Ho'āʻo ʻia ko mākou mau manaʻo e pili ana i ka honua a me mākou iho ke komo mākou i nā pilina pili. I kekahi manawa, hoʻololi maoli kekahi hoa i ko mākou manaʻo iā ia iho. I ka manawa hea e hoʻopilikia ai ka hui ʻana me kekahi i ka launa pū ʻana me ia iho, a i ka manawa hea e kōkua ai? Ke kamaʻilio nei mākou e pili ana i kēia me kahi psychotherapist existential.
Psychologies: Pono anei e ʻike pono iā ʻoe iho ma mua o kou komo ʻana i kahi pilina?
Svetlana Krivtsova: Malia paha. ʻO ka mea ʻaʻole maopopo iki iā ia iho, ʻaʻole ʻike i ka pale ʻana iā ia iho a mahalo ʻole i ka pono o kekahi, ʻaʻole ia i mākaukau no ka hui. Akā ʻehia ka nui o mākou i mālama i kēia ʻike mai nā manaʻo ikaika? Eia naʻe, ʻo ka hāʻule ʻana i ke aloha e hoʻāʻo pono i ka ikaika o kā mākou "I".
He aha ka hopena iā mākou ke hāʻule i ke aloha?
ʻO ka hāʻule ʻana i ke aloha he ikaika lanakila lanakila, a manaʻo mākou ua hopu ʻia e ia. A i ʻole makaʻu i ka make e ka mana o ka piʻi ʻana o ka pono no ka pilina, ka mana o ke kuko. ʻO ke aloha e hōʻike ana i koʻu pōloli i ka naʻau. E ahu ana keia pololi, aole au i ike. A hiki i ka manawa i ʻike ʻia ai kekahi nāna i hoʻouna mai iaʻu i kahi hōʻailona huna e hiki ai iaʻu ke ʻike i ka "mea like."
He aha ka pono? He mea ʻokoʻa kēlā me kēia. Ke ʻimi nei kekahi i ka maluhia a me ka palekana, ka palekana a me ka hilinaʻi. A hāʻule i ke aloha, e ʻimi i kahi hoa kūpono. No nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, ʻoi aku ka nui o ke kūpaʻa, a pono lākou i kahi mea ʻokoʻa loa - e hoʻopau i ka luhi, ʻike i nā hauʻoli, e kala i ke ola mālie me ka poignancy a me ka pilikia. A hāʻule lākou i ke aloha me ka poʻe malihini.
ʻOi aku ka ikaika o ko mākou mau pono, ʻoi aku ka makapō o mākou i nā moemoeā a me ka liʻiliʻi o kā mākou ʻike i ka mea a mākou e hālāwai ai.
Aʻo ka poʻe i piha i ke aloha o ko lākou mau mākua,ʻaʻole lākou eʻike i kahi hemahema o ia mea, akā he koena: makemake nui lākou e hāʻawi i ke aloha a me ka mālama. A e ʻimi i kahi mea e pono ai ka mālama. No laila, ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ke aloha kahi hui ʻaʻole me kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe, akā me kekahi, me ka mea waiwai a pono no mākou.
ʻOi aku ka ikaika o ko mākou mau pono, ʻoi aku ka makapō o mākou i nā moemoeā a me ka liʻiliʻi o kā mākou ʻike i ka mea a mākou e hālāwai ai. He hoʻokahi haneli pākēneka kēia o ka moʻolelo o mākou iho.
Akā i ka wā i hoʻopau ʻia ai nā moemoeā ...
Ma hope a ma hope paha, pau ke aloha. I kekahi manawa, hiki mai ka ha'iha'i i loko o ho'okahi mahina ma hope o ka hui 'ana, akā, 'oi aku ka lō'ihi o ka lō'ihi o nā pilina i ho'ohilahila 'ia.
Ke nānā pono nei mākou i ka mea o ko mākou makemake, hiki iā mākou ke nīnau iā mākou iho: pehea wau i komo ai i kahi pilina? No ke aha wau i kau ai i nā manaʻo kūpono ʻole i kēia egoist hiki ʻole ke kali a kali iā ia e mālama? A pehea lā e hiki ʻole ai iaʻu ke hāʻule hou i loko o ka pahele a lohe ʻole i ka ʻōlelo hoʻokalakupua "ʻO ʻoe ka hewa no nā mea āpau. Mahalo iā ʻoe no ka hoʻomanawanui ʻana iā ʻoe no ka manawa lōʻihi.
Ke haʻalele mākou i kahi pilina me kahi waiwai liʻiliʻi, ʻike mākou i ka ʻeha nui. Inā makaʻu mākou iā ia, a laila holo mākou i kahi pilina hou, akā inā ʻaʻole, a laila hoʻi mākou - a i kekahi manawa ke manaʻo ʻole ʻia - iā mākou iho.
Hiki i ke aloha ke hoʻokokoke iā mākou?
ʻAe, inā ʻaʻole mākou makaʻu i ka ʻeha e pili ana i ke aloha. Hiki i ka ʻeha ke hoʻokokoke iā mākou iho, ʻo ia kona waiwai nui, a no laila ʻaʻole hiki ke noʻonoʻo ʻia ke ola me ka ʻole. A inā mākou e pale aku iā ia, a laila ʻaʻole e hoʻokokoke ke aloha iā mākou iā ia iho. E like me kēia.
Pehea ʻoe e hoʻomanawanui ai i kēia ʻeha?
