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ʻAʻole ʻo Mélanie wale nō ka makuahōnōwai wahine i ʻike iā ia iho i ka hāʻule ʻana i ka wā e kū ana i ka paʻakikī o kahi ʻohana hui ʻia…
ʻO ke koho ʻana i ke kāne ʻaʻole ia e koho i kāna mau keiki!
Ke hoʻoikaika nei nā ʻikepili: ʻoi aku ma mua o ʻelua hapakolu o nā male hou e pau i ka kaʻawale ʻana ke loaʻa nā keiki i nā hoa! ʻO ke kumu: nā paio ma waena o nā mākua hānai a me nā keiki hānai. Hoʻomaka ka poʻe a pau i kēia huakaʻi me ka makemake nui, aloha, manaʻolana, akā ʻaʻole pono ka lanakila i manaʻo ʻia. No ke aha ka nui o ka fiascos? Ma muli o ka nui o nā hoʻopunipuni e pale ana i ka poʻe protagonists mai ka ʻike maoli ʻana i nā mea e kali maoli nei iā lākou ke komo lākou i kēia ʻano hoʻohālike ʻohana. ʻO kekahi o nā lures mua loa, ʻo ia ka manaʻo nui ʻo ke aloha, ma kona mana wale nō, e lanakila ai i nā pilikia āpau, e hoʻokahuli i nā pilikia āpau. ʻAʻole no ko mākou aloha pupule i ke kāne e aloha ai mākou i kā mākou mau keiki! Ma kahi ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana he pono ʻoe e kaʻana like i ke kāne āu e aloha ai, ʻoiai ke manaʻo nei kāna mau keiki ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻokipa ʻia. ʻAʻole maʻalahi ke aloha i kahi keiki mai kahi hui mua i hoʻohālikelike ʻia he wahine ʻē aʻe i ka wā ma mua, kahi pilina ʻē aʻe i pili i kāna hoa. ʻOiai no ka poʻe i loaʻa ka manaʻo maikaʻi loa ma ka honua a mākaukau e noʻonoʻo i ka hopena o kēia lili i kā lākou moʻolelo pilikino, a no ke aha lākou i manaʻo hoʻoweliweli ʻia ai e kēia ex-girlfriend ʻaʻole i hoʻokūkū hou i ke aloha. Manaʻo ko mākou kaiaulu he aloha ka wahine i nā keiki, i kāna ʻano ponoʻī, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole anei he mea maʻamau ka manaʻo "makuahine" me kahi keiki ʻaʻole nau?
No Pauline, ka makuahōnōwai wahine o Chloe 4 makahiki, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka pilikia, ʻaʻole ʻo ia e mahalo i kāna hūnōna wahine: "He paʻakikī ke ʻae, akā ʻaʻole wau makemake i kēia kaikamahine liʻiliʻi. ʻAʻohe mea kūʻē iā ia, akā ʻaʻohe oʻu leʻaleʻa i ka mālama ʻana iā ia, ʻike wau i kona ʻano ʻano, hoʻonāukiuki, pupule, crybaby a ke kali nei au i ka hopena o ka hopena pule. Makemake au iā ia no ka mea ʻike wau ʻo ia ka mea a kona makuakāne e manaʻo ai iaʻu. Makemake ʻo ia e maikaʻi nā mea a pau ke noho pū kāna kaikamahine me mākou, a ʻaʻohe hakakā. No laila ke pāʻani nei au i ka ʻāpana, akā me ka ʻole o ka manaʻoʻiʻo maoli. ”
ʻAʻohe kumu o ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho, ua koho ʻoe e aloha i kēia kanaka akā ʻaʻole i koho i kāna mau keiki. ʻAʻole ʻoe e koi iā ʻoe iho e aloha, aia ma laila, maikaʻi loa, akā ʻaʻole ia ka hopena o ke ao, inā ʻaʻole. ʻAʻole mākou aloha i kā mākou mau keiki kāne mai ka manawa mua, mahalo mākou iā lākou i ka manawa, he mau mahina a mau makahiki paha. ʻAʻole pono e hoʻoikaika iā ʻoe iho no ka mea e ʻike ke keiki inā hoʻopunipuni ka ʻano makuahine. ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka ʻike ʻana i ka makuahine me ke keiki a kekahi. ʻO ka mea kūpono e nīnau iā ʻoe iho a kau i nā kumu ma mua o ka hālāwai ʻana me lākou, e noʻonoʻo iā ʻoe iho i kēia hoʻonohonoho, e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kou hopohopo, kou hopohopo, wehewehe i nā kuleana o kēlā me kēia : He aha kāu e hele ai me kaʻu mau keiki? He aha kāu makemake e hana ai? A ʻo ʻoe, he aha kāu e manaʻo ai mai iaʻu? Hōʻalo mākou i nā hakakā e hiki mai ana ma ka hoʻonohonoho koke ʻana i nā palena paʻa i ka mea a mākou e ʻae ai e hana a me nā mea a mākou e makemake ʻole ai e hana: "ʻAʻole wau ʻike iā lākou, akā mālama wau i ke kuleana e hana i kēia. , ʻaʻole naʻe kēlā. Maikaʻi au i ke kūʻai ʻana, ka hoʻomākaukau ʻana i nā meaʻai, ka holoi ʻana i kona ʻaʻahu, akā ʻoi aku koʻu makemake iā ʻoe e mālama iā ia e ʻauʻau, e heluhelu iā ia i nā moʻolelo ahiahi e hoʻomoe iā ia, ma mua o ʻoe. lawe iā lākou e pāʻani i ka paka. I kēia manawa, ʻaʻohe oʻu ʻoluʻolu me ka honi, puliki, ʻaʻole ia he hōʻole, hiki ke loli i nā mahina, akā pono ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo. “
ʻOhana hui ʻia: pono ka manawa e hoʻomaʻamaʻa
Inā loaʻa ka manawa a ka makuahine hānai e hoʻomāmā i kāna mau keiki hānai, he ʻoiaʻiʻo ka ʻōlelo. Ua ʻike ʻo Mathilde i kēia me Maxence lāua ʻo Dorothée, ʻelua mau keiki liʻiliʻi i ka makahiki 5 a me 7: "Ua haʻi mai ko lākou makuakāne iaʻu, 'E ʻike ʻoe, e hoʻomana kaʻu kaikamahine a me kaʻu keikikāne iā ʻoe". ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hana lākou iaʻu me he kanaka komo hewa lā, ʻaʻole lākou i hoʻolohe mai iaʻu. Ua hōʻole ʻo Maxence e ʻai i kaʻu mea i hoʻomākaukau ai a kamaʻilio i nā manawa a pau e pili ana i kona makuahine a me kāna kuke ʻana. Hele mau ʻo Mathilde e noho ma waena o kona makuakāne a me aʻu, a loaʻa iā ia ke kino i kona wā i lawe ai i kuʻu lima a honi paha iaʻu! »ʻOiai paʻakikī ke hoʻomanawanui, pono e hoʻomaopopo ʻia kēlā ʻO ka huhū o kahi keiki i ka ʻike ʻana i kahi wahine hou i loko o kona ola he kūlohelohe ia, no ka mea, ke hana nei ʻo ia i ke kūlana e koʻikoʻi nei iā ia a ʻaʻole iā ʻoe ma ke ʻano he kanaka. Ua aʻo ʻo Christophe Fauré i ka depersonalization e hoʻoponopono i nā mea: "ʻO ka wahi kūʻokoʻa āu e noho ai, ʻo kou kūlana ma ke ʻano he makuahine, ʻaʻole ʻoe ʻo wai ʻoe, ka mea e hoʻoikaika ai i ka huhū o ke keiki. E kū ana kekahi hoa hou i nā pilikia pili like āu e hālāwai ai i kēia lā. ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana iā ia e kōkua i ka depersonalize i nā hoʻouka a me nā hoʻouka kaua e hoʻopaʻa ʻia iā ʻoe. Hoʻopili pū ʻia ʻo Aggression i ka ʻike o ka insecurity, makaʻu ke keiki e nalowale ke aloha o kona makua, manaʻo ʻo ia e liʻiliʻi ke aloha iā ia. ʻO ia ke kumu e pono ai e hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā ia a e hoʻopaʻa iā ia ma ka hōʻoia hou ʻana iā ia i ka nui o kāna mea nui, ma ka haʻi ʻana iā ia ma nā ʻōlelo maʻalahi e mau ke aloha makua, ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe, ʻoiai ua kaʻawale kona makuahine a me kona makuakāne, ʻoiai lāua. ke noho nei me kahi hoa hou. Pono ʻoe e ʻae i ka manawa, ʻaʻole e koi i nā stepchildren a hoʻopau lākou i ka hoʻololi ʻana. Inā ʻike lākou ʻo ko lākou makuahōnōwai / makua kāne he kumu no ka kūpaʻa o ko lākou makuakāne / makuahine a no lākou iho, inā aia ʻo ia ma laila, inā kūʻē ʻo ia i nā pilikia āpau, inā lawe ʻo ia i ke kaulike, hauʻoli o ka noho ʻana, palekana. i loko o ka hale, e lilo ko lākou manaʻo maikaʻi.
