ʻAʻole pono ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka «weather» e like me ka mea i manaʻo ʻia

ʻO kēia paha ka hoʻomaka ʻana o kahi hoaaloha maikaʻi

ʻO ka maʻamau o nā hoahana e kūkākūkā ana i nā hoʻolālā no ka hopena pule ma ke keʻena a me ka lōʻihi o ka hoʻololi ʻana i nā leʻaleʻa i kahi hālāwai hiki ke hoʻonāukiuki. "He aha nā mea kamaʻilio," manaʻo mākou. Eia nō naʻe, he mea maʻalahi ke kamaʻilio ʻana e hui pū ai mākou i ka wā mua, wahi a Bernardo Carducci psychologist mai Indiana University (USA).

"ʻO nā moʻolelo aloha nui a me nā hui ʻoihana maikaʻi a pau i hoʻomaka i kēia ala," wehewehe ʻo ia. "ʻO ka mea huna i ka wā o ke kamaʻilio ʻana, i ka nānā mua ʻana, ʻaʻole mākou e hoʻololi wale i ka ʻike, akā e nānā kekahi i kekahi, e loiloi i ka ʻōlelo kino, ka mele a me ke ʻano kamaʻilio o ka interlocutor."

Wahi a ka loea, ma kēia ala mākou - me ka ʻike a ʻaʻole paha - ke nānā pono nei mākou i ka interlocutor, e ʻimi ana i ka honua. «ʻO kā mākou» he kanaka a ʻaʻole paha? He mea kūpono ke hoʻomau i ka pilina me ia?

Maikaʻi no ke olakino

ʻO ke kamaʻilio hohonu a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo kekahi o nā hauʻoli nui o ke ola. ʻO ke kamaʻilio puʻuwai puʻuwai me nā mea aloha e hoʻoikaika iā mākou a kākoʻo iā mākou i nā manawa paʻakikī. Akā i kekahi manawa he mea maikaʻi ke manaʻo maikaʻi i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka ʻōlelo wikiwiki me kahi hoa hale ʻoiai ʻoe i loko o ka elevator.

Ua hana ʻo psychologist Elizabeth Dunn mai ke Kulanui o British Columbia (Kanada) i kahi hoʻokolohua me ʻelua mau pūʻulu manawaleʻa i manaʻo ʻia e hoʻolimalima i kekahi manawa ma kahi pā. Pono ka poʻe komo mai ka hui mua e kamaʻilio me kahi bartender, a ʻo nā mea komo mai ka hui ʻelua e inu wale i ka pia a hana i kā lākou makemake. ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma hope o ke kipa ʻana i ka pā.

Hoʻopili ʻia nā ʻike a Elizabeth Dunn me ka noiʻi ʻana o ke kanaka psychologist ʻo Andrew Steptoe, ka mea i ʻike ʻo ka nele o ke kamaʻilio ʻana i ka wā makua e hoʻonui ai i ka make. A no ka poʻe e hele mau ana i ka hale pule a me nā hui hoihoi, e komo ikaika i ke ola lehulehu, ua hoʻemi ʻia kēia pilikia.

E noʻonoʻo mākou i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe

Wahi a Elizabeth Dunn, ʻo ka poʻe i kamaʻilio maʻamau me nā malihini a i ʻole nā ​​​​mea kamaʻāina ʻoi aku ka pane a me ka launa. Manaʻo lākou i ko lākou pilina me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a mākaukau mau lākou e kōkua, hōʻike i ke komo ʻana. Hoʻohui ʻo Bernardo Carducci ʻo ia nō ia, i ka nānā mua ʻana, nā kamaʻilio kumu ʻole e kōkua i ka ulu ʻana o ka hilinaʻi i ke kaiāulu.

"ʻO ka ʻōlelo liʻiliʻi ka pōhaku kihi o ka polite," wehewehe ʻo ia. "Ke komo ʻoe i ke kamaʻilio ʻana, e lilo ʻoe i mea malihini i kekahi i kekahi."

Kōkua ia i ka hana

"ʻO ka hiki ke hoʻomaka i ka kamaʻilio ʻana e waiwai ʻia i kahi ʻoihana ʻoihana," wahi a Roberto Carducci. ʻO ka pumehana ma mua o nā kūkākūkā koʻikoʻi e hōʻike ana i ka poʻe interlocutors ko mākou makemake maikaʻi, ʻano a me ka makemake e hui pū.

ʻAʻole manaʻo ka leo hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻole ʻoe, wahi a Debra Fine, ʻoihana kūkākūkā a me ka mea kākau o The Great Art of Small Conversations.

"Hiki iā ʻoe ke lanakila i kahi ʻaelike, hāʻawi i kahi hōʻike, kūʻai aku i nā polokalamu kelepona, akā a hiki i kou aʻo ʻana pehea e hoʻohana pono ai i ke kamaʻilio maʻalahi, ʻaʻole ʻoe e kūkulu i nā hoaaloha ʻoihana maikaʻi," ʻōlelo ʻo ia. "Ua like nā mea ʻē aʻe, makemake mākou e hana ʻoihana me nā mea a mākou e makemake ai."