Ke ulu nei mākou, akā no nā mākua, ua pau ka manawa: hoʻomau lākou e mālama iā mākou e like me nā ʻōpio, a ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu kēia. Manaʻo ka psychotherapist Robert Taibbi e hoʻihoʻi hou i kou pilina me kou mau mākua a lawe i ka pae aʻe.
Hoʻomanaʻo ʻia nā episodes mai ka wā kamaliʻi ma nā ʻano like ʻole. Inā mākou e nīnau i ko mākou mau mākua pehea ka holo ʻana o kahi huakaʻi Sabati i ka pā leʻaleʻa i kanakolu makahiki i hala, e haʻi lākou i kā lākou moʻolelo. A hiki iā mākou ke wehewehe i ka lā hoʻokahi ma kahi ʻano ʻokoʻa loa. Piʻi mai ka huhū no ka ʻōlelo ʻana mai iā mākou, ka hōʻino ʻole i ke kūʻai ʻole ʻana i ka lua hau. ʻO ka laina lalo, ʻokoʻa nā hoʻomanaʻo o nā mākua a me kā lākou mau keiki makua e pili ana i nā hanana like.
Ke ulu nei mākou, neʻe mākou i mua, a hoʻololi ko mākou mau pono, a me ko mākou hoʻomanaʻo ʻana i ko mākou pilina me ko mākou mau mākua. I kekahi manawa i ka makahiki 30, e noʻonoʻo ana i ka wā kamaliʻi, ʻike koke ka poʻe i kahi mea hou i ko lākou wā i hala. Ua kanu ʻia kekahi mea ma lalo o nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo ʻē aʻe. Hiki i kahi hiʻohiʻona hou ke hoʻololi i ka manaʻo i ka wā i hala, hoʻoulu i ka huhū a me ka huhū. A ʻo lākou, hoʻonāukiuki i ka hakakā a i ʻole ka hoʻomaha piha me ka makuahine a me ka makuakāne.
Psychotherapist Robert Taibbi haʻi i ka laʻana o Alexander, ka mea i ae i loko o ka hālāwai i loaʻa iā ia he «paʻakikī kamaliʻi». Ua ʻōlelo ʻino pinepine ʻia ʻo ia a ua hahau ʻia ʻo ia, ʻaʻohe mea hoʻomaikaʻi ʻia a kākoʻo ʻia. Me ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana i ka wā i hala, ua hoʻouna ʻo ia i kahi leka hoʻopiʻi lōʻihi i kona mau mākua a noi iā lākou ʻaʻole e kamaʻilio hou me ia.
ʻAʻole mālama nā mākua i nā manawa a maopopo ʻole ua ulu nā keiki a ʻaʻole hana hou nā hana kahiko.
ʻO kekahi laʻana mai ka hana a Taibbi, ʻo ia ka moʻolelo o Anna, ka mea maʻa i ka hoʻomalu ʻana i kona ola i kēia manawa, ua maʻa i ka hoʻokō ʻia ʻana o kāna mau noi, a ʻaʻole i uhaki ʻia nā pāpā. Akā naʻe, ʻaʻole i hoʻolohe kona mau mākua iā ia. Ua noi ʻo Anna ʻaʻole e hāʻawi i kāna keiki i nā makana he nui no kona lā hānau, a lawe mai lākou i kahi mauna holoʻokoʻa. Huhu a huhū ka wahine. Ua hoʻoholo ʻo ia e mālama ana kona mau mākua iā ia e like me ka ʻōpio - e hana ana i ka mea a lākou i manaʻo ai he kūpono me ka lawe ʻole i kāna mau ʻōlelo.
Wahi a Robert Taibbi, noho nā mākua me nā hoʻomanaʻo a me nā manaʻo kahiko, mai mālama i nā manawa a ʻaʻole maopopo i ka ulu ʻana o nā keiki a ʻaʻole hana hou nā hana kahiko. ʻAʻole i ʻike nā mākua o Alexander lāua ʻo Anna ua loli ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hala ko lākou ala. Pono e hoʻomaka hou nā pilina e like me kēia.
Pehea e hana ai?
Manaʻo ʻo Robert Taibbi: "Inā huhū ʻoe i ka wā ma mua, manaʻo ʻoe ʻaʻole maopopo kou mau mākua iā ʻoe, e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaka hou i kāu pilina."
