Pehea e hilinaʻi ai he kanaka maikaʻi ʻoe

No nā kānaka he nui, ʻo ka mea paʻakikī paha ka manaʻoʻiʻo i kou waiwai ponoʻī. "He kanaka maikai au." "Hiki iā mākou ke lanakila i nā kiʻekiʻe, hana ikaika, loaʻa nā mākau a hana pono, akā hiki anei iā mākou, hohonu hohonu, ke manaʻo he maikaʻi mākou? ʻAʻole naʻe!» kākau ʻo ka neuroscientist a me ka psychologist Rick Hanson.

"Na koa ino"

Hoʻopau mākou i ka manaʻo ʻino ma nā ʻano he nui. ʻO kahi laʻana, hoʻomanaʻo ʻo Rick Hanson i kahi kaikamahine liʻiliʻi i hoʻololi maikaʻi ʻia e ka hānau ʻana o kahi kaikaina. Ua luhi ka makuahine i ka mālama ʻana i ka pēpē, ua kipaku ʻo ia iā ia a ʻāhewa. Ua huhū ke kaikamahine i kona kaikunāne a me kona mau mākua, kaumaha, manaʻo nalowale, haʻalele a aloha ʻole ʻia. Ua nānā ʻo ia i kahi kiʻi kiʻi kahi i hoʻouka ai nā koa o ke aliʻi wahine ʻino i nā kamaʻāina hala ʻole, a i kekahi lā me ke kaumaha, ʻōlelo ʻo ia: "Mama, ua like wau me kahi koa ʻino."

I loko o ke ola a pau, hiki i ka hilahila, ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana, ka hoʻomana hoʻomana, a me nā ʻōlelo koʻikoʻi ʻē aʻe he nui nā ʻano a me nā nui. Hoʻopilikia kēia i ko mākou manaʻo ponoʻī a hāpai i ka manaʻo he hewa mākou. ʻO ka manaʻoʻiʻo ʻole i kā mākou "maikaʻi" e hoʻoulu ʻia e nā kūlana i manaʻo ai mākou he waiwai ʻole, kūpono ʻole a maikaʻi ʻole. Ua kapa ʻia e ko Hanson makua kāne hānau hānai he "manaʻo like me kahi ʻōpala."

Nā iwi i loko o ke keʻena

Ua kākau ʻo Hanson he nui ka poʻe, ʻo ia hoʻi, ua hana i nā mea ʻino, nā manaʻo ʻino, a i ʻole nā ​​​​huaʻōlelo ʻino. Hiki i nā laʻana ke ʻokoʻa - ka hahau ʻana i kahi kanaka pale ʻole, hoʻoweliweli i ke ola o kāu mau keiki ma ke kaʻa ʻana me ka noʻonoʻo, ʻo ka mālama ʻana i kahi kanaka palupalu, ʻaihue mai kahi hale kūʻai, hoʻopunipuni i ka hoa, hoʻohewa a hoʻonohonoho paha i kahi hoaaloha.

ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hana hewa i mea e hewa ai a hilahila paha. I kekahi manawa ua lawa ka hewa a i ʻole ka manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole. Ua wehewehe ʻo Hanson: "Ma ke ʻano kiʻi, ʻekolu ʻāpana ka psyche. 'Ōlelo kekahi: "Heʻinoʻoe"; kekahi: "Maikaʻi ʻoe"; a ʻo ke kolu, ʻo ka mea a mākou e ʻike ai iā mākou iho, e hoʻolohe ana i kēia hoʻopaʻapaʻa. ʻO ka pilikia, ʻoi aku ka leo o ka leo koʻikoʻi, hoʻowahāwahā, hoʻopiʻi ma mua o ka leo kākoʻo, hoʻoikaika, a ʻae i ka waiwai o kekahi.

"ʻOiaʻiʻo, he mea nui ka mihi maikaʻi a me ka mihi no ka hōʻeha ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe," kākau ʻo Hanson. "Akā, mai poina ma kahi o ka hohonu loa, ma o nā kū'ē a pau o ke ʻano a me nā hana, ʻike ʻia ka lokomaikaʻi i loko o kēlā me kēia o mākou. Me ka ʻole o ka ʻae ʻana i kekahi no nā hana kolohe, hiki iaʻu ke ʻōlelo me ka hilinaʻi: ma ko lākou kumu, maikaʻi nā manaʻo a pau, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole i hoʻokō ʻia ma ke ala maikaʻi loa. Ke uhi ʻole ʻia ko mākou noʻonoʻo a me ko mākou noʻonoʻo e ka ʻeha, ka poho, a me ka makaʻu, hoʻi ka lolo i kahi kūlana kumu o ke kaulike, hilinaʻi, a me ke aloha. ʻO nā ala e hiki ai ke alakaʻi i ka ʻike ʻana i ka maikaʻi i hūnā ʻia i loko o mākou ʻaʻole maʻalahi, a i kekahi manawa pohihihi.

