ʻO ka hana hoʻomāinoino: pehea e aʻo ai i kahi keiki e pili ana i ka pōʻino

ʻO ka pilikia o ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hoʻomāinoino i ke keiki he 4 mau manawa kiʻekiʻe ma mua o ka hiki ke paʻi ʻia e ke kaʻa ma ke alanui. He kiʻekiʻe loa ia i nā keiki o ke kula waena (4-5 mau makahiki).

"ʻAʻole hiki i nā keiki ke pale iā lākou iho mai ka hoʻomāinoino ʻana iā lākou iho - ma muli o ka hoʻomaopopo ʻole ʻana i ka makahiki o nā kaʻina hana he nui, nāwaliwali o ke kino, ʻano ʻole o ke kālā a me kahi kūlana hilinaʻi," wehewehe ʻo Ekaterina Sigitova psychotherapist. "Ua ʻelemakule mākou a ʻoi aku ka ikaika, a ʻoiai ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hāʻawi iā lākou i ka XNUMX% palekana, hiki iā mākou ke hōʻemi nui i kā lākou pilikia."

I loko o ka puke How Would You Explain… Ua wehewehe ʻo Ekaterina Sigitova i nā kikoʻī pehea e kamaʻilio ai i nā keiki e pili ana i ko lākou palekana pilikino, me ka ʻōlelo ʻana e pono mua nā mākua e hana ma o kā lākou ʻike traumatic a maikaʻi ʻole paha, ʻaʻole e hoʻolei koke i nā mea āpau a lākou i ʻike ai i ke keiki, a noho. i loko o ke kiko o kāna mau nīnau.

I ka manawa hea e ʻōlelo ai?

ʻO ka liʻiliʻi o nā makahiki mai ka makahiki 2, ʻo ia hoʻi, i ka wā e hoʻomaka ai ke keiki e hoʻomaopopo i ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o ka "hoa a me ka ʻenemi". ʻO ka makahiki kūpono loa he 6-12 mau makahiki. He mea maikaʻi e kūkulu i kahi kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka manaʻo o uXNUMXbuXNUMXbsafety (a hoʻohana i kēia huaʻōlelo), a ʻaʻole "hāʻawi i ka ʻike e pili ana i ka hoʻomāinoino." No laila ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻoweliweli a hoʻoweliweli i ke keiki.

Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaka i ke kamaʻilio ʻana iā ʻoe iho. Eia kekahi, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hana ʻana i kēia ʻaʻole ma hope o kekahi kūlana, akā ma kahi ʻano maʻamau a mālie (ʻo nā ʻokoʻa nā hiʻohiʻona mai kahi kiʻiʻoniʻoni a i ʻole ke ola, kahi mea e hoʻopilikia nui ai i ke keiki).

Nā kūlana kūpono e hoʻomaka i ke kamaʻilio ʻana:

• ʻauʻau keiki;
• ka lā o ka hoʻokolokolo kino e ka pediatrician a i ʻole ma hope o ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana;
• e moe ana;
• ka manawa like ma waena o ka makua a me ke keiki ke kamaʻilio maʻamau (e laʻa, hui ʻohana i ke ahiahi, hele wāwae i ka ʻīlio, hoʻi i ke kula a hoʻi mai).

He aha e ʻōlelo?

E haʻi i ke keiki he mau wahi pili kona ma kona kino, e hōʻike i ko lākou wahi, a e inoa iā lākou - e like me kāu hōʻike a inoa i ke koena o ke kino: nā maka, nā pepeiao, nā lima, nā wāwae. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi ʻaʻole e hoʻohana i nā euphemisms, akā e hāʻawi i ka makemake i nā inoa maʻamau o nā genital. E kōkua kēia i ka pale ʻana i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana inā hōʻike ke keiki i ka hanana i kekahi kanaka makua.

He mea nui e aʻo aku i nā keiki e pili ana i ko lākou kino wale nō, akā e pili ana hoʻi i ke anatomy o ke kāne ʻē aʻe - no ka mea hiki i ka mea hoʻomāinoino ke ʻano o kēlā me kēia kāne. E wehewehe i kāu keiki hiki i kekahi ke ʻike a hoʻopā wale i kona mau wahi pilikino inā pono ia no ke kumu olakino, palekana a maʻemaʻe paha. Nā laʻana: ʻauʻau, kipa i ke kauka, kau ʻana i ka lā.

