: ua paʻa kahi pōhaku i ko mākou ala, a ke kali nei mākou e hele i kahi," wahi a Galiya Nigmetzhanova.
— Nui ka poʻe e noho ana e like me kēia, hauʻoli, "ʻaʻole ʻike" i ka pilikia, me ka manaʻo e hoʻonā iā ia iho. Akā inā ʻike mākou he "pōhaku" i mua o mākou, a laila hiki iā mākou ke wehe i ke ala no mākou iho.
ʻAe mākou: ʻae, ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hoʻokō, ʻaʻole maopopo mākou i ke keiki. Akā, no ke aha kēia hana?
"Hoʻopau nā mākua i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i nā keiki i ka wā e luhi ai lākou - no laila ʻaʻole lākou i mākaukau hou e wehe i kahi mea hou i ke keiki, e hoʻolohe iā ia, e kū i kāna mau pilikia," wahi a Galiya Nigmetzhanova. — E kōkua kekahi loea iā ʻoe e ʻike i ke kumu o ka luhi a pehea e hoʻopiha ai i kāu waiwai. Ke hana nei ka psychologist ma ke ʻano he unuhi ʻōlelo, e kōkua ana i nā mākua a me nā keiki e lohe kekahi i kekahi.
Eia kekahi, hiki i ke keiki ke loaʻa i kahi "makemake maʻalahi e kamaʻilio me kekahi ma waho o ka ʻohana, akā ma ke ʻano he mea hōʻino ʻole i nā mākua," wahi a Patrick Delaroche. No laila, mai hoʻopaʻapaʻa i ke keiki me nā nīnau ke haʻalele ʻo ia i ke kau.
No Gleb ʻewalu makahiki, he māhoe kaikunāne kāna, he mea nui e ʻike ʻia ʻo ia he kanaka kaʻawale. Ua hoʻomaopopo ʻia kēia e Veronica, he 36 makahiki, ka mea i kahaha i ka wikiwiki o ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana o kāna keiki. I kekahi manawa, huhū a kaumaha paha ʻo Gleb, ʻaʻole i ʻoluʻolu i nā mea āpau - akā ma hope o ke kau mua, ua hoʻi hou kāna keikikāne ʻoluʻolu, lokomaikaʻi, maalea iā ia.
Ke hoʻokani ka poʻe a puni iā ʻoe
ʻO nā mākua, paʻa i kā lākou mau hopohopo ponoʻī, ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike i ka emi ʻana o ka hauʻoli o ke keiki, hoʻolohe, hana. "He mea pono ke hoʻolohe inā hoʻokani ke kumu, ke kahu kula, ke kumu poʻo, ke kauka i ka alarm ... ʻAʻohe pono e hoʻonohonoho i kahi pōʻino, akā ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kēia mau hōʻailona," wahi a Patrick Delaroche.
ʻO kēia ka mea i hele mua ai ʻo Natalia me kāna keiki kāne ʻehā makahiki: "Ua ʻōlelo ke kumu e uē ana ʻo ia i nā manawa āpau. Ua kōkua ka psychologist iaʻu e hoʻomaopopo ma hope o koʻu hemo ʻana, ua pili pili mākou i kekahi i kekahi. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i uē i nā manawa a pau, akā i kēlā mau pule wale nō i hele ai i kona makuakāne.
ʻO ka hoʻolohe ʻana i ke kaiapuni, ʻoiaʻiʻo, pono ia, akā e makaʻala i nā diagnoses wikiwiki i hana ʻia i ke keiki
Ke huhū neiʻo Ivan i ke kumu i kapaʻiaʻo Zhanna hyperactive, "aʻo nā mea a pau no ka nohoʻana o ke kaikamahine ma ke kihi,ʻoiai hiki i nā keikikāne ke holo a puni, a ua maikaʻi!"
