"No ke aha wau i hoʻoholo ai e hāʻawi i kahi pūlima hua manu"
“He 33 koʻu mau makahiki a he ʻelua keiki. He kupua ka'u mau kaikamahine. Ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei au ʻaʻohe huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe e hiki ke kūpono iā lākou. Ua maopopo iaʻu ka loaʻa ʻana o nā keiki. No ka manawa lōʻihi.
I koʻu hālāwai ʻana me kaʻu hoa pili i kēia manawa ʻehiku makahiki i hala aku nei, ʻike wau ʻo ia ka makua kāne o kaʻu mau keiki. A ma hope o 3 a me ka hapa makahiki, hāpai au. Me ka pilikia ole. A laila e haʻi mai ka gynecologist iaʻu ʻo wau kekahi o kēlā mau wahine e noʻonoʻo nei i ka paʻakikī o ka hāpai ʻana ...
Ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei mākou i kēia mau pēpē ʻakaʻaka liʻiliʻi, maʻalahi nā mea a pau. ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole mau. ʻO kaʻu kaikamahine hānau mua, ua haʻi kaʻu kāne i kahi maʻi koʻikoʻi. ʻAʻole he mea liʻiliʻi hiki ke hoʻōla ʻia me ka lapaʻau ʻana, ʻaʻole, he maʻi e holo ai ʻoe ma ka inoa wale nō. Hoʻohui ʻoe i ka maʻi kanesa + lolo a loaʻa iā ʻoe ka maʻi o ka makuakāne o kaʻu kaikamahine. Ke hoʻopiʻi nei nā nīnau ma ke poʻo a ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole, ʻaʻole maʻalahi nā mea āpau. ʻO ka hana, chemo, radiotherapy. 'Ōlelo lākou ua ola ʻo ia. ʻElua makahiki a me ka hapa kaʻu kaikamahine. Ua hāpai hou au, me ka manaʻo ʻole. ʻEhiku mahina a me ka hapa koʻu hāpai ʻana i ka wā e ʻike ai mākou e hana hou ana ka hana ʻino i loko o ka lolo o kaʻu kāne. ʻO ke ʻoki ʻoki ala ala. ʻEwalu mahina koʻu hāpai ʻana a ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu inā loaʻa iaʻu kahi makuakāne e kali ana i kēia pēpē pēpē i kona puka ʻana mai. Aia ʻo ia ma laila, kāʻei ʻia ma luna o kona poʻo, e ʻike i kāna hānau ʻana.
ʻAʻole maʻalahi ke ola e like me kou manaʻo. Manaʻo mākou hiki iā mākou ke loaʻa i kahi pēpē a laila aʻo mākou he sterile mākou. A i ʻole ka maʻi kamaliʻi e pale iā mākou mai ka hānau ʻana. A i ʻole ʻo ka maʻi maʻi maʻi i hala ua hoʻemi ʻia mākou. A i ʻole nā kumu ʻē aʻe. A ma laila, he ola e hāʻule ana no ka mea ʻaʻole e hoʻokō ʻia kā mākou moemoeā. ʻO nā ola e hāʻule nei, ʻike wau. No laila, ma hope o ka loaʻa ʻana o kaʻu mau kaikamahine ʻelua, ua ʻōlelo wau iaʻu iho he weliweli kēia mau makuahine hiki ʻole ke hānau keiki. No laila ua makemake au ma kaʻu ʻano liʻiliʻi e hāʻawi i kēia hiki i kekahi o lakou, i kekahi o lakou. ʻAʻole hiki i kaʻu kāne ke hāʻawi i ka sperm, akā ua hoʻoholo wau e hāʻawi i kahi hua manu. Ua loaʻa iaʻu ka hālāwai ninaninau mua i ka pule i hala me kahi kahu hānai, nāna i wehewehe mai iaʻu i ke ʻano o ke kaʻina hana, kāna hana, kona hopena, kāna modus operandi, nā mea āpau, nā mea āpau. “
I ka ʻaelike me ka makuakāne (pono ʻoe i ka wā e pili ana ʻoe a me nā keiki), E hāʻawi koke wau i nā oocytes. ʻAe, lōʻihi, ʻae, paʻa, ʻae, aia nā nahu (akā ʻaʻole wau makaʻu!) ʻAe, mamao loa (i koʻu hihia, 1h30 drive), ʻae, hiki iā ia ke haʻalele i ka woozy, akā ʻaʻole ia he mea like me ʻo ka make e haʻi iā mākou ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hānau keiki. I nā makahiki i hala iho nei, aia ma kahi o 20% ka noi no ka hāʻawi oocyte. Hiki ke kali i kekahi manawa a hiki i kekahi mau makahiki…
Ua kamaʻilio wau no ia i kekahi mau lā i hala aku nei me kahi hoaaloha i ʻōlelo iā ia iho ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hoʻomanawanui i ka manaʻo o ka loaʻa ʻana o nā mamo āna i ʻike ʻole ai. ʻOiai ma hope o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana, ʻaʻohe oʻu pilikia. ʻO ka makuahine ka mea nāna e hali, ka mea nāna e hānai iaʻu. Mai kēia manaʻo, ʻaʻole uē koʻu mau pono no ke kōkua. Eia kekahi, hōʻoluʻolu ka inoa ʻole i hōʻoia ʻia ma Farani. ʻAʻole au e hāʻawi i nā oocytes i loaʻa nā keiki hou ...
He kupua ka'u mau kaikamahine. Manaʻo wau ʻaʻole hiki i nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe ke kūpono iā lākou. A ke lana nei koʻu manaʻo e hiki i nā makuahine ʻē aʻe ke ʻōlelo i kekahi lā. He makana ia nona iho, he makana altruistic ʻaʻole manaʻo i ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana mai, he makana i hana ʻia mai ka puʻuwai..
Jennifer