Māmā, makua kāne, he ʻohana aelike au?

Ua hui, aloha, mare, hānau keiki, hānai iā lākou, hoʻokuʻu iā lākou i loko o ke ao makua, kali i nā moʻopuna, hoʻolauleʻa i ka mare gula… ʻO kēia kiʻi kahiko maikaʻi o kahi ʻohana aloha a hauʻoli me he mea lā ʻaʻole loa e hoʻokahuli ʻia. mai kona paepae. I kēia lā naʻe, ua lilo ka hemo ʻana i mea maʻamau a ʻaʻole i like me ka dramatized e like me iwakālua makahiki i hala.

"Ua haʻalele wau me ka makuahine o kaʻu mau keiki ma ke ʻano he kāne, akā mālama mākou iā lākou ma nā ʻāpana like a he mau hoaaloha maikaʻi, ʻoiai ʻo kēlā me kēia kanaka ko lākou pilina ponoʻī," wahi a Vladimir, 35 makahiki. "He ʻohana lōʻihi nā keiki a ʻelua mau hale." ʻO ia mau pilina o nā mākua kaʻawale ua lilo i mea maʻamau.

Akā, eia ka mea i maʻa ʻole ʻo Rūsia, ʻo ia ka makua aelike. I kēia mau lā ʻEulopa, ua maʻa mau kēia ʻano hoʻohālike o ka pilina, ʻoiai ma ko mākou ʻāina ke hoʻomaka nei e hoʻāʻo ʻia. Pehea ka ʻokoʻa mai ka hui kuʻuna a pehea ka nani?

ʻO ka male no ka pilina a me ka maʻalahi

Nui nā koho no ia ʻaelike. No ka laʻana, hana ʻelua i nā pilina ʻaʻole ma ke ʻano he mau hoa, akā ma ke ʻano he mau mākua - no ka hānau ʻana, hānai a hānai i kahi keiki. ʻO ia hoʻi, ʻaʻohe aloha a ʻaʻohe wahine. ʻO ia wale nō ka makemake o lāua e hānau keiki a ʻae i ka papahana "Keiki", helu kālā, mālama hale.

ʻO kēia ka mea i hana ai ʻo Gennady, 32 makahiki a me kāna hoaaloha: "Ua ʻike mākou i kekahi i kekahi mai ke kula, ʻaʻole loa mākou i pili, he mau hoaaloha maikaʻi mākou. Makemake nui lāua i nā keiki. Manaʻo wau e lilo mākou i makuahine super a me makua kāne. ʻIke wau i kona mau mākua, ʻo ia koʻu. No laila, ʻaʻole mākou e manaʻo i nā pīhoihoi maikaʻi ʻole e pili ana i ka heredity, nā ʻano a i ʻole nā ​​​​maʻamau maikaʻi ʻole. ʻAʻole lawa kēlā? I kēia manawa ua neʻe mākou i ka hoʻokō ʻana i kā mākou papahana. Ke hele nei lāua ʻelua i ka hoʻokolokolo a me ka hoʻomākaukau ʻana no ka hāpai ʻana me ke kōkua o IVF.

A i ʻole e like me kēia: ua noho lāua a like me kahi kāne, aloha kekahi i kekahi, a laila hoʻololi kekahi mea, a ke ola nei ke keiki a aloha nā mākua ʻelua iā ia. ʻAʻole kēia ka hihia i ka noho pū ʻana o nā hoa "no ke kaikamahine a i ʻole ke keiki kāne" no ka hewa i mua o lākou, e hoʻomāinoino ana kekahi i kekahi me nā scandals a me ka inaina, a ke kali nei i nā makahiki 18 e holo hope. A hoʻoholo wale lākou e noho pū ma lalo o ka hale hoʻokahi e like me nā mākua, akā e alakaʻi kaʻawale i ko lākou ola pilikino. A ʻaʻohe koi kekahi i kekahi.

Ua hoʻoholo ʻia kēia hoʻoholo e 29 makahiki ʻo Alena a me 30 makahiki ʻo Eduard, i male i 7 mau makahiki i hala no ke aloha. I kēia manawa he 4 makahiki kā lāua kaikamahine. Ua hoʻoholo lākou ʻo ka nele o ke aloha ʻaʻole ia he kumu e hoʻopuehu a hoʻopuehu mai kahi hale maʻamau.