He maikaʻi kēlā me kēia o mākou

ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo Hanson, he kanaka maikaʻi kēlā me kēia. Inā mākou e noʻonoʻo iā mākou iho "nā koa maikaʻi ʻole" a i ʻole kūpono ʻole i ka mahalo a me ka hauʻoli, a laila hana mākou me ka mālama ʻole a me ka manaʻo. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, ke ʻike mākou i ko mākou lokomaikaʻi maoli, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hoʻomaka ʻana e hana i nā mea maikaʻi.

ʻO ka ʻike ʻana i kēia kukui i loko, hiki iā mākou ke ʻike maʻalahi i nā mea ʻē aʻe. I ka ʻike ʻana i kahi hoʻomaka maikaʻi i loko o mākou iho a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e hoʻomaikaʻi i ko mākou honua maʻamau. Pehea? Manaʻo ʻo Rick Hanson he nui nā ala e hauʻoli ai a wehewehe i ʻelima o lākou.

1. E nānā i ka wā e mālama ʻia ai mākou

Ke ʻike ʻia, lohe ʻia a lohe ʻia, mahalo ʻia, aloha ʻia a aloha ʻia mākou, he mau kekona wale nō paha e leʻaleʻa i kēia ʻike, e kūpono iā mākou iho, e hoʻopiha i ko mākou kino a me ka noʻonoʻo.

2. E nānā i ka lokomaikaʻi ma ko mākou manaʻo, ʻōlelo a me kā mākou hana

Loaʻa pū kekahi i nā manaʻo maikaʻi, kaohi ʻana i ka huhū, ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i nā manaʻo luku, ke ʻano o ke aloha a me ka pono i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, ka hoʻomanawanui a me ka manaʻo paʻa, ke aloha, ka wiwo ʻole, ka lokomaikaʻi, ka hoʻomanawanui a me ka makemake e ʻike a ʻōlelo i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. hiki paha.

Ma ka ʻike ʻana i kēia lokomaikaʻi i loko o mākou iho, hiki iā mākou ke hana i kahi kapu no ia i loko o ko mākou mau manaʻo a mālama i nā leo ʻē aʻe, nā mana ʻē aʻe. ʻO ka poʻe mākaukau e komo a hoʻohaumia i ke keʻena kapu, e like me nā ʻōlelo a me nā hana hoʻohaʻahaʻa a nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a mākou i aʻo ai.

3. Manaʻo maikaʻi iā ʻoe iho

"Aia ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ka manaʻo maikaʻi i loko o kēlā me kēia kanaka, ʻaʻohe mea hohonu i hūnā ʻia," wahi a Hanson. He mea pili, ʻike ʻole, he mana kapu paha, he au, he kumu i loko o ko mākou puʻuwai.

4. E ike i ka lokomaikai o hai

E kōkua kēia iā mākou e ʻike i ko mākou mālamalama i loko. Hiki ke hoʻolauleʻa ʻia i kēlā me kēia lā ma nā hōʻike ʻē aʻe o ka hoʻopono, ka lokomaikaʻi a me ka hanohano. E noʻonoʻo i loko o kēlā me kēia kanaka ka makemake e noho maikaʻi a aloha, e hāʻawi, e kōkua, ʻaʻole e hōʻino.

5. Hana maikaʻi

E hoʻoneʻe i ka mālamalama o loko a me ka hanohano i kēlā me kēia lā i ka maikaʻi ʻole mai ko mākou ola. I nā kūlana paʻakikī a i ʻole nā ​​pilina, pono e nīnau iā ʻoe iho: "He aha, ma ke ʻano he kanaka maikaʻi, hiki iaʻu ke hana?" Ke hana pono mākou ma waho o nā manaʻo maikaʻi, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka ʻike ʻana i kahi kanaka maikaʻi i loko o mākou iho a hoʻoikaika iā mākou iho i kēia manaʻo.

ʻO kaʻike i ka hikiʻana o ka mālamalama o loko ke kumu o ka ikaika a me ka hauʻoli. "E hauʻoli i kēia mea maikaʻi maikaʻi loa, ʻoiaʻiʻo a ʻoiaʻiʻo hoʻi," wahi a Rick Hanson.