Ua hana ʻia kahi hana hoihoi ma London Underground: ua hōʻike ʻia nā mea hele me "Tube Chat?" nā hōʻailona. ("E kamaʻilio kākou?"), e paipai ana iā lākou e kamaʻilio hou aʻe a wehe i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Ua kānalua ka poʻe Pelekania e pili ana i ka manaʻo, akā ʻo Oliver Burkeman ka mea hoʻolaha hoʻolaha he mea kūpono ia: Ua hauʻoli mākou i ka wā e kamaʻilio ai mākou me nā malihini.
Ua ʻike wau he pilikia koʻu nalo ʻana i koʻu kamaʻāina Pelekania ke ʻōlelo wau mahalo wau i ka hana a ka ʻAmelika ʻo Jonathan Dunn, ka mea nāna i hoʻokumu i ka Let's Talk? ʻIke paha ʻoe i kāna hana ʻana i ke ʻano huhū o ka poʻe Londoners i kāna papahana? Ua kauoha au i ka nui o na badge, ua kii i mau mea manawale'a a holo hou aku i ke kaua.
Mai kuhi hewa iaʻu: ma ke ʻano he kanaka Pelekania, ʻo ka mea mua aʻu i manaʻo ai, ʻo ka poʻe e hāʻawi ana e kamaʻilio hou aku me nā mea ʻē aʻe e hoʻopaʻahao ʻia me ka hoʻokolokolo ʻole. Akā inā e noʻonoʻo ʻoe, he ʻano ʻano ʻē. I ka hopena, ʻaʻole hoʻoikaika ka hana i nā kamaʻilio makemake ʻole: inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i mākaukau e kamaʻilio, mai ʻaʻahu i kahi hōʻailona. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki mai nā ʻōlelo a pau i kēia hoʻopaʻapaʻa: he mea ʻeha iā mākou ke nānā aku i ke ʻano o ka poʻe kaʻa ʻē aʻe, me ka haʻalulu ʻino, e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaka i kahi kūkākūkā.
Akā inā hopohopo nui mākou i ka ʻike ʻana o ka poʻe e hui pū me ka kamaʻilio maʻamau i ka lehulehu, ʻaʻole paha lākou pilikia?
No ka hōʻole ʻana i ka manaʻo o ke kamaʻilio ʻana me nā malihini, ʻo ia ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana i nā boors
No ka mea, ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, e hoʻoholo ana i nā hopena o ka noiʻi ʻana a ke kumu ʻAmelika a me ka loea kamaʻilio ʻo Keo Stark, ʻoi aku ka hauʻoli i ka wā e kamaʻilio ai mākou me nā malihini, ʻoiai inā maopopo mua mākou ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hoʻomanawanui. Hiki ke maʻalahi kēia kumuhana i ka pilikia o ka uhaki ʻana i nā palena, ka hoʻomāinoino i ke alanui, akā ʻo Keo Stark e hoʻomaopopo koke ʻaʻole kēia e pili ana i ka hoʻouka kaua ʻana i nā wahi pilikino - ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻae i kēlā mau hana.
Ma kāna puke When Strangers Meet, ʻōlelo ʻo ia ʻo ke ala maikaʻi loa e hoʻoponopono ai i nā ʻano leʻaleʻa a hoʻonāukiuki i waena o nā malihini, ʻo ia ka paipai ʻana a me ka hoʻomohala ʻana i kahi moʻomeheu pili pili i ka naʻau a me ke aloha. ʻO ka hōʻole ʻana i ka manaʻo o ke kamaʻilio ʻana me nā malihini ʻē aʻe e like me ka capitulating i nā boors. ʻO nā hālāwai me nā malihini (i ko lākou ʻano ponoʻī ʻana, wehewehe ʻo Keo Stark) ua lilo ia i "kū maikaʻi a manaʻo ʻole ʻia i ke kahe maʻamau o ke ola ... hiki koke iā ʻoe nā nīnau āu i manaʻo ai ua ʻike mua ʻoe i nā pane."
Ma waho aʻe o ka makaʻu paʻa o ka hoʻomāinoino ʻia, ʻo ka manaʻo o ke komo ʻana i ia mau kamaʻilio e hoʻohuli iā mākou, ma muli paha o ka hūnā ʻana i ʻelua mau pilikia maʻamau e pale iā mākou mai ka hauʻoli.
Mālama mākou i kekahi lula ʻoiai ʻaʻole mākou makemake ia no ka mea manaʻo mākou ua ʻae nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.
ʻO ka mea mua, ua hewa mākou i ka "affective forecasting", ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke wānana i ka mea e hauʻoli ai mākou, "inā paha ka pāʻani i ke kukui". I ka noiʻi ʻana o ka poʻe noiʻi i nā mea manawaleʻa e noʻonoʻo e kamaʻilio ana lākou me nā malihini ma ke kaʻaahi a i ʻole kaʻa kaʻa, ua weliweli loa lākou. Ke noi ʻia lākou e hana ma ke ola maoli, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka ʻōlelo ʻana ua hauʻoli lākou i ka huakaʻi.
ʻO kekahi pilikia ke ʻano o ka "pluralistic (multiple) naʻaupō", no laila mākou e hahai ai i kekahi lula, ʻoiai ʻaʻole kūpono ia iā mākou, no ka mea, ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei mākou ua ʻae nā mea ʻē aʻe. I kēia manawa, manaʻo like nā mea i koe (ma nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻohe manaʻoʻiʻo, akā manaʻo nā mea a pau e manaʻoʻiʻo ana nā mea a pau). A ua ʻike ʻia ʻo ka poʻe holo kaʻa a pau e noho mālie, ʻoiai ʻaʻole makemake kekahi e kamaʻilio.
Manaʻo wau ʻaʻole e māʻona ka poʻe kānalua i kēia mau manaʻo. ʻAʻole au i hoʻomaopopo pono iā lākou, a no laila ʻaʻole i kūleʻa loa kaʻu mau hoʻāʻo hope e kamaʻilio me nā malihini. Akā e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka wānana affective: hōʻike ka noiʻi ʻaʻole hiki ke hilinaʻi ʻia kā mākou mau wānana. No laila maopopo ʻoe ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻaʻahu i ka Let's Talk? He hōʻailona wale nō paha kēia e pono ai.
Puna: Ke kiai.
No ka mea kākau: ʻO Oliver Burkeman he mea hoʻolaha Pelekane a me ka mea kākau o The Antidote. He lāʻau lapaʻau no ke ola hauʻoli" (Eksmo, 2014).