I nā hihia o ka huhū nui loa, hiki i ka makuahōnōwai wahine ke koho e hāʻawi i ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana i ka makua kāne. mai hoʻokau iā ʻoe iho ma ke ʻano mana. ʻO kēia ka mea a Noémie, ka makuahōnōwai wahine 4 makahiki o Théo: “Ua hoʻonoho wau iaʻu iho ma ka leʻaleʻa, lawe au iā ia i kahi kowali, ma ka zoo, e loaʻa mālie kona hilinaʻi. Ua hiki iaʻu ke hoʻokau liʻiliʻi i koʻu mana. “
ʻO Candice, ua koho ʻo ia e hoʻolilo ma ka liʻiliʻi loa i ka pilina me kāna kaikamahine hānai ʻo Zoe, 6 mau makahiki: "I koʻu ʻike ʻana ua hele maikaʻi ʻole ke au ma waena o Zoe a me aʻu, ʻaʻole wau i ʻike iaʻu iho e hana nei" ka gendarmette e uē mau ana i nā manawa āpau. ”, Ua hoʻokuʻu wau i kona makuakāne e hoʻokele e like me ka hiki i ka hopena pule. Ua lawe wau i ka manawa e ʻike i nā hoaaloha, hele i ke kūʻai ʻana, hele i ka hale hōʻikeʻike, i ka lauoho lauoho, e mālama pono iaʻu iho. Ua hauʻoli wau, ʻo Zoe a me kaʻu hoa kāne pū kekahi, no ka mea pono ʻo ia e ʻike i kāna kaikamahine he alo a he alo, me ka ʻole o ka hana ʻino! He koho ka makua hoʻopulapula a ʻaʻole koi ʻia ka makua hānai e hoʻonoho iā ia iho ma ke ʻano he mea lawe i ke kānāwai inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e makemake. Aia i kēlā me kēia ʻohana hui ʻia e ʻimi i ka modus vivendi i kūpono iā lākou, me ke ʻano ʻaʻole lākou e ʻae i nā keiki hānai e hana i ke kānāwai, no ka mea, ʻaʻole maikaʻi ia no lākou a no nā mākua.
Ke hōʻole nā keiki maikaʻi i ka mana o ko lākou makuahōnōwai wahine, pono e hoʻokō ko lākou makuakāne i ke kulekele o fait accompli a kū pū me ka mea hou i ka ʻohana: "ʻO kēia wahine kaʻu ipo hou. ʻOiai he kanaka makua ʻo ia, ʻo ia koʻu hoa a noho pū me kāua, aia iā ia ke kuleana e haʻi aku iā ʻoe i kāu mea e hana ai i loko o kēia hale. ʻAʻole ʻoe ʻae, akā pēlā nō. Aloha au iā ʻoe, akā e ʻae mau wau me ia no ka mea ua kūkākūkā pū māua. “E alo me nā hoʻouka maʻamau o ke ʻano:” ʻAʻole ʻoe koʻu makuahine! », E hoʻomākaukau i kāu mau laina – ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole wau ʻo kou makuahine, akā ʻo wau ke kanaka makua ma kēia hale. Aia nā lula, a pili pū lākou iā ʻoe! - Pono nō hoʻi ka wehewehe ʻana i kahi keiki e pili mau ana i kona makuahine i ka hopena pule me kona makuakāne: "Ke kamaʻilio ʻoe no kou makuahine i nā manawa āpau, ʻeha iaʻu. Mahalo wau iā ia, he makuahine maikaʻi ʻo ia, akā inā ʻoe i ka home, ʻoluʻolu ʻoe ʻaʻole e kamaʻilio e pili ana. “
ʻO ka pilikia nui a i ʻole ka liʻiliʻi o ka hoʻokau ʻana i ka mana o kekahi e pili ana i ka makahiki o nā keiki a ka makuahōnōwai wahine e mālama ai. A priori, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi me nā kamaliʻi no ka mea ua ʻike lākou i ka hemo ʻana ma ke ʻano he trauma weliweli a ua loaʻa iā lākou. he pono nui no ka maluhia o ka naʻau. ʻO ka hoa hou, ka hale hou, ka home hou, e ʻae iā lākou e loaʻa nā bearings, e ʻike i ko lākou wahi i ka honua. E like me ka wehewehe ʻana a Christophe André: “ʻO nā keiki ma lalo o 10 makahiki ʻaʻole hiki ke kū i ka mana o ka makua hoʻokae. Hoʻololi wikiwiki lākou, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o nā lula ma luna o lākou. ʻOi loa inā lawe ka makuahine ʻōpio i ka pilikia e nīnau i ka makuakāne e pili ana i nā kuʻuna liʻiliʻi a me nā maʻamau o ke keiki e hoʻoikaika i kona manaʻo o ka palekana i ʻike hou ʻia.. » Moe ʻo ia me kāna blankie e like me kēia, makemake ʻo ia e haʻi ʻia i kēlā me kēia moʻolelo ma mua o ka hiamoe ʻana, makemake ʻo ia i nā tōmato Cantonese a me ka laiki, no ka ʻaina kakahiaka ʻai ʻo ia i ka tilika, ʻulaʻula kāna kala punahele, etc.