No kēia pono ʻoe:
E hoʻomaopopo i ke kumu o lākou. He kuleana ko nā mākua i ko lākou manaʻo e pili ana i kou wā kamaliʻi. A no ka maʻa mau lākou e noʻonoʻo nei iā ʻoe he ʻuʻuku. ʻO ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole hiki ke loli ka poʻe me ka makahiki ke ʻole ko lākou manaʻo ikaika. A no ka loli ʻana o kā lākou ʻano, ʻaʻole lawa ka noi wale ʻana iā lākou e hāʻawi ʻole i kā lākou moʻopuna i nā makana.
E haʻi mālie i kou manaʻo. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e pili ana i kou ʻike a ʻike ʻana i ka wā kamaliʻi hiki ke hōʻoluʻolu a hoʻomaikaʻi. Akā pono ʻoe e ʻike i ka wā e kū ai. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻo nā hoʻopiʻi pau ʻole e lawe mai i ka mālamalama a me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana, akā e hoʻolilo wale i kou mau mākua i ke kanu ʻia ma lalo o kou mau manaʻo a huikau. E hoʻoholo lākou ʻaʻole ʻoe ʻoe iho, ʻona a pilikia paha. Hiki paha kekahi mea like iā Alexander, a ʻaʻole hiki i kāna leka i ka pahuhopu.
Paipai ʻo Taibbi iā ʻoe e kamaʻilio me kou mau mākua me ka mālie, me ka ʻole o ka hoʻoweliweli a me ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana, a noi iā lākou e hoʻolohe iā ʻoe. "E hoʻomau a wehewehe e like me ka hiki, akā i ka hiki me ka ʻole o nā manaʻo pono ʻole a me ka noʻonoʻo noʻonoʻo," kākau ka psychotherapist.
Ke noi ʻia ka poʻe e hoʻōki i kā lākou hana ʻana no nā makahiki he nui, manaʻo lākou ua nalowale lākou.
E wehewehe i kāu mea e pono ai i kēia manawa. Mai pili i ka wā i hala, e ho'āʻo mau e hoʻololi i ke ʻano o ka nānā ʻana o kou mau mākua i nā hanana o kou wā kamaliʻi. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ke kuhikuhi ʻana i ka ikehu i kēia manawa. Eia kekahi laʻana, hiki iā Alexander ke wehewehe i kona mau mākua i kāna makemake mai iā lāua i kēia manawa. ʻO Anna - e kaʻana like me kona makuahine a me kona makuakāne i kāna mau ʻike, e haʻi i ka wā i mālama ʻole ʻia kāna mau noi, manaʻo ʻo ia e hōʻole ʻia. I ka manawa o ke kamaʻilio ʻana, pono e hōʻike maopopo iā ʻoe iho a me ka ʻole o nā manaʻo pono ʻole.
Hāʻawi i nā mākua i kahi kuleana hou. Ke noi ʻia ka poʻe e hoʻōki i kā lākou hana ʻana no nā makahiki he mau makahiki, manaʻo lākou e nalowale a ʻaʻole ʻike pehea e hana ai. ʻO ka mea maikaʻi loa e hana i ka wā e hoʻomaka hou ai i kahi pilina, ʻo ia ke hoʻololi i nā ʻano hana kahiko me nā mea hou. Eia kekahi laʻana, ponoʻo Alexander i kona mau mākua e hoʻolohe a kākoʻo iā ia. No ia a no lākou e lilo ia i ʻike hou qualitatively. E hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo Anna i nā mākua ʻaʻole e hoʻolilo kālā i nā makana, akā e lawe i ke keiki i ka zoo a i ʻole ka hale hōʻikeʻike a kamaʻilio pū me ia, e ʻike i ke ʻano o kona ola ʻana, kāna hana, kāna mea aloha.
ʻO ka hoʻomaka hou ʻana i kahi pilina e pono ai ka naʻauao, ke ahonui, a me ka manawa. Pono paha ʻoe e nīnau i kahi psychologist ʻohana. Akā, manaʻoʻo Taibbi he mea kūpono ia, no ka mea, ma ka hopena e loaʻa iāʻoe ka mea āu e pono ai: ka hoʻomaopopo a me ka mahalo o kou mau mākua.
E pili ana i ka mea kākau: ʻO Robert Taibbi he psychotherapist, luna, a me ka mea kākau o nā puke ma ka psychotherapy.