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"Ua koho mākou, ua koho ʻia mākou"… No ke aha mākou e koho pinepine ai i "nā mea hewa" a, ma muli o ka hopena, ʻike mākou i ka hōʻeha a me ka ʻeha? A pehea e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke kōkua iā ʻoe iho - a i ʻole kekahi mea kokoke iā ʻoe - e hele i kahi haʻihaʻi? 'Ōleloʻo Elena Sidorova psychologist.
Hele pinepine mai nā wahine iaʻu no ka ʻōlelo aʻo ʻana me nā pilikia i ko lākou ola pilikino. No kekahi, aia ka pilikia ma ka pilina me ka hoa, no kekahi, he "hoʻomālamalama", he hui ʻeha me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, a ʻo kekahi e ʻike nei i ka kaʻawale a me ka ʻeha o ka nalowale.
Ma kēia mokuʻāina, paʻakikī ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana inā ʻaʻohe ʻeha o ke kūlana, hoʻokahi wale nō mea e koi ai iā mākou - ka ulu a me ka loli. Pono e hele i kahi ala paʻakikī mai ka huhū i ka hoa pili i ka mahalo. ʻAʻole lanakila nā mea a pau: nui ka poʻe i paʻa i ka pae mua o ka kaʻawale ʻana a hoʻomau i ka ʻike i ka huhū a me ka huhū. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻololi wale ma ka hana ʻana iā ʻoe iho - ma kāu iho a i ʻole me kahi psychotherapist, hoʻoheheʻe i ka ʻeha, nā manaʻo ola me ka ʻole o ka ʻike.
ʻAʻohe mea e noi ai nā mea kūʻai aku e hele mai iaʻu, ʻike ka hapa nui i ka hōʻeha nui i kahi hoa. No ke aha kēia hana? No ke aha i pau ai nā makahiki o ka male ʻana me kēia manaʻo kaumaha?
ʻO ka makaʻu i hui pū ʻia me ka makemake i ke aloha
Loaʻa ka pane i ka wā kamaliʻi. Inā ulu kahi kaikamahine i kahi lewa o ka palekana a me ke aloha, ua kōkua ʻo ia iā ia e aʻo e hoʻolohe i kāna mau pono a hoʻomaopopo i kāna mau makemake. ʻOi aku ka maʻalahi o ia mau kaikamahine ke lohe i ko lākou leo i loko, e koho, e ʻōlelo "ʻaʻole" a hōʻole i ka poʻe kūpono ʻole iā lākou. Ua aʻo ʻia lākou i ka mea nui - e mahalo a koho iā lākou iho - a koho mālie lākou, noʻonoʻo, i ka mea i kūpono iā lākou.
A he aha ka mea e hana ai i ka poʻe i ulu i loko o kahi ʻohana piha ʻole, a i ʻole mai ka wā kamaliʻi i ʻike i ka waimaka o ko lākou makuahine, a i ʻole lohe ʻia i nā ʻuā, nā ʻōlelo hōʻino, nā ʻōlelo hoʻohewa, nā hoʻohewa, nā pāpā? ʻO ia mau kaikamahine i hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka hilinaʻi iā ia iho, haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa loa, ʻaʻohe kākoʻo kūloko i hoʻokumu ʻia, ʻaʻohe kūlana, ʻaʻohe manaʻo e pili ana i ke kanaka kūpono a pehea e kūkulu ai i nā palena pilikino. He nui nā haʻawina paʻakikī e aʻo ai.
ʻAʻole hiki i ka wahine ʻeha ke kūkulu i kahi pilina pili me ke kāne a hiki i kona hoʻōla ʻana i kāna kaikamahine i loko.
ʻO ka mea maʻamau ka moeʻuhane o kēlā mau kaikamahine e ulu wikiwiki, e mare a loaʻa i kahi wahi palekana. Akā ʻaʻole hiki i ka wahine ʻeha ke kūkulu i kahi pilina pili me ke kāne - ma ka liʻiliʻi a hiki i kona hoʻōla ʻana i kāna kaikamahine i loko. Me he mea lā hiki iā ia ke lilo i mea ho'ōla nona, akā ʻo ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hoka wale ʻo ia a hele a puni a ʻike ʻo ia ʻaʻole i nā kāne ke kumu o kona hāʻule ʻana, akā iā ia iho, i loko o kāna mau hiʻohiʻona, nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo. . Ua huki ʻo ia i kekahi mau kāne.