Pili kēia i kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe: nā mākua, ʻohana, kumu, nanny, kauka, nā kāne a me nā wahine, a me nā keiki ʻoi aku. Hōʻike nā ʻikepili ma 37% o nā hihia he lālā ka mea hoʻomāinoino i ka ʻohana o ke keiki.

Akā inā pili i ke olakino a me ka maʻemaʻe, inā ʻoluʻolu a ʻeha paha ke keiki, aia i ke keiki ke kuleana e ʻōlelo "hoʻōki i kēia" a haʻi koke i nā mākua. No ka hoʻopā ʻole ʻana, pono e ʻōlelo ʻia aia kekahi mau mea ʻaʻole pono e hana kekahi me ke keiki. A inā hana kekahi iā lākou a noi paha e hana, pono ʻoe e ʻōlelo "ʻaʻole".

mau laʻana:

• e hoʻokomo i nā lima o ke keiki i loko o ke kapa pōkole a i ʻole ma lalo o nā lole;
• hoʻopā i ke kino o ke keiki;
• e noi ana i ke keiki e hoopa aku i ke kino o kekahi kanaka;
• e wehe i nā lole mai ke keiki, ʻoi aku hoʻi i ke kapa komo;
• kiʻi a kiʻiʻoniʻoni paha i kahi keiki ʻaʻahu ʻole.

He mea nui ʻaʻole e hāʻawi i ka manaʻo he hewa a hilahila paha ka leʻaleʻa moe i nā keiki (me ka masturbation). Hoʻomaka nā pilikia i ka wā e hoʻohana ai kekahi iā lākou no ka moe kolohe.

ʻO ke kino o ke keiki kona kino a ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe. He mea koʻikoʻi ka hiki ke ʻōlelo "ʻaʻole" i ke kanaka ʻē aʻe ma ia mau kūlana. No laila, no ka laʻana, ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e koi i ke keiki e honi a apo i kekahi o kāu mau hoaaloha a ʻohana paha inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e makemake.

Pehea e ʻōlelo ai "ʻaʻole"?

Hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo i kāu keiki i kēia mau ʻōlelo maʻalahi:

• "Aole o'u makemake e hoopa ia pela";
• "ʻAʻole wau makemake e hana i kēia";
• “ʻAʻole au makemake ia, hoʻōki ia”;
• "E haʻalele iaʻu, e haʻalele iaʻu."

Hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo i nā ʻano ʻōlelo ʻole o ka hōʻike ʻana i ka hōʻole: lulu i kou poʻo, neʻe a holo aku paha, e wehe i kou mau lima mai iā ʻoe iho, mai hāʻawi i kou mau lima.

ʻO kekahi koho ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka pāʻani ʻana i nā nīnau a me nā pane e pili ana i nā kūlana maʻamau: he aha kāu e ʻōlelo ai inā hele mai kahi mea āu i ʻike ʻole ai iā ʻoe ma ka pūnaewele a ʻōlelo ʻo ia he ʻīlio i loko o kāna kaʻa?

Pehea inā e noi mai kekahi iā ʻoe e wehe i kou ʻaʻahu a ʻōlelo mai he mea huna? Pehea ʻoe e pane ai inā hāʻawi ʻia ʻoe i ke kālā e hana i kahi mea āu e makemake ʻole ai e hana?

E hoʻomaopopo i ke keiki inā ʻoluʻolu ʻole ʻo ia me kekahi, hiki iā ia ke neʻe a haʻalele paha i ka lumi, ʻoiai inā he ʻano ʻino i ke kanaka makua. E hōʻoia ʻaʻole e hoʻopaʻi ʻia ʻo ia no ia mea. ʻOi aku ka nui o ka palekana ma mua o ka hoʻopono.

Laʻana māmalaʻōlelo

Eia kekahi mau ʻōlelo maʻamau e hiki ke kōkua i ke kūkulu ʻana i ke kamaʻilio i hiki i ke keiki ke hoʻomaopopo.