'Ōleloʻo Galiya Nigmetzhanovaʻaʻole e hopohopo aʻaʻole e kū i kahi kūlana ma hope o ka loheʻana i kahi loiloi maikaʻiʻole e pili ana i ke keiki, akāʻo ka mea mua, me ka mālie a me ke aloha e wehewehe i nā kiko'ī a pau. Inā, no ka laʻana, ua hakakā kahi keiki ma ke kula, e ʻike ʻo wai ka hakakā a me ke ʻano o ke keiki, ʻo wai kekahi a puni, he aha ke ʻano o ka pilina ma ka papa holoʻokoʻa.
E kōkua kēia iā ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i ke kumu i hana ai kāu keiki e like me kāna i hana ai. "Malia paha ua pilikia ʻo ia i ka pilina me kekahi, a i ʻole ua pane ʻo ia i ka hoʻoweliweli ʻana pēlā. Ma mua o ka hana ʻana, pono e hoʻomaʻemaʻe ʻia ke kiʻi holoʻokoʻa. "
Ke ʻike mākou i nā loli nui
ʻO ka loaʻa ʻole o nā hoaaloha a i ʻole ke komo ʻana i ka hoʻoweliweli, inā paha e hoʻoweliweli kāu keiki a hoʻoweliweli paha i nā mea ʻē aʻe, e hōʻike ana i nā pilikia pili. Inā ʻaʻole waiwai nui ka ʻōpio iā ia iho, nele i ka hilinaʻi iā ia iho, hopohopo nui, pono ʻoe e hoʻolohe i kēia. Eia kekahi, hiki i kahi keiki hoʻolohe nui me ka hana impeccable hiki ke hana malū.
He mea hiki ke lilo i kumu no ka hoʻopili ʻana i kahi psychologist? "ʻAʻohe papa inoa e pau, no laila ʻaʻole kūlike ka hōʻike ʻana o ka ʻeha noʻonoʻo. Eia kekahi, loaʻa i nā keiki kekahi mau pilikia i hoʻololi koke ʻia e nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, "wahi a Patrick Delaroche.
No laila pehea ʻoe e hoʻoholo ai inā pono ʻoe e hele i kahi hālāwai? Hāʻawi ʻo Galiya Nigmetzhanova i kahi pane pōkole: "Pono e makaʻala ʻia nā mākua i ke ʻano o ke keiki i ka mea "i nehinei" i ʻike ʻole ʻia, akā ʻike ʻia i kēia lā, ʻo ia hoʻi, nā loli nui. Eia kekahi laʻana, ua hauʻoli mau ke kaikamahine, a ua loli koke kona ʻano, he ʻino ʻo ia, hoʻolei i ka huhū.
A i ʻole, ʻaʻole hakakā ke keiki - a hoʻomaka koke e hakakā me nā mea a pau. ʻAʻole ia he mea nui inā ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kēia mau hoʻololi ʻana, ʻo ka mea nui ʻo ia ka mea i manaʻo ʻole ʻia, hiki ʻole ke manaʻo ʻia. "A mai poina kākou i ka enuresis, nā moeʻuhane e hoʻomau nei ..." hoʻohui ʻo Patrick Delaroche.
ʻO kekahi mea hōʻike inā ʻaʻole nalo nā pilikia. No laila, he mea maʻamau ka emi ʻana o ka wā pōkole i ka hana kula.
Aʻo kahi keiki i ho'ōki i ka hana maʻamau e pono i ke kōkua o kahi loea. A ʻoiaʻiʻo, pono ʻoe e hālāwai me ke keiki i ka hapalua inā noi ʻo ia e ʻike i kahi loea, e hana pinepine ʻia ma hope o 12-13 mau makahiki.
"ʻOiai ʻaʻole hopohopo nā mākua i kekahi mea, ʻo ka hele ʻana me kahi keiki i kahi psychologist he mea pale maikaʻi ia," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Galiya Nigmetzhanova. "He hana koʻikoʻi kēia i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i ka maikaʻi o ke ola no ke keiki a me kāu."