Ua haʻi aku kāu hoa i kona aloha iā ʻoe. ʻIke ʻoe ua pili ʻoe a kūpono kekahi i kekahi. Eia naʻe, paʻa ka pilina ma ke kahua o ka hoʻokipa a me nā hālāwai. ʻAʻole wikiwiki ke kāne e hana i ka hana hou a ʻaʻole hāʻawi ʻo ia e noho pū. "No ke aha lā ʻo ia i hoʻoholo ʻole ai?" ninau oe ia oe iho. Kaʻana like mākou i nā pane hiki i kēia nīnau.
Makaʻu ʻo ia i ka pilina
"Ua hui pū mākou no ʻelua makahiki, aloha mākou a hilinaʻi kekahi i kekahi. Aole nae makemake ko'u hoa e noho pu, - wahi a Arina. - I koʻu ʻōlelo ʻana, ʻōlelo ʻo ia aia mākou i nā mea āpau a pono e hoʻonui i ka manawa aloha. Manaʻo wau i kēlā me kēia manawa he mea nui iā ia e noho hoʻokahi a me he mea lā ua hopohopo ʻo ia i ka lilo ʻana o kona kūʻokoʻa.
"Makaʻu nui kekahi i ka rapprochement a loaʻa iā lākou kahi counter-dependence - ka makaʻu i ka hilinaʻi ʻana i ke kanaka i pili ai lākou," wehewehe ʻo psychologist Marina Myaus. "ʻO kēia makaʻu i ka pilina mai ka wā kamaliʻi: waiho ʻia ke keiki iā ia iho a nele i ka kamaʻilio ʻana me ka mea kokoke loa - ka makuahine." ʻAʻole ʻike ʻia kekahi kanaka makua ma kona ʻaoʻao, kahi e kamaʻilio hilinaʻi ai ka pēpē. Inā ʻaʻole i pau ka pae o ka hoʻokumu ʻana, paʻakikī i ke kanaka ke kūkulu i nā pilina.
ʻAʻole ʻo ia i kaʻawale me kona makuahine
"He pilina pili ko mākou, a makemake wau e hoʻomaka mākou i ʻohana a hui pū maoli," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Olga. "Ke manaʻo nei au i kekahi manawa no ka makemake ʻole o kona makuahine iaʻu, ka mea i hoʻoikaika nui iā ia."
ʻO Jacques Lacan, ka mea noiʻi hoʻonaʻauao, nāna i aʻo i ka pilikia o ka kaʻawale ʻole ʻana o ka makuahine a me ke keiki, ua hoʻohālikelike ʻo ia i ka makuahine me kahi crocodile wahine e ʻimi nei e huki hou i kāna pēpē ulu i loko o ka ʻōpū.
"Ke kamaʻilio nei mākou e pili ana i ka mālama ʻana i nā makuahine, prone i ka overprotection. I ka manawa like, ʻaʻole hiki i ke kāne ke noho me kona makuahine a ʻaʻole hoʻi e hoʻomau i ka pilina me ia, wehewehe ka loea. "Akā naʻe, ma kahi ʻano ʻike ʻole, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i haʻalele i kona makua hoʻomalu a i ka hohonu hohonu ua hopohopo ʻo ia e hahai ʻoe ma kona mau wāwae a hoʻomaka e hoʻomalu i kāna mau ʻanuʻu āpau."
ʻOiai inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hāʻawi iā ia i kumu e kānalua ai iā ʻoe i kēia, hoʻolaha ʻo ia i ke kiʻi o kona makuahine i kēlā me kēia wahine pili. A ʻo kēia manaʻolana e makaʻu nui iā ia.
He aha e hiki mai ana?
ʻO ka manawa aloha o ka hui ʻana me ia kanaka hiki ke hoʻopiha ʻia i ka naʻau, kahi e manaʻo ai ka wahine e like ke ola ma hope. Eia nō naʻe, ʻo kahi hoa pili ʻole i hiki ke hoʻopili, akā naʻe i ka pono o ka mahanahana a me ka nānā ʻana, hōʻike i ka ikaika o nā manaʻo no ka manawa pōkole wale nō. A laila, ma ke ʻano he lula, loaʻa iā ia kahi hāʻule o ka naʻau. No laila, ʻo nā hālāwai wale nō e kūpono iā ia, ʻaʻole naʻe he ola pū.
"Inā ʻaʻole hāʻawi ke kāne i kekahi mea a hoʻomaka kahi" make "zone" i kahi pilina, loaʻa pinepine ka wahine i ka mea i kapa ʻia ʻo "casino effect". Makemake ʻo ia e lanakila hou i ke kūlana i ʻike ke kāne i kona koʻikoʻi a hana i kahi noi lōʻihi i kali ʻia, ʻōlelo ka psychologist. — Hoʻopuka ʻo ia i ka ultimatum: e hui pū paha kāua, a i ʻole e haʻalele wau. Hiki i ka hoa, ma lalo o kāna koi, ʻae. Eia naʻe, a laila, pono ʻoe e hoʻokau i ke kāne i ka pae aʻe, ka hānau ʻana o nā keiki, a kuleana no ka pilina āna i koho ʻole ai.
I loko o kahi kuʻikahi i kūkulu ʻia ma luna o ka manipulation, e ulu aʻe ka ʻoluʻolu a me ka hōʻeha.
Pono e ʻae mua i ka mea āu e manaʻo ai mai ka pilina a me ka mea a ka hoa e hoʻoikaika nei. "Inā ʻaʻole kūpono nā mea he nui iā ʻoe mai ka hoʻomaka ʻana, akā makemake ʻoe e hāʻawi i kāu hui i kahi manawa, e hoʻoholo no ʻoe iho i kahi manawa ma hope o ka pane pololei ʻana iā ʻoe iho i ka nīnau inā pili paha kāu mau hoʻolālā a me kāu mau manaʻo," wahi a ka psychologist.
Inā ʻaʻole hele kahi pilina ma nā wahi ʻē aʻe, pono anei ke noho i loko? E loaʻa iā ʻoe ka mea āu e makemake ai ma ke kumukūʻai o ka manipulation, a i ka wā e hiki mai ana, ʻaʻole e hauʻoli ka noho pū ʻana i kēlā me kēia ʻaoʻao. ʻO kahi hoa hiki ʻole ke kaʻana like i kāu mau moeʻuhane a me kou makemake e lawe i kahi o kahi mea i mākaukau maoli e hana i kēia i kou ola.