Pono ke kamaʻilio me ka makua kāne
ʻO kēia mau ʻike a pau e hiki ai ke hana wikiwiki i kekahi complicity i hāʻawi ʻia, ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole e hoʻopilikia ka ʻōlelo a ka makuahine i nā mea āpau. ʻO kēia ka mea a Laurène, ka makuahōnōwai wahine o Lucien, 5, i hoʻomaopopo ai:
Inā hiki ke kamaʻilio liʻiliʻi ma waena o ka makuahine a me ka hoa hou, inā hiki iā lākou ke kūkākūkā i nā pono maikaʻi o ke keiki, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā mea a pau. Akā ʻaʻole hiki i nā manawa a pau kēia. Hiki iā mākou ke hoʻomaopopo maʻalahi he lili ka makuahine, makemake nui e hāʻawi i kāna mau keiki i kahi malihini, akā hiki i kona huhū ke lilo i mea pōʻino maoli no ka male a me ka ʻohana hui. ʻO kēia ka ʻike ʻawaʻawa i hana ʻia e Camille: "I koʻu hālāwai ʻana me Vincent, ʻaʻole au i noʻonoʻo e loaʻa i kāna wahine mua ka mana i koʻu ola i kēlā me kēia lā. Hāʻawi ʻo ia i nā ʻōlelo aʻo, hoʻohewa mai iaʻu, hoʻololi i nā hopena pule e like me kona makemake a hoʻāʻo e hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kā mākou pilina ma ka hoʻopunipuni ʻana i kāna kaikamahine 4 makahiki. No ka hoʻoholo ʻana i kēlā ʻano kūlana, pono ke kamaʻilio me ka makuakāne. Aia iā ia hoʻonoho i nā palena a hoʻoponopono hou i kāna hoa aloha i nā manawa a pau e hoʻopilikia ai i ka hana o kāna ʻohana hou. No ka maluhia o ko lākou naʻau, ua ʻōlelo ʻo Christophe Fauré i nā makuahōnōwai wahine e hōʻike i ka mahalo i ka ex o kā lākou kāne, noho kūʻokoʻa, mai hoohewa wale aku ia ia imua o na keiki hanau, aole e waiho i ke keiki ma kahi e koho ai ma waena o kona makuahonowai wahine a me kona makua (e lawe mau ana oia ma ka aoao o kona makua, ina paha ua hewa oia ) a e hana ʻaʻole hoʻi ma ke ʻano he hoʻokūkū ʻaʻole hoʻi ma ke ʻano he pani. Manaʻo ʻo ia e pale aku i nā hōʻike aloha i mua o nā keiki i ʻole e paʻa iā lākou. Ma mua, honi ko lākou makuakāne i ko lākou makuahine, he mea kāhāhā iā lākou a ʻaʻole pono lākou e komo i ka moekolohe kanaka makua, ʻaʻole ia na lākou. Inā ʻoe e hahai i kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo maikaʻi, hiki ke kūkulu i kahi ʻohana hui maikaʻi. ʻOiai nā pilikia i loaʻa, ʻaʻohe mea i hoʻonohonoho pono ʻia i ka pili ʻana me kāu mau keiki. I ka wā lōʻihi, hiki i nā mea a pau ke hoʻololi, wehe a lilo i mea leʻaleʻa. ʻAʻole ʻoe e lilo i "makuahine maikaʻi ʻole" a i ʻole ka super-stepmom maikaʻi loa, akā e ʻike ʻoe i kou wahi!
Makemake ʻoe e kamaʻilio ma waena o nā mākua? E hāʻawi i kou manaʻo, e lawe mai i kāu hōʻike? Hui mākou ma https://forum.parents.fr.