Ke komo nei ke kanaka olakino psychologically i kahi pilina i loko o kahi kūlana o ka nui, piha, hauʻoli. ʻO ka makemake maoli i kēia mokuʻāina e kaʻana like i kou hauʻoli me ke kanaka hoʻokahi, hāʻawi iā ia i ke aloha a loaʻa iā ia i ka hoʻihoʻi. I loko o ia hui kuʻikahi, mahuahua ka hauʻoli. ʻO ka poʻe traumatized, mehameha, huhū, hauʻoli ʻole ke hilinaʻi nei kekahi i kekahi, ʻo ia hoʻi he mau pilikia a me nā pilikia hou.
He mea pono anei ke imi i «ka mea»
ʻO ka manawa pinepine, wikiwiki wikiwiki i ka ʻimi ʻana i ke aloha, poina mākou e pili ana i ka wā nui o ka pilina mua. ʻO ka mea nui iā mākou i kēia manawa, ʻo ia ke lilo i kanaka hauʻoli a kuʻikahi. E ʻimi i ke aloha i loko o ʻoe iho, e hoʻonui iā ia i ka nui e lawa ai iā ʻoe iho a me kāu hoa e hiki mai ana.
I loko o kēia manawa, maikaʻi e hoʻopau i nā pilina ma mua, kala i nā mākua, iā ʻoe iho, nā hoaaloha, nā exes, e lawe i ke kuleana no nā mea āpau, a aʻo e hauʻoli hou i ke ola.
Pehea e hoʻopau ai i kahi haʻihaʻi
Ma hope o ka haʻihaʻi ʻana, nui ka poʻe e hōʻeha iā lākou iho ma ka ʻimi ʻana i ke kumu o ka mea i hana ʻia, e nīnau pinepine ana iā lākou iho i ka nīnau: "He aha ka hewa iaʻu?". Ke hoʻokaʻawale mākou,ʻaʻole mākou e nalowale i kahi hoa wale nō, akā,ʻo ke ola kaiaulu, ka nohona pili kanaka a me mākou iho,ʻo ia ke kumu eʻeha nui ai. Akā, aia i loko o kēia ʻeha ka hoʻōla.
He mea nui e ho'ōki i ka hoʻopau manawa e ʻimi ana i nā kumu o ka haʻihaʻi ʻana a kōkua iā ʻoe iho e ʻike i nā āpau i kou ola a hoʻopiha i kēlā me kēia. Hiki ke:
- nā āpau i ka ʻike ʻana iā ia iho he kanaka (ʻo wai wau, no ke aha wau e ola ai),
- nā āpau i nā hana kaiaulu (me wai a pehea wau e kamaʻilio ai),
- nā hakahaka ma ka ʻoihana a me ke kālā.
Ma hope o ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana, hoʻomaka pinepine mākou e hoʻohālikelike i ka hoa mua: hoʻomanaʻo mākou i kāna ʻakaʻaka, nā ʻano, nā huakaʻi hui, e hōʻino wale iā mākou iho. Pono mākou e hoʻomanaʻo i ka hewa - pehea ka paʻakikī iā mākou i kekahi manawa.
Pono e ʻae i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana me kahi hoa hana a kū hou a ʻimi hou i nā kumu o ka mea i hana ʻia
Ke nalowale nei ke aloha, hoʻomaka pinepine mākou e wehe hou i nā hōʻeha iā mākou iho: hele mākou i ka ʻaoʻao o kahi hoa pili mua i nā ʻoihana pūnaewele, nānā i nā kiʻi, kākau SMS, kamaʻilio me nā hoaaloha no nā hola e pili ana i kahi haʻihaʻi, uē i ke mele kaumaha ... kūlana a hoʻopaneʻe i ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana.
Pono e ʻae i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka mea i hana ʻia a kāpae i ka ʻimi ʻana i nā kumu.
Inā hele kāu mea aloha i kahi haʻihaʻi ʻehaʻeha, e kākoʻo iā ia: paʻakikī ke ola i kēia trauma psychological koʻikoʻi iā ʻoe iho. ʻO ka maʻamau e hele pū ʻia me ka insomnia, hoʻemi ʻia ka pale ʻana, nā manaʻo obsessive, i kekahi mau hihia, hiki ke hoʻopau ke kūlana i ke kaumaha maʻi. A i ka wā e ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka mea aloha, e kōkua iā ia e hoʻomaopopo ʻo ka mea i hana ʻia ʻaʻole ia he "hewa weliweli" - he ʻike ola kūʻokoʻa e kōkua maoli e lilo i mea ikaika a pono i ka wā e hiki mai ana.