"Aloha iā ia no wai ʻo ia": he hoʻopunipuni nui?

kiʻi kūpono

Aloha ʻo ia iā ia, aloha ʻo ia iā ia. Ua ʻae ʻo ia iā ia ʻo wai ʻo ia - me kēia hiʻohiʻona hoʻohiwahiwa, cellulite a me ka huhū i ka wā PMS. Ua ʻae ʻo ia iā ia no kona ʻano - me ka ʻakaʻaka ʻoluʻolu, ka uahi pia i ke kakahiaka a me nā pūkuʻu i hoʻopuehu ʻia a puni ke keʻena. ʻAe, no ke aha ʻaʻole idyll?

ʻO ka pilikia, ʻaʻole kēia he kiʻi kūpono (a no laila e kūʻē i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo) o nā pilina. ʻO ia ke kiʻi kūpono… o ka pilina makua-keiki. A inā he mea kūpono i ka makuahine a i ʻole ka makuakāne ke ʻae i kā lākou mau keiki me kā lākou mau ʻano āpau, a laila makemake ʻoe i kēia mai kahi hoa, inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo ai, he mea ʻē. Me he mea la e like me ka manao ana i ke kane a wahine paha e like me ko makou manao.

Auwe. ʻAʻole hiki ke helu i ka nui o nā pilina ʻaʻole i hoʻokō a hōʻeha ʻole a hōʻeha i kā lākou poʻe hui ma muli o ke kali ʻana o kekahi i ka ʻae ʻole ʻana mai kekahi.

kuleana makua

No laila, ka ʻae piha ʻana, ke aloha ʻole me ke ʻano ʻole - ʻo ia ka mea, kūpono loa, aia i kēlā me kēia keiki ke kuleana. Ua kali ʻo Māmā lāua ʻo makuakāne iā ia, ua hānau ʻia ʻo ia - a ke hauʻoli nei lāua iā ia. A aloha lākou iā ia, ʻoiai ke ʻano o nā pilikia āpau a ka poʻe e hānai i nā keiki.

Akā, pili ke keiki i nā mākua. ʻO lākou ke kuleana no kona palekana, hoʻomohala, olakino a me ke kino. ʻO ka mikiona o nā mākua ka hoʻonaʻauao a hānai. ʻO ka ʻae ʻole ʻana o ko Māmā a me ka makua kāne e kōkua i ke keiki e manaʻo i ke aloha a me ke koʻikoʻi. Loaʻa iā ia ka ʻōlelo ʻo ka maikaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho, ʻo ka manaʻo ʻana i nā manaʻo like ʻole he kūlohelohe, kūpono i ka mahalo ʻia a mālama maikaʻi ʻia.

Eia naʻe, pono nā mākua e aʻo iā ia e hahai i nā lula o ke kaiāulu, ke aʻo ʻana, ka hana, ke kūkākūkā me nā kānaka, a pēlā aku. A he mea koʻikoʻi kēia no ka mea i ka wā e hiki mai ana mākou e kūkulu pū me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe ʻaʻole keiki-makua, akā nā pilina ʻē aʻe - aloha, hoalauna, collegial, moekolohe, a pēlā aku. A pili lākou a pau i kekahi mea. ʻO lākou a pau, me ka pilina pili aloha, e hōʻike ana i keʻano o ka "contract social".

ʻAʻole pāʻani ma nā lula

He aha ka hopena inā hoʻomaka ʻoe a me kāu hoa i kahi pāʻani o ka "ʻae ʻole"? E noho makua kekahi o oukou. Wahi a nā ʻōlelo o ka «pāʻani», ʻaʻole pono ʻo ia e hōʻike i ka manaʻo ʻole ma muli o nā hana a i ʻole nā ​​ʻōlelo a kekahi. A ʻo ia hoʻi, ua hoʻonele ʻia ʻo ia i ke kuleana e pale i kona mau palena inā e uhaki ka hoa iā lākou, no ka mea, ʻaʻole kēia pāʻani i ka hoʻohewa ʻana.

E noʻonoʻo: e hiamoe ana ʻoe, a ke pāʻani nei kāu hoa i ka «pana pana» ma ke kamepiula - me nā hopena kani āpau, e hoʻōho nui ana i kekahi mea i ka hauʻoli. ʻAe, ʻo kāna pono kēia - no laila e hoʻokuʻu i ka mahu! E lawe e like me ia, ʻoiai inā pono ʻoe e hana i ke kakahiaka, a he mea pono ʻole ke hiamoe. A i ʻole ua hoʻolilo kāu wahine i ke kālā āpau ma kāu kāleka no kahi kapa hulu hou aʻo kāu kaʻa e pono ai e hoʻoponopono.

Ma nā hihia ʻelua, ua lilo ka moʻolelo o ka "ʻae ʻole ʻole" i mea hōʻoluʻolu no kekahi, a me ka ʻae ʻana no kekahi. A laila e lilo kēia mau pilina e like me ka hilinaʻi pū. He maikaʻi ʻole kēlā. He aha ka pilina "olaola" a laila?