"Ua hāʻawi mākou i nā kuleana a puni ka hale, hana i kahi papa hoʻomaʻemaʻe, kūʻai hale kūʻai, hoʻololi i ka mālama ʻana i kā mākou kaikamahine a me kāna mau hana. Ke hana nei au a me Edik, "wahi a Alena. - He poʻe maikaʻi mākou, akā ʻaʻole i aloha hou, ʻoiai mākou e noho nei i ka hale hoʻokahi. Ua ʻae mākou no ka mea he kuleana ko ke kaikamahine i hoʻokahi hale a ʻo nā mākua ʻelua ma kahi kokoke. He kūpono iā ia a me kekahi i kekahi.

Akā ʻaʻole i hiki i kekahi mau makahiki 39 makahiki ʻo Andrei a me Katerina 35 makahiki ke hāpai i kahi keiki no nā makahiki he 10 aʻe, ʻoiai nā mea āpau o nā ʻenehana hou. Hāʻawi ka hoaaloha o Katerina e hānau i ke keiki a Andrey.

“ʻAʻole loaʻa iaʻu ka manawa kūpono e hānai iā ia iho," wahi a Maria, 33 makahiki. - Malia paha,ʻaʻole i hāʻawi mai ke Akua iaʻu i kekahi mea e pili ana i ka manaʻo o ka makuahine, kekahi mau mea nui o kaʻuhane. A noʻonoʻo wale kekahi poʻe. Hauʻoli wau i kaʻu hua manu i kōkua i koʻu mau hoa e hauʻoli. Hiki iaʻu ke ʻike i ka ulu ʻana o kaʻu keiki, e komo i loko o kona ola, akā ʻo lākou nā mākua maikaʻi loa nona.

I ka wā mua, hiki i nā pilina ʻohana hou ke haʻalulu: ʻoi loa ko lākou ʻokoʻa mai ka mea i manaʻo ʻia he kumu hoʻohālike ma mua! Akā, loaʻa iā lākou nā pono ponoʻī.

Nā kiʻi "pōʻino".

ʻO ka pilina hou ma waena o nā hoa pili e hōʻike ana i kaʻoiaʻiʻo. Ua ʻae nā mākua "ma kahakai" i ka hoʻoholo kuleana e lilo i makuahine a me ka makuakāne a puʻunaue i nā kuleana. ʻAʻole lākou i manaʻo i ke aloha a me ka hilinaʻi mai kekahi i kekahi, ʻaʻohe o lākou koi pono ʻole.

"Me he mea lā iaʻu e wehe i kahi poʻo nui mai nā mākua a hoʻolaha i ke keiki: "ʻAʻole mākou e pāʻani i nā pāʻani, ʻaʻole mākou e hūnā iā mākou iho he kāne aloha. ʻO mākou kou mau mākua, "wahi a Amir Tagiyev, ka mea aʻo ʻoihana, loea i ka hana ʻana me nā keiki a me nā ʻōpio. "I ka manawa like, hiki i nā mākua ke hauʻoli nui."

Aʻo ke keiki i kēia hihia keʻike nei a puni iā ​​ia i ka hauʻoli e like me ka maximum a me ka mālie - ma ka liʻiliʻi - nā mākua.

ʻOi aku ka paʻakikī o ke kūlana i nā ʻohana kuʻuna: ma laila, e like me ka ʻōlelo a Amir Tagiyev, "hoʻopunipuni pinepine i nā bouquets incredible", piha nā pilina i nā kumakaia, nā ʻōlelo hōʻino, nā koi. Ua haʻalele ke kāne a me ka wahine i ka wā ma mua, akā "paʻa" lāua e kahi keiki. ʻO ka hopena, ua hū aʻe ka huhū o nā mākua i kekahi i kekahi.

"I kaʻu mau kamaʻilio ʻana me ka poʻe ʻōpio, ʻike pinepine ʻia ke kumuhana o nā album kiʻi," wahi a Amir Tagiyev. – Ma kēia kiʻi, hauʻoli ka makuakāne ʻōpio a me ka makuahine, a eia ʻaʻole lākou hauʻoli i ka wā i ʻike ʻia ai ke keiki. He mau helehelena hopohopo ko lakou. Maopopo iaʻu ua oʻo lāua, he hopohopo maoli nō. ʻAʻole naʻe kēia ʻike i ke keiki. ʻIke ʻo ia i ke ʻano a me ke ʻano o ia mea. A ua hoʻopau ʻo ia: "Ua hoʻopau wau i nā mea āpau no lākou me koʻu helehelena. Ma muli oʻu e hoʻohiki mau ai lākou." Manaʻo wau i ke ʻano o nā helehelena a mākou e ʻike ai i nā kiʻi kiʻi o nā ʻohana "contractual" ...

