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Me he mea lā ua aloha mākou, akā ʻoi aku ka nui o ka ʻeha a me ka hōʻeha ʻana ma mua o ka hauʻoli a me ka hilinaʻi i ka wā e hiki mai ana. Manaʻo ʻo Jill Weber ʻo Psychologist e pane pololei iā ʻoe iho i ʻeono mau nīnau e kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻoholo i ka mālama ʻana i ka hui.
ʻIke pinepine au i nā poʻe i maopopo ʻole inā pono lākou e hoʻomau i kā lākou pilina me kahi hoa. I kēia mau lā, ua haʻi kekahi hoaaloha: "I ka wā e hui pū ai kaʻu mea aloha, ʻike wau i kā mākou pilina. Inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia ma ʻaneʻi, ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu inā makemake ʻo ia i ko kāua pilina a pehea ʻo ia e hoʻohana ai i kona manawa. Ke ho'āʻo nei au e kamaʻilio me ia no ia mea, akā hoʻonāukiuki wale ia iā ia. Manaʻo ʻo ia ua hoʻonui wau a pono wau e hilinaʻi hou aʻe.
Ua haʻi kekahi maʻi: "Ua male mākou no ʻekolu makahiki a aloha wau i kaʻu wahine. Akā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e ʻae iaʻu e lilo iaʻu iho: e hahai i kaʻu mau leʻaleʻa a hoʻolimalima manawa me nā hoaaloha. Pono wau e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka hana a kaʻu wahine i kēia, inā paha e hoʻonāukiuki iā ia. ʻO kēia kūlana haʻahaʻa a me ka hilinaʻi ʻole e hoʻopau iaʻu. " I kēlā me kēia mea e ʻike nei i nā kānalua e hoʻopilikia i ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi pilina hauʻoli, manaʻo wau e pane i ʻeono mau nīnau.
1. Ehia mau manawa e ʻike ai ʻoe i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole?
Ke ho'āʻo nei mākou e haʻalele i ka hopohopo a me ke kānalua no ka mea paʻakikī iā mākou ke ʻae ʻaʻole hauʻoli ka pilina iā mākou. Ma mua o ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho, ke kāohi ʻana i kou mau manaʻo, a me ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e nānā i ke kūlana me ka maikaʻi, e hana i nā mea e hana nei me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ke kuleana.
Ke hāʻule nei i ke aloha, haʻalele mākou i ka intuition, e haʻi iā mākou: ʻaʻole kēia ko mākou kanaka.
ʻO ka hana mua a nui loa ke kamaʻilio ʻana me kahi hoa. E nānā i kāna pane: pehea ʻo ia e noʻonoʻo ai i kou mau manaʻo, inā paha e hāʻawi ʻo ia e hoʻololi i kekahi mea i loko o ka pilina e ʻoluʻolu ai ʻoe, a i ʻole e hoʻomaka ʻo ia e hōʻino iā ʻoe. He hōʻailona kēia inā he wā e hiki mai ana kāu hui.
2. Ke mālama nei kāu hoa i kā lākou ʻōlelo?
ʻO ke kumu o kahi pilina olakino ka manaʻoʻiʻo hiki iā ʻoe ke hilinaʻi i ke kanaka e pili ana iā ʻoe. Inā hoʻohiki ka hoa e kelepona, e noho i kahi ahiahi me ʻoe a i ʻole e hele i kahi no ka hopena pule a mālama ʻole i kāna ʻōlelo, he manawa kēia e noʻonoʻo ai: mahalo ʻo ia iā ʻoe? Ke hāʻule ʻo ia ma nā mea liʻiliʻi, hoʻopau ia i ka hilinaʻi, hoʻonele iā ʻoe i ka hilinaʻi e kākoʻo kāu mea aloha iā ʻoe i nā manawa paʻakikī.
3. He aha kāu e ʻōlelo ai iā ʻoe?
Ke hāʻule nei i ke aloha, makemake nui mākou e hoʻomau i ka ʻike ʻana i kēia manaʻo ʻona e haʻalele mākou i kā mākou intuition, e haʻi mai iā mākou: ʻaʻole kēia ko mākou kanaka. I kekahi manawa, hoʻopau ka poʻe i kēia mau manaʻo no nā makahiki a hiki i ka male ʻana, akā i ka hopena e hāʻule ka pilina.
ʻAʻohe pilina e hoʻomaka me ka ʻehaʻeha a laila pua koke.
Ma hope o ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana, hoʻomaopopo mākou i ka hohonu o ko mākou ʻuhane ua ʻike mua mākou i kēia mai kinohi mai. ʻO ke ala wale nō e pale aku ai i ka hōʻino ʻia ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo iā ʻoe iho. Inā pilikia kekahi mea iā ʻoe, e kamaʻilio me kāu hoa pili. I ka nui o nā hihia, ʻaʻole hoʻopunipuni ka leo o loko.
4. Ua hilahila anei ʻoe i kāu hoa pili?
Inā hōʻoluʻolu ka mea aloha iā ʻoe, hoʻonāukiuki i nā paio i mua o kou mau hoaaloha a me kou ʻohana, hoʻopā i nā kumuhana e hōʻeha i ka poʻe e noho nei, e hōʻike ana i ka hānau maikaʻi ʻole, e ʻike mau ʻoe i kēia pilikia. Mākaukau ʻoe e pale i nā hālāwai hui a ʻike i kāu pōʻai kokoke ma kahi kaʻawale?
5. He aha ka ʻike o nā pilina ʻē aʻe iā ʻoe?
Lohe pinepine mākou i ka pili ʻana i ka hana. He hapa ʻoiaʻiʻo kēia - e hoʻāʻo mākou e hoʻolohe pono a mālama pono i kā mākou hoa pili. Eia naʻe, he mea nui wale kēia kaʻina hana inā he ʻelua ala.
ʻAʻohe pilina e hoʻomaka me ka manaʻo o ka ʻeha a me ka hopohopo, a laila hikiwawe, ma ke kilokilo, pua a lawe mai i ka hauʻoli. ʻO ka mākaukau e hoʻomaopopo kekahi i kekahi ke kumu o nā uniona hauʻoli, a hōʻike koke ia iā ia iho (a ʻaʻole hōʻike iā ia iho). ʻO ka mea nui, e ʻae ʻoe me kēia inā hoʻomanaʻo ʻoe i kāu mau pilina ma mua.
6. Mākaukau ʻoe e kūkākūkā ākea me kāu hoa pili i nā kihi ʻoi?
ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio manuahi e pili ana i ka mea e hoʻopilikia nei iā ʻoe no ka mea makaʻu ʻoe i ka hopena maikaʻi ʻole mai kāu hoa? A laila hoʻopaʻi ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i kahi manaʻo mehameha, hiki ke mau no nā makahiki he nui. Malia paha e hoʻonui ʻia kou hopohopo ʻaʻole wale i ka pilina me kahi hoa, akā i nā wahi ʻē aʻe o ke ola a pono e hana iā ʻoe iho, ʻo ʻoe wale nō ke hana iā ʻoe iho. Akā naʻe, pono e hiki iā ʻoe ke wehe ākea, me ka makaʻu ʻole i nā hopena, e kamaʻilio me kāu hoa pili i ka mea nui iā ʻoe.
Inā ʻaʻole i hui kou mau manaʻo me ka hoʻomaopopo a ma hope o ke kamaʻilio ʻana e hoʻomau ka ʻeha o kahi mea aloha, he manawa kēia e noʻonoʻo ai inā pono kēia pilina.