"He kuleana ko kēlā me kēia kanaka e lilo iā ia iho, a ma ʻaneʻi ka makemake e ʻae ʻia he kūlohelohe maoli"

Anna Sokolova, psychologist, associate professor, National Research University Higher School of Economics

I ka pōkole, ʻo ka pilina olakino ka wehe ʻana o nā kāne i ke kamaʻilio. ʻO ka hiki i nā hoa ke hōʻike maopopo i ko lākou makemake, e hoʻolohe a lohe i nā pono o kekahi, e kōkua i kā lākou ʻoluʻolu, e mahalo i nā palena o kekahi. ʻElua mau kūlana makua like, ke lawe nā mea a pau i ke kuleana no kā lākou hana a me ke ʻano o kā lākou hopena i kahi hoa.

E pili ana i ka ʻae ʻana, he mea nui e hoʻokaʻawale iā ia ma nā pae ʻelua. Ma ke kiʻekiʻe o ke ʻano, ke ʻano o ke kanaka - a ma ka pae o nā hana kikoʻī. I ka hihia mua, he mea nui e ʻae i ka hoa e like me ia. ʻO kēia ke ʻano ʻaʻole e hoʻāʻo e hoʻololi i kona ʻano, ke ʻano o ke ola, nā waiwai a me nā makemake.

He kuleana ko kēlā me kēia kanaka e lilo iā lākou iho, a ma ʻaneʻi ʻo ka makemake e ʻae ʻia he kūlohelohe maoli. No ka laʻana, makemake kāu kāne e hoʻomaha ma ka pāʻani ʻana i nā pāʻani pana, akā manaʻo ʻoe ʻaʻole kēia ke ʻano hoʻomaha maikaʻi loa. Eia naʻe, ʻo ia kāna kuleana a me kāna koho pehea e hoʻomaha ai. A pono e mahalo ʻia kēia koho. ʻOiai ʻaʻole ia e hoʻopilikia i kāu hiamoe, ʻoiaʻiʻo. A laila, ma ke kiʻekiʻe o nā hana kikoʻī, ʻaʻole kēia he mea pono e ʻae mau ʻia.

Inā hōʻeha ka hana a kāu hoa i kou mau palena a i ʻole e hōʻoluʻolu iā ʻoe, pono ʻoe e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kēia a ʻae aku. Hana ʻia kēia ma nā pilina olakino, kahi i kūkulu ʻia ai ke kamaʻilio ākea a kūpono.

Eia kekahi laʻana, i ka wā e kū'ē ai ka makemake, he mea nuiʻaʻole e hoʻouka i keʻano o kekahi: "He kanaka egoistʻoe, e noʻonoʻo waleʻoe iāʻoe iho," akā e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka hopena o kāna mau hana iāʻoe: " Ke pāʻani ʻoe i nā "pana pana" me ke kani, ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke hiamoe.» A pehea ʻoe e makemake ai e hoʻoponopono i kēia nīnau: "E hele mai, e kau ʻoe i nā headphone i ka wā o ka pāʻani."

Akā he aha kāu e hana ai inā paʻakikī ʻoe e ʻae i kahi hoa ma ke ʻano he kanaka? He kūpono ke nīnau iā ʻoe iho i kekahi mau nīnau ma aneʻi. Inā ʻaʻole wau makemake nui iā ia ma ke ʻano he kanaka, no ke aha wau e noho pū ai me ia? A he mea paʻakikī paha ia mau hiʻohiʻona e hoʻohuli ai iaʻu i loko ona? Pehea ka hopena o kekahi o kona mau ʻano iaʻu? He mea pono paha ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā manawa ʻoluʻolu ʻole iaʻu a me ka hoʻāʻo e hoʻoponopono i nā mea āpau ma ka pae o nā hana kikoʻī?

Ma keʻano laulā, aia kekahi mea e noʻonoʻo ai a kamaʻilio pū kekahi i kekahi ma mua o ka hana ʻana i nā hoʻoholo radical a i ʻole ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana i kahi hoa no nā hewa kino a pau.

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Malia paha ʻo ia ka manawa e hoʻomanaʻo ai i ka "pule" kaulana o ka mea nāna i hoʻokumu i ka Gestalt therapy, ʻo Fritz Perls: "ʻO wau wau, a ʻo ʻoe ʻoe. Hana wau i kaʻu mea a hana ʻoe i kāu mea. ʻAʻole wau i kēia ao e hoʻokō i kāu mau manaʻo. A ʻaʻole ʻoe i kēia ao e hoʻohālikelike i kaʻu. ʻO ʻoe ʻo ʻoe a ʻo wau nō wau. A inā loaʻa iā mākou kekahi i kekahi, maikaʻi kēlā. A inā ʻaʻole, ʻaʻole hiki ke kōkua.