• Makemake wau e kamaʻilio me ʻoe e pili ana i ka palekana e pili ana i kou kino. ʻO kekahi mau ʻāpana o ke kino o ke kanaka he pilipili, ʻo ia nā mea a mākou e uhi ai me ka pōkole (a me ke kapa). Loaʻa iā ʻoe kekahi, ua kapa ʻia ʻo ia-a-peia. Kakaʻikahi loa lākou i ʻike ʻia e kekahi, a ʻo kekahi poʻe mākua wale nō ke hoʻopā iā lākou.
• ʻAʻole pono nā mākua e hoʻopā i nā wahi pilikino o nā keiki, koe wale nō ka wā e holoi ana lākou i nā keiki a mālama paha i ko lākou olakino. A laila ʻo ka paʻi palekana. Inā ʻōlelo kekahi kanaka makua iā ʻoe he mea maʻamau a maikaʻi ke pā ʻana i nā wahi pili o nā keiki, mai manaʻoʻiʻo iā ia, ʻaʻole ʻoiaʻiʻo kēia.
• He ʻokoʻa nā kānaka a pau, a he ʻano ʻē paha kekahi. ʻO nā mea āu i ʻike ai. Hiki iā lākou ke ho'āʻo e hoʻopā i kou mau wahi pili o ke kino, kahi e hilahila ai ʻoe, kaumaha, ʻoluʻolu a ʻoluʻolu ʻole paha. ʻAʻole palekana ia mau pā. Pono e haʻi ʻia nā mākua e pili ana i ia mau mākua, no ka mea, ʻaʻole maikaʻi kekahi o lākou a pono e mālama ʻia.
• Hiki i kekahi kanaka makua ʻē ke haʻi iā ʻoe he pāʻani kēia, a makemake paha ʻoe i kēlā mau pā. ʻAʻole ʻoiaʻiʻo.
• Mai hahai i nā malihini a i ʻole e komo i loko o nā kaʻa o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻohe mea e ʻōlelo ai kēia poʻe iā ʻoe. No ka laʻana, hiki ke noi ʻia iā ʻoe e nānā i nā mea pāʻani, a i ʻole i kahi ʻīlio, a i ʻole e haʻi ʻia he pilikia kekahi a pono ke kōkua. Ma ia mau hihia, e haʻi mua iaʻu a i ʻole ke kanaka makua e hele pū me ʻoe.
• Mai haʻi aku i nā mākua ʻē aʻe aia ʻoe i ka home hoʻokahi.
• Inā manaʻo ʻoe ua hewa kekahi mea, e hilinaʻi i kēia manaʻo a neʻe aku i nā poʻe ʻoluʻolu ʻole.
• E noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ke kanaka makua hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻi e pili ana i kēia inā ʻaʻole wau a i ʻole makua kāne? ʻAʻole lākou i manaʻoʻiʻo koke iā ʻoe, a laila pono ʻoe e hoʻomau i ka haʻi ʻana i nā poʻe mākua ʻē aʻe a hiki i kou hālāwai ʻana me kahi mea manaʻoʻiʻo a kōkua.
• ʻOiai inā ʻōlelo ka mea ʻē e hoʻopā iā ʻoe ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e haʻi i kekahi mea - no ka laʻana, no ka mea e ʻeha ʻo ia, a i ʻole e ʻeha kou mau mākua, a i ʻole e hana ʻo ia i kekahi mea ʻino iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole ʻoiaʻiʻo kēia. Hoʻopunipuni ʻo ia no ka hana ʻino a ʻaʻole makemake e ʻike ʻia. ʻAʻole nau ka hewa i ʻike ʻoe i kēlā kanaka, a ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e hūnā i ia mea.

Pono kēia mau kamaʻilio ʻana a pau e like me ka mea hiki. Ke aʻo ʻoe i ke keiki e ʻaʻa i ke ala, e hana hou ʻoe i nā lula i nā manawa he nui, a nānā pū i ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana o ke keiki. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hana like me kēia kumuhana.

Ma waho aʻe o ka kamaʻilio ʻana, aia kekahi mea koʻikoʻi e hōʻemi nui i nā pilikia: ʻo ia ka loaʻa ʻana o ʻoe, nā mākua, no ka pilina pili pili me ke keiki. E mālama pono i kāu mau keiki - a ʻo ia ka hōʻoia nui o ko lākou palekana.

E heluhelu hou aʻe i ka puke a Ekaterina Sigitova «Pehea e wehewehe ai iā ʻoe: ʻike mākou i nā huaʻōlelo kūpono e kamaʻilio me nā keiki» (Alpina Publisher, 2020).