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Ua ʻike kēlā me kēia o mākou i kahi pono e pili ana i ka pilina me kekahi kanaka - a pono pū kekahi. Akā i ka haʻalele ʻana o ke aloha i kahi pilina, pilikia mākou a ... noho pū kekahi, e ʻimi ana i nā kumu hou aʻe e hoʻololi ʻole ai i kekahi mea. ʻO ka makaʻu i ka loli a me ka maopopo ʻole he mea nui ia e like me mākou: ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka waiho ʻana i nā mea āpau e like me ia. Pehea mākou e hōʻoia ai i kēia hoʻoholo no mākou iho? Nānā ʻo Psychotherapist Anna Devyatka i nā kumu kumu maʻamau.
1. "Aloha ʻo ia iaʻu"
ʻO kēlā ʻano kumu, ʻoiai he mea ʻē paha ia, e hoʻokō maoli i ka pono o ka palekana o ka mea i aloha ʻia. Me he mea lā aia mākou ma hope o ka pā pōhaku, ua mālie a hilinaʻi nā mea a pau, ʻo ia ka mea hiki iā mākou ke hoʻomaha. Akā, ʻaʻole kūpono kēia i ka mea aloha, no ka mea, ʻaʻole like kona manaʻo. Eia kekahi, i ka wā lōʻihi, hiki ke hoʻohui ʻia ka huhū a me ka manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole i ka manaʻo ʻole, a ʻo ka hopena, ʻaʻole e lawe hou ka pilina iā ʻoe wale nō, akā i kāu hoa.
Eia kekahi, he mea pono ke hoʻokaʻawale i ka "aloha iaʻu" mai ka "ʻōlelo ʻo ia aloha iaʻu." Hiki i ka hoa pili i nā huaʻōlelo wale nō, akā ʻoiaʻiʻo e uhaki i nā ʻaelike, nalo me ka ʻōlelo ʻole, a pēlā aku. I kēia hihia, ʻoiai inā aloha ʻo ia iā ʻoe, pehea lā? Pehea kou kaikuahine? Ma ke ʻano he kanaka e ʻae a kākoʻo?
He mea nui e hoʻomaopopo i ka mea e hana nei i kāu pilina a inā pono e hoʻomau, a i ʻole ua lōʻihi lākou i lilo i moʻolelo.
2. "Ke ola nei nā kānaka a pau e like me kēia, a hiki iaʻu"
I nā makahiki i hala iho nei, ua loli ke ʻano o ka ʻohana, akā naʻe ke ʻano ikaika mākou i hoʻokumu ʻia i nā makahiki ma hope o ke kaua. A laila ʻaʻole koʻikoʻi ke aloha: pono e hoʻokumu i kahi kāne, no ka mea ua ʻae ʻia ia ala. ʻOiaʻiʻo, aia kekahi poʻe i male no ke aloha a lawe i kēia manaʻo i nā makahiki, akā he ʻokoʻa kēia i ka lula.
I kēia manawa, ʻokoʻa nā mea āpau, ʻo nā ʻano "pono ʻoe e mare a hānau ma mua o 25" a i ʻole "ʻaʻole hauʻoli ke kāne, akā pono e hana i nā mea āpau no ka ʻohana, e hoʻopoina ana i kāna mau leʻaleʻa" e lilo i mea o ka wā ma mua. Makemake mākou e hauʻoli, a ʻo kā mākou pono kēia. No laila, ʻo ka manawa kēia e hoʻololi ai i ke kumu "ola kēlā me kēia kanaka, a hiki iaʻu" me ka hoʻonohonoho "Makemake wau e hauʻoli a e hana wau i nā mea āpau no kēia; inā ʻaʻohe oʻu hauʻoli i kēia pilina, a laila, aia wau i ka wā e hiki mai ana.
3. E huhu na hoahanau ke kaawale kaua.
No ka hanauna kahiko, ʻo ka male ka hōʻoiaʻiʻo o ke kūpaʻa a me ka palekana. ʻAʻole hiki ke hoʻololi i ke kūlana e leʻaleʻa iā lākou, akā ʻaʻole kēia manaʻo e noho ʻoe me kahi mea aloha ʻole a ʻeha ʻia. Inā he mea nui iā ʻoe ka manaʻo o kou mau mākua a ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e hoʻonāukiuki iā lākou, e kamaʻilio pū me lākou, e wehewehe i kāu pilina o kēia manawa e pilikia ai ʻoe ma mua o ka leʻaleʻa i ke ola.
4. "ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke noʻonoʻo pehea e noho hoʻokahi"
No ka poʻe i maʻa i ka noho ʻana i loko o kahi kāne, he hoʻopaʻapaʻa koʻikoʻi kēia - ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole ʻike ke kanaka i nā palena o kāna "I", ʻaʻole hiki ke pane iā ia iho i nā nīnau o wai ʻo ia a me kāna mea hiki ke hana ma kāna. ponoi. ʻO kēlā ʻano kumu he hōʻailona ia ua nalowale ʻoe i loko o kahi kāne, a, ʻoiaʻiʻo, pono ʻoe e mākaukau no ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e ʻeha loa ka puka ʻana mai kahi pilina. Pono e hoʻokō i ka hana psychological hoʻomākaukau a aʻo e hilinaʻi i kāu mau kumuwaiwai kūloko.
5. "E ulu ana ke keiki me ka makua ole"
A hiki i kēia manawa, he keiki i hānaiʻia e ka makuahine hemo evoked sympathy, a me kona «unlucky» makua - hoahewa. I kēia mau lā, ʻike ka poʻe he nui ʻo ka hele ʻole o kekahi o nā mākua i kekahi mau hihia ke ala maikaʻi loa ma mua o ka hoʻohanohano ʻole ʻana a me ka hoʻokaʻawale mau loa i mua o ke keiki.
Aia ma hope o kēlā me kēia kumu i luna nei kekahi mau makaʻu - no ka laʻana, loneliness, uselessness, defenselessness. He mea nui e pane pololei iā ʻoe iho i ka nīnau inā paha ua mākaukau ʻoe e hoʻomau i ka noho ʻana me ka ulu ʻole o ka hauʻoli. E koho nā kānaka a pau i ke ala e hele ai: e hoʻāʻo e kūkulu i nā pilina a hoʻopau paha.