Hoʻololi o nā waiwai

I loko o ka Classic version o ka 'ohana, ua manao ia e hiki ke noho pu me ke aloha ole, wahi a Alexander Wenger, he keiki psychologist a me ka loea i ka clinical developmental psychology.

ʻO ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i ke kuleana, ka maikaʻi, ke kūpaʻa i ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hana: "Ua hāʻawi ʻia ka ʻaoʻao naʻau o ka pilina ma mua o kēia lā. I ka wā ma mua, ʻo ka waiwai nui i loko o ke kaiāulu, ka mea i ʻike ʻole ʻia i ke kumu hoʻohālike o ka ʻohana, ʻo ia ka collectivism. Ua hana ka manaʻo: he cogs nā kānaka. ʻAʻole mākou mālama i nā manaʻo. Paipai ʻia ka conformism - he hoʻololi i ka ʻano ma lalo o ka mana o ke kaomi ʻana i ka nohona. I kēia manawa ka hana, ke kūʻokoʻa i ka hoʻoholo ʻana a me nā hana, paipai ʻia ka individualism. He 30 mau makahiki i hala aku nei, ua ʻike mākou poʻe Lūkini i kahi huli hoʻololi o ka nohona, i ka wā i make maoli ai ka ʻōnaehana kahiko, a ke kūkulu ʻia nei ka mea hou.

A ma kēia kŘkohu hou e kūkulu ʻia nei, ʻike ʻia ka pono o ke kanaka. Ua lilo ke aloha i mea nui i loko o ka pilina, a inā ʻaʻole i laila, ʻaʻohe kumu o ka noho pū ʻana. I ka wā ma mua, inā hāʻule ke kāne a me ka wahine i ke aloha i kekahi i kekahi, ua manaʻo ʻia he kūlohelohe: hala ke aloha, akā mau ka ʻohana. Akā me nā waiwai hou, ua hiki mai ka instability i loko o ko mākou ola, a ua lilo ka honua i atomized, ua manaʻo ka psychologist. ʻO ka manaʻo e "disintegrate i nā ʻātoma" komo pū i ka ʻohana. ʻOi aku ka liʻiliʻi i ka "mākou" a ʻoi aku ka nui o ka "I".

Huikau kanaka makua

I ka ʻōnaehana hou o ka honua, ua hoʻomaka mālie ka "I" o kā mākou mau keiki e hōʻike pono iā ia iho, e pili ana i ko lākou pilina me ko lākou mau mākua. No laila, ke koi nei ka poʻe ʻōpio o kēia wā i ke kūʻokoʻa nui aʻe mai ko lākou "mau kūpuna". "ʻO lākou, ma ke ʻano he kānāwai, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o nā makuakāne a me nā makuahine i ka honua honua," wehewehe ʻo Alexander Wenger. "Akā ke ulu wale nei ko lākou hilinaʻi i kēlā me kēia lā i nā pākeke, kahi e hoʻonui ai i ka hakakā ʻōpio. A ʻaʻole ʻae ʻia nā ala kahiko o ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā hakakā. Inā hahau pinepine nā hanauna i hala i nā keiki, i kēia manawa ua pau ka hana maʻamau a ua lilo ia i ʻano hoʻonaʻauao i ʻae ʻole ʻia. A laila, ke manaʻo nei au, e emi mai ana nā hoʻopaʻi kino.

ʻO ka hopena o nā loli wikiwiki ka huikau o nā mākua, manaʻo ka psychologist. Ma mua, ua hoʻopuka wale ʻia ke kumu hoʻohālike i hāpai ʻia i kēlā me kēia hanauna i ka wā e hiki mai ana o ka ʻōnaehana ʻohana. Akā ʻaʻole maopopo i nā mākua o kēia lā: inā i hakakā ke keiki, pono anei mākou e ʻāhewa iā ia no ka hoʻouka ʻana a hoʻomaikaʻi paha iā ia no ka lanakila ʻana? Pehea e pane ai, pehea e hoʻomākaukau pono ai i nā keiki no ka wā e hiki mai ana, i kēia manawa ua lilo koke nā ʻano kahiko? Me ka manaʻo o ka pono no ka launa pū ʻana ma waena o nā ʻohana.

I kēia lā, ma ʻEulopa a ma Rūsia, aia kahi ʻano e hōʻemi i nā mea pili.

