PSYchology

ʻO ka ʻōlelo a ka Baibala: "E aloha ʻoe i kou hoalauna e like me ʻoe iho." Akā, hiki anei ke kūkulu i kahi pilina hauʻoli me kahi kanaka hiki ʻole ke lanakila i nā traumas o ka wā kamaliʻi a ʻaʻole i aʻo i ke aloha, mahalo a mahalo iā ia iho? No ke aha ke aloha me ke kanaka haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa i piha i ka pōʻino a me ka haki ʻana?

Notorious, insecure, prone i ka paʻakikī paʻakikī ... ʻO kekahi o mākou, ʻoi aku ka poʻe i hoʻomohala nui i ka empathy a me ka "ho'ōla maʻi", me he mea lā ʻo ia mau mea nā mea maikaʻi loa no ke aloha ʻole a me ke aloha, a me lākou pū ʻoe. hiki ke kūkulu i nā pilina paʻa lōʻihi. nā pilina ma muli o ka mahalo a me ke kākoʻo like ʻana. ʻAʻole naʻe ka hihia i nā manawa a pau. A ʻo ia ke kumu:

1. ʻO kahi hoa i ʻoluʻolu ʻole iā ia iho e hoʻāʻo e hoʻopiha i ka hakahaka o loko me kāu kōkua.

Maikaʻi i ka wā mua—makemake mākou i ka pono—akā inā e hele lōʻihi loa, hiki ke hilinaʻi nui iā ʻoe. E hoʻomaka ʻoe e manaʻo subconsciously ʻaʻole ʻo ia e mahalo iā ʻoe ma ke ʻano he kanaka, akā ʻo ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hana iā ia: hōʻoluʻolu, hoʻokiʻekiʻe i ka manaʻo ponoʻī, hoʻopuni iā ​​​​ia me ka hōʻoluʻolu.

2. He paʻakikī ke kamaʻilio me ia kanaka.

Ma ke ʻano he lula, ʻike ʻole ʻo ia i nā huaʻōlelo a ʻike i kahi manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole i loko o ia mau mea, no ka mea, hoʻopuka ʻo ia i kona makemake ʻole iā ia iho iā ʻoe. Pono ʻoe e nānā pono i nā mea a pau āu e ʻōlelo ai, a i ʻole e haʻalele wale iā ʻoe iho, no ka mea, e pau ana ke kamaʻilio ʻana i mea hoʻonāukiuki a hoʻohenehene.

Hōʻole ka hoa i ke kōkua inā pono ʻo ia

Eia kekahi laʻana, hiki i ka hoa hana ke ʻike maikaʻi ʻole i ka ʻae ʻia, ma ka hōʻole ʻana i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana ("ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu i kekahi mea e pili ana iā ia") a i ʻole ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻana ("I kēia manawa ua hana wau, akā ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu e kūleʻa wau. hou "). Hiki iā ia ke hoʻololi loa i ke kamaʻilio ʻana i kahi kumuhana ʻē aʻe ("ʻOiaʻiʻo, akā e nānā ʻoe pehea ʻoe e hana ai!").

3. ʻAʻole mālama ʻo ia iā ʻoe.

Hōʻole ka hoa pili i ke kōkua inā pono ʻo ia. Manaʻo paha ʻo ia ʻaʻole pono e mālama a manaʻo iā ia iho he kaumaha ma kekahi mau wahi o ka pilina. He paradox, akā i ka manawa like, hoʻopilikia maoli ʻo ia iā ʻoe me nā noi no nā kumu ʻē aʻe. Koi ʻo ia i ke kōkua, hoʻāʻo ʻoe e kōkua, a hōʻole ʻo ia i kēia kōkua. ʻO ka hopena, ua hewa ʻoe, haʻahaʻa i ka pilina.

4. Makemake ʻoe e kōkua i kāu hoa akā manaʻo ʻoe ʻaʻohe mana

Ke hoʻohaʻahaʻa a hoʻohaʻahaʻa ka mea aloha iā ia iho, lilo ia i kumu mau o ka ʻeha no ʻoe. Hoʻohana ʻoe i ka manawa a me ka ikaika e hanu i ke ola hou i kāu hoa, akā ʻaʻole makemake ʻo ia e ʻike e pili ana iā ia a hoʻomau i ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana iā ia iho.

He aha ka mea e hana ai inā ʻoluʻolu mau ka hoa iā ia iho a ʻaʻole manaʻo e hoʻololi?

Inā e hoʻomau ana kāu pilina no kekahi manawa, he kanaka mālama a hoʻomanawanui paha ʻoe, he mea maikaʻi loa ia iā ia iho. Akā, mai poina ʻoe i kāu pono ponoʻī.

Hiki iā ʻoe ke loaʻa ka hauʻoli ma ke kōkua ʻana i kāu hoa. Inā ʻaʻole pilikia nui kāna mau paʻakikī iā ʻoe a ʻike ʻoe iā lākou he mea kupanaha maikaʻi, he quirk, ʻaʻohe mea e hopohopo ai. Akā inā manaʻo ʻoe ua kaumaha nui ʻoe no kāu hoa pili, e like ana kāu mau hoʻoikaika ʻana e like me ka wai i loko o ke one, a ʻo kāu mau pono ponoʻī i kēia manawa ma hope, pono e hoʻololi kekahi mea.

ʻO ka mea mua, pono e hoʻomaka i kahi kūkākūkā a kamaʻilio e pili ana i kou hopohopo. ʻO nā mea a pau āu e hana ai, ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e ʻae i kou mau pono e haʻalele ʻia a hewa ʻole no ka hiki ʻole ke huki iā ia i waho o ke kahawai. No ka nui o kou mālama iā ia, ʻaʻole ʻoe kuleana nona a me kona ola.

E pili ana i ka mea kākau: ʻO Mark White ka dean o ke Keʻena Philosophy ma Staten Island College (USA), a he mea kākau.

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