7 mau kumu e pale ai iā mākou mai ke kūkulu ʻana i nā pilina

1. Pono ʻole ka maikaʻi

Ua hōʻike ʻia nā haʻawina o ka launa pūnaewele e koho mākou i nā hoa pili a mākou e manaʻo ai e pili ana i ka nani ʻike, ka loaʻa kālā, ka hoʻonaʻauao, a me ka naʻauao. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka mea a mākou e hui ai e hōʻike nui i ke ʻano o kā mākou ʻike iā mākou iho. No ka laʻana, manaʻo mākou iā mākou iho he hewa a hewa paha i kekahi mea i loaʻa iā mākou i ka wā ma mua. Hoʻopili kēia mau ʻike maikaʻi ʻole iā mākou i mākaukau a mākaukau ʻole e hoʻokokoke aku.

ʻOiai paʻakikī mākou i kekahi manawa ke hilinaʻi i ke kanaka, manaʻo mau mākou i ka pono o ka pilina pili. ʻO kēia, ke alakaʻi nei i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e komo mākou i kahi pilina a mākou e hoʻāʻo nei e "uku" me kahi hoa. Me he mea lā ʻaʻole mākou waiwai i loko o mākou iho, akā ma muli o nā kumuwaiwai hiki iā mākou ke hāʻawi.

Ke ho'āʻo nei nā wāhine e hūnā ma hope o ke kūlana o ka haku wahine hoʻohālike, hoʻonoho nā kāne i ka waiwai waiwai ma mua. No laila, loaʻa iā mākou kahi mea pani no ka pilina a hāʻule i loko o kahi pōʻai ʻino kahi e hoʻonui ai ko mākou manaʻoʻiʻo ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi.

2. Ka hilinaʻi manaʻo ikaika

I kēia hihia, pono mākou i ka hōʻoia mau e aloha ʻia mākou. Hoʻomaka mākou e hōʻeha i kā mākou hoa me ka pono e hōʻoia iā mākou e noho mau ʻo ia ma laila. A ʻaʻole ia he lili mākou, ʻo ia wale nō ka mea e pono ai ko mākou mau manaʻo palekana e hōʻoia i ko mākou waiwai.

Inā ʻaʻole kūpaʻa ka hoa i kēia kaomi (e hana ʻia i ka hapa nui o nā hihia), ua kaʻawale ka ʻaoʻao hilinaʻi, a ʻoi aku ka manaʻo o kēia. ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ka lilo ʻana o kā mākou pilikia ʻeha i mea hoʻopau pili i ka hana mua e mālama ai iā lākou.

3. Nā manaolana kūpono ʻole

I kekahi manawa, hoʻohuli ʻia kā mākou perfectionist i ka manawa e koho ai mākou i hoa. E noʻonoʻo e pili ana i kāu mau pilina me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe: koi nui ʻoe a hoʻokaʻawale paha?

Ke ho'āʻo nei ʻoe e hālāwai me kahi ʻano manaʻo ʻole o kāu noʻonoʻo ponoʻī? ʻAʻole paha ʻoe e hoʻokiʻekiʻe a ʻoki i ka pilina inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i makemake i kekahi mea ma ka ʻōlelo a i ʻole ke ʻano o kāu hoa, akā hāʻawi iā ia a iā ʻoe iho i manawa e ʻike maikaʻi ai kekahi i kekahi.

4. Paʻi mai nā mea aloha

Hoʻopiʻi ʻia mākou me nā nīnau e pili ana i ka wā e mare ai mākou (mare) a i ʻole e loaʻa ai kahi hoa. A me ka liʻiliʻi o ko mākou manaʻo hewa ʻo mākou wale nō i loko o kahi honua kahi e hauʻoli ai nā kāne. A ʻoiai he hoʻopunipuni wale kēia, ʻo ke kaomi ʻana mai waho e hoʻonui i ka hopohopo a me ka makaʻu i ka noho kaʻawale. ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana ua hāʻule mākou i ka mana o nā manaʻo o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe he hana koʻikoʻi ia i ka hoʻohuli ʻana i ka ʻimi ʻana i hoa mai kahi hana i loko o kahi pāʻani aloha.

5. Ka ʻike ʻeha o ka wā i hala

Inā loaʻa iā ʻoe nā ʻike maikaʻi ʻole mai kahi pilina ma mua (ua hilinaʻi ʻoe i ka mea nāna ʻoe i ʻeha), paʻakikī paha iā ʻoe ke wehe hou aku i kekahi. Ma hope o ia ʻike, ʻaʻole maʻalahi ka hana ʻana i nā ʻanuʻu e kamaʻāina: hoʻopaʻa inoa ma kahi pūnaewele e ʻimi ai i kahi kāne a hui pū paha i kahi hui hoihoi.

Mai wikiwiki ʻoe iā ʻoe iho, akā e noʻonoʻo ʻoe, ʻoiai nā hanana o ka wā i hala, noho mau ʻoe i ke kanaka hoʻokahi, hiki ke aloha a loaʻa ke aloha.

6. Ka hewa

Hiki paha iāʻoe ke manaʻo he kuleanaʻoe no ka hāʻuleʻana o ka pilina ma mua a ua hōʻehaʻoe i kāu hoa. ʻO kēia hoʻi, hiki ke alakaʻi iā ʻoe e manaʻoʻiʻo ʻaʻole pono ʻoe i ke aloha. Inā hoʻomaka ko mākou wā i hala e noho aliʻi i kēia manawa a me ka wā e hiki mai ana, he mea ʻai paʻa kēia no ka nalo ʻana o nā pilina, ʻoiai me kahi kanaka pili a aloha.

Ke ho'ōki wale mākou i ka hui ʻana i kahi hoa hou me ka mea ma mua, hāʻawi mākou iā mākou iho i kahi manawa e kūkulu ai i kahi hui piha a hauʻoli.

7. Aole i hiki mai kou manawa

Hiki iā ʻoe ke lilo i kanaka hilinaʻi, hoihoi, maikaʻi. ʻAʻohe ou pilikia kamaʻilio a nui nā hoaaloha. Eia nō naʻe, ʻoiai ka makemake e ʻimi i kahi mea aloha, ʻo ʻoe wale nō. ʻAʻole paha i hiki mai kou manawa.

Inā makemake ʻoe e ʻimi i ke aloha, ʻo ka lōʻihi (e like me kou manaʻo) hiki ke alakaʻi i kahi manaʻo o ka mehameha a me ka manaʻolana. Mai ʻae i kēia mokuʻāina e lawe iā ʻoe, hiki iā ia ke koi iā ʻoe i ke koho hewa a mākou e hoʻopunipuni ai iā mākou iho. Hāʻawi iā ʻoe iho i manawa a hoʻomanawanui.

E pili ana i ka loea: Suzanne Lachman, Clinical Psychologist.