"Ke neʻe maʻalahi ke kanaka ma kahi ākea, ʻaʻole ia e pili i ka hale, ke kūlanakauhale, ka ʻāina," wahi a Amir Tagiyev. - Ua noʻonoʻo maoli koʻu kamaʻāina Kelemania i ke kumu e kūʻai ai i kahi lumi: "Pehea inā makemake ʻoe e neʻe? Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻolimalima!” ʻO ka makemake ʻole e hoʻopili ʻia i kahi wahi e hoʻonui ʻia i nā mea pili ʻē aʻe. Pili kēia i nā hoa, a me nā ʻono, a me nā maʻamau. I loko o kahi ʻohana kahi ʻaʻohe hoʻomana aloha, e loaʻa i ke keiki ke kūʻokoʻa, ʻoi aku ka maopopo o kona ʻano he kanaka a me ke kuleana e haʻi i kāna manaʻo, e ola e like me kāna makemake. E ʻoi aku ka hilinaʻi o ia mau keiki iā lākou iho.

Hoʻohanohano Nā Haʻawina

ʻO ka hilinaʻi iā ia iho i kahi keiki, e like me Amir Tagiyev, ʻike ʻia i kona hoʻomaopopo ʻana: "Pono kēia honua iaʻu, a pono ka honua iaʻu", ke ulu ʻo ia i loko o kahi ʻohana kahi i ʻike pono ai ʻo ia i nā mea e pono ai kona mau mākua, a pono lākou iā ia. . I kona hele ʻana mai i kēia ao, ua hoʻonui ʻo ia i ka hauʻoli o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. 'A'ole ho'i.

"Ua kūkulu ʻia nā hiʻohiʻona hou o ka pilina ma luna o kahi kuʻikahi ākea, a me ka manaʻolana, i loko o ia mau mea e loaʻa ai i nā poʻe a pau ka mahalo i kekahi. ʻAʻole au i ʻike i kekahi pilikia no nā keiki. Hiki iā ʻoe ke manaʻo inā e noho pū ka poʻe no ke keiki, a laila e mālama nui lākou iā ia, no ka mea ʻo kā lākou pahuhopu nui kēia, "wahi a Alexander Wenger.

"ʻO ka pilina ma waena o ka makua kāne a me ka makuahine i loko o ka ʻohana o kahi ʻano aelike, ʻaʻole ia e pili ana i ka subordination (ʻo ke kāne ke poʻo o ka ʻohana, a i ʻole ʻē aʻe), akā e pili ana i ka pilina - ʻoiaʻiʻo, wehe, ʻōlelo ʻia i nā kikoʻī liʻiliʻi loa: mai ka manawa me he keiki i ka haʻawina kālā o kēlā me kēia, "wahi a Amir Tagiyev. - Maʻaneʻi heʻokoʻa ka waiwai - nā kuleana like a me nā kuleana a me ka mahalo i kekahi. No ke keiki, ʻo ia ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e ulu ai. ʻO kēia ka antithesis o ke kumu hoʻohālike e lanakila nei i kēia manawa, ke ʻike maikaʻi ka makua i ke ʻano o ka noho ʻana o ke keiki kāne a i ʻole ke kaikamahine, me ka mea e hoaaloha ai, ka mea e hana ai, ka mea e moeʻuhane ai a me kahi e hana ai ma hope o ke kula. Kahi i ʻike maikaʻi ai ke kumu i ka mea e heluhelu ai, ka mea e aʻo ai a me ka manaʻo i ka manawa like.

Pono anei mākou e manaʻo e pili ana ka wā e hiki mai ana i nā mākua aelike? Akā, he "ʻeha ulu", kahi pae hoʻololi, maopopo ka ʻoihana ʻoihana. Ua lele ka pendulum mai ke kūlana "He mau keiki ka hua o ke aloha" a "No ke keiki, ua mākaukau wau no ka pilina me ka manaʻo ʻole no ka hoa."

"ʻAʻole kēia kumu hoʻohālike i hope, akā e hoʻoluliluli ia i ke kaiāulu a koi iā mākou e noʻonoʻo hou i nā pilina i loko o ka ʻohana. A nīnau mākou iā mākou iho i nā nīnau: ʻike mākou pehea e kūkākūkā ai? Mākaukau anei mākou e hoʻolohe i kekahi i kekahi? Hiki iā mākou ke mahalo i ke keiki mai ka moena? Ua hōʻuluʻulu ʻo Amir Tagiyev.

Malia paha, ma ia mau ʻohana, hiki i ke kaiāulu ke aʻo, e like me ka simulator, i ka hiki ke kūkulu i nā pilina ma ke ʻano ʻokoʻa. A e loaʻa i kahi ʻohana i kahi honua loli kahi wahi no ke keiki a me ke aloha.