ʻO ka pilina maikaʻi me kekahi e kōkua ʻole e haʻalele i ka ʻeha: kamaʻilio ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ke aloha, ka hiki ke aloha iā ia iho a me ka pono o loko, ka hilinaʻi ponoʻī a me ke aloha, i kūkulu ʻia ma luna o ka ʻike o kāna pono ponoʻī.
ʻO kahi hui ikaika me ʻoe iho - ma kēia "mare" pili nā kānāwai like: "i ke kaumaha a me ka hauʻoli, i ka waiwai a me ka ʻilihune" ... Mai haʻalele iā ʻoe iho, mai haʻalele iā ʻoe iho i ka wā e hewa ai kekahi mea. E ho'āʻo e hoʻomaopopo: no ke aha wau i hana ai i kēia a ʻaʻole i kahi ʻē aʻe? ʻOi loa ke hana au i kahi mea ʻino a mihi wau.
E ʻike i ke ʻano o kāu mau hana, e aʻo e mihi a mihi. ʻO kēia ke ʻano o ka ulu mālie ʻana o ka pilina me mākou iho, e hāʻawi iā mākou i ka manaʻo ʻaʻole mākou e waiho wale ʻia. ʻOiai inā he haʻihaʻi me kēlā mea aloha. A e kūkulu mākou i kēia mau pilina, ʻoi aku ka makua a me ka makaʻala.
Hiki paha ke hele i ke ala o ka ulu ʻana me kahi hoa, inā hoʻoholo ʻoe e noho i kahi pilina?
Aia ia i ka hiki i kēlā me kēia mea ke ʻike i ka mea i kūpono ʻole iā ia, kahi ʻāpana o kāna komo ʻana. A ʻike i ka hilahila a me ka haʻalulu e pili ana i kēia: ʻike ʻia ʻoe a me kāu kāne / wahine ponoʻī e hana i kahi kāne maikaʻi!
Hoʻopilikia pū ia i kēia hiki ke alakaʻi i kahi kamaʻilio - e haʻi i kona makemake a pale i kona manaʻo i ka wā e hui pū ai nā manaʻo like ʻole. Aʻo kekahi i kēia ma waho o ka ʻohana, ma kahi wahi pilikia ʻole, e like me ka hana.
ʻO nā paio ke kumu nui o ka loaʻa ʻana iā ia iho
Hiki i ka wahine lanakila i kāna ʻoihana ke ʻike: no ke aha ʻaʻole wau e mahalo iaʻu iho ma ka home? Hiki paha i ke kanaka i loaʻa ka mahalo mai nā hoa hana ma ka hana ʻana i ka ʻike ʻana ʻaʻole ʻo ia he "aupō". A e nīnau iā ʻoe iho: no ke aha ma ka hana he kuleana koʻu i ka manaʻo, akā ma ka home i mua o kahi hoa ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke koi i koʻu iho?
A i ka hopena, ʻākoakoa nā kānaka me ka wiwo ʻole a hoʻomaka ka hakakā. ʻO nā paio ke kumu nui o ka loaʻa ʻana iā ia iho. A ʻo nā paio i hoʻoholo ʻia me ka maluhia, ʻo ia kā mākou pono nui loa, akā i hoʻoholo pololei ʻia, ʻo ia hoʻi, nā mea aʻu i puka mai ai ʻaʻole he mea hōʻeha, akā ʻaʻole hoʻi he mea hoʻopaʻi. ʻO kēia ka mea maʻamau i kapa ʻia ʻo ke ʻano o ke kuʻikahi.
ʻO ka hiʻohiʻona o kahi hoa, kāna mau ʻano e kōkua iā mākou e ʻike a hoʻomaopopo pono iā mākou iho?
ʻO ke kāne a me ka wahine nā mea hoʻohewa mua. Ke hiki iaʻu ke hilinaʻi i kahi mana ʻē aʻe noʻu e nānā iaʻu a lilo i aniani, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole wau i hilinaʻi nui iaʻu iho ma kekahi mau ʻano o ke ola, he hauʻoli nui kēia. Akā inā ʻaʻole kēia aniani ke kumu o koʻu waiwai ponoʻī.
A he aha koʻu manaʻo noʻu iho? Ma hope o nā mea a pau, hiki ke kekee ke aniani e hōʻike mai iaʻu. A i ʻole e lilo i aniani, ʻo ia hoʻi, hiki iā ia ke hāʻawi iā mākou i ka mea ʻaʻole mākou. Pono mākou a pau i ka mahalo, hoihoi, nānā pono mai kahi kanaka aloha: no ke aha ʻoe i hana ai i kēia? Apono anei au i keia? Hiki iaʻu ke mahalo iā ʻoe no kēia?
Hiki i ke aloha ke ʻike i ke ʻano o kekahi i kekahi. E like me kā Alfried Lenglet i ʻōlelo ai: "ʻIke mākou i nā mea ʻē aʻe ʻaʻole ʻo ia wale nō, akā ʻo ka mea hiki iā ia ke lilo, ʻo ka mea e moe mau ana i loko ona. ʻO kēia nani e moe nei. ʻIke mākou i ka mea hiki iā ia ke lilo, ʻike mākou i ke kanaka i kona hiki. Hiki ke ike me ke aloha ole, aka, o ka naau aloha wale no ka makaala.
Pehea e ʻike ai i ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo?
Aia hoʻokahi koʻikoʻi kumuhana akā pololei. Ma hope o ka mea aloha, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻonui iā mākou iho, ʻaʻole pono mākou e hoʻohiwahiwa, hōʻoia, hōʻoia, kūlou iā mākou iho ma lalo o nā manaʻo. Hiki iā ʻoe ke lilo iā ʻoe iho a waiho i kekahi.