ʻO ka huhū ke ala "maikaʻi" e luku ai iā ʻoe iho a me nā pilina

Pehea ka huhū e luku ai iā mākou

ʻO ka mea mua, ʻo ka huhū ka huhū iā ia iho. ʻO ka hōʻeha ʻana ʻo ia hoʻi ka hōʻeha iā ia iho. ʻO ka ikehu o ka hauʻoli me kekahi kanaka a i ʻole kahi kūlana, kuhikuhi ʻia i loko, hoʻoulu i nā kaʻina hana luku ma ka psyche a me ke kino.

Ua ʻike paha nā mea a pau: ke hōʻeha mākou, ʻaʻohe ikaika o ke kino e hana i nā mea nui. “Ua pā au me he kaʻa lā, ʻeha nā mea a pau. ʻAʻohe kumu waiwai, ʻaʻohe makemake e hana i kekahi mea. Makemake au e moe i lalo i ka lā a pau, ”kākau ʻo Olga, 42, mai Moscow.

"Ke huhū au, ua nalowale ka honua a puni. ʻAʻole makemake e hana i kekahi mea. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e nānā i kahi manawa, "wahi a Mikhail 35 makahiki mai St. Petersburg. “Ua lilo au i mea ʻole a uē nui. He mea paʻakikī loa ke hoʻi hou i ke kamaʻilio a me ke ola hou, "i kākau ai ʻo Tatyana 27 makahiki mai Tula.

ʻO ka lua, ʻo ka huhū ka luku ʻana i ke kamaʻilio. ʻElua mau kānaka e kamaʻilio ana, a ʻaʻole i hāmau kekahi o lākou a huhū. Ua haki koke ka maka. Ma ka pane ʻana i nā nīnau, pane ʻole a monosyllabic paha: "Ua maikaʻi nā mea āpau", "ʻAʻole wau makemake e kamaʻilio", "Ua ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho".

ʻO nā mea a pau i hanaʻia e nā kānakaʻelua i ke kaʻina o ke kamaʻilio - hilinaʻi, pili pili, hoʻomaopopo - uaʻoki kokeʻia i ka'ōpuʻu. ʻO ka mea hewa i ka maka o ka mea i hewa e lilo i kanaka ʻino, ʻo ka mea hoʻomake - he diabolo maoli. Nalo ka mahalo a me ke aloha. ʻO ka mea i hōʻeha ʻia mai ke kanaka makua, ua lilo ia i keiki liʻiliʻi kōkua ʻole, ka mea e pono ai ka mea hewa i kēia manawa e "hoʻōla".

No ke aha mākou e hōʻeha ai?

E like me kāu e ʻike ai, hoʻopau ka huhū iā mākou a me ka hoa. No laila no ke aha e huhū ai a no ke aha mākou e hana ai? A i ʻole no ke aha? Ma keʻano, he nīnau kēia e pili ana i ka "pono".

E nīnau iā ʻoe iho i nā nīnau aʻe.

• He aha kaʻu e ʻae ai i ka huhū?
• He aha ka mea e ʻae ʻole ai ka huhū iaʻu e hana?
• He aha ka mea e ʻae ai ka huhū iaʻu e loaʻa mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe?

"Ke huhū kaʻu hoaaloha, manaʻo wau he keikikāne liʻiliʻi. Aia kekahi manaʻo hewa aʻu e inaina nei. ʻAe, hoʻāʻo wau e hoʻoponopono koke i nā mea āpau i ʻole e manaʻo. Akā hoʻokaʻawale kēia iā mākou. Ua emi iki ka makemake e kamaʻilio me ia. He mea hoʻopailua ka manaʻo ʻino a mau loa," wahi a Sergei, 30 makahiki mai Kazan.

“He ʻoluʻolu loa kaʻu kāne. I ka wā mua ua hoʻāʻo wau, e nīnau ana i ka mea i hana ʻia, akā i kēia manawa hele wau i waho e inu kofe me koʻu mau hoaaloha. Luhi i keia. Aia mākou ma ka ʻaoʻao o ka hemo ʻana, ”ʻōlelo ʻo Alexandra, 41 makahiki, mai Novosibirsk.

Inā hana nui mākou no nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a ua ʻike ʻia mākou e ka hyper-responsibility, a laila hāʻawi ka huhū iā mākou i ka manawa e hoʻololi i ke kuleana i kekahi.

A inā ʻaʻole mākou i ʻike pehea e hoʻolohe ai ma ke ʻano maʻamau, kūpono, a ʻike mākou i kahi hemahema nui o ke aloha, a laila hiki i ka huhū ke hoʻokō i kā mākou makemake. ʻAʻole naʻe ma ke ʻano olakino. A ʻo ka haʻaheo ʻaʻole e ʻae iā mākou e noi i kekahi mea no mākou iho, a ʻo ka hoʻopunipuni ʻana o ka huhū e alakaʻi i kahi hopena me ka noi ʻole.

Kamaʻāina ʻoe i kēia? Inā pēlā, e nānā pono i ke kūlana. Inā hana mau ʻoe i kēia, e alakaʻi iā ʻoe i ke olakino, aloha, a hauʻoli me kāu hoa?

ʻO nā kumu o ka huhū ʻaʻole mākou i ʻike pinepine

He mea nui e hoʻomaopopo i ke kumu e koho ai mākou i kēia ʻano hoʻopōʻino o ke kamaʻilio. I kekahi manawa ua hūnā ʻia nā kumu iā mākou iho. A laila ʻoi aku ka nui o ka ʻike ʻana iā lākou. Aia ma waena o lākou:

• ka hōʻole ʻana i ke kūʻokoʻa o ke koho ʻana o kekahi kanaka;
• nā manaʻolana mai nā mea ʻē aʻe, i hana ʻia e kou hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ke ʻano o ka "maikaʻi" a me ka "pololei" a pehea ʻo ia e hana ai iā ʻoe;
• ʻO ka manaʻo ʻaʻole ʻoe i hana i kēia, kahi manaʻo o kou manaʻo ponoʻī;
• ka hoʻololi ʻana i ke kuleana no kāu mau pono a no ko lākou ʻoluʻolu i kekahi kanaka;
• ʻaʻole makemake e hoʻomaopopo i ke kūlana o kekahi kanaka (ka nele o ka empathy);
• makemake ʻole e hāʻawi i ke kuleana e hana hewa iā ʻoe iho a i kekahi - hyper-demanding;
• nā stereotypes e noho nei ma ke poʻo ma ke ʻano o nā lula maopopo no kēlā me kēia kuleana ("pono ​​nā wahine e hana i kēia", "pono ​​nā kāne e hana i kēia").

He aha e hana?

Ua ʻike ʻoe i kāu mau kumu ma kēia papa inoa? A ua aʻo paha ʻoe ma ka papa inoa ma luna o nā pōmaikaʻi āu e loaʻa ai mai ke kūlana o ka mea hewa? A laila e hoʻoholo no ʻoe iho: “E hoʻomau anei au ma ka ʻuhane hoʻokahi? He aha ka hopena e loaʻa iaʻu noʻu iho a me kā māua kāne?"

Inā naʻe, ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake i kēia ʻano, pono ʻoe e hana me kahi loea. E kūkulu hou i kāu mau maʻamau o ka pane ʻana i ka naʻau a me ke kamaʻilio ʻana me ke kōkua o nā hoʻomaʻamaʻa kūikawā. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻo ka ʻike wale nō ʻaʻole ia e alakaʻi i ka loli. ʻO nā hana kūpaʻa paʻa e alakaʻi i nā loli i ke ola.